Chapter 17
SEVENTEEN
CAL
When I wake up, I’m being squished from all sides… but it’s a good kind of squished. It’s an… if I could stay here for a few more hours, I definitely wouldn’t complain kind of squished.
After crying my heart out, I feel exhausted and my whole body aches, but for the first time in a long time, I feel a little lighter. I can’t forgive myself for what I’ve done, but being surrounded by people who care for me and love me… makes me feel like I can keep moving.
Slowly, I look over at Grayson, who is still holding me in a protective embrace as Traveler sleeps against my back. Grayson’s eyes are closed, and he seems to be asleep until the pig grunts and kicks him in the back.
“What the…” he groans.
I feel a little… unsure of what to do now that I’m not sobbing and in misery. I’ve never had someone to comfort me like this, and now I feel a bit embarrassed by it as I start to retract my arms.
Grayson quickly takes my hand and draws it close to him before he kisses a line from my wrist to my palm. “Please don’t pull away.”
“I don’t know what to do with this,” I admit. “I’m not good at relationships.”
“You think I am? I wasted so much time I could have spent with you.” He kisses my palm and then wraps his arms around me. “Just let me smother you a little a bit.”
“If that’s what you want,” I say, as if it’s not also what I want. Because even if I have no damn idea what I’m doing, I can’t deny the comfort I feel when he holds me like this.
“When did the pig get up here?” Grayson asks.
“He has a little ramp on the other side of the bed. Felix got him ramps for everywhere since he can’t jump and ‘wants to be included.’”
“I’m trying to pretend like it’s normal to have a hoof dug into my back.”
“It is if you plan to stick around this place,” I say as his fingers trail down my arm, brushing over my skin lightly while his fingers gently drift over me.
Grayson asks, “How are you feeling today?”
“Haven’t thought about burying you yet, but I’m also pretty lethargic when I first wake up. Physical activity is never on my list of things to do when I open my eyes.”
“Understandable.”
“I just… I want to keep moving forward. I don’t know what that means, but all I know is that I want to outrun the monsters that are coming for me, no matter what it takes.”
“And I’m here to help you do that.”
I nod as I feel his hand slide over my back, rubbing it gently. “Then I guess that means I’m ready to hear you out. But you can’t tell me until Felix and Lane are present because if we chat about shit without them, we will never hear the end of it.”
“I’ve noticed that.”
“I guess that means I should get up.”
“Yeah?”
I grip him tighter, not really wanting to let go. “It’s really hard to get up.”
“Well, you barely got any sleep. Do you want to sleep longer?”
“I really shouldn’t,” I whisper as I find myself wanting to tuck in closer to him but feeling like I don’t know how. As if he can read my mind, he wraps an arm around me and pulls me closer. I close my eyes and drift off to sleep.
This time when I wake up, I realize I really do need to get up. Grayson is reading something on his phone, and I can hear activity outside of the bedroom. Just because I want to sleep the day away doesn’t mean everyone else does.
“Urgh,” I moan as I stretch. “Drag me from this bed and into the bathroom.”
“I can carry you. Sounds significantly more romantic than dragging you.”
“Nah, you might as well drag me.” I roll onto my face and smother myself in the pillow for a second before I can muster enough strength to push myself up. I clamber over the dog and the pig before finding some clothes.
“I guess you don’t have clothes, do you? I probably have something you can wear.” Grayson’s similar in build to me but probably wears a little larger shirt, so I find one among the pile of clothes that I’ve left at Felix and Lane’s and toss it at him along with some sweats.
“I’m a little afraid that the moment you walk out that door, we’re going to go back to the tension that has been smothering us,” he says quietly.
I stop with my hand on the doorknob and look back at him. He’s squeezing the shirt I gave him so tightly that his knuckles are white.
“Life keeps moving, no matter how much you want it to rewind or change. I’m a different person than the Cal you knew back then…
but no matter how much I change, the one thing that doesn’t change is that you give me comfort unlike anyone else.
Now let’s go destroy Lt. Allen’s life like he destroyed mine. ”
Grayson nods. “Would you stay here and let me do it?”
“I don’t need someone to protect me, Grayson. I need someone to support me. From a young age, I learned how to protect myself.”
“I know you did. I know it’s hard for you to rely on others and trust them. So I’ll do everything I can to support you. I’m not going anywhere.”
“Okay. Then let’s go. Together .”
“Got it,” he says.
