Chapter 28
Together, we all worked out the details.
Wes joined in, but we'd pretty much been through it all.
Now, it was just about making sure everyone was on the same page.
When Rhaven excused herself, saying she also had an early flight out, there was nothing left to say.
This was either going to work or it wouldn't.
So we all dispersed.
Renato headed to his room to sleep before he flew back home.
Wes said he'd meet us at the bar. Cody took her boys back up to their fancy suite.
One by one, people began to leave the table.
Needless to say, it didn't take long before Ty and I were left sitting there with a few half-finished drinks on the table beside us.
"So," Ty said, sounding weary, "guess this means you're now in the know. About J.D. and Tanner, I mean."
"I've been in the know since Des Moines," I admitted. "J.D. told me. The one thing I don't get?" And I pointed at him.
He turned to wave down the bartender. "Bud Lime?"
"Coming up!"
I shifted over onto one of the bench seats, making it clear I wasn't going anywhere until he answered. Yet instead of grumbling about it, Ty simply turned to scan the tables around us, then took a spot on the other side of the booth.
"I thought I'd found her," he admitted. "Tanner did, but I didn't know that. I just met this cute blonde on Friday night, back in Tulsa. Her jeans said she'd been riding something. She said she wasn't with the drill team. J.D. said there was supposed to be a woman trying to ride bulls."
"Makes sense," I said, hoping I was encouraging him.
"Well, I almost had the girl." Ty laughed once, then paused to accept his beer and tip the bartender again. He took a long drink, and as he swallowed, I swore his demeanor changed. "I thought I was going to convince her to fall in love with me, just like some buckle bunny."
"Cody?" I scoffed.
He canted his head, making it clear that had been his mistake.
"Yeah, she's nothing like those girls who pick us up at bars.
Cody's the real deal. I figured that out when she came off Disco Breakout.
I was the one falling instead when her rope got greased.
Then, when she won her first buckle ever?
Yeah, I was a goner - and trying to convince myself it went the other way around. "
"She's something," I agreed, hoping he'd give me a little more.
Ty nodded. "Yep, and that's the problem. She really is something, Jake. Cody Jennings is exactly what most of us wish we were. Sadly, it shows."
"And that's a problem?"
"Is when my jealous ass decided I was going to win her.
I was going to make her fall in love with me - not the other way around.
I was going to be the man to get with the first woman in the Pbr.
I was going to be the one she hung on, fawned over, and all that shit. It was supposed to be all about me."
"Then Tanner stepped up?" I guessed.
"Shit," he drawled, proving he'd been in this country a little too long.
"She got with Tanner to prove he wasn't gay.
I knew he was into her. She knew he was into J.D.
Somewhere in there, they figured their shit out, and it was fine.
An open thing, right? I could still be with her, but my pride got in the way.
I was so worried about what the rest of you guys would think that I needed an excuse.
Some reason to explain why I wasn't picking up all the women anymore.
Some way to excuse me being so fucking addicted to that woman, because I didn't want it to look like I might be chasing her. "
"And yet you're not with her," I pointed out, "and still not at the bar trying to find tonight's bed warmer."
"Because the moment she dumped me," he explained, "I realized I didn't want a bed warmer.
I wanted more. Now, I fucked it up with Cody, but that doesn't change anything.
I don't want a warm, wet hole. I don't want to fuck.
I want someone I can talk to. Someone to sit on my right, with her bare feet on the dash, who'll make the miles feel like they're too short. "
"To settle down," I said, nodding to show I understood. "Yeah, happens to all of us sooner or later, Ty. We realize the fucking and fighting isn't as cool as we think. We realize what we've really been chasing is meaning."
The man's hand tensed as he froze for a moment. "Say that again?" he begged.
"We're chasing meaning," I repeated. "Because why the hell are we risking our bodies for this sport? What good is money if we can't enjoy it later in life? What is this entire fucking rat race for if there's no damned meaning to it?"
"And have you found it?" he asked. "The meaning, I mean."
I shook my head. "Sadly, no, but I think all of this actually helps."
Ty gestured to the bartender. "Want one?"
I waved him off. "Nope. I have a feeling I'm going to need to drive us both to the bar so we can get the other riders on board with this shit. I'm just giving Wes a little time to get them fired up."
"You're good at this," Ty told me. "I mean it, Jake. I never would've thought to get everyone working together if you hadn't been pushing."
I just shook my head. "Shit."
"I'm serious," he pressed. "You've been placing right at the top for a while now, but you're never in the spotlight. I'm starting to think you have the right of it."
"I'm staying out of that spotlight for my own reasons," I assured him. "And I couldn't have convinced these guys to boycott their rides, Ty. That was all you. You're the one they respect. You're the one they want to be."
"No, that's J.D."
"No," I corrected. "J.D. is the one they want to avoid. You're the man they idolize. Renato too, if I'm honest. The two of you? You get the girls, the checks, and the sponsors. You're doing everything right, staying safe, and both the men and women who love this sport know your names."
"Yeah, pretty sure that's not going to be the case next year."
"Why?" I pressed. "You done with bull riding now? Lost the girl so going to give up?"
"No!" He grunted, making it clear that wasn't his intention at all.
"I just mean the bullshit has lost its appeal.
I don't want to get drunk every night to make the aches go away.
I don't want to keep fucking everything that catches my eye, because I'm going to end up catching something eventually.
Possibly a kid from a woman I didn't like in the first place. "
"There's that," I agreed.
"What I want," he said, "is to figure out how to be a real man.
The problem is I haven't seen many of them in my life.
