Chapter 12 Jericho
JERICHO
Shockingly, dinner was not awful. It could have been a lot worse. Liam was on his best behavior the whole time, and asked all of the right questions to Raiden. How he likes his job, what his nutritional goals are, and things of that sort.
Thankfully, Liam never mentioned all of the information I told him over tequila and lime only a few weeks after I had been homeIt should have been embarrassing to cry over a guy to my physical trainer like that, but Liam didn’t make me feel bad about it.
He comforted me, gave me a plastic bin to throw up in if I got sick, and let me crash on his couch.
Ema and Rodney invited my parents over to their house, leaving us behind in their wake to clean up.
“I’ll start on the dishes,” Liam offers, grabbing the plates off the table and setting them carefully in the sink before turning on the water.
He hums to himself as he starts, and I keep sitting in my seat, staring down at the hardwood that’s worn out in certain places from the years of use and abuse.
“Hey,” Raiden says, coming and sitting close enough to me I can feel his body heat carving into my side.
“Hey.” I lift my head and smile at him. Offering an olive branch to him after all these years. “Want to bake cookies while Liam finishes up the dishes?”
“Won’t we just get more dirty?” He has a twinkle in his eye, humor lining his face.
Even with the leftover cheesecake and brownies, Raiden and I bake cookies like all those times we did in high school. Dirtying up way too many dishes, and Liam soaks us both with the water sprayer when I drop the mixing bowl into the sink.
We sit on the couch, each of us creating divots in the cushions while Raiden picks out a movie for us to watch.
Liam is on the farthest corner of the couch, I’m in the middle with my feet propped up on the edge of the coffee table, my prosthetic crossed over my leg, and Raiden is sitting close to me on the other side, with his feet tucked underneath his body.
“The Best of Me? Really?” Liam asks, cocking his eyebrows as he rests against the back of the couch, propping his arm on the arm rest and staring at Raiden.
“Yes, really,” Raiden says, turning his nose up a little, and focusing on the TV in front of him as the movie starts.
As the movie progresses, I can hear Liam shuffling around to get comfortable. I stay still, practically stationary as Raiden does the same. His movements shift him closer and closer to me until his sock covered feet are splayed across my lap.
Liam starts snoring and Raiden turns the volume up to drown out the loud sounds of the grown man next to us.
I hear a sniffle, and watch as Raiden’s rubs at the corners of his eyes, wiping away his tears.
“Come here.” I lift my arm up and he tucks himself underneath it, just like he did that day on the couch so many years ago when he confided in me about Josh. His floral scent is still the same, and the weight of his head on my shoulder still finds a way to burrow its way into me.
We stay like that, both of us enjoying the movie and finding comfort in one another until the ending credits roll. Liam is still asleep on the couch, and I don’t want to wake him. He already has a rough time sleeping as it is.
“Want to sit outside for a little bit?” I whisper, pinching a piece of his hair in between my fingers and twirling it around my digits.
“It’s getting late…”
“You’re totally right.” And totally married.
Of course he doesn’t want to sit outside and look at the stars with me.
He has a husband to go home to. A husband he loves and wants to spend time with.
“I can walk you out.” I push off the couch and lift one leg off the table, and then adjust my other leg.
It protests at the weight being put on it after being in a relaxed position for so long. I’ll have to take it easy tomorrow,
“Did your leg fall asleep?” Raiden asks, staring at my prosthetic leg. He can’t see the plastic and the metal contraption under my jeans.
“Something like that.” I reply easily. Standing up and waiting for my weight to adjust on its own. It’s still trial and error, and I’m sure it always will be. But when I look back on this in the future, I won’t remember the failures, I’ll only remember what I overcame.
“You were walking weird on it earlier too, when you first saw me. Is everything okay?” Does he not know what happened?
Did he not listen to any of the voicemails I left while I was recovering in the hospital?
The rambling words filled with pain and sadness while I needed someone to be a listening ear, to help me carry this burden.
I don’t know why I expected him to be that for me, he’s proven time and time again over the years that I mean nothing to him.
Anger bubbles up inside me, fast and vicious. I want to lash out, to hurt him the way he keeps hurting me. To tear down his defenses and leave him bruised and bloody. Badly wounded. And then when he’s begging for someone to help take his pain away, I would walk away.
“Leave,” I bite out, my voice shaking with barely contained rage.
The olive branch I extended earlier snaps in half in an instant, my mind screaming at me to turn my hatred towards him.
This is his fault. If he wouldn’t have run away from me, I would have stayed home.
I would have found a way for us to work.
“Wh-what?” He stutters, pain lining his voice. I wave my hand towards the door, flexing my muscles under the tension radiating through my limbs.
“Leave, Raiden,” I enunciate every syllable, glaring at him while he stares at me with his mouth agape. “Now.”
Liam chooses that moment to wake up, his jaw cracking yawn loud enough to be heard over the pounding in my ears. “What’s going on?” He asks, his eyes ping-ponging back and forth between Raiden and I.
“Raiden was just leaving.”
“No… Jer–” Raiden tries to stop me, but I can’t be stopped. The tsunami of feelings washing over me is unstoppable now, impenetrable by his tear-filled eyes and pouty bottom lip.
Liam stands up now, coming around to stand beside me, both of us facing off against Raiden.
“I think you should leave.” Liam says, backing me up and I can feel the weight off my shoulders start to lift as he helps me stand up for myself.
