Fourteen
FOURTEEN
Kat
Exercise was the best medicine.
There was nothing quite like moving your body, feeling the sweat pour down your back, and having a little fun in the process of mending a broken heart and to ease the anger coursing through your body.
The broken heart was self-explanatory. I’d suffered enough of that to last a lifetime.
The anger was another story. Because while there was a part of me that was mad at myself for having allowed things to get to such an awful place again, there had been something infuriating that happened this morning, which was taking up far more space in my head and heart.
I’d just gotten myself ready to walk out the door when my phone rang. In a hurry, not wanting to be late, I wasn’t paying attention when, with my hands full, I answered the call. “Hello?”
“Kat.”
One word.
Just one word was all it took to have me nearly dropping everything only so I could shake my fists in the air while I screamed.
It was Charlie.
I’d been avoiding his calls for months now. Months.
And because I’d gotten so caught up in what I was feeling about the situation with Graham and desperately needed to do what I had planned for this morning, I dropped my guard and answered a call I never would have otherwise.
“What do you want?” I spat.
“I… I didn’t think you were going to answer,” he stammered. “Aw, Kat, I miss you, baby. I think about you all the time.”
“You’re married, Charlie. You have a wife and children. You shouldn’t be calling me.”
“I told you I was going to end things. I just needed time to get stuff sorted out. You know how I feel about you.”
He couldn’t be serious.
After all this time, he expected me to believe that. Not that I’d ever consider taking him back, nor would I ever want him to do it for me, but that he claimed he cared about me and intended to leave his wife and children but hadn’t done so already told me everything I needed to know about his commitment to me.
“Yeah, you’re right. I do know how you feel. I know that you believe I think so little of myself that I’d be willing to accept less than I deserve,” I fired back. “I don’t know how many more times you need to hear this or how many other ways I can say it to make you understand, but I’m never coming back to you. I’m over what we had, and I’ll never, ever accept you back into my life. Now, I need to go. Please do not ever call me again.”
Without giving him the opportunity to respond, I pulled the phone from my ear, disconnected the call, and dropped my phone into my bag. It was better if I didn’t even have it close enough to know if someone else tried to call me.
I was out the door a minute later and completely fired up to get my day started. I needed it more than ever.
For the last two weeks, I had poured myself into my work and hobbies to keep myself busy and my mind distracted. It hadn’t been easy, but it had been necessary.
When things had originally gone south with Charlie, I had taken such a long time to get back to taking care of myself. I refused to do that again. I felt like such a fool for having put myself in the situation I had with Graham, and I knew I’d never do anything so stupid ever again.
That was the one thing I couldn’t seem to avoid whenever I was alone and couldn’t stop my thoughts from drifting to Graham. The only thing I could do now was to make a promise that I’d never put myself in that position again.
Fortunately, I had today’s hobby to look forward to, which was guaranteed to keep my mind distracted from the pain in my heart and help me to get out most of the frustration I had been feeling in my personal life lately.
Today, I was doing one of the things I loved most in the world—playing tennis.
Every year for the last five years, I had joined a group of people from my town that loved to play as much as I did. We’d get together weekly at the tennis courts at the local community park and play together. Several times throughout the season, we’d have a tournament to add a bit of friendly competition among the group.
It had always been a blast and something I loved doing.
But it was about this time last year when I’d learned the truth about Charlie’s double life. It had been a chore just to do the necessary tasks of going to work, making meals, doing laundry, and cleaning my house. I’d been too devastated to join in on the fun of tennis last year, and by the time I was ready to return to the land of the living, the season was basically over.
Charlie had taken that from me, and I was proud of myself for not allowing Graham to have that control over me now. Considering Graham and I were never official, I guess it made sense why I was able to get over what he’d done so much easier.
Yeah, right.
I didn’t know who I was trying to kid by saying I was over what happened with him.
That was probably the biggest lie I told myself over these last two weeks. Logically, I knew it was crazy to have felt anything for Graham, but I did. And while it frustrated me, there wasn’t anything I could do besides push myself forward and keep living my life.
Playing tennis for the last two hours this morning had helped tremendously.
I was hot, sweating, and loving the movement again.
I’d just finished my last match and could honestly say it was the best I’d felt over these last two weeks.
As I worked to catch my breath, I walked off to the side of the court and was stopped by my opponent.
