Chapter 34 Jericho
JERICHO
The house is quiet as I push open the front door, the echoing sound repeating off the hardwood floors and empty walls.
The emptiness of the house reflects on the emptiness inside of me.
There’s no decorations. No furniture. Nothing except freshly painted walls and redone floors. This is where my effort has been going when I’m not at the hospital with Raiden, but you wouldn't be able to tell just from looking at it.
I pace across the hardwood, my shoes slapping against it with each step I take around the space.
I wanted to wait for Raiden before I decorated.
I wanted him to pick out the furniture and the art pieces that would line the walls.
I wanted pictures of us framed and hanging on each side of the fireplace.
I wanted this house to transform into a home.
But I have to wait for him to wake up to be able to do that.
“Well, this is great,” I say to myself and hear the words reverberate back to me.
It’s dark outside, so instead of letting myself stew in the uncomfortable silence of my house, I should do something more productive. Something that will keep my mind busy and allow me a reprieve from the too deep feelings currently coursing through me.
The shed outside is nicely stocked with plenty of things to help keep me occupied. I pull my phone out of my pocket, opening Youtube to its familiar channel and hit play.
I let video after video of Raiden’s dance performances stream across the glass screen keep me busy while I work.
Videos of his professional performances, him on stage capturing everyone’s attention and refusing to let go.
Videos of him breaking down step by step of routines for people to learn.
Millions of seconds of practice compacted down into quick videos.
There’s not enough, and I end up watching most of them three or four times.
The night sky brightens as dawn rises, the black night turning into a yellow painting.
My body aches and my eyes burn from the sleepless night, but as I survey all I got done a sense of pride washes over me.
Our bed frame is finally pieced together, and all that’s left to do is stain it. The details I burned into it are blurring together now, but once I come back with a fresh set of eyes, I know it’ll be better.
The alphabet consists of twenty six letters, and there’s over a billion ways to combine them to make words.
Something so small can have such a big impact.
But no matter how many times I tried to write out how I feel, none of it could truly encapsulate how I feel about Raiden.
The bone deep aches I feel without him. The missing pieces of me being held hostage because the one who’s holding them isn’t here with me.
The love and longing and lust I feel for him.
There’s not enough words in any language to be able to explain what I feel.
I flex my hands, the numbness slowly disappearing and the feeling creepy back in from the tips to the palm.
I wiggle them, having an out of body moment as I watch them move and realize it's my brain that’s controlling them.
The same brain that every person has but not enough people truly appreciate what all it does.
Maybe Connor and his weird obsession with brains could be able to explain it to me a little bit more, but that would require me calling him and I don’t have the energy for that. I don’t have the energy for anything.
The only thing I want to do is go back to the hospital and spend my day with Raiden, waiting for him to wake up.
I put away all my tools and sweep away the wood shavings into the pan and dump them into my burn barrel where I keep all of the scraps from woodmaking.
When I have enough I’ll drag it to the backyard and dump it in the fire pit.
Maybe invite Sophie and Damon over so they can roast marshmallows, I’m sure Damon would love that.
By the time I’m done with that, sweat is beading my temples and my shirt clings to my back. The sun is high in the sky, creating a warm shine to battle against the cold settling around us. Winter is here, and there won’t be any reprieve for another couple of months.
My phone rings from where I left it propped, Hollis’ ringtone blaring way too loud in the early morning. What could he possibly want? If he’s using this to gang up on me too, I’ll snap my phone in half and ignore everyone’s calls. I’m staying away. I’m holding up my end of the bargain.
While the smell of treated wood enveloped my senses last night, I decided that I couldn’t be around people. I wanted to be an asshole and to rage out, to show them how feral I am when I can’t be around Raiden, but that would further prove their point.
I let it go to voicemail, the eerie silence blanketing me in its uncomfortable cocoon until my phone starts to ring again. Hollis.