I mean..." He chuckled once, but the sound was dry, almost sarcastic.
"That's how I fucked up with Cody, you know.
All my life, I've been a good-looking man.
I was convinced that made the world my oyster.
Anything I wanted, I could have. I mean, shit.
I got into the Pbr easier than a lot. Granted, I lived right on the damned rodeo circuit, so I didn't have to work hard to get my points. "
"Yeah, I had to chase them," I admitted.
"But every man in my life kept pumping me full of these ideas about what it meant to be a man," Ty went on.
"Big, tough, loud, brave, and all that bullshit.
Not once was compassionate ever mentioned.
Nope, that was for my sisters. But watching Cody break into the Tough Enough series?
I've had to rethink a lot. J.D.? He was supposed to be the crazy fucker, but I'm starting to think he's the only man I know who's figured it out. Well, and you."
"Figured what out?" I asked, not sure if I was keeping up.
Ty lifted his beer and took another long sip. "How to be a real man."
"Yeah, I'm not sure I'd put myself in that category," I assured him.
"I would." He took another drink, emptying the bottle. "Jake, you aren't throwing tantrums to get your way. You aren't playing games like half these boys. You work hard, do your thing, and stand up for those who deserve it - like Cody."
Ok, I kinda liked how that felt. I'd never thought about myself that way before, but hearing Ty say it? That felt fucking good.
"You know," I said, "I chased the Pbr to impress my father.
He used to ride bulls in the rodeo - no different than most of these guys' dads.
I thought that if I could make it, he'd be impressed.
Instead, I realized I'm not, and I had to do a lot of thinking.
I was riding bulls to prove to my father I was good enough, and he made it clear that still wasn't enough, so I had to rethink it all. "
"It's working for you," Ty assured me.
"I dunno, but I think this new Ty is working for you."
He shrugged. "Not yet. I'm still trying to figure it out, but to do that, I have to make sure the best man I've met in a long fucking time gets to stay with us."
"Tanner?" I guessed.
Ty smiled down at his hands. "J.D., actually.
Don't get me wrong, Tanner's a good man too, but J.D.
? He really is a pit bull, but here's the thing people always forget.
Those dogs? They're great with kids, and loyal to a fault.
Sure, they're deadly, but they're guard dogs - and he embraces being one. "
"So what are we?" I asked.
He just shook his head. "Fuck if I know, Jake. My goal is to be the gentleman I think I am. I want to be the kind of man a random woman on the street could be proud of."
"Huh?" Because that didn't make sense to me.
"A stranger," he explained. "If I can be a gentleman to a woman I don't know, and likely never will - and I don't just mean in the shallow sort of way, but in the true country gentleman sort of way - then I'll know I've figured it out."
"And to men?" I asked, because he seemed a little too focused on women in his description.
Ty shrugged. "I haven't figured that part out yet. Jake, I'm making it up as I go along. Me, I mean. I'm trying to figure out who I am, and the truth is I don't have a clue. And I never would've if Cody hadn't dumped my ass."
"I don't have a clue either," I told him. "Shit, Ty, I don't think most of us do."
"But you and me," he countered, "are doing something about it. That's more than half these guys can say." He pushed his empty bottle back, making it clear he was done with it. "I've also heard you flirting with Cody. I mean, just so that's out there." And he stood.
"Shit," I said, ready for this to go sideways now. "It's all in good fun, Ty. I know she's got two guys she's clearly happy with."
"And they don't mind if she has more," he told me. "That's what I'm saying, Jake. J.D. and Tanner want her to be happy. They want her to spread her wings. They want her to do all the things we men take for granted, so if she decides it's you?"
"Not gonna happen," I told him.
"Because you're scared of someone slipping and falling in your ass?"
I tried laughing that off as I pushed to my feet. We needed to get to the bar before the riders started heading out. Pulling my keys from my pocket, I canted my head toward the lobby.
"You going to let me drive you over with me?"
"Sure," he agreed, "but only if you answer the question."
So I stood a little straighter and met him face to face. "I'm not worried at all about those two. The reason things between me and Cody are never going to happen? It's me."
"Gay?" he asked.
"Dangerous," I told him. "The kind of dangerous that looks completely harmless until shit blows up in your face. And no, I wouldn't be doing the blowing up. It just follows me around, so I'm going to use that mess for her benefit."
Ty's eyes narrowed and his head was jiggling slightly from side to side like he was negating my words. "Jake, that makes no fucking sense."
"I'm saying I'm useful to her right now," I clarified. "If people start thinking she and I have more than a casual acquaintance, that will all change. I'll become her worst fucking nightmare, and I respect that woman too much to do that to her."
"And yet you're still fighting for her."
All I could do was nod. "I am."
"Why?" he pressed.
"Because I wanted to hate her," I admitted. "I thought she was going to be some big distraction, but then J.D. told me to hold her hat. That was when I saw it. The announcer started doing that whole 'sweetheart' thing they used to do when she rode, and I watched her deflate as she left the arena."
"She hates that," he agreed.
"Yeah," I breathed. "But that's when I realized she just wants to ride bulls. She can ride them, and the people who don't like it are the ones who can't keep up. To my way of thinking, that means the rest of us should have her back. And the more I help her..."
"The more you realize she's an amazing woman. Yeah," Ty said, slapping my shoulder and turning me so I had to walk beside him. "See, you're a good man, Jake. A damned good man. And if you ever have any advice to share about how to become one? Well, I'm all fucking ears."
"So..." I glanced over. "Does this mean we're friends now?"
"Arch fucking neblesis," he said around a laugh. "But friends is easier to say."