Chapter 29
TWENTY-NINE
Robert had to be in early the following morning.
Both Grace and Abigail had insisted they get up to see him off.
In her pyjamas, Abbie still looked white faced and anxious.
Grace hadn’t had much luck in getting her to open up last night.
Maybe it actually was Robert’s operation and nothing else. Nobody could blame her for that.
She’d certainly attempted to be upbeat at dinner the night before. Robert had ordered enough food for about eight people. ‘Well, this is nice. Having everyone home.’
Grace had done her best to keep the mood buoyant too. ‘Yeah, it’s a bit extreme though, Dad. You could’ve just said you wanted to see us.’
Ellen had tried, really tried, but – with all the people she loved most in the world around the dinner table – all she could think about was how much she had to lose.
More than once, she’d escaped to the kitchen to have a little cry.
The third time, Grace followed her out there and caught her with a tissue at her eyes.
She held out her arms and they cried together.
Now Grace was putting a brave face on it, her arm around Abigail who was distinctly wobbly. ‘I love you, Daddy.’
‘Hey, hey, Abs. I’m going to be fine. Come here.’ He enveloped both the girls in a hug, his own eyes screwed tightly closed to prevent his emotions from escaping him.
Ellen clutched the car keys so tight that they dug into her hand. ‘We need to go.’
Never a fan of hospitals, Ellen’s stomach started to tighten from the moment they stepped inside.
This was a private hospital with doors that hushed closed and carpet tiles that softened footfall, but there was still the air of disinfectant which hit the back of her throat.
She was able to accompany Robert to his room and stay with him while the anaesthetist and a nurse came to introduce themselves, before Mr Grayson and Charlotte arrived.
Then Mr Grayson went through the procedure with Robert one more time before turning to Ellen.
‘You are very welcome to stay here as long as you like, but it will take a while so, if you want to go home, we can call you as soon as he’s out. ’
They’d already agreed that she would stay home with the girls. ‘I’ll wait until Robert goes down and then I’ll leave, thank you.’
He nodded and placed a hand on Robert’s shoulder. ‘I’ll see you down there.’
Charlotte hung behind to speak to them briefly. ‘I won’t be in the room. Because I know you, Mr Grayson didn’t think it was appropriate. But I’ll be here so, if you want to know anything, Ellen, you can just call me.’
Her kindness raised a lump in Ellen’s throat. ‘Thank you. I appreciate that.’
‘Oh, and my mum said just call her when you’re on your way home and she will come over. She said not to get any food for lunch because she’ll bring it.’ She turned to Robert. ‘An orderly will be down to collect you in about five minutes. See you on the other side.’
He nodded. ‘Thank you.’
With a little wave, she was gone. Ellen rose from the seat she’d taken and stood in front of Robert. In his hospital gown, he looked so vulnerable. The fear she’d been fighting all morning threatened to get the better of her. ‘You’d better come through this, Mr Cooper.’
‘I’ll do my very best, Mrs Cooper.’
‘Do you promise?’
‘Of course. When have I ever lied to you?’
She buried her head in his neck and let the tears come. Please let him be right. As far as she knew it was true that he’d never lied to her before.
She only wished she could say the same.
When she got home, there was a red sports car she didn’t recognise parked outside.
For one horrible moment, she thought that Grace’s Max had chosen this moment to reveal himself – it was the kind of flashy expensive vehicle she would assume he’d choose – so she was almost relieved when Grace opened the front door and told her who it belonged to. ‘Your friend Lucy is here.’
Resisting the instinctive urge to scold Grace for answering the door to strangers, she followed her through to the sitting room where Grace was holding a mug of steaming coffee and talking to Abbie. ‘Lucy? Didn’t we arrange that I would call you?’
Even in a cold autumnal England, Lucy carried an air of continental glamour. A black cashmere dress emphasised her willowy frame. ‘I know. I’m sorry. But I was so worried about Robert that I didn’t know what to do with myself, so I thought I might as well come. I brought pastries.’
She nodded towards a plate of croissants and cinnamon swirls as if they were a good enough reason for her to come so early. ‘Thank you.’
‘It’s been lovely to meet your girls. Abbie has been very loyal and not dished any dirt on my erstwhile progeny.’
Abbie blushed at this. ‘Emily has been really great. Honestly.’
Lucy patted her knee before turning back to Ellen. ‘How was Robert going in?’
‘Upbeat. Positive. Sure he was going to be fine. You know Robert.’
She said this more for the girls’ sake than for Lucy’s, but Lucy nodded. ‘I do. Now, come and sit with your daughters and I’ll make you a drink. I’m here to wait on you all today. Whatever you need.’
Before she could argue that her hands were itching for something to do, Lucy had disappeared into her kitchen, so she did as she was told and flopped down on the couch next to Abigail. Grace perched on the arm of the opposite sofa. ‘How was Dad? Did the doctor say it was all going to be okay?’
‘He said he was confident that your dad was in the best possible hands. It might take a while, but we’ll hear in a few hours.’
Abigail snuggled in close to Ellen’s side and she snuck an arm around her.