“What?” I answer the phone, letting my annoyance bleed through the line.
“You have to get to the hospital now.” His words are fast, almost muddled through the haze of confusion. Why is Hollis calling me? What could have happened.
My mind starts thinking the worst. Raiden. Raiden. Raiden.
I hang up the phone, not bothering with a response as I run through my house. My footsteps mock me with every step I take.
This. This is why I didn’t want to stay away, because when I stay away I have no clue what’s going on. I can’t control a situation when I’m a ten minute drive from the hospital.
I drive to the hospital with my windows down, letting the bitter winter chill slap my face as I whip my way past cars. Breaking every law on the short distance, but getting a ticket for reckless driving is the least of my worries right now.
I pull into the parking lot, throwing my truck into park, taking up two spots. Oh well, fuck it. My windows are down, and I don’t bother to roll them up. We’ve been in a drought, and there’s no forecast for rain.
Raiden took the rain with him. He took the storms and all their beauty.
Sprinting through the hallways, I’m hit with the antiseptic smell that I’ve grown used to. It’s settled in my pores like a normality.
When I finally get to Raiden’s room, Hollis and Connor are both standing outside of it with my parents. The distraught look on all of their faces has my hackles rising.
“What the fuck happened?”
Hollis tries to step in front of me, and I shove him to the side.
Intent on walking into Raiden’s room and figuring it out for myself.
This is all their fault. Whatever happened to Raiden while I was gone, I’ll never forgive myself for not being here.
And I’ll never forgive them for keeping me away.
“Chill the fuck out, Coco. You can’t hulk out right now.” Connor pushes me back against the wall with his palms on my heaving chest. My parents watch in silence and I glare at them. Standing there watching while they know I’m two seconds away from crumbling.
“Tell me what the fuck happened,” I snarl. Ready to bite Connor and Hollis’ heads off, and they’re two of my best friends. But I won’t let anything stand between me and Raiden.
“You need to calm down and then I’ll tell you. The important thing is that Raiden is alright.”
A breath whooshes out of me, the anger that was boiling over dissipates as fast as taking a pot off the stove.
Raiden is alright. He’s fine. He’ll be okay.
My mantra calms me down farther and I gently push Connor’s hands away from my chest.
“Then why did Hollis sound scared shitless on the phone when he called me?”
“Fuck you, Coco. I wasn’t scared shitless,” Hollis mutters but takes a step closer to my mom and she rubs a hand down his arm.
He’s basking in her attention, and I can’t be mad at him for it when he confided in me the troubles he’s had with his parents.
I can share my mom with him, even when my irritation is at its rope’s end.
“Sweetheart, there’s something we need to tell you before you walk in there.
” It’s my mom speaking this time, her voice gentle.
I cut my eyes to her, questioning why she’s treating me like I’m about to freak out.
I already had my minor freak out, but they said Raiden was okay. That’s all that matters to me.
“What your mom means to say is–”
There’s a commotion inside of Raiden’s room, a woman yelling and a high pitched sob. Ema. She’s sobbing.
“Jericho!” My dad calls my name, but I’m pushing past them to throw open the door to the hospital room.
I’m hit with a sense of wrongness. The presents from Raiden’s birthday are all gone. His decorations that the nurses and all of us have put up are all gone. Everything is gone, down to the wooden daisies I carved for him and hand painted are missing from their place on his nightstand.
“Long time no see, Jericho.”
The bane of mine and Raiden’s relationship is sitting on the edge of Raiden’s bed. Looking way too smug and put together for a man who has no right being here.
Time has done Josh well. His face is more defined, gone is the young boy and in his place is a man. His sharp jawline with a hint of stubble and beady brown eyes that rake over me, leaving a trail of disgust in their wake.
What the fuck is going on here?
Ema and Rodney are clinging to each other, Ema’s bony fingers are white with the pressure she’s using to clutch onto Rodney’s shirt.
