Chapter 31 #2
I could think of a few reasons but kept those to myself. I regretted not witnessing their reaction firsthand. Maybe I’d get lucky in the future. Be nice. Elvira’s words rang in my head and I swallowed my uncharitable comments, focusing instead on the djinn. “Have they done anything worrisome?”
“Besides their very presence?” Keir asked, a note of disbelief in his tone.
“Besides that.”
“Not that I know of. They just seem very…I’m not sure how to describe it.
Curious?” Keir shrugged. “Helios said he was bored and was looking for something entertaining. I honestly don’t know what to do with a bored djinn.
On the other hand, I don’t think I want to know what their idea of entertaining is.
” With an even heavier sigh, Keir waved off the conversation.
“But I suppose that is neither here nor there. At the end of the day, there is nothing I can do about the djinn, so I’ve relegated them to the back of my mind. ”
“Admirable.” I wasn’t even joking.
“It’s more survival at this point. I simply don’t think my brain can deal with anything else. In a way, it’s a relief, knowing there is absolutely nothing I can do. It takes a bit of the pressure off.”
I could see that. What I could also see was that Keir clearly needed help.
I wasn’t so selfish not to understand that.
Elvira said I didn’t need to come back, that Keir wouldn’t want me to do that, but was she right?
Uncomfortably twisting and with a pit of nausea, I offered, “I could come back. If you need the help, I can—”
“Absolutely not,” Keir answered emphatically.
“Not that I couldn’t use the help, but I would never ask that of you.
I have never seen you so happy and content, Hikaru.
Knowing you have found your place in the world, knowing that you’ve found unconditional love…
that knowledge warms me and gives me peace.
In these trying times, thinking of you gives me joy.
Selfishly, I would not wish to take that away from either of us. ”
Of course, I knew Keir was placating me. Still, I answered, “Well, I wouldn’t wish to deprive you of your happiness.”
Keir’s grin was wide and crinkled his eyes. “I knew you wouldn’t.” Becoming more serious, Keir said, “That doesn’t mean I might not call on you now and again to help with a matter that best suits your abilities.”
“You can call whenever you like. Niki will always be my first priority—”
“As he should be.”
“But I will do what I can. You have my word.” A few weeks ago, I wouldn’t have been so ready to cave.
Maybe, after seeing how flustered and worn down Keir was, I would have.
I honestly had no idea. What I did know was that today was different.
I was different. I’d never been so content, so settled.
That kind of knowledge did something to me.
I wasn’t so frantic. I didn’t feel the need to protect myself against every perceived slight.
Before, I would have felt like Keir was using me.
Now it felt like I was doing a friend a favor.
“Thank you.” Keir offered a tired smile.
Reaching forward, he lifted his teacup and drained the remnants.
I took the opportunity to do the same. Sitting there, teacup in his hands, Keir stared at the cup’s intricate pattern.
I’d noted it was Japanese in design. The cups he’d chosen were one of my favorites.
Keir remained silent long enough for the stagnant air to become uncomfortable. Tapping the side of his cup, Keir gave a firm, singular nod, as if he’d finally decided something. “There’s no easy way to say this, so I’m just going rip the proverbial Band-Aid off.”
My fingers tightened on my own teacup. Afraid I might break it, I set the cup back on the table. My tails flicked. We were finally getting to the reason why Keir asked me to ‘pop in.’
“I found something.”
My mind blanked for a second before I asked, “Something of Tenzen’s?” That was what made the most sense given Keir was on an all-out hunt trying to find what Tenzen left behind. Keir nodded and I asked, “Something dangerous?”
He hesitated before shaking his head. “No. Not the way you’re thinking. What I found was research—books and notes…about kitsune.” Keir swallowed hard, his Adam’s apple bobbing.
I tilted my head, contemplating why Keir was so upset.
“That makes sense. I was just a one-tailed pup when Tenzen found me. He’d do research to see what I needed.
” Now that I understood Tenzen’s true purpose for keeping me, for feeding and caring for me, that research held a different meaning.
I liked to think that when Tenzen first found me, before he knew what my tails meant, that he’d simply investigated out of a desire to keep me safe.
Maybe things had at least started out kindly.
Keir blew that na?ve image out of the water. “The information I found was gathered and dated before you came to the compound.”
