Chapter 30
THIRTY
Lucy stayed in the kitchen to give them some privacy while Ellen led Abigail into the sitting room and onto to the sofa. She brushed her hair away from her swollen red eyes. ‘What is it, sweetheart?’
Abbie had a fistful of tissue, which she picked at as she spoke. ‘I made such an idiot of myself, Mum. I was drunk and…’
She collapsed into tears again and fell against Ellen who held her close, hoping so hard that this wasn’t going to be as bad as her mind thought it could be. Though it only took about a minute for Abigail to regain enough control to speak, it felt more like an hour.
Wiping at her face with the tissue, she began again. ‘There was a special offer on shots of Tequila Rose. You know that one that tastes like milkshake?’
Ellen didn’t, but that clearly wasn’t the important part of the story. ‘Yes, I think so.’
‘Well, we were with these boys, there were three of them, and they were spending so much money on trays of these shots and – literally – it was like drinking strawberry milkshake and I didn’t really realise how alcoholic they were.’
This was exactly the kind of thing Ellen had been worried about. She didn’t want to hear any more – this was going to end badly – but she forced herself to ask. ‘What happened, sweetheart?’
Abbie sniffed. ‘It hit me all at once. To begin with, I wasn’t drunk at all – well, maybe a little bit tipsy – but then it was like I’d run into a wall. Bang. I could barely stand up.’
From the look on Abbie’s face, there was worse to come. A cold fear trickled down Ellen’s spine. ‘What happened?’
‘My memory is really patchy, but I was outside and there was one of the boys and we were…I don’t really know how to say it…
we weren’t having sex exactly but his hands were everywhere and…
there were people there, walking past. People saw me, Mum.
Other students, people in my classes. And then he called a taxi, I think. ’
By now, Ellen’s heart was racing in her chest. Her mind pulling ahead to the worst possible outcome.
She wanted to support her daughter, was trying not to look shocked or worried or anything else that might make her suspect a judgement that Ellen didn’t feel.
But she did feel physically sick, and angry and violent and a whole host of other emotions. ‘Did you go home with him?’
She shook her head. ‘Emily just grabbed me. I don’t know where she came from. But she pulled me away from him and, I think she yelled at him, and then she bundled me into the taxi and took me home again.’
Breathe . Had she not taken in any oxygen for the last minute? She could come back down from the ceiling now that she knew that the worst hadn’t happened. ‘Thank God for Emily.’
‘She is a good friend, but Mum, I feel so stupid and…humiliated. I don’t know who saw me. They might be people in my classes. And I don’t know what state I was in. I can’t bear it.’
As if it were an emotional muscle memory, Ellen knew everything her daughter felt.
‘It’s okay, baby. I know it was a horrible experience, but you don’t need to be ashamed.
I bet no one knew it was you and, even if they did, they’ll forget by the next day.
I’m more concerned about dealing with the boy who took advantage of you when you were drunk. ’
She shook her head. ‘He was drunk too, I think. I don’t know that he was any more in control than I was.’
Except he was sober enough to call a taxi, Ellen thought. But she didn’t want to make Abbie feel any worse right now.
‘Well, you had a lucky escape. I’m just so grateful that Emily was there.’
She nodded. ‘I want to tell her mum that. I know she makes jokes about Emily being wild, but she’s a really good person. I want to tell her that.’
Placing a cool hand on Abbie’s hot face, Ellen smiled. ‘Well, you can tell her, she’s in the next room.’
Abbie wrinkled her nose. Now the worry had lifted a little, her beautiful innocent face was as open as a flower. ‘Can you tell her for me?’
She was still so shy. Gently, Ellen nudged her. ‘I can.’
Grace opened the door to the sitting room gently. ‘Have you told Mum?’
Abbie nodded. ‘Yes.’
‘And did she think you were the worst person in the world?’
Abbie looked up at Ellen and smiled. ‘No.’
‘See, I told you.’
Ellen wrapped her arms around her baby girl and kissed the top of her head. ‘You can always tell me anything.’ She reached for Grace who slipped in next to her and joined the hug. ‘Both of you.’