“Great match, Kat.”
I beamed. “Thanks, David. This was so much fun.”
“It’s great to have you back. We missed you last year.”
Nodding, still smiling, I replied, “Yeah, I’m happy to be back. Things were a bit chaotic for me last year, but I’m planning to take full advantage this year. In fact, I missed it so much you might need to drag me off the court. I’m already itching to play another round.”
David used his racket to point at the center of the court. “Did you want to play again? I’ve got the time this morning.”
“Oh, that’s tempting. I really appreciate the offer, but I should probably call it quits here. I’m already feeling the effects of these first few matches in my muscles. If I play again, I probably won’t be able to walk tomorrow.”
David laughed. “Well, we certainly want to make sure you come back next week, so it’s wise to quit while we’re ahead, I think.”
“Agreed.”
“Well, I’m going to head out of here, but I wanted to make sure you know how happy we all are that you’re back here playing with us this year. It just wasn’t the same without you here.”
My heart warmed. After all that I’d been through over the last year, it was nice to hear that I was wanted somewhere, that there were people who actually enjoyed spending time with me.
To buy some time to get a hold of my emotions, I dropped my gaze to my feet for a moment. After blinking my eyes rapidly to stave off the tears and taking in a few deep breaths, I returned my attention to David. I was still smiling, feeling that warmth move through me, but it was clear he could tell that I was struggling not to break down in tears, because he reached out a hand and gave my shoulder a reassuring squeeze.
“That means a lot to me, David. Thank you. And like I said before, I’m thrilled to be back here with everyone. I’m looking forward to a great season.”
He squeezed my shoulder once more, smiled, and gave me a nod. “We’ll see you next weekend, then.”
“You absolutely will,” I assured him. “Enjoy the rest of your day.”
David jerked his chin up. “Later, Kat.”
I said goodbye and moved off to the back corner of the tennis court with my racket, where I’d set my things against the fence. Before doing anything else, I picked up my water and drank. And for a few moments afterward, I stood there, staring at the court as a refreshing sense of peace and calm washed over me.
This had been just what I needed. Coming here today, getting this piece of myself back, felt like a major turning point. I felt so good, and I was certain there was nothing that could bring me down.
But then a movement off to my right caught my eye, and when I looked in that direction, my stomach dropped.
All the hard work I’d put in over the last two weeks, and especially today, to get myself to this point, had vanished, like it’d been zapped from me as quickly as a bolt of lightning struck a tree.
Graham was standing there.
He was staring with a look on his face I’d never seen before. Though I couldn’t be sure from the distance, that look seemed to be a mix of longing, surprise, and possessiveness.
Graham was wearing a pair of gym shorts and a T-shirt—it was the first I’d seen him in anything other than jeans or a pair of sweats—but his presence was still just as commanding as ever.
Even with the twenty feet or so between us, I could feel the intensity of his stare on me. And for a moment, it rendered me motionless. Well, that stare and the fact that he was even here had both led to me being unable to move.
It was clear Graham didn’t intend to just stare for a few seconds and walk away. He was fully prepared to have a conversation, so I had no choice but to gather up my things and head in his direction. The last thing I needed was for him to walk in through that gate and invade this space.
Nope.
No way.
He was not going to take this away from me. I’d already allowed Charlie to do that to me; I wasn’t going to let that happen again.
So, I bent down and gathered up my things in my arms before turning to head toward the gate that would lead me off the court and, ultimately, to Graham.
I wasn’t quite sure what I expected would happen once we were face-to-face, with only a handful of feet separating us again, but I hadn’t really had the opportunity to prepare for it, either.
“Hi, Kat.”
His voice.
It had only been two weeks without the sound of his voice, and I hated that it was like music to my ears to hear it again.
“Graham.”
“I didn’t know you played tennis.”
I cocked a brow. Did he really just say that? “You didn’t want to know.”
I couldn’t play nice with him. But I also couldn’t be with him the way I’d been with Charlie earlier this morning, because Graham technically hadn’t betrayed me the way Charlie had. Graham operated well within the parameters of our agreement, and it was me who had made things messy.
But even if that had been the case, I still couldn’t pretend I wasn’t upset by how things went down with him, how he’d handled me in the end.
“That’s fair. I deserved that.”
“I wasn’t trying to be rude, Graham. I’m just stating the truth.”