He knows what I’ve went through because of Raiden, and he’s willing to put himself in front of me to defend me against the one person who has hurt me the most.
“I don’t care what you think,” Raiden bites out, glaring at Liam before turning his attention back towards me. “Please, Jer. I’m just asking for a minute. Just one.” I’m shaking my head even as he pleads for me to listen to him. The time has passed for him to ask anything of me.
“No, Raiden. Now, please leave. I don’t want this to be any harder than it has to be.” The fight is leaving me now, leaving me bruised and battered. I want to lick my wounds in peace.
“We’re going to talk about this before I leave for tour,” Raiden says, walking backwards towards the door, never taking his eyes off me.
When the door slam shuts behind him, all of the adrenaline coursing through my body disappears with the thud echoing off the walls.
Liam is there to wrap his hands around my waist as he holds me up.
The exhaustion I feel is bone deep and my leg is throbbing now that all of the tension has disappeared.
The only thing I’m left with is the deep ache in my heart.
“Well, that was climactic,” Liam says when we’re finally sitting on the couch side by side. He watches me pull my pant leg up and carefully detach my prosthetic. I release a deep exhale, letting my leg breathe and the ache evaporates with every pulse of blood in my veins.
“Thank you,” I say as I massage the bottom of my leg, helping the flow of blood to the end of it. “I didn’t think I would be strong enough to kick him out when I saw the tears.”
“You don’t have to thank me.” The resentment in Liam’s voice burns bright, and it’s stunning to see the change in the man in front of me to who he was at the dinner table just a few hours ago. “He’s such a dick to you, I don’t know why you put up with it still.”
“I’m not going to. Tonight was the last straw,” I vow to myself, and to Liam.
He nods his head, pleased with my answer. “Good, you deserve so much better than him.” I snort at that, letting go of my leg and leaning my head back onto the couch cushion.
“Oh, yeah? And what can I offer anyone when I’m like this,” I gesture down at my body, the self-deprecating tone obvious.
“Shut the fuck up, you’re more than that and you know it.
Anyone would be lucky to have you.” He looks at me, and the look in his eyes has me questioning what he’s doing as he starts to lean closer.
“You don’t see yourself how everyone else does, Jericho.
And definitely not how I see you,” his voice is honey coated and soft.
His eyes drop to my lips and I freeze, anxiety pooling in my chest and racketing up my heart rate.
“How do you see me?” I ask, wetting my dry lips and watching as his eyes trace the movement.
My emotions are a pendulum, swinging back and forth violently.
My mind can’t catch up with all the new information being thrown my way.
“I see you as a hard working man, someone who doesn't let their emotions define them. Someone who is wholly devoted to those he cares about and he would go the extra mile to make them happy. Someone who pushes his limits just to see how strong he is, and how much he’s capable of.” With every word, I feel something change inside of me.
I’ve never had someone say things like this about me, at least not to my face.
I’ve never felt worthy, but for some reason, Liam sees me as a desirable person.
“I want to kiss you. I know it isn’t the right time for you. But watching you stand up for yourself, after everything you’ve told me, I am so fucking proud of you, Co. You’re incredible.”
He leans in, waiting for my cue. And against my better judgment I follow.
Our lips are a breath apart, the sweet smell of chocolate chips on his lips combined with the deep smell of his cologne isn’t something I’m used to.
But that’s what I need right now, something different.
Something that hasn’t been tainted by my past.
Our lips touch, and Liam sighs against my mouth, the sound warm and welcoming. He pushes harder against me, wrapping his hand around the back of my head and tangling into the curls at the base of my neck. He keeps it gentle, never opening his mouth or pressing for me.
When he leans back, his lips are slightly puffy and more pink than normal. He has a bright pink blush against his dark cheeks, and I smile at the sight.
“Uh… was that okay?” Liam asks hesitantly, tucking one of his locs that came loose from his pony tail behind his ear.
“It was great,” I answered honestly. He smiles wide, showing off his sharp canines and looking happy with my answer.
“Good, that’s cool.”
We stay there on the couch, sitting side by side, and Liam regales me with stories of his clients from the gym. Filling the house with his deep baritone voice and his loud, contagious laugh.
The clock above our fireplace chimes with the coming hour. Midnight is finally upon us and I know I’ve kept Liam away from his dog too long.
I walk him to the door, hobbling on one leg. It would bother me if someone else was seeing me in this moment of preconceived weakness, but with Liam, it doesn’t feel like a weakness. He’s seen me at my worst, and he still found a way to be interested in me.
A loud crack of thunder shakes the ground and Liam chuckles when he exits to the front porch, staring up at the dark nighttime sky. A bolt of lightning passes across its depth, lighting up Liam’s face in the streak of bright light.
“I’ll see you tomorrow?” He asks, a droplet of rain splashing against his cheek and trailing down the smooth skin.
“Yeah, I’ll meet you at the gym. Then we could go for lunch? Or coffee?”
He smiles, and leans up to press a gentle kiss to my cheek before he turns and runs for his truck at the curb.
Rain starts to fall down hard, blurring my vision and I stare in his general direction as he puts his truck into drive and leaves me, standing on my parents front porch and watching his red tail lights disappear in the darkness.
There’s a flutter of a curtain from next door, and I catch a glimpse of the living room light on before the curtain is shut and the light is turned off.
Ignoring it, and by default, him, I turn and walk back into my parents’ house.