Chapter 15
IAIN
Lennie escorted me back to the VIP room, where I proceeded to down more shots of tequila and made eye contact with the cute bartender again. Marc? Michel? I was fucking horrible with names at the best of times.
What did it matter anyway? He had a taut body and sexy lips. What more did I need?
“When are you done here?” I asked the bartender, giving him an appreciative smile.
“I’m clocking out in a half hour.”
“Come back to my hotel?”
“Love to,” he replied with a wink.
Lennie was sitting nearby, and I nodded to the bartender. “You’ll need to fill out an NDA first.”
“No problem.”
Exactly. I had no problems. I was buzzed, I had a fuck friend for the night, and Dawson was still out of my sight. I should be ecstatic.
I was anything but.
Still, I vowed that by the time we got back to my hotel room, I’d be relaxed and ready to fuck. Just like I always was.
I wouldn’t let a sexy bodyguard with incredible eyes mess with my life. And these fierce feelings rattling around inside me for Dawson were temporary. They didn’t mean anything.
After Lennie got the bartender’s signature—his name was Michel—he sat down beside me with his club soda.
Michel gave me a nod, then walked over to talk to one of his colleagues.
Lennie tapped on his earpiece. “What’s up?”
I could hear bits of his conversation and guessed he was talking to Dawson.
“Okay. I got it.”
“Where is he?” I asked.
“He’s on his way back to the hotel. Except, there’s a change in plans.”
My stomach tightened. “And that is?”
“I’ll be staying in your adjoining suite from here on out. Daws is taking my room down the hall. He’s gonna ask Regan to put me on as your primary.”
I nodded and took another shot of tequila, swallowing past the lump in my throat.
“Why so glum, Holls?” Brodie yelled out.
I looked over to find Brodie and Van walking up to the bar. Ronin and Faise were also back, along with a couple of guys I presumed were their fuck friends for the night.
“I’m not. I’m fine.”
“Where’s Dawson?” Van asked.
“Back at the hotel. I’m on Holloway’s detail from here on out,” Lennie announced.
Van sat down beside Lennie and ordered a beer.
Brodie placed a hand on my shoulder. “Come sit with me.”
Michel opened a bottle of champagne and placed it on the bar top. I grabbed it and followed my friend over to the big couch in the corner of the room.
“What happened?” Brodie asked as we sat down.
“Nothing happened,” I snapped, taking a swig from the bottle. “The bartender is coming back to the hotel with me, and Dawson is off my back. Everything is fucking perfect.”
Brodie leaned forward. “Is it possible that—”
“Don’t, Dee. Don’t go there. This is not you and Van, all right? Dawson and I are… this isn’t a love story. We’re just… I mean, I’ve got these feelings, but nothing good can come of it. It’s temporary.”
“He looked pretty upset when he saw you dancing with those guys.”
“You noticed?”
Brodie nodded. “Never seen him look at you like that before.”
I swore and downed another mouthful of champagne. “That’s not my problem.”
“Then why do you look and sound miserable?”
“Because I—” I paused and looked around. “If you dare breathe a word of this to anyone, I swear I will personally remove your balls.”
“Ouch, pinky swear it is.”
“I’m serious.”
“Go on,” he urged me.
“Lately, I’m having a hard time, well, getting hard. For anyone except he who shall remain nameless.”
Brodie stared at me with his mouth wide open.
“Dee?”
Brodie shook his head and ran a hand over his face. “Sorry, I think I’m in shock.”
“You’re not the only one,” I mumbled.
“And yet, you’re bringing that bartender back to the hotel?”
“I figure now that Dawson’s out of my sight, and if I can relax enough, everything will be fine.”
“You know I went through something similar before Van.”
“I remember. You were extra snarky because you hadn’t gotten laid in months.”
He nodded. “Other guys just weren’t doing it for me. My heart knew it wanted Van, and only Van, and my body finally caught up.”
“There’s no heart involved here. Just lust. And that’s easily dealt with,” I replied, taking another swig from the bottle.
“You know, it’s okay to like a guy.”
I coughed and shook my head. “What are we? Back in high school?”
“You never want to let anyone get close to you, Iain. As social as you are, you only have a handful of friends and no romantic relationships, just hookups.”
“Well, I am a rockstar fuckboy,” I quipped. “I have a reputation to live up to.”
Brodie smacked my shoulder. “I mean, you guard your heart. Because you’re a sensitive guy, and you’ve dealt with a lot of pain and loss. You’re running from Dawson ’cause you’re afraid to let him get close.”
