Two
TWO
Graham
“Are congratulations in order?”
I took a long pull from my beer before setting it back on the bar. Glancing to my right, my eyes landed on my best friend, Andy, and I cocked a brow. “It’s finally official. It’s over.”
He dipped his chin. “Yeah. The thing is, even though I realize you’re the one who set this all in motion, I can’t help but feel like you don’t seem like you’ve gotten what you wanted.”
I huffed.
That was just the thing.
I should have felt like I’d gotten my life back. I was free.
But I didn’t feel anything I thought I should have felt on a day like today.
Because even if this was what needed to happen, what I’d gone about making happen, I certainly hadn’t ever wanted things to lead me to this place in my life. I never imagined anything would ever push me to the point I felt like there was no other option, no other road to take than the one I’d gone down.
It was a path that led me right to where I was now.
Officially divorced as of today.
“It’s not that, Andy. I just didn’t expect that this was where I’d wind up. You know what I mean? I never went into that relationship, that engagement, and the marriage thinking that I’d be here one day.”
It felt as though I’d lived a lifetime in just the last twelve months. And that didn’t take into consideration the years before I’d taken the steps to end my marriage officially by filing for divorce.
Five years, to be precise, had gone right down the tubes. Five years of my life dedicated to someone, and I couldn’t ever get them back.
I wasn’t a man who liked the idea of living with regret, but I could confidently say I regretted everything about my former relationship.
When Andy didn’t say anything in response, an indication he knew I wasn’t done, I continued. “It feels like I wasted years of my life, man. I can’t get any of that back.”
As I lifted my beer bottle to my mouth, Andy set his down and swallowed. “I think, if you’re having second thoughts, you could absolutely get it all back.”
My head snapped in his direction. “And what? Undo everything I’ve pushed for over the last year?”
He sent a pointed look my way that suggested it wouldn’t be the worst idea in the world.
I shook my head and took another swig of my beer. “Don’t tell me you think I made the biggest mistake of my life, too.”
“I don’t. I’m not saying that at all. You did what you had to do and, Graham, fuck, if I’d been in your shoes, I don’t know what I would have done. It’s awful, and I’d never want to have to make that decision.”
Nobody would.
I’d done it, and I still hated it.
Not the decision I made, of course. That was the one thing I could be assured I hadn’t made a mistake about.
It was more that I’d needed to make the decision to begin with that bothered me the most.
Fortunately, I had moved on.
Long before my divorce had been made official today, I’d gotten on with my life. And even though it was jarring to have it finalized, I didn’t doubt for one second that I’d made the right choice.
I’d have been in misery, otherwise.
Even worse than the misery I’d been in those first few weeks and months when I’d made the decision to end my marriage.
“I pray you never have to experience it, Andy.”
“Thanks. And I’ll just tell you that now you can look on the bright side,” he returned.
“You believe there’s a bright side to all of this?”
He nodded again, a hint of amusement in his features. “You’ve already experienced the worst of the worst. Now that this is officially over, you can move forward and find something special. It can only get better from here.”
I stared at him, feeling slightly dumbfounded. “You’re joking, right?”
“No. What makes you say that?”
Inhaling deeply, I tore my attention away from him and stared straight ahead. I couldn’t think of one thing that would ever make me want to take a risk like that again. “I’m done.”
“Done?”
I downed the rest of my beer and indicated to the bartender to bring another. “Done. This was it.”
We sat in an awkward silence, only the sounds of the pub filling the air around us. I didn’t necessarily mind. I figured Andy would be slightly stunned by my declaration.
Eventually, he broke the silence. “You don’t want to find someone else?”
I shook my head. “Nope.”
“Never?”
A new beer was set down on the bar in front of me as I shifted slightly on my stool. “I didn’t just lose my marriage. I lost a whole lot more. And as grateful as I am to still have my career and my friends, I never thought I’d lose all that I did. I think I’d like to hang on to what I’ve got in my life now, so I’m not prepared to take any chances.”
