Chapter 32
Thirty-Two
Nikodemus
What happened? Hikaru sounded fine when he left earlier.
He’d whispered in my ear, planted a wet, sloppy kiss on my cheek (just to annoy me), and he’d dissipated to Keir’s.
What had that gryphon done to upset my one and only?
Whatever it was, I would make Keir pay. No one was allowed to upset Hikaru this way.
Gaia, he was shaking so hard my body trembled in time with his.
There were no tears. I half thought it would be better if there were. I wasn’t certain if Hikaru was frightened or sad. Maybe both? Either way, the situation was unacceptable. How could I fix what was wrong when I didn’t understand what the problem was?
I wanted to push, to beg Hikaru to tell me what happened, what upset him so much.
And yet, I held my silence. Badgering him for the truth was what I needed, not what Hikaru needed.
And so, I stood there, rocking the being that had filled my world with light and joy, praying to Gaia that I could do the same for him.
Running my fingers through his luscious hair, I pressed Hikaru’s head to my chest, soothing him the best I could. “I love you,” I whispered against the crown of his head. “Nothing you say could ever change that.”
A choked sob broke free. Sadness, I quietly thought.
Hikaru wasn’t terrified so much as devastated.
The tears came, soaking my shirt and cooling my skin.
Hikaru cried so hard I was afraid he couldn’t breathe.
“I’ve got you,” I mumbled. “I’m not letting you go.
” Hikaru desperately clung to me. His tails wrapped around me, encasing me with warmth.
“Promise.” That single, solitarily heartbreaking word worked its way through his waning sobs.
“On Gaia’s very name.” I felt the magical contract snap into place. One did not make such a promise lightly.
Sucking in a deep breath, Hikaru pulled away, just far enough to move his face off my chest. “Ugh, I made a mess of you. You’re all wet with my snot.”
“I’m getting used to cleaning up your messes. This is nothing.”
A sweet, gentle smile tugged Hikaru’s lips. “Yeah?” He patted my chest with a clawed hand before his lips softened into a frown. “I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
“For falling apart.”
Hikaru slumped and I picked him up, cradling his ass in my hands, his tails draped over my arms as I made my way to the couch, settling us both upon its soft cushions.
“You can fall apart on me anytime you need to.” I kissed his forehead.
“I simply hope that need isn’t too great, for your sake, not mine. ”
“You’re very sweet, Niki.”
I scoffed. “Don’t tell anyone. It will undoubtedly ruin my reputation. Besides, I am only sweet to you.”
“And your son. And Cilla.”
“Yes, well…they are exceptions to the rule.” I wasn’t willing to admit that I was sweet as a general rule.
Hikaru chuckled softly, his gaze focused on the buttons of my shirt-turned-hanky. Picking at one of the buttons, Hikaru finally hinted at what had gutted him. “I spoke with Keir.”
I stiffened. “I’m aware. Do I need to do bodily harm to the gryphon for upsetting you?”
Hikaru’s smile was fleeting. “No. Keir’s got enough on his hands, he doesn’t need to add an overprotective warlock to the mix.
Besides, it’s not his fault. If anything, I feel bad for Keir.
I’ve got a feeling he’s got a long life ahead of him filled with apologizing for Tenzen Huxley’s grievances.
I just happen to be early on that list.”
My hands slid to Hikaru’s hips, holding him steady as he slowly undid my shirt buttons. “You learned something new?” Known revelations were already damning enough. I couldn’t imagine what new information Keir had found.
Hikaru’s slow head nod was all I thought I’d get until he quietly said, “Keir thinks Tenzen stole me.”
My brain momentarily blanked. “Stole you?” What did that mean?
“From Inari, when I was a kit.”
My frazzled mind played that over a couple of times before the puzzle pieces slotted together, creating a horrifically heartbreaking picture. Hikaru had told me Inari abandoned him, that Tenzen had found and saved him. Why had I never thought to question that? “How sure is Keir?”
Hikaru shrugged. “About ninety-five percent.”
“Gaia.” I rested my forehead on Hikaru’s.
“How?” Hikaru spent the next few minutes relaying what Keir told him.
All the while, my rage grew. Burying Huxley deep underground should have put an end to the damage the shadow borne could do.
Instead, it had opened a Pandora’s box of ills.
It was as if Huxley was reaching out from his sleeping grave to continue inflicting harm on those I loved.
“I don’t know what to do with that,” Hikaru said. “I mean…it’s on me too. I never once tried to reach out to Inari. I—”
“This is not your fault.” I hated how Hikaru seemed to keep finding ways to blame himself instead of Huxley. “You were a child.” Or the kitsune equivalent of it.
“But I’m not a kit anymore.” Tilting his head back, Hikaru’s green-gold eyes shimmered within his red, puffy eyelids. “What do I do, Niki?” Hikaru licked his lips. “Keir offered to try and contact Inari for me, but I don’t know if that’s what I should do or… I don’t want to be disappointed again.”