I walk out and use the bathroom to brush my teeth and get ready, but the moment I emerge from it, I nearly run into Felix.
“The weirdest thing happened,” Felix says.
My eyebrows are already on the rise. “Yeah?”
“I tucked Grayson in on the couch, but then this morning… he was gone. Do you think he ran away?” He’s trying his absolute hardest to look shocked by this turn of events, like he really thinks Grayson just popped up and went home at two in the morning.
It’s enough to make me want to dunk his head in the toilet that I just flushed.
“I bet it was your joke about staring at Lane’s body that made him flee,” I say.
Felix rubs his chin all dramatic-like. “You think? Hmm… I’m not so sure.”
“He seemed pretty spooked.”
Of course Grayson chooses that very moment to swing open the door to the bedroom I’d stayed in, and Felix’s head snaps around so damn fast that I decide he really does need to get bullied. It doesn’t help when he slowly turns back around wearing the most irritating grin.
“Wow. That’s so weeeeeird. He fell asleep on the couch… and then he emerged… from your bed. Magic.”
“I’m going to bully you so hard if you don’t stop smiling like that,” I threaten.
He’s smiling even harder now. “I can’t. Cal, this is just how my face is permanently stuck. Like it won’t stop! After all the time we’ve spent together, you had no idea this is what my face naturally looks like?”
I grab him in a headlock and start into the bathroom. “You’re going in the toilet.”
“Cal, no! I just thought it was fun that he went in there to borrow some clothes! That’s all it was, I’m sure! Lane! Lane, help! Cal is being mean to me!”
“Did you deserve it?” Lane calls back.
“Absolutely not! I am the definition of an innocent angel.”
“I told you not to say anything about Grayson being in his room. And did you listen?”
“I tried! I tried so hard. I was like, I’m not going to say it, I’m not going to say it. And then there I was standing outside of the bathroom waiting for him to come out so I could definitely not say it, but the instant he opened that door it just like… vomited out of my mouth.”
I pick him up, which isn’t hard at all with his stature. And then I carry him through the house, past the table where Antonio and Lane sit, and deposit him onto the front porch. Then I shut and lock the door before he can weasel his way back in.
Before I even make it to the dining room table, he’s standing in front of the window with that grin on his face.
“No one’s going to miss him, right?” I ask.
“He does make me laugh, but he also leads me into life-or-death situations,” Antonio says thoughtfully.
“I’m going to make pancakes. Chocolate chip ones,” I call loudly. That sure wipes the smile off Felix’s face.
“No! Cal, please let me in! I’ll be good! I won’t say another thing, I promise,” Felix whines as he hugs the window, face pressed against it. “Cal, you know I love pancakes. And you know I love chocolate chips. Please?”
“Not another word?”
“I promise. And if I break my promise, I’ll let you have one stroke of Lane’s pecs.”
I stare at the window while I question which part of any of that was supposed to be a good incentive.
Pretending I heard none of that, I grudgingly let him in, and he rushes forward and hugs me as I drag him off to the kitchen.
“You better uphold your promise.” I open up the bag of chocolate chips and fling one at his mouth. He catches it like a dog.
“I will. You’re such a good boy,” he says as he pats my head and then hurries off to the table to patiently wait to be served.
Grayson comes in and smiles at me. “Do you need help? I feel like everyone else is just sitting at the table holding their knives and forks.”
“They’re evil like that.”
He chuckles. “What can I do?”
“Nothing. Grab your knife and fork and wait impatiently like the rest.”
“I’ll get plates out. And what does everyone want to drink?” he asks as he hurries off to fulfil orders.
Once I have the pancakes done and Grayson has served everyone their drinks, we all sit at the table.
“I guess if this really is about Lt. Allen, I have to start at the beginning,” I say, giving them a brief recount of events.
When I get to the part where I shot Eddie, I’m left unsure of what to say.
It was one thing telling Grayson, who’d been involved, but it’s harder telling others.
My stomach tightens at the very idea of admitting what I’d done.
But I need them to understand how far these people will go to accomplish what they set out to do.
It’s rough, but I manage to tell them. I definitely don’t give them as many details as I’d given Grayson, but I still make them aware of everything that took place on that horrible day.
As soon as I’m finished talking, I hold up my hand.
“I don’t want to hear about it again. I don’t want pity.
I don’t want to be told it’s not my fault.
I don’t want to hear any more about it.”
“I understand,” Lane says as Felix watches me closely but remains silent. Antonio just stares at the table.