Chapter 13
Noah
Iloved my parents, truly I did, but sometimes they were a little much.
At other times? Like right now? I loved how well they could read, not only me and my ways, but situations.
Which was why they had temporarily removed themselves from our breakfast table to have a little chat with another couple over on the terrace.
New friends. Also? Friends that weren’t Fox’s gang of idiots.
Breakfast had so far been civilised and…
educational. Some of the things my mother had mentioned made me see things in a new light.
Fox was a nice guy, but also someone I truly didn’t know.
He was insecure and let people walk all over him.
And I could see why someone like Thomas, whom I also didn’t know, would have taken advantage.
Made it into a situation where Fox had become completely blindsided and…
hurt. Because that part was pretty clear.
He would shrink a little further into himself with every word coming out of my mother’s mouth, but then she would sandwich those ugly truths with words of comfort.
Tell him how handsome he was. How much stronger and better he was than to be that person he’d allowed himself to be.
That he no longer was. I could almost fill in the thoughts in his head, where he fully believed he didn’t deserve any of that praise, and it showed.
Fox Riley was a mess, and even I, an imbecile when it came to reading other people’s emotions, could see that. He was still sunk into his chair, looking a little withdrawn.
“I’m really sorry about all of this, and Mum and Dad can be a bit…
overbearing with the gossip. Thomas seems like a nasty piece of work, and obviously not someone who was good for you.
Not that I would know, I’ve never had a proper relationship.
I’m still navigating how to do things.” See?
Here I was, talking rubbish, seemingly claiming expertise over something that was in no way going anywhere.
Still pretending when this was all actual pretend.
“Fox, you’re kind of brilliant. Don’t let shitty humans bring you down. ”
“I don’t. I promise, I don’t. It’s just here, back with these people, I lose all my… I don’t know. I go back to being eight again, and I don’t know. I honestly don’t know why I do this. I’ve known Huw for what feels like all my life, and… I mean? Why has he not come to see if I’m all right?”
Truth, right there, and I could see where he was coming from.
Friends looked after each other. And I wanted to scream at him, and say, if you just come home with me and let me look after you?
I didn’t, though. Because that was insanity talking, right there.
I was not insane. I was an adult and reasonable and calm.
“Because my mum has been giving them blow-by-blow updates of your savage ravaging of your rebound hook-up. That’s why.”
I didn’t sound bitter. Well. Maybe I was. But again? Truths. I needed to remember that.
“You’re…”
“Don’t lie, Fox. We both know what this is. And however lovely it is?”
“Yes,” he replied, suddenly looking absolutely destroyed. I couldn’t bear it. The way he sank into something so small, even smaller than before, when I’d seen him full of life. Confident and smiling. Letting me fuck him into the mattress, giving me… Fuck. Everything.
“Last night. Was that…” Okay. If I’d ever said I wasn’t my mother’s son? I was. I was inappropriate and forward, and my filter needed tuning.
“Your brilliant two-and-a-half minute blowjob that had me…” He stopped and looked nervously down at his hands. “I have no complaints. Zero.”
“Good.” I nodded. Fuck. What the hell, Noah?
“So, is there anything you’ve always wanted to do that you haven’t experienced? It is your birthday, and I don’t have a gift for you.” A small smile. And I jumped at it.
“Is that…”
“Yes, anything. Well, within reason. Tell me what you want, and I will gift it to you. You know, wrap myself up with a bow and everything.”
“Fox.”
“Noah. It’s your birthday. What is the one sexual thing you’ve never done but really want to do?”
I had to sigh, because…to be honest? I had no clue.
“There’s… I think I’m a bit…vanilla. I like to top. I like to bottom. Oral. I really like…you know. I’m not sure what else there is? And you…you know…”
“No, I don’t.” A cheeky little grin. I liked him so much better when he smiled.
“You blew me, and I came in your mouth. You swallowed. It was fucking hot, to be honest. That was…not a first for me, but I really like it when I can let go like that. Just live in the moment.”
“Good.” He rose a little in the chair. “But honestly. Tell me. Because that would be…you know…fun. Giving you what you really want.”
“I just want you.”
“You can have me. But how?” He was leaning over the table, taking a sip of his coffee, which must be stone cold by now.
It had been sat there all breakfast as he’d picked at his food.
Not like me, who’d wolfed down everything and topped it off with a piece of cake with a candle.