Josh is smiling at me, an all-knowing and bone chilling smile that has the hair on the back of my neck standing up.
I should have taken Ema and Rodney more seriously when they were talking about Josh reaching out.
I should have made them recite every word until they’re ingrained inside me so I could have prepared for this.
But would anything truly have ever prepared me? To see him, sitting on the edge of Raiden’s bed. Like he belongs there. After all the destruction he’s caused to Raiden’s life, he doesn’t get to walk in here and look happy to see us.
“What are you doing here?” My words are one breath away from a snarl, my upper lip curling in utter hatred.
He places his palms on his thighs and pushes himself up from his seat. There’s a divot in the bed where his ass was resting, way too close to Raiden’s legs that are currently tucked under the standard issued hospital blanket. Even the custom, crocheted blanket I bought him is missing.
“After all these years, that’s the first thing you have to say to me? I have to admit, I’m disappointed Jericho. I thought much higher of you than that.” His uppity tone doesn’t go unnoticed by me or the other two people in the room watching us showdown.
I straighten my spine, feeling a residual throb in my leg from where I didn’t take my prosthetic off last night. Just another way I’m lacking.
“I don’t care what you thought of me. I asked you a question and I expect an answer,” I demand.
His nostrils flare, as if the open disrespect from me annoys him. Good. He should be annoyed. And he should also get the fuck out of here and go back into whatever hole he climbed out of.
“I know your type, Jericho,” he taunts, walking up to me until he’s standing right in front of me.
My bigger build overshadows him, but he has a quickness in his eyes that he didn’t have before.
Or maybe I never noticed it. This isn’t the same boy who used to play football with me, this is a ruthless businessman, willing to cut down anyone and anything that stands in his way.
And I’m currently preventing him from sinking his claws into whatever he has planned.
He continues, not bothered by me using my size to intimidate him.
He brushes off an imaginary piece of lint from his shoulder, not a care in the world.
“You think that you can control everything, the same way you used to when we were younger. You think you’re smart enough or strong enough to do anything you set your mind to.
” His eyes zero in on mine and I feel a shiver run up my spine at his teasing gaze.
“I always thought you were too dumb to see what was in front of you, but I realized something else while I was sitting here packing away Raiden’s things.
” He draws off, cocking his head and waiting for me to break and ask him what he realized.
He thinks I’ll cave under his silence. But stronger men than him have tried to break me, and none have succeeded thus far.
“You’re scared,” he hisses the word, pushing forth the syllables and consonants to further prove his point. “You were scared then, just like you’re scared now.”
Josh is wrong. I’m not scared. I’m pissed. My anger is at its breaking point and I’m two point five seconds away from decking him in the face, consequences be damned. He’s way past due for a good knock down.
“You don’t know anything. Not about me. Not about him.
” I point at Raiden, sleeping soundly on the bed with the tubes all still attached to him.
His heart rate is steady in the beat of silence between us.
“So unless you have something useful to add, get the fuck out. We don’t need or want you here. And neither does he.”
“Wellll,” Josh steps back, and sits himself back on the edge of the bed where he was sitting previously. He positions himself comfortably, crossing one leg over the other and resting his arm across them. “There’s a slight problem with your plan.”
Ema’s sob is loud and I whip my attention to her as Rodney wipes tears away from her face.
“You see, Jericho. I’m Raiden’s husband. So, by default, anything that has to do with him, has to do with me.”
No. No. They’re divorced. That can’t be true.
“I see the look on your face, and I hate to tell you this but… I never signed the divorce papers. I always figured Raiden would come crawling back to me. I never figured I would get to hold his life in my hands like this.”
A rumble of thunder roars outside of the window.
A loud explosive noise. It sends me back to the last time my life was changed.
A time when I thought I would never survive.
I would never recover. I would never get to see the light of day again, or play football with my friends, or see Raiden ever again.
That nightmare becomes a reality as Josh’s words crash over me.