Chapter 3
THREE
CAL
Once the excitement of the drive dissipates, everyone falls asleep other than Copper, and I’m left in the silent car alone.
I turn the radio on low to drown out my thoughts, but it seems to be struggling to do anything of use, and even when I try an audiobook, I soon realize that I have no idea how the characters suddenly ended up in the underworld because weren’t they just in a burger place?
I turn it off before I confuse myself more by paying absolutely no attention to it, and instead, I simmer in my thoughts.
My stomach twists into knots, and the closer we get, the more it threatens to gnaw through itself. Maybe my aching stomach will burst out of my torso Alien style at the rate it’s going.
“I really hope seeing him won’t be too bad,” Felix says, making me jump.
“Fuck, I thought you were asleep.”
“I was, but you know how people sleep on their partners because they’re comfortable? Lane’s sexy rock-hard muscles of deliciousness are not comfortable to sleep on. It’s really my only complaint about them. I mean… if you saw this man naked, you would not complain.”
“It sounds like you’re bragging, and I’m not quite sure why. Please, I beg of you, go back to sleep.”
“We could pull over and switch drivers if feeling his muscles would make you feel better.”
“Nothing’s wrong,” I say.
“Even in the dark of this vehicle, I can see the way you’re trying to crush that steering with your grip.”
I look down and realize that I really am squeezing it for all I’m worth. I’m squeezing it as tightly as my stomach is squeezing itself. I loosen my grip and glance at him in the rearview mirror.
“I’m fine. I’m serious.”
“So am I,” Felix says as he sets his head on the back of my seat. “This trip isn’t going to make your steadiness crash, is it? You’ve come so far.”
“No, I’m fine.”
“Cal, those words seem to be a mantra for you, but it doesn’t mean they actually mean anything.”
“They mean that I’m fine.”
“Why can’t you be truthful?”
“I am,” I insist. “If I’m not fine, I’ll tell you.”
“You won’t.”
“I’m done talking.”
“Cal,” he says, a bit of a bite to the word.
I grit my teeth, not wanting to hear Felix tell me how he knows that I won’t confide in him.
How I’ll just run off without a word and try to contend with my issues myself.
But it’s a hard habit to break. It’s nearly impossible to think that people want to help me out once I’ve fallen into that mindset.
I don’t think he realizes that I’ve only ever had myself.
It wasn’t that my mother was abusive or anything; she just wasn’t there .
The life she lived didn’t include the word “mother” and from a young age, I was set to take care of myself, so I did.
I didn’t rely on others. There were many times I had no idea where she even was.
She always made sure there was enough money for me to feed myself and that was that.
The only person I semi-relied on was the grumpy old man who lived next door.
But it wasn’t a relationship where he acted like the father I didn’t have.
Instead, he put a gun in my hand, and we’d spend hours shooting at old items he had littered around his field until all of our frustrations seemed to disappear.
And then we’d part ways and go back to our desolate lives.
I don’t know how to rely on others. And every time I have, nothing good has come from it. I’ve lost people, and I’ve learned that getting attached gets me nowhere.
I’m already aware I’ve let myself become too caught up in Felix and Lane’s lives, but they make it easy to get caught up in them. They sweep you up into their lives and drag you along whether you’re up for the ride or not.
“We’re always here to rely on. You don’t have to do any of this alone. We’re not going anywhere.”
“You don’t know that,” I say.
“I’m surprisingly resilient. And Lane… Lane’s even more resilient. And Antonio literally tried taking himself out with a rock, and he’s still here. I think we’re in this together for the long haul. You’re my child now, Cal.”
“I’m older than you.”
“You are my beautiful baby boy. And I will nurture you into a beautiful phoenix.”
“Why am I a bird?”
“And you will spread your beautiful fire wings.”
“Why am I on fire?”
“And you will tackle the fuck out of this world.”
“Why is any of this happening?”
“I will mold you into a splitting image of myself.”
“It’s spitting.”
“Why would I spit on you?”
“I hope you don’t.”
“Well, I’m glad we’ve had this talk. I feel like we got somewhere. Like… just a little bit, but we got there.”
“It’s questionable.”
“The only questionable thing is… how much do you love me now?”
I grin, though Felix can’t see it. “That’s even more questionable.”
“Alright. Here’s the deal. I will go up to the house first. I will knock.
If Grayson comes out, I will invite him to breakfast. We will talk about you.