Been sung to by the waiters and had the entire breakfast congregation clap at me.
Like a child.
I was a fucking child.
“You know, I’m going to be honest here, and you can laugh all you want, but…”
“Tell me,” he urged. “Please.”
“It’s stupid.”
“Have you met me? I’m like…the Oxford dictionary definition of stupid. Easily led. Blindsided by idiots. Bad friends. You name it.”
“Fox,” I growled.
“I know.” He sighed. “I know.”
“I want you to…you know. Fuck me like you…”
“Like I mean it? Rough?”
“No!” I hissed, hoping nobody was listening in.
That the elderly couple behind us weren’t going to fall off their mobility scooters with sudden cardiac arrest hearing our crude language.
At least I’d clocked the portable defibrillator attached to the wall.
The things I couldn’t help but look for wherever I went.
“You’re deflecting,” he said, letting his fingers stroke down his arm. “I’m right here, and we have a few more days. Might as well make good use of this…situationship.”
“This is not a situationship,” I said in a low voice.
“It’s whatever we want to call it.” See? He wasn’t weak. He was fun. Kind. Smiling and making my body react in ways it shouldn’t. Warmth everywhere. Sun on my skin. My cheeks aching because I was once again smiling too much.
He made me smile.
Fuck.
“I’ve always wondered what it would be like to have someone love you. Like, real…lovemaking.”
“You want me to make love to you?” Whispers. Not even a sign of a smile.
“Yes,” I admitted. Okay. Now he could laugh. Walk away and make fun of me. Perhaps announce my stupid request to the room. I could already hear the imaginary cackling laughter his words would invite.
“Noah, I love that. And, yes, please.”
“Please what?” Perhaps this champagne was spiked, because my head felt all funny. And then he leant over the table and kissed me.
“Fuck,” I whispered.
“I know,” he whispered back. “I fucking know, Noah.”
I got up and got him more coffee because I couldn’t take it anymore. This horrible feeling of being wrapped up in something that was about to go completely wrong.
“Darling.”
Oh, my parents were back, now sitting at the table, and our champagne glasses had been refreshed, and the coffee in my hand was spilling everywhere as I tried to find space on the table.
“Present.” My mother continued, smiling knowingly at Fox.
“Every year since Noah moved away, we try to get him a gift. It gets boring when you’re grown up because we all have everything we need.
When he was a child, it was so fun, finding those toys he wanted.
Then he grew up, and things got tricky. We did things, like, we paid for his car service, paid his phone bill, bought him new tyres.
You know, practical and helpful little things.
Awfully dull. Then we started replacing his furniture and buying him hideous armchairs. He has quite the collection.”
“Please,” I growled. “No more armchairs. Last year I got a bright yellow one, with red flowers. It screams at me every time I walk in the room.”
He was laughing. As long as he was happy? Maybe I was too. My parents’ smiles lit up the room. The dull ache in my stomach.
He wasn’t mine. This wasn’t real. And I had no idea what to do with myself.
“So, darling. We thought of buying you a car. That Peugeot you’re driving is ten years old.”
“I like it.” I sighed. Oh God. Please don’t.
“We were going to sign you up for motorcycle lessons.”
“Mum!” I shrieked. That wasn’t happening.
“Well, in light of the current situation.” She stopped and smiled for an elaborate pause. Nodded for effect. “We’ve bought you an open-ended flight to Glasgow. You know. Future use, dates are fully re-bookable, so you can use it whenever you fancy seeing our Fox again.”
Fuck. And he was laughing, smiling like the sun, and looking at me like this was actually a possibility, when it clearly wasn’t.
I didn’t know what to do with this. This… All of this. It was too much. Too much expectation and this goddamn situation and everything else…and him.
Fox-fucking-Riley and his perfect curls and pretty face and perfect body and his stupid dick, and all I could think of was that I wanted to blow him again. All the way. Swallow his cum down as he screamed out my name.
“Thanks,” I said weakly, my heart beating out of my chest. I would need that defibrillator in a second. I needed my head examined. I definitely needed new parents. “Just going to get some air,” I huffed out.
Then I fled. Because… Fuck. It was all too much. Too real, when everything was so bloody unreal.
I walked all around the island, with no care in the world, just trying to let my mind stay completely focused on the horizon. I wasn’t cut out for this, trying to keep something going the way my parents apparently expected things to go. Fly up to Glasgow? What were they thinking?