Chapter 11 #6
“Because,” Joshua broke in, “you act all tough, but you’re really not, and it’s the most stunning thing when your face softens.
And you don’t let me get away with crap.
You don’t indulge me, but when I needed you—like, all that time, with my coming-out, when I didn’t feel good… You were right there.”
There was nothing Leo could say that wouldn’t sound like a line from a cheesy love ballad. He settled for dragging Joshua into a harsh kiss and hoped it would convey the idea.
Joshua turned into it like it was instinct, tilting his hips up—responsive, so beautifully responsive as Leo pressed down, Jesus.
Joshua’s fingers grappled at Leo’s T-shirt, then moved to the front of Leo’s jeans, tugging with both hands, a little aimlessly as though he was already stupid just from this, from their kiss and the slow grind of their hips.
Leo caught both of Joshua’s hands and trapped them against the sheets.
“What do you like?” he managed, words only just within his grasp.
For a beat everything came to a halt, then Joshua’s body relaxed under Leo’s weight. His voice was like rough-spun silk. “What do you like?”
You. I like you.
Leo opened his eyes and found Joshua watching him with a gentle smile. Leo smiled back. “Why don’t you guide me?”
“Why don’t you guide me?” Joshua shot back. He was still smiling, but there was something slow and careful behind it, something Leo didn’t quite understand. It didn’t feel as though Joshua was trying to mock him, but—what was this?
“You can’t just keep answering a question with a question,” Leo told him.
Joshua shook his head, curls dragging over the sheets.
He was dark hair and green eyes and red lips, and Leo lost himself in it for a moment, almost missed it when Joshua said, “That’s not what this is about.
This is about…” He twisted one hand in Leo’s hold so that they were palm to palm.
“I already know what I like, and I’ll let you know if something doesn’t work for me.
But the thing is, I’m not so certain that you know what it is that you like? ”
His voice had tilted up towards the end, turning it into a question, and… Oh.
“No one’s ever asked,” Leo whispered. Joshua’s expression flooded with so much tenderness that Leo struggled to keep looking at him. He couldn’t look away either.
Joshua twisted one hand free to touch Leo’s jaw, fingertips gentle, reverent. “Not even your first time? He didn’t stop to ask what worked for you and what didn’t? Whether you wanted it slow or fast?”
Leo couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt like this—ribcage split open to expose him completely, yet trusting Joshua to keep him safe. “My first time,”—he made himself hold Joshua’s gaze—“was in the Rose Garden. So, you know.”
“The Rose Garden?”
Right. Of course Joshua wouldn’t know London’s favourite destinations for gay cruising.
For some reason, it lightened Leo’s mood.
“The Rose Garden,” he said grandly, “is Hyde Park’s number-one spot to get your dick sucked.
Lots of bushes, not a lot of romance, but it seemed as good a place as any for a first fuck.
That was shortly after I’d arrived in London, when I’d decided that losing my virginity was overdue.
Not exactly the place for candlelight and sweet nothings, mind. ”
Joshua looked sad for just a moment, then it made room for a hint of teasing. “So, hey. Is that what you want—candlelight and sweet nothings?”
For all that there’d been humour in Joshua’s tone, the underlying question had been a genuine one, and Leo considered it.
“I want,” he said slowly, slightly transfixed by the sunlight slanting over Joshua’s face, “to fuck you on that sofa bed, the one that’s on your terrace at home.
In full daylight, and there’s the tree hiding us, sure, but with the noise we’re making, anyone who passes by below will hear. ”
Joshua’s throat clicked as he swallowed, and he blinked once, drugged-slow. “We can do that,” he mumbled. “Once we’re back home.”
“Until then…” Leo leaned down until their noses were almost touching, and oh, oh, the way Joshua’s pupils dilated was brilliant. He felt on top of the world. “Until then, I want to spend hours mapping your body. And then fuck you. Then sleep a little and wake up with your fingers inside me.”
“Jesus,” Joshua breathed.
“Leo will do.”
Some focus returned to Joshua’s eyes, and he giggled quietly. “I can’t believe you made that pun. Also, I thought you were tired.”
“Hit a second high,” Leo declared. It was mostly true, although there was this mild haze floating through his brain that slowed the spinning world down to a crawl. He rocked his hips down. Joshua’s lips parted, lids drifting shut, and Leo was so in love with him it was hard to breathe.
He rolled off. “Get naked,” he ordered, almost too soft for a command, but Joshua complied instantly. With a bright look at Leo, he shucked his shirt and shuffled out of his trousers, then lay back on the duvet in tiny shorts.