“You’re not going to lose your career, and while I can’t speak for anyone else, I can promise you that I’m not going anywhere.”
I wanted to believe that.
I guess I did, particularly when it came to him.
Because Andy had proven, even when I was in the darkest depths of despair, that he’d be there for me.
I shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess I’m just tired after everything over the last year.”
“So, take a nap, Graham. You’re young. You can’t go through the rest of your life alone, never wanting a woman to warm your bed.”
Sending him a look that suggested I felt differently, I explained, “I’m not saying I’ll avoid all contact with the opposite sex, but I’m not going to be looking for anything serious.”
His brows shot up in surprise. “Just one-night stands, then?”
“Why does that come as such a shock?”
“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe the fact that you’ve never been that guy.” Sarcasm dripped from every word he spoke.
Andy wasn’t wrong.
I’d never been that guy. I’d always preferred relationships over hookups. I wanted something meaningful, something to build upon.
But now that I had no desire to build anything profound with anyone ever again, one-night stands seemed to be my only option. “Things change.”
Andy didn’t immediately respond. He sat there, no doubt digesting it all and keeping whatever thoughts he had about it to himself. I appreciated his willingness to do that, to let me make the choices that I needed to and simply be my supportive friend. Of course, that didn’t mean he never gave an opinion—he rarely kept it to himself. The difference between him and some others had been that even if he hadn’t agreed with everything I’d ever done in my life, he realized it was always my decision in the end.
“At least you’re still willing to give yourself some connection,” he reasoned. “And who knows? Maybe, after some time has passed and you’ve put yourself back out there, you’ll change your mind about having another serious relationship.”
There was not a chance that would ever happen, but it wasn’t worth mentioning. Andy was merely being hopeful, and even if I no longer had that kind of optimism about any of it, I couldn’t fault him for feeling that way. He hadn’t experienced the level of devastation I had in a romantic relationship, let alone a marriage—and I hoped he never did—so it was unreasonable for me to expect him to understand completely where I was coming from.
Deciding it was best to just switch topics, I said, “Enough about me. For the guy who seems to be all about happy endings, you sure are taking things slow. When am I going to be able to offer you congratulatory words?”
“Slow? Graham, it’s only been four months since I started seeing Eliza. I think it’s okay to take some time to be sure.”
“Oh, yeah? And what way are things leaning at this point? Do you think she’s got staying power?”
Andy didn’t need to say a word, because with one look at his face, I had my answer. He was gone for Eliza, completely caught up in her. “I can certainly say I’ve never felt about anybody the way I feel about her. And, well, can I be honest?”
A crease formed between my brows. “Sure. What’s up?”
“I might have been joking with you a bit. The truth is, I already know how I feel about her. And I started looking at rings.”
My eyes widened in surprise. “No kidding?”
He shook his head. “I’m sorry. I didn’t want to say anything, especially on a day like today.”
“What? No. I’m glad you said something. I’m happy for you.”
Andy smirked. “Thanks, man. I appreciate it.”
“When are you planning to pop the question?”
He shrugged. “I need to decide on a ring first, but I was thinking about planning something this summer. Maybe a trip.”
“Oh, yeah? Got any locations in mind?”
Andy inhaled deeply. “I think the problem is I have far too many ideas.”
Laughter spilled out of me. “Tell me about them. Maybe I can help you out.”
For the next little while, Andy and I talked about his options for a cool, romantic spot to propose to his girl before we shifted the conversation to talk of work.
Somewhere in the middle of it, he’d gotten a call from Eliza and told her he’d be leaving soon.
“I’m going to run to the restroom before I head out of here,” he said. “Are you sure you don’t want me to hang for a little while longer?”
I shook my head. “I’m good, Andy. Go home to your girl.”
He offered a sympathetic look. “Well, maybe me walking away right now will be a good thing. You’ll be alone, and that’ll be the perfect opportunity for you to invite someone to come sit next to you.”
