Chapter 13 #3
An image of Gray lying in bed that night came into my mind.
It seemed so lifelike that I almost believed it was real.
There had been anger in his eyes. Anger that we’d been caught, and perhaps, anger at me for landing him in the situation.
But there was another look as well. A look of absolute horror as his brother pulled me off of him and out of his room.
He was a kid. He was just a kid. We both were.
Life had thrown us into an impossible situation, and he did what he had to in order to survive. He let me go.
“We all make them,” I said. “But there isn’t too much that we can’t come back from, is there?”
“No, hon, I guess there isn’t. Tell me something, Kent. You ever been in love?”
“I thought I was once.”
“Gray Collins has been seeing that girl off and on for eight years.” She looked down at her nails as if she were inspecting every cuticle individually for flaws. “Wonder what the holdup is there.”
“He’s not …” I tried to find the words. Any words.
Something that might convey just how little Gray Collins was interested in me, and how little I was interested in him.
But as she stared at me in front of the lake that took her son—the same lake that she offered her husband up to—I just couldn’t.
She’d worn her heart on her sleeve with me, and I couldn’t bring myself to lie.
Not to her. Not at that lake. “I thought I was past this. Thought I’d moved on, you know?
” I laughed at the absurdity of it all. “I honestly thought that when I left town, I left him behind, too. But he’s always been there.
He’s like a ghost that just won’t leave.
Sometimes, it’s like nothing ever happened.
It’s like it was back then. He gets my jokes, he knows my triggers.
He can read me just as easily as he could back then.
Even if we can’t get that part back, that’s okay.
I just miss my friend. I want my friend back. ”
“Nothing’s stopping you but yourself, sugar. If you want your friend back, then you tell him. Anyone would be lucky to have a friend like you.”
“Dottie? Would you mind taking the car back to town? I think I want to stay here for a little while.”
“I don’t mind waiting. However long you need, I can just sit in the car.”
I shook my head and let go of her hand so I could grab my phone. “No ma’am. I just need to be on my own for a bit. There are some things I think I have to work through.”
“If you’re sure. You want me to tell your momma to come pick you up later?”
I lifted my phone, showing it to her. “That’s okay. I’ve got this if I need it.”
She nodded, but she didn’t budge. “You’re not going to do anything silly out here, are you? Cause Kent, honey, I don’t know that I could live with myself if something happened to you on my watch.”
"No ma'am. I promise. I’m fine. But there’s a call that I think I need to make, and I don’t know that I’m going to be able to do it with anyone else nearby.”
“I hope that call works out for you. I really do.”
After Dottie drove away, I made my way back to the old oak tree. I scrolled through the short list of contacts, trying to find his name. Before I could talk myself out of it, I called him. It rang once before he picked up.
“Kent?”
“Hey, Gray,” I said with a sniffle, silently cursing myself for losing my composure so soon.
“Hold on.” He was quiet for a moment, and then there was the sound of a door closing in the background. “Sorry, I just wanted to get somewhere quiet. Thanks for calling me back. I’ve been wanting to talk to you. Listen, about what you said in the office. Kent, I—"
“It’s fine. Really, we’re okay. I want us to be, at least. Gray, I don’t want this. I can't do it anymore.”
“What do you mean?”
“Us. The fighting. It hurts. What happened that night. Everything that happened after. It’s hurt for twenty years.
I don’t want ...” I pulled the phone away from my face and pressed my mouth into the crook of my elbow, trying to muffle my sobs from him.
I was sitting in the same spot where Trevor made me kneel that night.
My phone fell into the grass as everything crashed inside of me at once.
Dottie, Isaac, Gray, Trevor. Every moment that was stolen from us.
The dam had burst, and once the tears started, I couldn’t make them stop.
During one of the brief periods of silence between my sobs, Gray’s voice called out to me.
I reached down for my phone and saw that he’d been sitting on the line for five minutes.
“Gray?”
“I’m here.” His voice was soft. It was like he was handling me with kid gloves.
“Do you think you could get away for a little while? I could really use a friend right now.”
“I’m already in the truck. I’ve just been waiting for you. Where are you?”
“The lake. Our spot.”
“Oh, Half-pint. You’re all alone?”
Pushing my face against my knees, I choked back another sob. “I don’t want to be. I just—I needed to—thought I could handle it.”
“I’m coming. I’m driving now. Just stay here with me, okay? Stay on the phone.”
If he was at work when I called, that would put him fifteen minutes out. I laid back in the grass, against our tree, and I closed my eyes.