Chapter 5 Jericho
JERICHO
JUNIOR YEAR
Junior year is kicking my ass worse than sophomore year did.
My class load is harder than ever, and I’m not sure why I thought taking a chemistry class would be a good idea.
I barely passed physical science freshman year, but something about the idea behind chemistry was appealing to me.
The mixture of different things causing different actions and reactions, it was overly complicated in its own explanation but a part of me was drawn to it.
In between juggling football, school, and working with my dad on old cars, I have zero free time to worry about anything else.
Raiden and Josh are still going strong, not that I heard it for myself but by the way Ema talks at family dinner tonight they’re doing the long distance thing while Josh goes out of state to play college football. Good for him and good for Raiden.
Football season has been amazing– we’re undefeated this year and the prediction is we’ll go all the way to the championship.
It’s an intoxicating feeling being a part of a team with so much potential.
Even in our small town, I can’t walk into the gas station without someone calling out to me and asking how the Friday night lights are going to be.
The game tomorrow is an away one, the drive is three hours and my parents are getting a hotel room and decided to make a weekend getaway out of it. Ema and Rodney said they would come as well. I’m not sure if Raiden will be there, or if I even want him there.
I’m packing my suitcase, making sure I have everything that I’ll need for the weekend.
Clothes, hygiene products, and my headphones so I can listen to music on the bus ride tomorrow.
If I forget anything, I’ll text my mom before they leave for the game.
The team is required to be there two hours before kick off time, so we’re cutting out of school early.
Our doorbell rings, loud and unforgiving down the hall to my open door.
My parents aren’t here right now, they’re enjoying a date with just the two of them while I work on getting everything ready.
I don’t mind that they left me here, they deserve some time with only the two of them.
Especially now that dad is home permanently.
He’s been trying to spend his time equally between me and mom, and I appreciate it more than he realizes.
The old car sitting in our garage right now needs a tune up, but we can do that Sunday night when we get home.
Between the two of us, we get the mechanic work done a lot faster.
Mom enjoys sitting with us while we work and skipping through songs on the radio that she can serenade us with.
I’m not sure who would be ringing our doorbell, though. Kody didn’t say he was coming over and I doubt anyone from my Chemistry study group would show up without warning.
I drop the shirt I was folding on the bed and walk down the hallway. The doorbell rings again and I roll my eyes heavenward. It’s probably a salesman. The only acceptable salesman to knock on doors should be Girl Scouts when they have cookies.
Opening the door, I’m hit with a shock. Raiden is standing on my porch.
His eyes are downcast and his cheeks are flushed, but not in the bright way that I’m used to seeing him.
It looks like he’s been crying. His hair is mussed up, the short strands sticking up all over his head and his shirt is sitting askew off his shoulder.
“Hey, Jer,” he says, his voice low and wobbly.
I’m frozen as I stare at him, standing in my doorway like old times.
Like he hasn’t been pulling away from me.
But he had been. He had been and I fucking hated it.
Until I accepted it. I accepted that I lost his friendship and I bowed out from bothering him anymore. And now he’s here on my doorstep.
“Hey?” I question, wondering why he’s here. He digs the toe of his shoe into the ground, scuffing the tip of it and leaving a black line. His eyes are focused on it as he makes patterns with it and we stand in awkward silence.
“How have you been?”
I can’t stop the sarcastic chuckle that breaks free of my chest, the sound rough and harsh.
Raiden flinches, stepping back and balling his hands into the bottom of his shirt and twisting the fabric.
His knuckles are white with how tightly he’s gripping it, and I want to reach out and peel his hands away.
That’s not my place though, he’s made that abundantly clear.
“Good.” My one word answer doesn’t deter him and if anything, I watch as his spine straightens and he lifts his head. His brown eyes are red rimmed, and I can see the lingering wetness from his tears.
“That’s good.” I want to grab his arms, turn him around and march him right back to the house he came from.
Force him to climb the stairs of his front porch and launch himself right in Josh’s arms. Because that’s what he chose: he abandoned our friendship at the first sign of attention from someone else. I refuse to be second best.
“Is there something you needed or…?” His lips downturn, the wetness that I saw before begins to trail down his face in matching rivulets.
Two trails of crystals carving their path against his smooth skin.
His tongue darts out to lick one of the droplets closest to his mouth, the same thing he used to do with rain droplets.
A cannibalistic moment of consuming one's own strength. He’s as strong as the God he was named after.
“I just wanted to talk to you, I guess. But if you’re busy…” He trails off and looks back over his shoulder to his house. Neither of his parent’s cars are in the driveway, so they must be gone tonight too.
I shouldn't let him in. I shouldn’t hold the door open and let him inside when I know at the end of the day he isn’t going to choose me.
But my mind and my body are on two opposite wavelengths, and I hold the door open for him.
When he brushes past me, kicking off his shoes right past the front door, I’m hit with a scent that is all Raiden.
Fresh florals and a hint of sweat, how he used to smell after a long day of dance practice when he would come over right after to show me everything he learned.
He sits on the couch, tucking his legs up close to his body and resting his chin on his knees as he stares blankly at the TV.
A rerun of an old sitcom is playing on mute, but I don’t offer to change the channel.
He’s not watching it anyway, too focused on what’s going on inside of his head to pay attention to his surroundings.
I’m at war with myself, wanting to sit down beside him and listen to him fill the silence with his words or go back into my room and leave him alone to stew in his own pity until he’s ready to talk.
I take the approach I’m going to kick myself in the ass later for. I sit on the couch, far enough away I can’t feel the heat emanating off his body, but I know he’s there. He’s filling every one of my senses in a way only he can.
We sit in silence, the sound of his breathing matching mine and the tick tick tick of the clock above the TV.
“Ready for the game tomorrow night?” He finally says, breaking the silence. I stretch my legs out in front of me, feeling the pull of my tight muscles from being bunched up on the couch for so long.
“Ready as we’ll ever be.” The team we play tomorrow isn’t a high ranking team, and they also aren’t undefeated. But getting cocky and thinking you can win before you even step on the field is setting you and your teammates up for failure. Even the strongest of men fall due to their pride.
“That’s good. I can’t wait to watch you play.
It’s been so long since I’ve been to a game.
” His chuckle is self-deprecating and I want to call him out for his own behavior because it was his choice.
He was the one who quit the dance team, he was the one who quit coming to games.
He never even talked to me about why he was quitting, all I know is I scanned the dance team for him at our first game, and didn’t see him.
I panicked, thinking something bad had happened.
As soon as the play we were in the middle of was over, I ran over to the sidelines to flag down my mom.
My mom explained to me that Ema told her that Raiden quit because he lost his interest in it.
Raiden, who made the skies weep with his movements, lost his interest in the one thing that he was most happy doing.
“Last year,” I offer bitterly. Remembering the last game of the season, when he ran on the field.
Directly to Josh. He never even looked my way as I walked off towards the locker rooms to change into my gear.
I saw him later that night at a party at Derek’s, with Josh’s arms wrapped possessively around him while he was smiling happily.
So similar to that first party we went to.
“Yeah, that’s right. Sophie and Jasmine were so mad at me.
” He sniffles a little, the tears in his eyes have dried up but his sinuses are running like crazy.
He’s always had trouble with a runny nose, that’s one of the reasons his parents never allowed him to have a pet.
They were worried it would make his allergies flare and he would be miserable.
He used to sit in my room and look up pictures of dogs on the internet, and more than once I had to comfort him as he cried because of how lonely they looked locked up in cages.
That’s the same boy I see sitting in front of me now, the one who cried at the unfairness of life and begged and begged his parents to at least adopt one. Just to help one dog out.