40. Wrinley
Wrinley
M y eyes flutter open, slowly followed by a yawn that tells me I definitely did not get enough sleep last night.
The blackout blinds are still drawn, blessing me with the darkness I love so much, although the light pitter patter of what sounds like rain on the roof of the building has my yawn transforming into a smile.
My body is weighed down by a corded forearm wrapped around me and tucked just underneath my ass. Who knew an arm could be so damn heavy?
I turn my head and regard him. He’s on his stomach, the sheet resting right above the curve of his ass and his face is turned toward me.
His eyes move quickly under the lids and I can’t help but wonder what he might be dreaming about.
He looks so damn peaceful like this. More at peace than I think I’ve ever seen him.
He doesn't snore and his breaths are so quiet, I have to look closely at his back to catch it rising and falling just to confirm he’s still with me.
I want to believe he’ll always be with me, but what happens when he finds out things will be changing sooner rather than later?
He’s made me stay with him since he took me into the woods behind Gravity, revealed his secrets and forced me to make a choice.
Like there was a choice to make. I don’t think I’m capable of not choosing him.
But will he toss me away like his parents did to him when he finds out this last, lingering secret?
It’s not a stretch. People do what they know.
And abandonment is all Axel knows. He’s made it clear his stance on the issue and I have a feeling he won’t abandon the responsibility, but I don’t want him to feel obligated either.
Hell, I’m not even sure how I feel about it yet.
I didn’t have my mother long enough to help prepare me for having children of my own.
She wasn’t able to teach me all the things, so I don’t know how to give what I never got to a small human so it can grow up and be a functional adult.
Shit. Maybe I have some abandonment issues of my own I need to sort out.
Axel breaks my commiseration by shifting slightly and somehow pulling me even tighter into his side. It’s kind of crazy how my beautiful, broken, savage of a man is somehow just as possessive in his sleep as he is when he’s awake.
“What’s going on in that beautiful brain of yours, baby?” Axel says in his very sexy, gruff morning voice, those caramel brown eyes of his still closed. “I can hear you thinking.”
“You know you don’t have to call me that when your dick isn’t inside me, right?”
A quiet, barely there chuckle escapes his lips as he pulls me quickly on top of him.
“Maybe we should remedy that. You can ride my dick and I’ll call you baby.
” He punctuates his suggestion with a thrust of his hips and of course he’s rock hard.
“Or we can just cuddle and if it slips in, it slips in. Either way works just fine for me.”
Do I want to fuck him? Yes. I always do.
But laying over him has me in an unfamiliar position from what I’m used to and what I really want is his lips on mine.
Closing the gap, I take what I want, pressing my lips hard into his until his hands encase my head and he pulls me off of him.
His pupils are blown, leaving hardly any color and I know I’ve got him right where I want him.
I resist his hold and take control of his mouth once again, letting my tongue dance against the seam of his lips until he lets me in.
It doesn’t take long and I seize the opportunity to twist mine with his.
We’ve kissed before. And claimed. This is something different and I’m not entirely sure what’s come over me, because I’m suddenly overcome with emotions I don’t know what to do with.
A lone tear falls from my cheek and lands on his, causing him to pull away from me… again. “What’s wrong, baby?”
His grip is firm on my face, holding me in place as he waits for an answer. I search his expression for any sign that he might feel what I’m feeling.
“I love you.” My words are barely there but certain nonetheless.
He sucks in a breath of air and holds it for just a moment, before slowly releasing it. His brows furrow as he considers me. “I… don’t know what that means.”
Okay.
My pulse picks up speed and a lump forms in my throat. I pull myself from his grip and roll off of him, crossing my legs and arms. “What does that even mean?” I know he’s had shit parents all his life, but surely he knows the meaning of the emotion.
He reaches out to pull me back to him. I make a weak attempt at resisting him before eventually giving in. “It’s not a mystery, Wrinley. It’s no secret I’ve basically been a lone wolf wandering the Earth. Until you, everyone’s been expendable. Is that love? I don’t know.”
“Wait… what about Arabella? You don’t think she loves you? Don’t you love her?”
“My sister and I grew up very differently. I don’t want any harm to come to her, but the truth is… until she’s able to cut the cord that attaches her to our bitch of a mother, I’ll only get so close to her. That’s for my own sanity. That woman is an energy suck.”
“That’s such a harsh way to look at things, Axel. Have you ever considered helping her get out from under your mother? Maybe she just needs a little nudge.”
He laughs then pushes away from me to stand from the bed, slowly moving towards the bathroom. “It’s funny you think I never tried. Arabella is so twisted up in our mother’s bullshit, she can’t even see the reality of her mind games.”
“But you agreed to do Christine’s birthday dinner with her. Surely that’s proof of some level of love.”
“I don’t know,” he admits.
This might be the saddest conversation I’ve ever had. And I’ve had more than a few.
“Baby,” he calls from behind the bathroom door.
I can already hear his waterfall shower running and I’m half tempted to invade his space and go in there with him.
“My experience with love changes nothing. You’re mine and I’m yours.
Focus on that. Now, can we talk about something besides my sister, please? ”
“Sure.” It’s the only thing I can think to say as I sit here contemplating the reality of what he’s just admitted. How can he not know what love means? And does he really not know if he loves me or not? That thought hurts more than I care to admit.
“Baby, are you joining me?”
Gee, Axel. I don’t know. Am I? Maybe if I thought we were on the same page, I’d join you.
Okay, maybe I am a little upset about this. “No. I don’t think I will,” I answer. “Don’t forget we’re having dinner at my dad’s tomorrow night.”
All I hear is a groan followed by a loud thump–which I’ll assume is his head landing on the shower wall–before he mumbles, “Fuck.”