I rolled my eyes at him before he took off toward the bathroom.
I understood Andy’s struggle with seeing me in this position. He was my best friend, and even if my divorce being finalized was a good thing, he still hated that this was where things wound up.
But for now, I was good with where I was. My work was occupying my time, and I enjoyed every other aspect of my life. It was nice to finally have this one mistake I made finally put behind me, and I was not nearly as eager as Andy had wanted me to be about asking someone to sit next to me.
It seemed that despite my insistence that I would not be rushing into finding someone to randomly hook up with, the universe had other plans.
No matter that there were several other bar stools open, a woman sat on the stool immediately to my left.
I hadn’t needed to turn my head to know it was a woman, because the scent of her instantly wrapped around me. It was a rich, warm fragrance that held a trace amount of something else, something meant to seduce.
Refusing to be tempted, I focused my attention on my beer. That’s when the bartender walked up, placed a napkin on the bar, and asked, “What can I get for you?”
“A vodka gimlet, please.”
Her voice was soft, feminine, and nearly as seductive as her perfume.
Foolishly, I dared to glance in her direction.
Big mistake.
I was met with a pair of big brown eyes, a sweet smile that accentuated both her pretty cheekbones and kissable lips, and long, layered, sun-kissed brown hair.
Maybe it had been the conversation I’d just had with my best friend, or perhaps it had been far too long since I’d experienced the pleasure of a woman’s company, but there was far too much about this woman that had the power to hold me captive.
Without so much as a nod in her direction, I looked away and focused on the label on my beer.
Andy returned mere moments later, and the hint of a smirk on his face told me he had plenty of thoughts about how he’d only been gone a short time and there was already someone seated beside me.
He clapped a hand on my shoulder. “Alright, Graham, I’m out of here. Are you good?”
I jerked my chin down and held up a bottle. “Yeah. I’m finishing this up and heading out, too. I’ll talk to you later.”
“Or grab yourself another,” he suggested. “Stay a while. Talk. Enjoy yourself.”
My eyes narrowed on him.
He allowed the laughter to spill out of him a little too freely as he squeezed my shoulder and walked away.
Barely a moment later, the woman beside me said, “Excuse me, Graham, is it? I’m sorry. I didn’t take your friend’s seat, did I?”
I shook my head. “No. You’re fine.”
She smiled at me. “I’m Kat, by the way.”
I offered a chin lift in response and looked away again, lifting my beer to my lips to take another sip and distract myself.
It had been more than a year since I’d been with a woman, a year since I felt any desire to be with one, and now, after my conversation with my best friend, I couldn’t stop thinking about it.
The bartender set Kat’s drink in front of her, and though I didn’t move my head, I was acutely aware of everything she did.
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. The name’s Billy, if you need anything else.”
A laugh escaped. “I appreciate that, but I’m not sure you understand what you’ve just offered after the year I’ve had.”
Billy leaned in. “Did you want to talk about it? That’s part of the job description, you know?”
Kat didn’t respond.
Or, well, she didn’t respond verbally.
She must have shaken her head, because Billy said, “Alright. Well, if you change your mind, just give me a shout.”
As he walked off and Kat’s fingers curled around her glass, I kept my eyes pinned on the beer in my hands.
After the year I’ve had…
For a fleeting moment, I wondered if her year had been even half as bad as mine. Then I quickly shook the thought from my mind. Why would that matter to me? I didn’t know this woman, and I certainly had no interest in learning about what she’d been through. I’d made that much clear to my best friend mere minutes ago.
“Bad day?”
My body tensed at the sound of her voice again. Since nobody else was around, it was obvious she was speaking to me. “Pardon?”
My tone was clipped, that single word coming out harsher than I intended.
Kat sensed it. “I apologize if I’m bothering you. I just… Well, you seem like you’ve had a bad day, and I thought I’d make some conversation. If you’d rather not, I understand.”