“Naked,” Leo repeated, more confident.
Grinning, Joshua shoved the shorts down his legs and let Leo study him in the full brightness of the morning.
His skin, still pale, was bound to bronze over the course of the two weeks ahead—two weeks that Leo would get to spend with him, right by his side.
Already, he longed to trace tan lines that were yet to take shape.
“So beautiful,” Leo repeated, and fuck, it was sappy, but he didn’t care. Not when it made Joshua smile softly, cheeks red.
“But will you still love me when I’m no longer young and beautiful?”
It took Leo a moment to work it out, then he snorted. “Did you just quote Lana Del Rey while lying naked on a huge hotel bed on the top floor with a view of the ocean?”
“Sure did.” Joshua sounded perfectly smug, and Leo couldn’t, just couldn’t help leaning over him for a quick kiss.
“Well,” he said, sitting back on his haunches. “When you’re no longer young and beautiful, you’ll still be rich. So there’s that.”
“Hey,” Joshua drawled, eyes laughing.
Leo dipped down for another kiss and told him, close enough for his breath to tickle Joshua’s skin, “Of course I’ll still want you, Princey. Happily ever after, isn’t that how it’s supposed to be?”
“So we’re a fairy tale after all,” Joshua murmured, and Leo released a chuckle, then let his fingernails catch on the bump of Joshua’s collarbones. Joshua went still before he exhaled in a rush. Ah.
Leo did it again, more purpose behind it. This time Joshua shivered, gaze glued to Leo’s face. Shit, if Joshua continued to be this open and responsive, there was no way Leo’s resolve would last, no way he’d be able to take his time when all he wanted was to be closer.
Well. He’d just have to practise, then. Build up his immunity.
“Why are you smirking?” Joshua asked, noticeably breathless.
Leo shook his head and slid his hand lower, kissed the resulting gasp right out of Joshua’s mouth.
As it turned out, Joshua truly did prove a challenge for Leo’s willpower—moving into each touch, sighing at each mark Leo left in his path, hissing when Leo bit down on a nipple, then soothed the skin with his tongue.
Fully untouched, Joshua’s cock was leaking precome already, and Leo was no better off; once he’d rid himself of his clothes, the friction on his dick, sheets sliding against his skin as he moved around Joshua, had his breathing come in quick, sharp bursts.
Never like this.
At Leo’s command, Joshua rolled onto his stomach and spread his legs.
He was tightly coiled energy, yet pliant under Leo’s hands.
Leo draped himself over his back, his cock slotting into the gap between Joshua’s thighs, and pressed his hips down.
Christ, he could come like this. Make a mess of Joshua’s body.
“Can’t wait to be inside you,” he said, his voice rough even to his own ears. “Can’t wait to fuck you, make you mine. No one else gets to see you like this, yeah?”
“Yours already.” Joshua twisted his head to look over his shoulder, eyes glassy and lips plump and red, bitten. “No one else, Leo.”
Leo’s heart gave a dizzying lurch. He lifted himself up, rolled off Joshua to lie down next to him and study his face from up close. “It’s mutual. You know that, right?”
Joshua watched Leo for a heavy moment before he smiled. “I know.” He paused briefly before he added, all politeness if it weren’t for the spark of mischief in his eyes, “Now fuck me, please.”
Please, Leo’s brain echoed, and Jesus, Joshua was just too fucking much, too good to be true—and yet here they were. Leo reached out to twine a corkscrew curl around his finger, tugging, and watched Joshua’s lashes tremble and his eyes lose focus.
It took Leo several moments to find his ability for coherent speech.
He needed to say this, though, needed Joshua to know everything.
No holding back, not anymore. Leo’s throat felt tight, his voice a rough whisper.
“Just so we’re—I mean, full disclosure. I’ve had sex with exactly one person in the last six years, and that’s you. ”
Joshua’s smile widened. “I love you,” he mumbled, the contours of the syllables slightly blurred.
“Same.” Leo remembered to get some air into his lungs.
His head was as empty and light as a hot air balloon.
Draping himself over Joshua’s back once more, Leo pressed him into the bed with the weight of his own body.
He considered dragging it out just for the hell of it, but his resolve crumbled when he nudged the dry tip of his thumb against Joshua’s rim, and Joshua shuddered into it.
He turned his head for a glimpse at Leo’s face, and Leo felt his skin crawl with molten heat, was probably flushed down to his collarbones.