14. Sydney
14
SYDNEY
“Y’all go ahead,” Katie said. “I’ll help Simon clear the table.”
Sydney took a deep breath and blew it out with a pinpoint exhale. She gave Katie another tight smile of thanks.
She didn’t need anyone’s approval for what she was about to reveal. But part of her still wanted Katie’s support. Even if she wasn’t certain she deserved it.
Stephen stood from the table but hesitated to check with Katie first. “You sure?”
“Yeah, yeah,” Katie said with a wave. “Go ahead. I’m good.”
Simon scoffed. “I promise I won’t let anything happen to her while you’re gone.”
Sydney waited for Stephen to follow her out onto the back patio after they both grabbed their coats. They took seats opposite each other, and Sydney stuffed her hands in her coat pockets, freezing despite being bundled up.
Good. That would keep her from dragging this out.
“Okay,” Stephen said with a groan as he leaned against the cushioned patio chair. “What’s up?”
Sydney took a deep breath. She knew she needed to tell Stephen what was going on. All of it. Katie had been right that Stephen would be thrilled about everything. Still, the words caught in her throat. Speaking them would make it all real. And she wasn’t sure which part of that terrified her.
“So this trip was a little more than just a holiday visit.”
Stephen narrowed his eyes as he leaned back casually in his chair like the cold didn’t bother him one bit. “Okay. What else is it then?”
With another deep breath, Sydney told him the easy part.
“I’m moving back home. I think.” She bit her lip, then corrected herself. “No, I’m sure. I’m moving back to New Orleans.”
Stephen’s eyes widened. “Are you shitting me?”
“Nope.” She felt a smile reach her lips as she relaxed into the admission. “It’s true.”
His expression shifted to one of concern. “Nothing happened in San Diego, did it? You’re not having problems with?—“
“No, no,” she said. “Doug and I are fine. Living our own lives. Work is fine. Everything there is fine. I just… I belong here. And this week solidified that.”
Stephen’s mouth stretched into a wide grin. “Mom’s gonna be so pumped about this. Wait, who else knows?”
“Simon. I told him right before you and Katie got here.”
She pressed her lips together. It was too soon to get into that part. One revelation at a time.
“Well, this is the best holiday gift ever.”
“It’s kind of a gift for me too,” Sydney said. “I’m really excited to come home. All the stress and hassle of physically moving aside.”
Stephen waved a dismissive hand. “Details.”
“You say that like it’s so easy to move across the country.”
“You got there, right? You can come back the same way. Well, minus Doug.” Stephen’s grin turned smug. “See. Aren’t you glad I had Katie reacquaint you with the city?”
In more ways than he knew.
“Yeah. That was great,” she said. “Reminded me of all the things I love here. In addition to the family I love.”
“Damn right!” Stephen laughed at his own comment, then tilted his head at her like a confused puppy. “Wait. What’s that look? What else aren’t you telling me?”
Sydney took yet another deep breath and blew it out slowly. Then another.
“Jeez, is it that bad?”
“No,” Sydney said with a shake of her head. “It’s not bad, it’s just…”
He leaned forward and placed a palm on the patio table. “Then tell me. You know I have your back, right? With anything.”
Right.
She knew that.
So why was this so hard?
“I don’t want you to think this has anything to do with my divorce, because it doesn’t. At all.” Sydney steeled herself and told him the hard part. The part that made her feel more vulnerable than she’d ever been, even though she knew deep down that he’d be completely accepting of her. “I’m bisexual.”
Stephen stared at her, blinking, then recoiling.
Oh, no.
Had she miscalculated how this would turn out?
His face scrunched as he said, “Is that it?”
“I mean, yeah,” she said, knowing full well that wasn’t the whole story. But it was the first hard part of this conversation.
“Christ, Syd. I thought you were going to tell me you were dying or some shit!”
“No,” she said. “No, I’m fine. Perfectly fine.”
He removed his hand from the table and put it against his chest. “Jeez, you freaked me out.” He dropped his hand and looked at her with a hint of pain in his face. “Wait, did you think I would be upset about that?”
“No,” she said with a tone of uncertainty in the word. “I mean, I thought you’d be fine. But I didn’t know for sure.”
“Syd. Of course, I love you. No matter what you tell me. Thank you for telling me.” He stood and opened his arms. “Come here.”
Sydney realized hot tears were now streaking her cold cheeks. She walked around the table and let herself be engulfed by her brother’s long arms.
Stephen squeezed her tight, then kissed the top of her head. When he released her, he looked down and said, “Anything else?”
“Um.” Sydney considered waiting to tell him this part. Especially if nothing was going to happen any further between her and Katie. There would be no point. “Maybe.”
Well, now she’d done it.
No going back now. Not when she’d thrown Stephen a bone.
“Don’t be mad, but I didn’t actually come into town when I said I did. I got here a day early and went to a party with Amelia.”
Stephen released his hands from her arms, a mix of hurt and confusion in his eyes. “Why would you lie about that?”
“Part of me just wanted to see what it was like to be here. On my own. I know I love you guys, but I needed to know how the city fit first.”
“And it does, right?”
Sydney smiled. “Yeah, it does.”