I accepted her explanation without a word in response, simply lifting my beer bottle once more.
“Am I?” she pressed.
For the first time since I’d initially looked at her, I twisted my neck so my eyes could meet hers. “Are you what?”
“Bothering you?”
I should have gotten up right then and there and walked away. Instead, I shook my head. “No.”
“So, just a guys’ night out, then?”
Shrugging, I grumbled, “Something like that.”
Her eyes roamed over my face in a way I hadn’t experienced from a woman in a very long time. “Well, Graham… It is Graham, right?”
I inclined my head but said nothing.
“Right. Well, I have a question for you. Have you ever wished you could go back in time and live a single day over again?”
“I’m sorry?”
Kat took a sip of her vodka gimlet and swept her hand out, palm up, in my direction. “Today, for example. If you could go back and do this day all over again, would you change it?”
Today had certainly been a monumental day in my life, one I had wished hadn’t ever come to fruition. “Today needed to happen just like it did.”
It had been several of the days over the last year, maybe even longer, that I wished could have been erased.
She arched a brow, one half of her mouth quirking. “I guess that could mean good things for me, then.”
“How so?”
The tip of Kat’s tongue darted out and licked her lips, and she sent a smile my way that had been just as seductive as her perfume and her voice. “Because perhaps there’s a reason that I sat down right beside you and not anybody else at this bar.”
I wondered if this was some cruel, twisted joke.
The day my divorce is finalized, a gorgeous woman happens to walk into the pub where I am and decides to sit right beside me. Not only that, but it was clear she was flirting, hinting at the prospect of something more.
Part of me thought it was entirely possible Andy had set something like this up as a means to kick-start my healing process.
Obviously, as I’d already told him, I had moved on. I wasn’t sitting around pining over my ex. And even though I had no reason to hold myself back from enjoying the company of another woman over the last year, I hadn’t done it. The truth was, even if I knew the marriage was over, that covenant still meant something to me.
But as of today, I was no longer married.
Whether this was something Andy had set up or not, maybe it was time I indulged myself with a willing participant.
“You mentioned today happening just like it did might mean good things for you. What good things were you hoping for?”
Kat’s eyes drifted down over my body and back again. “You’re a handsome guy, Graham. You’re far better looking than I could have hoped for on a night like tonight, if I’m honest. And, well, unlike you, I do wish I could go back and change something. So, nothing would be better than finding a guy willing to help me take that first step in making that change tonight.”
This woman was beautiful.
What she was suggesting wasn’t exactly my style.
But I couldn’t say it’d be a bad night if I wound up spending it with someone who looked like Kat did.
And given the way I’d played it for my whole life hadn’t exactly worked out for me the way I had hoped, maybe I needed to take that first step, too.
“I guess that all depends on you.”
Intrigued, she leaned in. “How so?”
“If you’re just looking for some fun tonight, that’s one thing. If you’re hoping this turns into something serious, I’m sorry, but I’m not your guy.”
The corners of her mouth tipped up. “The last thing I want is something serious, Graham. All I’m looking for is a night of fun.”
I swallowed roughly.
This couldn’t have been more perfect; I was tempted to ask her if she knew Andy, just to confirm he hadn’t been involved.
But I didn’t do that.
I jerked my head toward the glass in her hand and urged, “Then you better finish up that drink, Kat. Because I’m ready to get out of here.”
She lifted the glass to her lips, downed the remainder, and stood.
Fuck, even sitting down, I was taller than her. She couldn’t have been more than a couple of inches over five feet tall. At just an inch over six feet, I was going to tower over her.
“Your place or mine?” I asked as I stood in front of her.
Kat tipped her chin up, and her gaze darkened. She didn’t hesitate to respond. “Yours.”
The next thing I knew, we had walked out of the pub together and were heading back to my place.
And judging by the flutter of anticipation in my gut at what was ahead for me, I decided that doing something different and seeking a bit of change wasn’t such a bad idea, after all.