Brodie always knew how to hit a note with accuracy. Not that I was going to admit to anything.
“Jesus, Dee, falling in love has short-circuited your brain.”
Brodie laughed. “No fucking way. It just made me see things much clearer. And I know you, Iain. We’ve been friends for far too long.”
I bit my lip. “No matter what I might feel, Daws works for us. I can’t go there.”
“Hello? I fell in love with our manager.”
“That’s different.”
“Why?”
I didn’t have an answer. “It just is.”
“I think he could be good for you.”
“That might be true, but the reverse isn’t.”
“What?”
“I’m not a good bet for anyone, Dee, let alone a man who has his shit together. Fuck’s sake, he’s a father.”
“So? You think I was a good bet for Van?” Brodie shook his head. “You’re just scared because you’ve never been in a relationship before.”
Before I could say anything else, Michel appeared in front of us. “Hey, I hope I’m not interrupting?”
I looked up at him. “Not at all.”
“I’m done with my shift. Are you ready to go back to the hotel?”
“Give me five minutes?”
“I’ll wait with your bodyguard.” He smiled at me, then Brodie, and walked away.
I turned back to my friend, who was giving me the stink eye. “What?”
“That has disaster written all over it.”
“Nah.” I stood up. “I’m sure it’ll be fine. I think. Yes, fine. I can do this.”
“If you have to give yourself a pep talk for sex, it’s not going to be good,” Brodie snarked as he got to his feet.
“Shut up.”
“Have fun. Don’t think about Dawson while you’re fucking.”
“Dee—”
Brodie suddenly pulled me into a crushing hug and whispered in my ear. “Go with your gut, Iain. It never steers you wrong.”
I pulled back but didn’t say anything. I knew Brodie was right, but the fear was still there.
Instead of following his advice, I walked over to Michel, who was in conversation with Lennie.
“You ready?” Lennie asked.
“I am.”
I said it with confidence.
And I was so full of shit.
That lingering unease followed me out of the club, into the SUV, and back to the hotel.
So much so that by the time we were in the elevator heading upstairs, I was full-on fidgeting, tapping my feet, and biting my fingernails. I was pretty sure I was having a major panic attack—another one.
When the elevator doors opened to the thirtieth floor, and all three of us stepped out into the carpeted hallway, my lungs seized up. I couldn’t breathe.
“Are you alright?” Michel murmured, touching my arm.
“N-not really. I don’t feel so good.”
Lennie coughed into his fist.
Michel chuckled. “That’s what happens when you mix tequila and champagne.”
Yeah, that was it.
“Raincheck? Maybe tomorrow night?”
Michel studied me with a wry smile.
“Maybe,” he replied and stepped back into the elevator.
“Sorry.”
He shrugged. “?’est rien. This hotel has a fabulous bar, so I might as well have a drink before I leave. Au revoir, Holloway.”
He gave one last wave, and the doors closed.
My relief was palpable. Pretty sure I let out the inhale I’d been holding onto since I’d left the club.
“I never thought I would live to see this day,” Lennie muttered as he ushered me down the hallway.
“I said I don’t feel good. And he was right; I shouldn’t have mixed that alcohol.”
“Sure, that’s why you look so relieved now, and you’re actually breathing again.”
“You know, sometimes your observation skills are really annoying. And what just happened stays between us.”
“My bodyguard lips are sealed,” Lennie made a zipping motion over his mouth.
When we got to my suite, Lennie opened the door, did a room check, and then motioned for me to enter.
“I’m going to check out my room and go grab my stuff,” he said to me as he walked to the connecting door.
I turned from the entryway and headed for the bathroom.
Until I heard a door open.
“Oh, I thought you were already gone,” Lennie announced.
I stopped short and listened in.
“No, it’s fine,” Dawson replied in a quiet tone. “I’m sorry about earlier. Just forget I said anything, okay? It’s all under control. I’m not going to have Regan take me off Iain’s detail.”
“You know, Iain has—”
“I don’t care what Iain has. Or who. You’ve vetted his guest or guests, so all’s good. I’m calling it a night.”
I heard the door slam, and I quietly wandered back out to the bedroom.
“Well, it looks like things are back to normal. Dawson is still on your guard duty. Have a good night, Holls.”
“You too, Lennie. And thanks.”
He paused as he was leaving like he wanted to say something. Then he shook his head and left.
I stared at the connecting door, wondering what I should do.
Do I knock on it and face Dawson? Face this desperate need for him that kept building inside of me?
Or should I leave it be? Let him think I was with someone else. Cut off this reckless desire before it took hold of me.
Before it changed everything.