“Disappointed? How?”
“What if…what if Inari doesn’t want me? What if I’m not good enough, if they consider me tainted goods? It’s been centuries and—”
“You are far from tainted goods.” The very thought sent indignant rage coursing through my veins.
“And how could anyone not want you?” Even when I’d imagined Hikaru a nuisance, that wasn’t how I’d truly felt.
I’d wasted a lot of energy attempting to convince myself that I didn’t want Hikaru around when nothing could have been further from the truth.
Hikaru simply shrugged, his shoulders sagging. “Not everyone feels that way.”
“Then they are idiots,” I confidently stated, not a hint of doubt.
“You are a gift. No one can convince me otherwise, including you.” I tilted Hikaru’s face, meeting his sad gaze.
“Where has my confident kitsune gone? Where is the creature that rearranged my home, that wiggled his way into my life, and integrated himself into my very soul?”
Those words earned me a tender smile. “I’m not sure. I… When it comes to Inari, I regress back to that fragile kit Tenzen found.”
My fingers slipped through Hikaru’s hair.
The orange, red, and golden strands stood out against my blackened fingers, that darkness no longer confined to the tips but running down the length of my fingers.
“That, I can understand. You are not alone. I will support whatever decision you make. But, speaking as a father, I believe Inari would want to know you are alive. If it were my own child… I cannot fathom the loss or the ensuing joy at finding out what I’d thought lost was alive and well.
And you are well, Hikaru. You are a kitsune any parent would be proud to claim.
And, if on the off-chance Inari is a fool and doesn’t want you, then I will cherish you all the more.
We will never speak Inari’s name again, and I will shower you with so much love and affection that you will never again doubt your worthiness. ”
This time, Hikaru’s tears were languid streams weaving their way down his damp cheeks. His gold-green eyes shimmered with the added wetness. Light danced within those eyes. “What would I do without you?” Hikaru asked gently.
“I’m certain you would have found some type of mischief to get into.
Thankfully, we do not need to speculate.
You are with me, now and forever.” Guilt sat heavily on my chest. Before we’d bonded, Hikaru and I’d discussed how long forever was.
I was not immortal. Binding himself to me might well have shortened Hikaru’s overall lifespan.
A light tap on my forehead brought me out of my brooding.
“Stop feeling guilty, Niki. It was my choice. I’ve already lived centuries and I’ll live centuries more by your side.
If my overall lifespan is shortened, so be it.
Quality over quantity. If our bonded time together were but a day, I would still choose that over centuries without you. ”
The noose around my heart uncoiled. “It was still unfair of me to ask you to do so.”
“If you hadn’t asked, I would have demanded it.” The saucy grin I loved reappeared. “And you should know by now that I can be very tenacious when it comes to getting what I want.”
“Ever so true.” Cupping Hikaru’s cheeks, I pulled him closer, savoring his soft lips. Breaking apart, I rested our foreheads together. I hated to interrupt our tender moment, but this needed to be said. “Do you truly need Keir to contact Inari?”
Hikaru stiffened. “What do you mean?”
“You said it yourself, you never attempted to contact them. I am uncertain how your relationship works, but there could still be a connection there. Or if not, perhaps a connection you could reinstate? I’m honestly not certain, but it might be worth a try when you’re ready.”
“I…I’m not sure.”
“That’s fine. No need for you to be certain now. We have time.”
“We.”
“Of course. You do not believe I would leave you alone in such an endeavor.”
“No, Niki. I could never think that.”
“Good. We move forward, into the future as a team, Hikaru. Your joys and burdens are mine, just as mine are yours.”
Hikaru’s deep sigh reverberated through my core. “I like the sound of that.”
“That is fortunate considering we have already bonded.”
My heart lightened with Hikaru’s quiet laughter. “Very true.”
We sat there, on the couch, Hikaru’s body resting within my embrace.
I had never thought another would fit so well into my life, into my very soul.
I was not an easy warlock to love. Perhaps no warlock was.
Maybe that was why Gaia gifted us with one and onlys.
They were truly the one and only creature that could put up with us for any length of time.
Thinking of one and onlys… “Erasmus is not pleased with me.”
Hikaru huffed. “Not surprising. I told you to call him right away.”
“I had more important things to do.” I kissed the top of Hikaru’s head. My cheeks flushed as I remembered those important things. “My son is insisting on having a party to celebrate our joining.”
Hikaru immediately perked up, his tails happily twitching. “A party? Oh, I love parties.” He started hopping on my lap. “What kind of party? When? Where? We could have it here, out back by the ocean. I know it gets a little windy, but it’s beautiful and…”
I relaxed into the cushions as Hikaru prattled on and on, enjoying the excited cadence of his voice.
Hikaru was happy again. I don’t think anything in the world could have brought me more peace and joy than knowing I had placed that smile on his face.
Dear Gaia, love had well and truly turned me into a sap.