“Then it was worth it.” Stephen smiled back. “And of course, I’m not mad. You gotta do what you need to do.”
“Well, I kinda did something else,” she said. “Which was the other part of why I didn’t tell you about that night.”
A twinkle of mischief hit his eyes as he wagged his brow at her. “You met someone.”
“Not just a someone,” she said with a grimace. “Katie.”
“Oh,” he said. Then his eyes widened as he repeated, “Oh!”
“Yeah,” she said. “I didn’t know who she was. And it wasn’t what you think. We just kissed. And hung out. And that was it.”
Okay, so that was a lie.
It was definitely something else. Or it had become another thing over the past week.
“I thought something was up with you two after you went around town together. Y’all were kind of weird tonight.” He scratched at the short waves of blond hair on his head. “But I had no idea anything was up before that.”
“She didn’t know who I was, either. And I asked her to keep it quiet when I realized she was your Katie.”
“Why? You didn’t think I’d be mad about that, did you?”
“No. I knew you’d love the idea,” she said. “Which, again, was why I didn’t want to tell you. I was still trying to figure things out and explain everything else first.”
He tilted his head. “And have you figured it all out now?”
“I don’t know,” she said. “About the other stuff, yes. One hundred percent. I know who I am and I want to move back here.”
“And Katie?”
“That I’m not sure about.” Every moment they’d spent together over the last week, every text, flooded her mind in a jumbled rush of emotion. “I really like hanging out with her. I really like her .”
“But?”
“But she wasn’t part of the plan.”
“You sound like Katie,” he said. “And since when is someone ever part of the plan?”
“I know, but I’ve just started to settle into this part of myself. With getting comfortable with the fact that I’m bi. I don’t want to jump into a relationship with the first person I kissed.”
“Oh shit,” he said in a hushed breath. “She was the first?”
Sydney nodded. “It was only supposed to be a bit of fun. Trying out what this all really means for me. How it feels. We both agreed to enjoy hanging out the other day. But now things are… complicated.”
He took her hands in his and squeezed as he looked down at her. “It doesn’t have to be complicated. You can just let yourself like her. Take that as far as it goes.”
“But that wasn’t the plan. What if I’m never with another?—”
“I know the plan.” Stephen squeezed her hands again. “But if Katie’s the only woman you’re ever with, would that be so bad?”
No.
The answer was as clear as anything in her mind.
But that wasn’t the problem. The problem was if she’d regret this down the road.
Stephen picked up one of her hands and placed it against her own chest. “Follow your heart, Syd. Whatever direction it wants to go in, I’ll support it. I’ll support you. Always.”
Sydney blinked back tears and tiptoed to wrap her arms around her brother’s neck. She knew he’d be in her corner, but she’d underestimated how much hearing the words would mean to her.
“Thank you.”
He pulled away and nodded toward the back door. “I remember someone mentioning bread pudding.”
“Savannah’s bread pudding.” Sydney’s mouth was already watering at the mere mention of her sister’s signature dessert. Warm, thick custard-soaked French bread perfectly balanced with fruit. Since it was winter, it was satsumas in this batch.
Sydney couldn’t believe she was going to taste that and a million other treats from now on.
But her heart was racing as she reentered the house, and not at the anticipation of dessert.
Stephen was right. If she was only ever with Katie from here on out and never another woman, she could live a blissful life without feeling like she was missing out on anything.
Time to follow her heart.
When they returned to the dining room, a quick scan of the table showed that they were missing a couple of people.
Simon sat in his chair from before, and their mother sat at the head of the table.
Stephen nodded toward the kitchen. “Katie’s helping Savannah in there?”
“No,” their mother said. “It’s just Savannah. Katie had to run. Told us to tell you both she had to leave early.”
Sydney’s heart sank.
Katie hadn’t mentioned needing to leave. In fact, she’d only mentioned how she was looking forward to dessert.
Stephen exchanged a quick look with Sydney, but neither of them seemed to know what happened while they were outside.
“Did she say why?” Stephen asked.
Simon shrugged. “Just that she forgot something she had to do. Maybe something with her cat?”
Katie hadn’t mentioned anything being wrong with Benjamin. And they’d exchanged messages earlier in the day, and it seemed everything was fine. She’d planned to spend the whole evening with their family.
Sydney sent a quick text from under the table.
Everything ok?
No response.
Savannah breezed in with a steaming pan and placed it on a potholder while she asked Simon to grab the bowls in the kitchen.
“Satsuma bread budding,” Savannah said as Simon returned with a stack of bowls and a handful of spoons.
The bread pudding had the bright scent of oranges mixed with warm cinnamon and a rich, custardy base. Savannah began scooping the dessert into bowls and handing them out when Sydney’s phone buzzed in her hand under the table.
She looked down and wished she never had.
Sorry. I can’t do this.
Sydney’s heart sank as a bowl of bread pudding appeared in front of her.
“You okay?” Stephen had a look of knowing concern as his eyes tried to ask the larger question without letting on to the rest of the room.
“Yeah, fine.” Sydney placed her phone face down on the table and forced a smile, pretending like her world wasn’t being broken by a woman she’d known for only a week. “This smells delicious.”