Chapter 26
Sitting on the sidelines while the entire Pbr - or so it felt - stood up for me was weird. It felt good, but not the sort I was used to. It also went against keeping my head down so Donald Merrill didn't decide to come after me.
But watching Cody in that press conference? Damn, she was amazing, and beautiful, and mine. Well, ours, but J.D. got to call her his rookie. I was her boyfriend. I was the man who got public credit for catching her. But that was part of the problem.
Something felt wrong. I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but I also couldn't ignore it.
The whole ride back to the hotel, it was spinning in the back of my mind, daring me to ignore it.
It felt like a taunt, like something I'd regret if I pushed it away.
And yet, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't quite get ahold of it either.
Maybe this was just that imposter syndrome thing I heard people complaining about?
I didn't feel like I deserved the mess the riders were making.
I also loved that they appreciated me enough to do it.
I'd always thought these guys took me for granted, and now?
Well, granted was definitely not the word I'd use for this feeling.
We were almost back when Cody's phone began to buzz. She twisted to pull it from her back pocket. I saw her brow crease in confusion, then she was swiping. A moment later, a smile broke out on her face.
"Hey, Rhaven wants to buy the three of us drinks in the hotel bar," she said. "You two good with that? Or should I tell her to find us at the bar where the guys are going?"
"Hotel," J.D. said from the back seat. "There was just enough guys wondering about her that I'm not sure we should drag her into that mess yet."
"But I do want to hear what Mr. Merrill said," I admitted.
Cody nodded and started typing. "Sounds like it's going to take her a minute. I'm going to carry my shit upstairs."
"Tanner, you go with her," J.D. said. "I'll get us a tab started."
So that was what we did. When we walked into the hotel, the bar was off to the right. J.D. headed that way, so I pulled Cody up against my side, then leaned in to kiss the top of her head. She flashed me a little smile but didn't say anything, yet it was nice.
Somewhere along the way, the three of us had fallen into this comfortable routine.
Taking care of J.D. and Cody for a couple of weeks had only helped make it easier.
We'd blown through the awkward phase because of it, mostly because it was hard to worry about who was kissing whom when someone gasped in pain.
When we reached our room, Cody took the chance to strip out of her shirt.
The tank she had on under it was enough - and damned cute.
She kept her shiny belt, left her hat, and put her hair up in a high ponytail on the back of her head.
Like this, I knew she'd get carded, so I made sure she had her ID, then we headed back down.
The moment we were inside the elevator, she reached over to lace her fingers with mine. "You ok?" she asked.
I nodded. "Yeah."
"You look..." She made a face. "I don't know. Bothered, maybe?"
"Yeah, I guess."
Which made her turn to face me. "Why? What's going on, Tanner?"
I shifted a little closer, cupping her face with my free hand. "I'm not supposed to be the point, Cody. You are. I'm not something worth fighting for - or throwing rides for. You are. I'm the guy who is supposed to be the sidekick, not the hero."
She just lifted her chin, those pretty blue eyes of hers holding mine. "You're my hero."
"Mm, and you know how to make that weird feeling much easier to deal with."
I was just about to lean in and kiss her when the doors opened. She giggled, then stepped out, towing me behind her with our linked hands. Fuck, this was that girly thing she did that I liked so much. Not better than J.D.'s manly thing, but definitely just as much.
She made me feel out of my depth, like the strongest man in the world, and also so very insufficient.
J.D. made me feel like the gentle one, but Cody?
She made me want to take care of her in a very different way.
It was something primal, this need to be strong so she didn't have to, without being stupid and crushing her in the process.
I loved her. That was all there was to it.
Oh, I loved him too, but while they were so damned similar, they were also very different.
With Cody, loving her felt like something that puffed me up.
With J.D., it was the sort of feeling that let me relax.
Maybe that was why these two worked so well together?
Thinking it had me smiling at the floor. Cody shifted back to my side the moment we were away from the elevator doors, and I couldn't miss when she glanced up at me.
"What?" she asked.
"Just feeling like a pretty lucky man right now," I admitted. "Nothing bad, Cody. I swear."
"Good," she said, turning me into the archway which led toward the bar.