He dipped his chin. “I know.”
We stood there, staring at one another, neither of us saying a word. I didn’t think I could stand it much longer, but I didn’t have a clue of what to say.
Luckily—or maybe unluckily—Graham broke the silence. “Are you… How are you doing?”
“The best I can.”
Some small sentimental part of me wanted to ask the same in return, but the bigger, scorned part of me refused to let the question spill out.
“This may sound crazy, but do you have any plans for tonight?”
My lungs stopped functioning, but I couldn’t work out whether it was because I was so shocked or enraged that he had the audacity to ask such a question. “You’re right. That does sound crazy.” When Graham didn’t say anything, evidently waiting for a response to his question, I added, “Why are you asking me that?”
Graham offered a sheepish look in return. “I was thinking that maybe we could get together.”
Alright.
Well, I tried.
I tried to remain cordial, but this was simply insulting.
“Okay, Graham, I thought your question about me having plans was the crazy part of this, but it’s not. That you think I’d jump right back into this with you after the way things went down between us is ludicrous. Like you said a couple of weeks ago, I want more than you’re willing to give. And while I realize that leaves me alone at this point in my life, I can’t forget the fact that you’ve already moved on with others, that you likely never stopped seeing others the entire time. And that’s not your fault. I signed up for it when I agreed to what I did with you. But I’m not willing to settle anymore, and I won’t just be a notch on your bedpost, so no, I’m sorry, but we can’t get together tonight or any other night for that matter.”
I’d tried so hard not to look at Graham in a bad light, because he’d laid things out from the start. But this just felt cruel of him to do.
So, I took the hurt I felt, stepped around him, and made the journey toward my car. I’d gotten only a handful of steps away before he blurted, “There is nobody else.”
My body came to a halt. Surely, I hadn’t heard that correctly. Spinning around slowly, I brought my eyes to his. “What did you just say?”
“There’s nobody else, Kat. There hasn’t been anybody else but you for more than a year. You were my first and only since my divorce.”
My lips parted in surprise, and everything I thought I knew about this man flew out the window. He’d been married and divorced, and I was his first and only since then. The weight of that revelation was magnanimous.
“But… I saw you with that woman two weeks ago,” I stammered.
“That woman is a member of my staff, and she was one of several women and men there with me that night. Shiloh is just the most talkative and free-spirited of the bunch, so that’s probably why you saw her talking to me the most. We were all out celebrating the anniversary of the shop opening. I tried to tell you that night, but you didn’t let me.”
I snapped my lips together, feeling embarrassed. If it hadn’t been for the fact that I’d just had several rousing matches of tennis that left me sweaty and red-faced, I didn’t doubt that Graham would have noticed the blush that crept over my cheeks.
“I… I overreacted. I’m so sorry, Graham. I just… After the way you’d canceled on me earlier in the week, and then didn’t seem interested in setting a new date to get together, I assumed the worst was true. Oh, I’m mortified.”
He took a step toward me, and I wound up taking one backward. Graham noticed and halted. “It’s okay, Kat. I didn’t do everything right in this situation, either. And I’d like to fix that. I’d like to have the opportunity to tell you the truth, to explain what led me to not wanting another serious relationship. I thought, if you were willing, that maybe I could come by your place tonight, pick you up, and take you out for dinner. I thought we could talk to one another and clear the air.”
He wanted to talk. He wanted to clear the air.
That’s when it hit me.
Graham and I had entered our physical relationship the way we had—neither of us looking for anything more than just sex—because we’d both been navigating some incredibly trying things in our lives.
Maybe I needed to have some grace for him, some compassion, and understand that I wasn’t the only one who’d been suffering through heartbreak.
“Really? You want to have dinner with me, so we can talk?”
Graham nodded. “I do.”
I couldn’t tear my eyes away from him. Months and weeks of desperately trying to find any way I could to get to know him better. Now, it seemed I’d get my chance. Sure, it wasn’t going to be what I hoped to have with him in the end, but at least I could understand where he was coming from and be able to move on with some understanding. That had to put me in a better place than I was now.
My mouth curved into a slow smile. “I think I’d like that, Graham.”
He returned the smile. “How does six o’clock work?”
The lingering bits of heaviness and embarrassment vanished. “That’s perfect.”
With that, Graham and I walked beside each other toward the parking lot. And I felt the best I had in weeks.