Her heart swelled in her chest. It was so wonderful to have her beautiful clever girls here together. And she loved that Grace had been a listening ear for Abigail. That she’d steered her towards opening up to Ellen.
Grace’s head rested on Ellen’s shoulder. ‘We know that we can tell you anything. And what I want to tell you right now is…why do you not have any snacks in this house?’
Abigail sat upright. ‘Yes. There’s nothing. This has become an ingredients house.’
‘What the heck is that?’
‘All the food is ingredients. You have to make it into something. You can’t just eat it.’
‘I’ve got apples. And bananas.’
Abigail rolled her eyes. She was back to herself again. ‘Fruit doesn’t count.’
‘Well, your dad and I have been trying to eat healthily, so we haven’t been buying snack food.’
Grace snatched up Ellen’s car keys from the coffee table. ‘We definitely need some sugar and complex carbs. If you’re okay here with Lucy, Abbie and I can go for a drive and get some?’
She could tell that Grace was itching to do something. ‘Good idea. Get something for me.’
Now Abbie kissed her cheek, too. ‘I’ll just go and grab my phone.’
‘Don’t bother. You’ll just be checking it to see if anyone else saw you that night. Give yourself a break from it.’ Grace waved her own phone at Ellen. ‘You can call us on mine if you hear anything about Dad.’
‘Will do.’
As soon as the front door closed, Ellen rested her elbows on her knees and let her face fall into her palms. The very thought of what could’ve happened to Abbie that night made her cold with fear.
This was exactly the kind of thing she’d lain awake worrying about the week before they’d taken her to Canterbury.
Robert had told her not to worry. But Robert was one of the good guys.
Had always been one of the good guys. He didn’t know what could happen. He didn’t know.
All around the living room – on the sideboard or hung from the wall – photographs of the girls at every stage from toothy toddler through self-conscious teen to young woman smiled out at her.
Every stage had had its own joys and its own difficulties.
Knowing that they had both become such wonderful people made her proud and grateful.
There was a tentative knock on the door and then it was pushed open to reveal a mug, followed by Lucy. ‘I did consider a glass of wine but I figured it was too early, so it’s just more tea, I’m afraid.’
Ellen accepted it with a smile, the heat from the mug almost burning her icy hands. ‘Did you hear any of that?’
Lucy shook her head. ‘I was calling Joe. Giving him an update. He’s at the house in Malaga.’
It felt like an age ago that she and Robert flew out there to stay with them. So much had changed since then. ‘Abbie had a bad experience. With a boy. She was drunk. But your Emily was a hero. She got her out of there.’
A smile tweaked at the corners of Lucy’s mouth, even though her eyebrows raised in disbelief. ‘Really?’
Ellen sipped at her tea. It was hot and bitter and welcome. ‘Really. Abbie says she’s a really good friend.’
She’d meant it as a compliment. Something for Lucy to be proud of. But her face creased into an expression that was difficult to read when she repeated Ellen’s words. ‘A good friend.’
Her response was so strange that Ellen must have misunderstood. ‘Yes. That’s a good thing, isn’t it?’
Ever since she’d known her, Lucy had carried herself with confidence.
Whether it was being the first person at the bar to command service two decades ago, or the effortless way she’d ordered hors d’oeuvres for them all in Spanish a few days ago.
Head held high and spine straight, she practically glided into a room.
But now she stood awkward and unsure, her elbows drawn into her sides, her shoulders up to her ears. ‘I should have been a better friend to you.’
Where had that come from? Was this about her school? ‘I don’t care what school you went to. You’re right. It doesn’t matter. Listening to Abbie just now, it reminds me how young we were. If you felt like you needed to pretend you came from somewhere else, then it is what is. Who am I to judge?’
But Lucy shook her head, her face sharply set and determined. ‘That’s not what I’m referring to. I mean that Emily saw what was going on with Abigail so she was a good friend and she stepped in. I should’ve done that for you.’
For the second time that hour, Ellen felt the cold breath of fear on her neck. What did Lucy know? ‘Are you…Do you mean…’
She wouldn’t, couldn’t, finish that sentence. But she didn’t need to. Lucy met her eyes with her own dark knowledge.
‘I saw you that night, Ellen. I saw you go home with Ian. And I didn’t stop it.’