There, J.D. was sitting at a booth with Rhaven. Her dark hair was long - and I was pretty sure that shade of black wasn't natural. His was. Where her skin was paler, his was bronzed. And yet, they both wore the same smile. Even better, they were drinking the same beer.
"Hey, Rhaven!" Cody said, letting go of me to slide onto the bench beside her.
That left me to take the space beside J.D. "I think she planned this."
"I did," Rhaven said, flashing me a smile. "Mostly because the last thing I need is someone saying I'm hitting on either of you."
"Because you're trans?" Cody asked.
Rhaven shook her head. "No, because I'm the sponsor and they aren't my clients."
"Ask me again next week," J.D. told her. "And tell your boss that stuffed animal is swaying me hard."
Rhaven laughed. "Oh, she'll like that. Hell, might get you some brownie points with Chance too."
J.D. lifted his hand, calling over a waitress. "So, do we want to know how Donald Merrill took the press questioning him?"
Rhaven blew out a breath. "He tossed out all the corporate lines. The Pbr is unaware of any complaints by the riders. Nothing official has been filed. This has been a hard weekend, and the recent tragedy has everyone on edge. You know, the usual bullshit."
"So he's still playing it off," I grumbled as Cody's phone began to buzz in her pocket.
"Shit. I swore I texted my dad already," she muttered. Then she pulled it out, staring at the screen before looking up. "Um, Ty wants to know if he and Renato can check in before they go to the bar to talk to the other riders." Then she glanced at Rhaven, including her in the request.
"It's not like you have to hide this strike from me," Rhaven pointed out. "I made the press happen."
"How?" J.D. asked. Then he grunted, looking back to Cody. "Tell him to come. Make sure he knows she's here."
"Already did," Cody said, then began typing again. "I'm telling them to come."
J.D. asked again, "Rhaven, how exactly did you get the arena, multiple stations, and everything set up so fast? That's the one part I don't understand. Max, our rep, can't even do that."
Rhaven spun her bottle before her. "I caused a bit of a stir in the gaming world.
One of those reporters started out in gaming, went into the local - er, for us in Ohio - news, and now she's moved up to CNN.
When my boss asked her for a favor, she made it happen.
Now, she's going to get an exclusive with Deviant Games before our next release. "
"Which one?" I asked.
She chuckled. "Claudia Watson. I'd even go so far as to say you can trust her, Cody."
"But not me?" I asked, aware of her phrasing.
Rhaven made a face. "Maybe? But nothing against you, Tanner. I just know she has strong opinions about women's issues and sexism. It's her personal cause."
J.D. lifted his hand, pausing our chat as the waitress showed back up. "Can I get all of you something?" she asked.
"Margarita," J.D. said, pointing at me. "Whiskey for the man here. Another beer for me, and whatever the boss wants."
"Boss?" Rhaven asked, thrusting out her lower lip and nodding. "I'll take it. And I'd love something fruity with vodka."
"Oh!" J.D. said, leaning to see behind the waitress. "Those three will probably want some too." Then he raised his voice to whoever was headed our way. "Drinks? My tab!"
"Beer," Ty called back. I twisted to see him entering the room - and he wasn't alone.
"Same, Renato said. "Corona for me."
Ty made a gagging noise. "Bud."
"Coke," Jake said. "Extra ice."
J.D. just waved around us. "Pull up chairs."
Ty grabbed the first one, angling it beside me. Renato got another, pulling it up by Cody. That left Jake to make his way around, then drag a chair over on that side of the booth. They'd all just gotten comfortable when the waitress was back, setting out our drinks.
"Enjoy," she said, then wandered off.
"First off," Cody said, gesturing to Rhaven. "For those who don't know, this is Rhaven Moore, the representative for Deviant Games and my sponsor."
"She made the press conference happen," Jake said.
"Which we appreciate, ma'am," Ty told her.
Renato just nodded. "But did it make a difference?"
I jerked my chin at Rhaven. "Do you think it did? I mean, if Mr. Merrill was trotting out all the legalese, it sounds like he at least noticed."
