Chapter 65 #2
So I spun. "I'm a mess, ok? I'm only cool because J.D. makes it easy when I'm beside him. I'm only brave because Tanner makes me feel like the toughest person he knows. I had all these things I thought I should say, but now that it's time, I..." And I flopped my hands, making the point.
He slowly closed the distance between us. "Ok. I get that. I mean, I'm pretty good at talking it out, but that doesn't mean it's always easy."
"Yeah?" I asked.
He nodded. "And this? Fuck, the Pbr is a little too close sometimes. Everyone knows everyone else's business." Finally, he reached my side. "So let's see if the tailgate of my truck makes it easier."
"Sure," I decided, giving in.
He turned me toward the same dark blue truck he'd given me a ride in that night, the pair of us aiming for the back side of it. When we got there, he popped open the tailgate, then gestured for me to hop up. I did, then scooted to the side so he could join me.
"I'll start," he offered, glancing over.
"Wednesday night, I was thrilled to hang out with someone I respect as a rider.
Ever since J.D. told me what's going on with you three, I've done my best to ignore that you're a very pretty girl, Cody.
It's not easy, but you're also a little intimidating.
Fun, good, and a bunch of things that make you fun to be around, but nothing like what I expected. "
"What did you expect?" I asked.
"For you to be tough as nails. I don't mean that you aren't, but more manly than you are. For you to have this ego about how you're as mean as us, can piss, fart, or whatever. You know, basically all the stereotypes that aren't fair, simply because you're brave enough to compete in a man's sport."
"Oh." I nodded, accepting that.
"But instead," he went on, "you're girly in some ways, brilliant, and beautiful. Ty told me you'd get under my skin - "
I grunted.
"Because," he said, not letting me knock him off track, "we have the exact same taste in women, Cody.
He knew I'd like you because he does. Did?
Whatever. And I thought I had it all figured out, right up until you threw your arms around my neck and danced with me.
I was caving real fucking fast, and then you kissed me. "
"Yeah," I breathed. "I shouldn't have done that."
"Probably not," he agreed, "because you were too drunk, but I promise I'm not offended.
" One more time, he looked over, stealing a little glance before turning his eyes back to the parking lot before us.
"Your hair smelled like vanilla. Your shirt was pink, and I can remember exactly how it felt against my hands. "
"Why?" I asked.
"Because I've replayed it in my mind a few times." Then he jerked his chin at me. "Your turn."
"What can I even say to that?"
"Why you kissed me," he said. "I'd like to point out that you told me you weren't that drunk. Means you didn't forget."
"No, I didn't," I relented. "And I kissed you because..." I grimaced. "I did it because I wanted to. I really don't have anything better than that, but it doesn't feel like enough."
"Why not?"
That question made me stop, because I not only hadn't expected it, but also didn't have a good answer. So, I did the only thing I could: I rambled.
"I'm supposed to think about it, and not just jump on any guy who catches my eye, right?
Get to know you, and feel you out a bit.
Never mind that I already have two boyfriends, Jake.
And while they're ok with it - and I know they are because of Ty - shouldn't I be happy enough to keep my eyes from wandering? "
"No."
I had to lean back to look at him better. "What?"
"You," he said, "are in an open relationship.
That means it's ok for you to fuck around and find out.
You don't have to stay pure for marriage.
Hell, you aren't that kind of woman, Cody.
And by that, I mean the type waiting for a man to pick her.
You are the woman who gets to pick. The one who leads the show, so why stop with bull riding? "
"Yeah, but you're just saying that because of what happened."
He shrugged. "I don't think so, because I didn't have a problem with the idea of you having two boyfriends. I thought I wasn't interested, didn't want the competition, and all that - but then Ty made me realize something, and you just brought it up again."
"Ok?"
"You were raised to think you had to be careful about who you're with. Couldn't sleep around, because that's not how it's done. I was raised that I get to pick my woman. I have to find one who doesn't annoy me, won't get in my way, and all that. Two sides of the same fucking coin, right?"
"Kinda, yeah," I agreed.
"And I never liked that idea," he admitted. "Fuck, I didn't want to settle down like that because it felt old. It felt like something to do when I had nothing left to live for, but I do - and you do. So why are we both worried about these rules that don't fit us?"
"So, maybe it's ok that I think you're cute, and that I just wanted to know what it was like to kiss you?"
He slid off the tailgate and turned to stand between my knees.
"Cody, if you ask nicely, maybe we can see what that kiss should've been like?
" But he lifted a hand, preventing me from answering right away.
"And if you say no, maybe we can still flirt, be some real good friends who respect the shit out of each other, and tear down the world as a team? "
Reaching out, I hooked a finger in his well-worn leather belt, right beside the pretty silver buckle. "What if I like both options?"
"Then both are on the table," he assured me.
So I tugged him closer. "This is me saying yes."