Chapter 3 #4
“Well, I’m glad. You shouldn’t.” Folding up the list, Leo placed it between them and waited for Joshua to meet his eyes.
Only then did he continue. “All that aside… Joshua, just imagine the impact someone like you could have. You told me it’s taken its toll on you, having to hide this thing.
If you came out, don’t you think it might encourage some young people, show them that it’s nothing to be ashamed of?
Even make it easier for them to find acceptance when they have such a prominent patron? ”
For a heart-lurching moment, Joshua held himself perfectly still. Then his chest swelled with a rough breath. “I can’t decide this on my own,” he said softly. “This affects my family as well, and I can’t make a decision without them.”
“Then maybe you should talk to them.”
“Yeah.” Joshua’s voice was quiet, almost as though he was thinking out loud. “Maybe I should.”
Leo helped Joshua clean up the table before saying his goodbyes, leaving Joshua sprawled on the outdoor bed, quiet and withdrawn, still poring over the list of pros and cons. There was a distinct chance it was the last Leo would see of him.
Jesus Christ, he’d spent several hours alone with Joshua—in Joshua’s flat, no less. Leo’s younger self would have had a heart attack.
Well, thank God he wasn’t the smitten teenager anymore.
These days, he was able to talk to Joshua like an adult, like an equal, and he was able to let things go without obsessing over whether he’d ever hear from Joshua again.
Maybe he would, maybe he wouldn’t. If Joshua decided to come out, Leo hoped that James’ team would be in on the action.
That was a big if. Leo wasn’t holding his breath.
It was just past noon by the time he made it to the office. When he tried to duck past Nate’s open door, his attempt to sneak past was foiled by Nate spinning his chair around. Nate’s grin was huge.
“I hear someone’s been fraternising with princes.”
Why did Leo even try? All he’d told James was that something had come up and he’d be late to the office, but Nate had probably tracked Leo’s every move via GPS and security cameras.
With a sigh, Leo leaned his hip against the doorframe and crossed his arms. “There’s a thing called privacy, you know? ”
“It was accidental,” Nate said immediately. At least he looked faintly contrite.
“How can you accidentally tap my phone?” Leo asked. “Or whatever it is that you did.”
“I didn’t tap yours. I tapped Johnson’s. Guy made a stop at Joshua’s flat, must have dropped something off, and I was scrolling through some footage when Joshua popped up.” Nate waggled his brows. “About forty minutes before you did.”
Wait, Joshua had spent the night somewhere else? With someone else?
That wasn’t actually the issue at hand, and also none of Leo’s goddamn business. The rest of what Nate had said was though, and Leo straightened. “What do you mean, Johnson dropped something off? Did you check what it is? What if it’s—”
“I sent Carole,” Nate cut him off, “since I didn’t spot you there until after. I thought, you know, it’d be best if we didn’t trouble the Prince unless we had to.”
“He’s a fully functional person, you know.” Exhaling, Leo crossed the floor and plopped into the chair in front of Nate’s desk. “As in, capable of rational thought and processing information. No need to coddle him.”
“Is that so?” Nate twisted it into something suggestive. “Funny how you couldn’t stand him just a day ago.”
“It wasn’t personal,” Leo said. The protest sounded weak even to his own ears, and Nate’s snort proved that he agreed.
“In that case…” Nate ducked down to fish something out of a drawer, then slid a small parcel towards Leo, barely larger than a letter. “How about you fill Joshua in, mate? Turns out it was an apology, also a USB stick with another copy of the video. If we’re lucky, it’s the last one.”
“An apology?” Leo reached for the parcel and turned it over in his hands, frowning. “That’s not good enough. I think the guy deserves much worse than just having his license revoked.”
“He’s left the country.”
“He what?”
Nate shrugged. “He went to Heathrow right after stopping by Joshua’s place, destination San Francisco. James said to let him go, so I did. Might be better for everyone involved, don’t you think?”
“I suppose it is.” Shaking his head, Leo rose from the chair but was stopped by Nate’s question.
“So what was it you and Prince Joshua had to talk about in such detail? Pretty long conversation for two literal strangers, mate.”
“Surprised you didn’t hack my phone to listen in,” Leo said. At the flash of hurt in Nate’s eyes, Leo sat back down and gave him a small smile. “Sorry, that was… I’m just a little out of it, is all. He’s thinking about coming out, wanted an outsider’s opinion.”