She’d always been the more cuddly of the two girls.
Maybe because she was the baby. Her fear right now made her voice as a soft as a small child’s.
‘I’m really scared, Mum. I’ve been looking online and this is a really serious operation.
More serious than Dad made it sound yesterday. ’
How could she be cross that Abbie had gone against their advice not to research Robert’s condition when she had done the same thing?
Lucy reappeared from the kitchen with a cup for Ellen. It was so strange to have her here; like the past and present had collided. ‘You need to eat something, too. Keep your strength up. When Robert comes out he’s going to have you all running around after him, so make the most of it now.’
Her positivity was welcome.
‘When will we have to be tested?’ Grace had slipped onto the sofa now and was dangling her legs over the arm. ‘I’ll need to book another day off work.’
Her company had been very kind when she’d called them this morning to explain what was going on.
She didn’t want to think about their scans on top of worrying about Robert.
It might tip her over the edge. ‘There’s no rush.
The doctor said that you’re too young for it to have an effect yet, even if you do have the same condition. ’
Abigail peeled herself away and frowned at Ellen. ‘But surely it’s better to find out as soon as possible?’
Grace nodded. ‘Yes, I agree. Don’t you always say it’s better to know what you’re facing?’
Ellen chewed her lip. That was hard to argue against. ‘I just don’t want to put you both through that when you’ve already got your dad to worry about.’
‘Why? Is it going to hurt?’
For a tiny moment. Ellen considered employing the same underhand tactics as when she’d told a twelve-year-old Grace that having your ears pierced was agony in the hope it would stop her from asking for them. But that would’ve been cruel. ‘No. It’s a blood test and a scan. I meant mentally.’
‘To be honest, I think it would be better for me to know the truth one way or the other. What about you, Abs?’
Abbie nodded at her sister. ‘Yes. I’d rather know the truth.’
Unasked for, Lucy nodded. ‘It’s always better to know the truth.’
The way she stared at Ellen as she said it made her suspicious. What was she trying to suggest?
For the next hour or so, the four of them stayed in the sitting room chatting and trying to distract themselves from what was happening at the hospital nine miles away.
It wasn’t until almost midday, when both the girls had drifted away – Grace to speak to Max again and Abbie to text her friends – that Ellen and Lucy were alone.
Lucy was preparing lunch in the kitchen as Ellen leaned against the counter and remembered to ask her the question that’d bothered her since the day before.
‘Did Charlotte mention that we saw her yesterday? At the surgery?’
‘Yes, she did.’
‘She’s a lovely girl. You must be very proud.’
When she spoke about her children, Lucy’s face took on a softness. ‘We are. She’s very driven too. I think she’s got a great career ahead of her in medicine.’
‘She said something strange, actually, which surprised me.’
Lucy raised a perfectly shaped eyebrow. ‘Oh yes?’
‘It was about you. About your school.’
If Ellen hadn’t been scrutinising Lucy for a reaction, she might have missed the microscopic pause before she returned to hollowing out the avocado with a dessert spoon. Her voice – well-spoken, almost accentless – gave nothing away ‘That’s a strange thing to talk about out of the blue.’
‘Yes, it just came up because I was talking about being grateful for the old boys’ network in terms of Robert being seen so quickly. Ironic really when you think how much the concept irritated me when we were at university.’
Avocado in the palm of her hand, Lucy was working at excavating the stone from the soft green flesh. ‘Yes. I remember.’
‘And the thing is that I made a mistake saying that you’d been to school with Mr Grayson and when Charlotte corrected me, she said that you’d been to a state school. Which obviously confused me.’
The avocado stone was released and dropped onto the chopping board with a woody thump. ‘I’m not sure that that even matters anymore, does it? School was a very long time ago for both of us.’
She was right, it didn’t matter, but Ellen was curious. ‘So you did go to a state school? Not a private one?’
Picking up a square of kitchen roll to wipe her hands, Lucy looked at Ellen. ‘Yes. I attended my local school.’
This was so weird. ‘But I always assumed you were like the others. Clarissa and Petra. Robert. Ian. You knew people that they knew. You had stories in common. You said you’d been to private school.’
She was too embarrassed to admit that this one of the reasons she’s always been jealous of Lucy.
That she’d assumed Lucy had much more in common with Robert than she could ever have.
Lucy just shrugged. ‘A good imagination. And I knew someone who’d been to the school.
She was the daughter of a client of my father’s who we’d seen frequently enough to become friends before they moved to New Zealand.
She’d talked about the school and her friends a great deal, so it was very easy to pretend that I’d been there, too. Does it matter to you?’
Ellen started to laugh. All those years she’d felt like the only one.
An outsider. And all that time, Lucy was just…
making it up? No, it didn’t matter. Back then it had felt so important.
But now, in the grand scheme of life, it was the most insignificant thing in the world.
‘I would never have guessed. You should’ve got an Oscar.
How did you keep it up? And why did you do it? ’
Before Lucy could answer, the door to the sitting room swung open and a tearful Abigail flew in. ‘Oh Mum, I’ve done something really stupid,’ and she burst into tears.