41. Roman
CHAPTER 41
ROMAN
A sharp, quick knock sounded before the door’s hinges squeaked open. I pulled my hand from Carson’s, hating the circumstances that forced us to deny who we were to each other.
“Dr. Ott, Ensign Wilcox,” Dr. Milton greeted us. “I hate to be abrupt…”
“It’s alright, Dr. Milton. The nurse said you’d be stopping by, but you’d gotten caught in surgery. So, hit me with it. I’m sure you wanna get home,” Carson said.
“Yeah, luckily, the patient pulled through. It was touch and go for a while. Fucking IEDs were bad enough, but now we’re dealing with crazy fuckers wearing suicide vests too. Sorry, I don’t have to tell either of you.”
“No, you don’t.”
“Alright, so the surgery I got stuck in slowed my day to a crawl, which slowed down transferring your care to Walter Reed. You should’ve been on the flight out today. Instead, you’ll go tomorrow. To be honest, I should’ve sent you a few days ago, but what can I say? I’m overly cautious.”
I was beyond thankful for Milton’s cautiousness almost as much as I hated how grateful I was for the surgery that kept Carson here. And, yeah, it made me an ass but so be it.
“Thanks, doctor, for being cautious.”
“Do you have any questions?”
“Not really. Other than I’m pretty happy with my PT here. Is there any way I could stay on here?”
“Not a chance. I already tried that. I wanted to keep you here for six weeks. The Navy, however, wants your ass home. Apparently, they’ve got a desk with your name on it, or until they can throw you back to the wolves, that is.”
“Motherfucker.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. Nearly every service member I ever met was the same. None of them could wait to get back to their team, and they loathed riding a desk.
“You’re all the same,” Dr. Milton said, sighing. “Okay, the nurses will handle transferring you back to the States. They’ll get you a follow-up appointment with PT and you’ll be sleeping in your own bed before you know it.”
“Thanks again, Dr. Milton.”
“You’re welcome. If I don’t see you before you leave, good luck, Ensign.”
Carson stood, saluted the man, then shook his hand. Dr. Milton waved at me and turned for the door. Checking the time, I pulled my phone from my pocket and shot off a text to my mother.
Roman
Carson is being transferred home tomorrow.
Mama
Oh. I know his parents are eager to lay eyes on him, but if I’m being honest, I’m going to miss him.
Roman
Me, too.
Mama
Do you think I need to fly back to help out?
Roman
No. Not unless you want to.
Mama
You two talk it over and let me know. Tell Carson I’ll bring Margot by before he leaves if I don’t fly to the States to help.
Roman
I will. Thank you.
“Who are you texting with?”
Carson had settled back in bed, so I walked over and flipped the lock on the door.
“Not sure I can go another round just yet, doc. I’m gonna feel that first one for days.”
I smiled, trying, and by the look on his face failing, to hide the loneliness I felt already. “I figured, but I wanted to hold you, and I can’t do that with the door unlocked.”
He slid over, making room for me, and I climbed in beside him. He was such an alpha male that I didn’t know if he’d be okay being held, or if he’d demand to be the one doing the holding. I wasn’t averse to the flip-flop, but I needed to feel him against me with his head on my chest just once before I lost the chance for God knew how long.
I didn’t know why I worried. He curled against my side and tucked his head under my chin without a word of encouragement from me, as if he’d been doing it for years.
“Mama. That’s who I was texting with.”
“Will she be able to bring Margot by?”
“Hmm. And thank you for asking to see her before you left. She would never let us hear the end of it if you hadn’t.”
He rolled closer, one of his legs slotting between mine as he propped his chin up on his fists. “You’re a package deal, yes?”
“Of course.”
“And this is more than a hook-up, yes?”
“We covered that already.”
“We did, but I thought you might need a reminder. As a single dad, Margot is the most important person in your world. If this is more than a hook-up, our relationship hinges on Margot and me making a meaningful connection, which means, she’s gotta be the most important person in my world. I want you both, Roman. My mission objective is for us to be a family.”
I pulled him to me, taking his mouth with mine. The words he uttered weren’t just a single parent’s fervent wish—they were my dream. The pinnacle of my bucket list was for Carson to be mine and the three of us to be a family.
I lost myself in him.
In the kiss.
In the dream.
When we parted, we were both outta breath, our lips puffy, pink pillows that were shiny and wet. So was my face.
“Why’re you crying?”
So choked with emotion, I just shook my head and kissed him again because the only response I could come up with was, “I love you,” and those words scared the hell out of me. I’d never uttered them to anyone other than my mother and child. Giving them to Carson before we figured out our shit was too fucking risky. He already had the ability to destroy me, even if he didn’t know it.
He fell into the kiss again but pushed away before we got too far gone. His eyes bounced around my face while he brushed away the tears.
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah. I just can’t believe we’re together.”
“Same.” He sighed and settled back against my chest. I needed to get up and unlock the door. I’m sure there were plenty of raised brows, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. We would be apart enough in the coming weeks and months. I wanted to enjoy the time I had with him.
“What did Amelia want?”
“I told her you were getting sent home. She’ll bring Margot over in the morning to say goodbye.”
“Good.”
“There is another option.”
“Oh, yeah? What’s that?”
“She’s offered to fly back to the States to help your mom. Margot’s on spring break next week, and while I’d planned to take her on a train trip, a trip back home…”
“First, I don’t need any help. Plus, you were all just there.”
“Yes, but you’re there, and that’s better than a train trip. Besides, you could always take her on the train. I’m sure our moms would enjoy a trip, too. Amtrak has a route that runs the eastern seaboard.”
The wheels turning in his head could be seen in his eyes. He shook his head after a minute. “That would be nice, but how would I explain to my parents?”
“Mama’s a nurse, and she knows about us. She’ll help with the cover story. Plus, my house isn’t that far away, so if needed, Mama and Margot can head over there to check things are okay.”
He nodded, flopped over on his back, and buried his hands in his hair.
Turning onto my side, I asked, “You okay?”
“I fucking hate this shit.”
“What shit?”
“Hiding. I denied nearly everything about myself for so long, and now…”
“I know, babe. Hopefully someday, we’ll be able to lay together like this without the door locked or the cloud of discovery hanging over our heads. In the meantime, if you want to tell your parents, I’m good with that.”
“I’ll think about it. Test the waters, when I get back to Little Creek.”
“Sounds good. Take your time. Who you come out to and how is up to you. It’s your truth, and I’ll support you and whatever decision you make.”
His forehead dropped to mine, and we stared into each other’s eyes. I didn’t know what he saw in my eyes, but in his, my future unfolded.
And it was a beautiful thing.