“And he asked you?”
“Harsh.”
“It’s just…” Nate lifted a shoulder. “You guys got off to such a bad start, I’m surprised he was able to look past that. Speaks in his favour, doesn’t it?”
Nate had a point. Leo hesitated before he replied. “To be honest, it’s not like he had much of a choice. His friends are too close to be impartial, and I take it he doesn’t know a lot of gay men. Especially not gay men who know about him. We both saw his list.”
“The communications dude is gay.”
“I’m not going to ask how you know that,” Leo told him.
“Subscription to Attitude,” Nate said anyway. “And his email password is More Dicks 4 Me.”
Leo honestly, sincerely hoped that Nate never had and never would use his powers for evil.
“George might also be too much of a friend. Or too professionally affected.” Leo got back up, waving the parcel. “And with this, I’ll leave you to do your thing while I go check on the tragic state of my inbox. I’ll sneak this back into Joshua’s mail on my way home.”
Nate looked as though he considered making some kind of joke. In the end, he merely nodded and turned back to his computer. Leo watched him for another second before he turned and left the office.
Maybe Leo would confess to knowing Joshua from before—not now, but in a few weeks. When it wasn’t quite this fresh in his mind. Nate was a good listener, and entrusting that particular piece of the past to him… Yeah. That one piece, Leo might be willing to share.
He would still hold on to the rest.
* * *
Approximately thirty-six hours after the proverbial bomb had dropped on Joshua’s head, he was back at Clarence House.
This time it was only his mother and Emma, and Joshua cringed through Emma’s rant about all the ways she wanted to see Johnson suffer.
In reply, he offered vague promises that he’d think about it, really, just please not now, can’t we just have dinner? Please?
“You can’t let him get away with a slap on the wrist,” Emma said around a bite of salmon. “That’s fucked up, Shrimp. Twat deserves to be deported to a Siberian labour camp. Or worse.”
“Language,” Mum reprimanded, but she didn’t sound as though her heart was in it. “Also, political correctness. Also, table manners.”
Emma set down her fork and raised her head. “That arse fucked with my baby brother. No one gets to fuck with my baby brother. And it’s just us, anyway.”
It was, actually; Mum must have asked for a private meal since the servants had come in only once, right at the beginning, to bring in a range of choices before leaving them alone.
Maybe you should talk to them.
Taking a deep breath, Joshua wiped his mouth with a napkin and folded it into a neat triangle.
The smell of the fish fillets turned his stomach.
He kept his gaze on his hands, his voice barely loud enough to rise over the gentle jazz music his mother had recently come to enjoy.
“Mum, Emmy. If I—I think that I want to come out. Maybe. What do you think?”
For a horrible, horrible moment, the world tilted and lurched on its axis.
Then Emma jumped up, napkin falling to the floor, and went to hug him, their faces pressed together. “Been waiting for that, Shrimp.”
His mother got up more slowly, taking the time to set aside her napkin before she bent to give him a kiss on the cheek.
Her voice was warm, and when Joshua dared look up, he found her watching him with a proud shine in her eyes.
“Of course I approve, darling, but it will take a lot of courage. Are you quite certain?”
“No. I’m not certain at all.” Joshua struggled to breathe around the sudden lump in his throat. “But I think, like, maybe? Probably. You really would approve?”
“A million times over.” Mum made it sound like a foregone conclusion.
“But you never said anything.”
“I didn’t want to push you.” She frowned, a crease appearing between her brows. “Why, what did you think?”
“I…” Another intake of air, easier this time. “I thought you would maybe not approve. Because it might be a problem for the country. Or our family.”
Her frown deepened, but her voice was gentle as she rested a warm hand on Joshua’s shoulder. “Baby, that is not the kind of duty to your role that I tried to teach you.”
“I think this could even have a positive effect,” Emma said.
“It makes us seem modern, doesn’t it? Shake off the dust. Welcome to the twenty-first century!
” The last part was said in the tone of a sports announcer, and she spread her arms, beaming.
With her aubergine hair and loose-fitting T-shirt, nothing suggested she would become the reigning monarch of sixteen nations one day.
“I am all in favour of a bold move,” Mum said, much more sedate. “We’re an old institution, but that doesn’t mean we can’t set a precedent, give society a little nudge. And if this causes a Commonwealth state to break its ties, then that would not be a country I want to represent anyway.”