22. Chapter 22
22
Chapter 22
Violet
A few days had passed since Nathara’s dress shopping excursion, and other than the dinners, I remained a recluse in my room. I knew I said I was going to do better and stop hiding away in my room, but I couldn’t help that my room had become my safe space. Away from the talking, away from the facade I had to put on, and most importantly, away from Sebastian.
Calum had only come to see me once in the past few days, and it was nothing more than sex. He said he had a few things he needed to take care of, but it seemed more like we had nothing to talk about, and he wanted to avoid it becoming awkward.
Or maybe it was that he feared that I had more questions for our future. Which I did.
Bronwen came by and visited for a few hours yesterday and she was overly nice. More than usual, that is. I think she may have been trying to make up for what she said in the carriage. I was over it, though.
She didn’t know our relationship. I may worry for our future, but I had no doubt that Calum loved me. But from an outsider’s perspective, they may be weary of that.
She told me more about Lulenacht and the things to expect from it. I didn’t expect to be invited but she said everyone would be there and I should take the night to enjoy myself.
She also explained that at the end of the night, after hours of ladies flaunting themselves in front of Sebastian, he picked the one that stood out the most to share a dance and spend the night with.
“Why hasn’t he taken a wife?” I asked.
Sebastian was well older than me, centuries older, and with him being Sovereign, I was sure he knew he needed to produce an heir for the line of succession to continue.
If he didn’t, the throne would inevitably go to Nathara—or her future children—and I knew he wouldn’t want that.
“He’s never been interested in the fae he’s met,” she said, shrugging her shoulders.
“Really? After all these years he hasn’t found someone to keep him company?” I looked down at the thread I had absentmindedly managed to pull from my dress. “That seems . . . lonely.”
Her nose scrunched. “Oh, he’s had plenty of company . I have spent countless nights awake because of the things he does to keep himself . . . entertained.”
My stomach fluttered at what she insinuated. Was that why he was interested in me? A new female to keep him entertained?
I shook away my thoughts and knew I had to steer the conversation away from him. Even the thought of him felt wrong.
And I was not something for him to toy around with.
“The gardens,” I blurted out to get my mind away from him.
“What?” Bronwen was clearly confused by my outburst.
“Is it safe past the gardens? I spend a lot of time outside at home. But I like to find somewhere I can be alone. Would it be alright if I went past the gardens?”
“Oh. Well, yes. Anywhere within the castle walls is safe. It may feel and look unsafe, which is natural given we are in the Night Realm, but Sebastian keeps unwanted creatures out.”
I guess he didn’t tell her about the paramic.
Shortly after Bronwen’s visit, it was time for dinner. It was different than usual, though. Sebastian and Adar weren’t there, and Lilian and Celine took that as an opportunity to be loud and force everyone to listen to them.
They spoke of wedding plans, their home realms and how much better they were than the realms that were forced to move to, and how cute their future grandfaes will be.
I lost count of the drinks that Bronwen had. She was a giggling mess, and I knew it wouldn’t be long before she excused herself from this hell.
I kept my head down and focused on my food, counting down the minutes until dinner was over.
The next morning, I rang for Yara and asked her to bring my breakfast packed in a satchel so I could spend as much time as I could outside. I went for a walk in the gardens. I needed fresh air and to gather my thoughts.
I knelt down and studied the violets that lined the walkways between the hedges. They were so out of place here. In the Mountain Realm, we had native wildflowers, and everything else was imported from the Flower Realm. They were hard to maintain in our realm’s climate. Celine usually brought them in for her parties and events and they died shortly after.
A waste.
But these flowers were so delicate and yet they looked strong and healthy. They were thriving in a realm that they didn’t belong in.
A flower that needed sunlight and yet here it was in the Night Realm where the sun seemed more like a painting hung in the sky than a blazing star.
I continued my walk past the gardens to find the spot where I almost died. I knelt down at the spot where the paramic disappeared into nothing only a few days before. You would never have known something had happened here. There wasn’t a blade of grass out of place.
“Please tell me you aren’t paying your respects to a paramic.”
I wasn’t startled at his voice. He saw everything through his shadows, and I knew he would be watching me.
Maybe I came out here to see if he’d follow. Maybe I wanted to see him.
“It was one of your subjects. Something you are meant to protect. Just like the fae at the bar. You killed it for someone from the Mountain Realm. I’m pretty sure that breaks every oath a Sovereign is supposed to live by.”
He shouldn’t have any regard for me or my safety. I was an outsider, and yet he seemed to put me first. Every fucking time.
“Do you really think I abide by the rules? The bastard that took the throne?” he asked as he walked around until he stood in front of me.
“No, because you’re evil and . . . and cruel,” I answered, keeping my eyes on the ground.
“Really? You didn’t seem to feel that way when I told you about my father. It’s almost like you’re trying to convince yourself I’m bad.”
“You are,” I said as I laid my hand on the ground before me, where that creature lay before disappearing into nothing. I was doing everything I could to not look at him.
“You’re right. I am. But do we not all have a little darkness in us?”
“No,” I mumbled.
“You mean to tell me you’ve never had . . . bad thoughts?” he asked.
I had. When something upset me and I couldn’t show how I felt, it would build inside of me. I would run scenarios in my head of what I wish I had said or did. And it would fester and grow darker and darker the longer I thought about it.
Usually those thoughts were about Celine. Or, during the times I’d hidden behind the curtains and watched Calum at his mother’s parties, about the beautiful females that would fawn over him, begging for his attention. I wanted them all to die.
“I thought so,” he said as if he could hear what I was thinking. I knew I didn’t say it out loud, but he must have taken my moment of silence as confirmation.
“It is still wrong,” I said as I stood up and crossed my arms, locking eyes with him.
“Why, though? Because someone said it is? That we should fight against our true nature because someone tells us to?” He took a step closer to me, but I didn’t back away. I kept my head high, holding my ground. “I have darkness in me. The darkness from my mother and power from my father made me who I am. Should I not use the gifts I was given to get what I want?”
He was right. If I was given even an ounce of the power he had, I would use it. But I said nothing. Instead, I kept his glare as he continued to inch closer to me.
“Tell me, love, if you had my gifts, would you not use them to get rid of the ones standing between you and your Sovereign? Or . . .” He grabbed my neck and pulled my face until it was only inches from his before he said, “The other things you feel deep inside?”
My eyes widened at what he had done for a moment before I quickly changed my expression, knowing I was giving him what he wanted. “I’d let them burn,” I whispered.
“Just say the word,” he said as a wicked grin came across his face.
I rolled my eyes and pushed him away. “I came out here to be alone, not to be followed by you.”
“You spend all day alone in your room,” he said.
“I wanted a change of scenery.”
Sebastian bowed as he said, “As you wish, love,” and disappeared before my eyes.
He was such an ass.
Even so, I couldn’t help but smile.