Chapter 11 Jericho
JERICHO
The sweet smell of brownies greets me as I walk in the front door.
My mom is standing in the kitchen, her dark hair tied on the top of her head in a messy bun as she whisks something in the bowl in front of her.
I wouldn’t be surprised if it was another dessert recipe she’s trying out.
Since I’ve been home, I’ve been having to work extra hard to keep off the weight she’s trying to force me to gain.
“Jericho?” Her voice carries over the TV in the living room streaming the football game. Dad and Rodney are sitting side by side on the couch, their muted conversation filled with lots of hand gestures as I watch them silently.
“It’s me, mom,” I finally say, looking away from the sight in front of me and following my nose to the aroma emanating from the kitchen.
“Just in time, would you mind getting the brownies out of the oven? I don’t want them to burn and I’m in the middle of this recipe.
” She nods her head towards the over mitt she has laying out and I grab it.
Opening the oven my face is blasted with warmth as I drag the metal pan filled with gooey chocolate out.
“What are you making now?” I ask, sitting the pan on the cooling rack, and turning around to lean against the counter.
My leg aches, and I’m counting down the minutes until I can take my prosthetic off and rub the special salve that Dr. Case prescribed for me.
It’s been a life saver since I got my more permanent prosthetic.
It's not an end all be all, but I love being able to take it off at the end of the day.
“Cheesecake, and it’s going to have an oreo crumb crust.” My mouth waters and she looks at me with a knowing smirk on her face. “Not just for us, though. Ema is coming over later with food and we’re going to have dinner over here.” I freeze, my body tensing to an unnatural state.
My mom keeps talking, not noticing my dilemma.
I haven’t seen Raiden since I’ve gotten back, and I made a silent pact not to.
He was my best friend, at one point, and something I’ve been working on accepting is that nothing can always stay as we want it.
People grow apart and separate, and that’s okay.
Change is a good thing, because it inspires growth.
At least, that’s one of Dr. Mob's sayings when she video calls me for our bi-weekly sessions. There’s been a lot of growth in the year since I’ve been out of the military, a year of struggling and falling, but never staying down.
Raiden is the one memory that I don’t touch.
“Jericho?” My mom says and I jerk my head up to look into her eyes, remorse lining the corners has me bristling against the pity she’s feeling for me.
“I just remembered that I have to run to the gym, I have a meeting with Liam about our training schedule.” Liam is my personal trainer who has been helping me build and train my muscles around my prosthetic.
“Jericho…” My mom trails off and reaches her hands out to rub my shoulders.
I relax into the massage as she soothes the tense muscles.
“Raiden would be surprised to see you.” And that’s the problem, because surprises aren’t always welcome, and it's clear from his years of silence that I would not be welcome.
“Really mom, it’s fine. Give my love to Ema when she comes over and tell her I’ll come over to stain her fence before the cold front is supposed to move in.” I grab her hands off my shoulders and squeeze them tightly before letting them drop to her side.
“Okay, but if you change your mind–” she leaves the end of her sentence open and I lean over and kiss the side of her head.
“I know mom, but make sure you save me some brownies and cheesecake.”
She smacks the back of her hand against my stomach and I chuckle at the incredulous look on her face.
“The only reason you moved back is for my cooking.”
My dad and Rodney join us in the kitchen and my dad wraps his arms around my mom, blowing a loud raspberry in her neck. “Stop!” She squeals, trying to bat him off.
I sneak out of the kitchen while my dad irritates my mom and Rodney cheers them on.
There’s a shadow taking up space in the living room, my body freezes in panic at the unknown figure and my inhale is shaky as I try to rationalize with my brain.
This is my parent’s house. I’m not there anymore. I’m safe.
The figure moves and I can’t stop the thought from escaping my mouth as soon as I see the familiar face.
“Your hair… it’s blonde.” The shock of seeing the unnatural color fades to a dull pain aching inside me.
The knowledge that if I saw him out on the street like this, I wouldn’t recognize him.
Without the dark locks, he resembles a different person than the person I know.
The person in front of me isn’t the boy I grew up with, the thunderstorm that drowned me without ever physically touching me.
This is a man. A man that I don’t recognize.
Someone ethereal and greater than a mere mortal like me could ever be around.
I’m tainting his perfect image by sharing the same air as him.
I take a step back, my foot catching on the edge of the carpet in my parents living room.
I can still hear my parents in the kitchen, mere feet away from where my life is imploding before my own eyes.
He reaches his hand out, like he wants to steady me. I know how those hands feel on me. I’ve dreamt of the swirls of his fingerprints indenting themselves into me until they leave marks. Those hands feel like nothing more than a dream now though.
I flinch away, pivoting my body away from his reach and I take an unsteady step back on my prosthetic.
The plastic groans under my weight from the odd angle and my leg gives a twinge in pain, echoing through my nerve endings and a headache starts to bloom at the base of my skull.
I squint my eyes shut to help fight off the pain.