I stared, my eyes painfully drying before I gave a slow, equally uncomfortable blink. “Be-fore? I don’t…” I started to say, understand, but was that true?
Shifting forward, Keir reached out, clasping my hands between his.
“I don’t know for certain, Hikaru, but I think…
I think maybe, that the story Tenzen told you wasn’t accurate.
” Keir flinched. “That’s putting it too kindly.
I think Tenzen lied. He knew about kitsune before you came to us.
He researched them and I can tell you, after reading his notes, that his research focused on your tails.
He knew they held magic, that they could be harvested and—”
“Stop!” I jumped to my feet, yanking my hands from Keir’s.
Pacing, my tails flicked wildly behind me.
Every part of me was agitated as my mind spun.
My heart pounded and I had to bend over, hands planted on my thighs as I took great, heaving gulps of air.
I jerked when Keir’s palm landed on my shoulder, gently rubbing.
“I’m sorry, Hikaru. You have no idea how very sorry I am.”
But I did. Keir wasn’t responsible for Tenzen’s actions. He was the one left holding the mop, trying to clean up the mess Tenzen had left behind. My background was just another pile of garbage that needed attention.
“He—” I wheezed. “What are you saying, Keir?” My brain knew. My heart was having trouble accepting it.
“You weren’t abandoned. Inari didn’t turn their back on you. Tenzen took you. He stole you and then lied about it, just as he lied about everything else.” The sorrow in Keir’s voice riveled the pain piercing my chest.
“But you don’t know that. Not for certain.” I could still have been abandoned. Tenzen might have just been looking for an opportunity.
“No. Not a hundred percent, but I’m ninety-five percent certain.”
My head snapped up, eyes wide. “That’s pretty damn sure. Why?”
Keir’s shoulders slumped and his hand fell away from my shoulder.
“Much of Tenzen’s notes regarded speculation on how to acquire a kitsune infant.
He… Tenzen knew that Inari cherished their fox creations.
Tenzen knew Inari would not be so careless to give one up, or casually lose one.
Inari certainly wouldn’t have simply walked away. ”
My mouth slipped open, gaping like a fish.
I’d been fed the same story all my life, that Inari abandoned me and Tenzen saved me.
Had it not been for Tenzen, I would have died before my second tail had a chance to sprout.
I’d been so certain that I didn’t want anything to do with my creator.
I hadn’t bothered looking anything up or trying to contact them.
After all, if they didn’t want me, then why would I want them?
But now…had Tenzen really, what? Kidnapped me? Stolen me? Were those two things one and the same? How could he keep me hidden from Inari for all these years? I asked just that, “How—”
“How did he keep Inari from you?” Keir rightly guessed.
At my nod, Keir’s cheeks flushed crimson, not from embarrassment, but rage.
“He faked your death. Tenzen’s notes are clear.
The only way to keep Inari from searching for you would be to make the deity believe you were deceased.
” Keir shook his head. “Before you ask, I’m not certain how he did that, but Tenzen’s notes make it clear that was his plan. ”
My legs shook as I made my way back to the cushioned ottoman. My tails were unusually calm, as if they didn’t know what to make of the situation either. “Inari thinks I’m dead?”
“I believe so.” Moving around the room, Keir sat back down too. This time, he didn’t reach for my hands. “I considered contacting them, but I wanted to speak with you first. As much as I want to fix this for you, this isn’t my call. It’s yours.”
My mind felt fractured and blank. I didn’t know what to do. It was all too much. “I need Niki.”
“Then go to him. I’ll be here if you have more questions.”
I couldn’t be bothered by farewells or gratitude, not that I knew if I was grateful yet or not.
All I could do was concentrate on Niki. Between one second and the next, I was back in Niki’s living room.
My warlock was still on the phone, but he took one look at me and said, “Lydia, I need to go.” I don’t think he waited for an answer before he ended the call, laid his phone on a nearby table, and came to me. “What happened?”
Niki didn’t wait for my answer. He wrapped me in his strong, steady arms and tucked me under his chin.
I was shivering so hard that I rocked us both.
Niki didn’t seem to mind. He didn’t press for answers either.
My warlock just held me, swaying with my quivering and refusing to let me go.
It was everything I never knew I needed.
It was the one thing I would never let go of.