I will get to know him. I will snoop through his entire house.
It’ll likely be lunchtime by then, so I’ll invite myself to lunch with him.
I’ll make sure he takes me somewhere expensive and that he pays.
I’ll feel full and tired at that point, so I’ll probably just take a nap, and then when he least expects it, I will actually be up and pilfering things.
And then, and only then, will I come out to the car to ask if you want to see him. ”
“Wait, so this entire time that you’re eating, chatting, napping, and stealing shit, I’m just waiting out in the car with your pig?”
“No, the pig will go in with me. I’m just saying…”
I’m not quite sure what he’s saying, but I raise an eyebrow and slowly nod. “I see.”
“Sounds like a good deal, yeah?”
“Yeah, sure,” I say, positive that’s not going to happen, but when I pull up to the house the GPS has directed me to, I don’t bother getting out.
“I got this. You want me to punch him for you?”
“I wouldn’t complain if you did.”
“Got it.” Felix doesn’t even waste time waking everyone up. He’s long forgotten about them as he leaps out that door in excitement, prepared to tackle the entire day he has planned. I watch while he trots up to the front door and knocks.
Lane groans and stretches. “Are we here?” He smacks around for Felix, but when he only finds a pig trying to clamber onto the seat to fill Felix’s spot, he sits up.
“We are. Don’t worry, Felix has already run out and planned his whole day with Grayson if he’s home,” I inform him.
“Of course he has,” he says, putting the harness on Copper.
“I’m too tired to exist,” Antonio whispers as Lane leaves the vehicle. Copper leads him over to Felix who is shifting on his feet, quite eager and extremely impatient.
I roll down the window then realize that I don’t hear any barking with all of Felix’s hammering, soooo is Traveler not here?
“I thought you were going to stay in here?” Antonio asks.
“I am… but I just want to see if the dog’s here first,” I reply before I get out of the vehicle and hurry over to where Felix is swinging the front door open.
“Oh noooooo… the dooooooor opened alllllll on its owwwwwn,” he says as I see him slip his lock-picking gear into his pocket. “Hellllllo? Mr. Grayson. I’ve come to punch you. It’s Felix, in case you can’t tell from my sultry voice you’ve heard over the phoooone.”
Silence.
“Why the fuck isn’t the dog here?” I ask as I rush to the open door. “Traveler? Hey, Trav! Hey, buddy.”
But I get no reply.
I hurry inside and look around the house, not quite sure what I’m expecting.
There’s a part of me that’s convinced I’m going to turn around the corner and Grayson’s going to be standing right there, thrilled to have fooled me into meeting with him.
But another part of me, a bigger part of me, realizes that something’s not right.
The place looks fine… but then why isn’t Trav here? Maybe Grayson started crating him or something.
“Is there a crate somewhere?” I ask.
“If there is something to be found, I will find it,” Felix announces as he fingers everything in the room like there might be some fun and hidden lever that leads him to a secret room.
I pass through the living room and into Grayson’s bedroom, where I slowly look around.
It’s weird being in his home. I’ve never been in this house before.
When we’d met, he didn’t even have a house, instead living where they stationed him.
He was still in the military and being moved from location to location, which made settling down impossible.
But there are things here that are clearly Grayson .
My eyes go straight to a small marble figure of a dog that is sitting right on his bedside table. I remember I bought this for him because it reminded me of Traveler. He got me one too, but I don’t remember where I put it.
Hell, maybe I left it along with many other things when I ran from that life.
I don’t think I took anything with me but the clothes on my back because that’s what I felt like I deserved.
I was drowning and the only way I knew how to keep myself afloat was by drinking…
but I never realized that all I was doing was helping myself sink faster.
I pick up the figurine and question why he left it on his bedside table. Why not toss it in some drawer out of sight? Slowly, I set it back down, finding that it feels heavy in my fingers.
“Find anything?” Antonio asks me, apparently having woken up enough to join us.
“No. Lane, can you call him?”
“Sure,” he agrees as he tells his phone to call Grayson. I wander around the bedroom for a moment just looking at shit before I see Lane shake his head. “Went right to voicemail.”
“What the fuck,” I say, irritated. “None of the doors were open, right? There’s really no way for Traveler to get out.”
“Is this the right house?” Antonio asks. “Are we just wandering around a random person’s home that Felix broke into without remorse?”
“It is the right house,” I say. “I recognize some of the stuff.”