"Oh, don't worry, Tanner. He noticed," Rhaven assured us. "But what I found interesting was that when Claudia asked about Austin, he looked pissed. Nothing big, mind. But he did that thing guys do when they're trying to be all stoic. You know, with their jaw?"
"Oh, clenching," Cody said, nodding.
I looked over at J.D. "Is that a thing?"
"Shit," Renato said. "Yeah, it's a thing. Lets me know when the fuck to keep my mouth shut. I know Ty does it."
"And men have that muscle that jumps," Cody explained, gesturing along her chin.
Yeah, I'd seen that. J.D. did it a lot, but I hadn't ever thought about it before. Clearly, the ladies had.
Rhaven kept going, ignoring that little interruption.
"But the President did his best to avoid saying Tanner had been suspended.
He mentioned that yes, there had been a change in the safety team recently.
He said the Pbr respected the time off those men deserved, and so on.
Basically, he made it sound like they're on vacation and the riders were acting like spoiled brats, but without pointing any fingers. "
"Fuck," Jake grumbled.
And I agreed with him, but couldn't figure out what to say.
This felt like I was caught too deep in the middle.
If I pushed for anything, it felt wrong somehow.
Worse, I couldn't quite figure out why. J.D.
and Cody needed us. I hated thinking of the risks Cody had been taking with the alternates out there.
But nothing came out. Instead, I simply kept watching.
"Which means we need to keep doing this," Ty said, looking at Renato first, then over to Jake. "We all know it's getting to them."
"Shit," Renato drawled, "the stadium was almost empty for awards. The flow of bodies heading out almost made us late to the press conference."
"And everyone's leaving," Jake said. "Guys, most of these riders are headed home for a week. Well, the ones on this continent, at least."
"Most of us Brazilians have a rental here," Renato said. "Makes the visas easier, so they're probably headed home too."
"But will they come back?" I asked. "If you tell them they won't be riding next weekend, will they even show up? I mean, I wouldn't if it wasn't for J.D. dragging me around and Cody convincing me it's a good idea. And if the riders don't register, won't new rookies be pulled up to replace them?"
"Which is why," Jake said, "we need to convince them to come back."
"How?" Rhaven asked.
Ty looked over at her. "We need our wolf pack back."
She dipped her head, showing she heard. "Ok. That's obvious. But how do you get the riders back to make sure that happens? What do bull riders want, Mr. McBride?"
"Ty," he corrected. "And we want money. That's the whole reason we do this.
Sure, the fame is nice, but the money is why every rider gets into it.
Most of us don't have another option. We come from small towns, didn't get the chance to go to college - or are trying to find a way to pay for it.
This? It's the NFL draft for the poor farm boys who had to bring in the herd, so they couldn't make football practice. "
"What we need," Renato said, "is something to rally around."
Which made Rhaven tap her fingers on the tabletop.
"Deviant wants to sponsor at least four more riders.
At least. Chance noticed the boot company, and he wants to make sure our voodoo doll is on as many vests as we can fit it.
With that said, we also want a few more like Cody.
People willing to wear our logo in full size. "
"That's money talking," Jake agreed.
"Yeah," Rhaven said, "but what we're looking for aren't the best riders.
It's the bravest. The ones who fight when it's hard.
The ones who stand up for others. The ones willing to be Deviants because they think it's the right thing to do, and we don't give a shit if they're on the back of a bull or not.
We care about whether they're making a scene. "
"Like boycotting," Cody said.
Jake chuckled. "Well, that's a good way to get the rookies back. So what about the veterans?"
"Cody got one hell of an amazing stuffed animal," J.D. said. "Little pink and black voodoo doll on the back of a black bull. Has a little pink braid, is about this big..." He held up his hands to show the size of a standard teddy bear. "I mean, I want one."
Jake ran his tongue over his teeth behind his lips. "I also know Austin's losing sponsors. That means they are probably going to be shopping."
"You did say it was about money," I told Ty. "Make it clear there's money to be had, and I bet the rest will come back. Shit, I fucking hope they do."
"They will for you, Tanner," Ty said.
But that made me grimace as the weird feeling hit again. This time, however, I finally knew why something wasn't sitting right.