“Jer,” he says softly and I open my eyes, darkness swimming at the corners as I try to right myself. He still has his hand out, his right hand. Right there on the third finger from his thumb is a dazzling gold band with crystals embedded into the material.
His wedding ring. His commitment to spend the rest of his life with another man.
A commitment that I wasn’t invited to take part in.
A commitment that, given the chance, I would have spoken out against. Because I know the truth, deep in my soul.
I was in love with Raiden, not as a friend, but deeply in love with him.
So much so that I didn’t know where he ended and I began.
For the longest time, I chalked all of my negative feelings up to being dismissed completely from his life after graduation.
It was more than that though, it was a betrayal.
A betrayal from the one person who I thought would love and understand me for the rest of my life.
It was a childish pipe dream, one that wasn’t ready for the impact of the real world to come crashing down and put all those plans to a quick stop.
Standing in front of him, staring into his brown eyes and seeing the ray of gold reflecting in my peripheral vision, I do my best to let him go.
I let go of the dreams that kept me company on deployments.
Happy and sunshine filled dreams with floral scented body wash and messy kisses over cookies.
“It’s really good to see you, Raiden,” I say, meaning it truly.
It is good to see him. A small crease is noticeable between his furrowed eyebrows, and I push down the urge to smooth it out.
That isn’t my place anymore and it never will be.
A pang of longing hits me and I smile through the pain.
“I watched your performance at the Super Bowl… you were incredible.”
His face flushes pink, and he ducks his head, the light blonde tendrils covering his forehead and his eyes so I can’t see what he’s thinking.
“It was a huge honor for Reaghan to ask me, and I loved practicing for it. Performing was just…” He lifts his head and I see the same look he would have after a long day of competition or coming off the field after a performance.
He’s remembering the high, the adrenaline coursing through his veins as millions of people across the country watched him put his heart and soul into his movements.
“You earned it, everyone could see how hard you worked.”
“Thanks Jer, I really appreciate it.”
There’s a mumbling coming from the kitchen, and then my dad is coming up behind me, his steps loud against the floor and I appreciate the extra forethought. He slaps me on my shoulder and glances at Raiden before directing his attention back to me.
“Mom said you can’t stay for dinner.” The comment is said nonchalantly but I know exactly what he’s doing.
“Yeah, I have to meet Liam.”
Raiden opens his mouth like he wants to say something, and then promptly closes it again. His brows creasing in the middle as he nibbles on his lower lip, drawing the pink flesh into his mouth and abusing it until it’s red and swollen.
“You should invite him over,” my dad suggests cheerfully and then continues, “Last time he was over, he said he could beat me in an arm wrestling match and we never got to try since you two left early.” Liam and my dad got along great when they first met, thanks to my dad dropping me off at the gym Liam works at.
He gave Liam the third degree and wanted to know every step in the plan for getting my physical health back to one hundred percent.
Normal people would be scared of my dad, with his rough voice and no bullshit attitude.
Not Liam though. If anything, I was slightly scared of Liam.
He stands a couple of inches taller than me, with shoulder length locs he typically pulls into a tight ponytail, and his biceps speak to the hours of dedication he puts in at the gym.
“Yeah, I’ll call him real quick.” I say a quick prayer that he isn’t busy or that I can come up with an excuse quick enough to not make myself look pathetic and let everyone know that I was making up bullshit reasons for why I couldn't be at dinner with Raiden.
“Samantha, baby, set another placemat for Liam. Jericho is going to invite him over for dinner.”
I force a fake smile on my face and leave Raiden and my dad to talk in the living room while I go to my room to make a private call to Liam.
My room is the exact same as it was in highschool, my trophies are sitting along my shelves and my bed sheets are still the same awful navy blue that my mom is dead set on decorating with.
My phone rings in my hand as I pace the space, kicking my dirty clothes into a pile in the corner of the room and out of the way. My leg aches against my prosthetic and the temptation to take it off and hobble to dinner with my crutches is there, but I ignore it for now.
“What?” Liam says in lieu of hello.
“I need you to come over to my parents’ for dinner tonight.” The line is silent for a minute and I pull my phone away from my face to see if he hung up.
“And why would I do that?” His voice is sarcastic and I know he’s getting a kick out of this.
“Because they’ll feed you for free and I promise not to complain next time you make me do burpees?” It’s the best I can offer at this moment.
“What’s for dinner?”
“Dunno, Ema is making dinner. My mom made cheesecake and brownies though.” Liam is a sucker for my mom’s brownies but I realize a moment too late my major fuck up.
“Ema? Raiden’s mom?” My silence is his answer and he groans loudly. “Is he there?”
“Yes, but my dad told me to ask you. It’s complicated. If I promise no complaining and I’ll buy you that sissy beer that you like, will you please come over?” There's rustling in the background and I can hear him making kissy noises towards his dog, Jojo.
“Be there in twenty. And it’s not sissy beer, it’s low calorie.” He says before he hangs up. I toss my phone on the bed and sit in the chair at my desk, resting my head in my hands and contemplating how awful this dinner is going to go.