Chapter 31
Eileen sat at the head table with Archer, Thomas, and Reid. The celebrations were in full swing.
Half the villagers had come to the castle, most of them spilling out of the Great Hall and into other rooms and the courtyard. Some had stayed behind in the villages, where there were smaller celebrations.
There was no official reason for the celebration, but no one cared. Archer had expressed how he didn’t feel it was right to celebrate their success in getting rid of the traitors within the castle, especially when so many had lost their lives because of it.
“This is a wonderful feast,” Eileen said from beside him. “I’m so happy that me braithers got to be here for this.”
“Aye, me too,” Archer said. “And might I say how beautiful ye look?”
Eileen didn’t have any formal wear, but she’d had some help from Ivy, who’d lent her a dress for the evening.
“Aye, thank ye, Archer,” she replied. “Ye look mighty fine, too.”
It didn’t help that he looked very fine in his tight brown trousers, cream shirt, and green tartan sash that brought out the green in his eyes. She tried not to look at him.
It had been decided that she was to return in the morning with her brothers, and the more she looked at him, the more her desire flared in her gut—and other places.
It was the way his shirt hugged his chest—the chest she liked to rest her head on.
And the way his eyes sparkled in the candlelight—eyes she could not look away from when he was making love to her.
And the way his plump lips curved as he sipped from his tankard—the lips she wanted on her body.
She could think of two dozen things she would miss, but there was nothing to be gained from dwelling on them any longer.
It was not that her brother had come to take her home, but that Archer had been all right with it. Now, they were supposed to be celebrating, but she felt like doing anything but. She snatched her wine glass and took a small sip, just to taste it.
“Do ye want more boar?” Archer asked.
“Nay,” she replied. “Thank ye.”
“How about partridge? There’s plenty more.”
“Nay, that’s fine.”
“Whatever ye want, just let me ken,” Archer told her.
Aye? Do I? I want ye, Archer, but ye’ve made it clear that I cannae have ye, so what’s the point?
It was the last time anyone would see her as the lady of the castle. After she slipped away in the morning, Archer would inform his people that he was no longer betrothed. Maybe he would give them a reason, but he didn’t need to.
Eileen looked around the Great Hall and felt no comfort in everyone having such a good time. She’d avoided looking at Archer’s mother, who sat beside Thomas. Poor Lyla didn’t know she was about to lose a daughter-in-law. She simply looked content.
Eileen’s eyes then fell on Ivy, and she felt some solace amid the misery of the evening. Calum was talking with her. The normally assured man looked a little lost, and his gruff exterior didn’t look so gruff anymore.
“Do ye see them?” she asked, gesturing toward the couple.
“Aye, I do,” Archer said with a small smile.
He took her hand. It was both the most wonderful thing in the world and the most painful. All he had to do was ask her to stay, and she would agree in a heartbeat.
“They’ll make a fine couple, and there’s nay one I trust more in the world than Calum,” Archer said.
“I remember how drunk he was when we first met,” Eileen murmured. “He threw his arm around me and told me to cheer up, and I’d never been more scared in me life. I thought I was goin’ to be found out right there and then.”
Archer laughed. “He was so drunk that he might have mistaken ye for a man even if ye were dressed in yer regular clothes.”
Eileen let out a giggle. For the average onlooker, they must have seemed like a happy couple about to be wed.
Archer asked. “When ye first arrived in these lands, ye meant to overhear somethin’ about Reid and then try to find him on yer own. That wasnae the best plan, was it?”
“Nay, maybe not,” Eileen agreed. “I didnae think it through, but I thought I would make it up as I went along, just like most things I do.”
“Then it was a fine stroke of fate that I was in the tavern with ye that evenin’.”
“Aye, it was,” Eilen agreed. She took another sip of wine. “What was it about me that gave me away? Everyone else was fooled, but ye werenae.”
“I dinnae ken exactly, but I just kenned. I couldnae see yer beautiful body or yer strawberry blonde hair, but there was something on yer face that drew me in, and I kenned that ye couldnae be a lad. Call it a laird’s intuition.”
“Seems ye were thinkin’ with somethin’ else when ye saw me,” Eileen teased.
“I think that way a lot when I see ye,” Archer admitted.
“I never thought we would… end up like this,” Eileen said. “I dinnae mean the betrothal. I kenned that from the start.” She took another sip to mask the tremor in her voice. “I mean that when I first came to the castle, we were at each other’s throats.”
“Aye, we were, were we nae?” Archer snorted. “I’ll admit that I thought ye were the most annoyin’ lass I’d ever met, but then I got to ken ye, and ye turned out to be the most brilliant lass I’ve ever met.”
“And I thought ye were stubborn and angry all the time. A complete boor and a rake.” Eileen smiled as she looked out over the crowd.
“And…?”
“I guess ye’re doin’ all right now.”
“I’ll take that,” Archer drawled.
“I suppose that when I’m gone, ye’ll go back to yer old ways?” Eileen asked. “Have all the women ye please and go back to skulkin’ around yer castle.”
“Aye, somethin’ like that.” Archer’s eyes twinkled. “Although I didnae really get much happiness from sleepin’ with a different woman every night. I dinnae ken if I can go back to that.”
“Aye?” Eileen asked.
“A man still has needs, but it’s… I dinnae ken. How about a dance? Will ye dance with me one more time?”
Eileen ached to be close to him one more time, but she couldn’t bear it.
If they danced together and she felt his body pressed to hers, it would break her when she left in the morning.
She couldn’t put herself through that pain again.
She’d made as much peace with her situation as she could, and that was that.
“Nay.” She shook her head. “I like sittin’ here and watchin’ everyone dance. Perhaps later.”
“Aye, of course.”
Eileen felt a hand on her shoulder, and she turned her head to see Reid behind her.
“This is a braw celebration,” he told them. “We should have more of this in McFair Castle. There’s always a good reason to celebrate if ye look hard enough. Will ye dance with me, Eileen? Do ye remember the jig and reel we danced when we were bairns?”
“I remember how much Faither laughed at us.”
“Will ye dance it with me now?” Reid asked.
Eileen wanted to, but she’d just refused Archer. “Nay, nae right now,” she murmured. “I’m enjoyin’ watchin’ everyone else. Why dinnae ye go find another partner?”
“Yer loss, Sister,” Reid intoned.
She watched as he made his way down the table and held out his hand to Lyla. The old woman scowled at him as if he had just insulted her, and he quickly moved on.
Eileen burst out laughing.
“He’d have more chance gettin’ one of our donkeys to dance with him than me maither,” Archer drawled.
Eileen laughed some more. She continued watching her brother as he made his way down the tables, quickly finding a young lass to dance with him. It warmed her heart to see him so happy, and she didn’t know how he had so much energy, with his injuries not fully healed.
“Me faither dinnae show much emotion when I was a wee lad, except for when we played instruments in the music room,” Archer said with some melancholy.
“Even then, his music could be awfully serious. I remember when he took me ridin’ with him when I was still a bairn; he would always ride ahead, forcin’ me to catch up to him.
He would look back at me with a sly smile on his face.
I remember thinkin’ at the time that he liked to beat me.
The wisdom of children is often nae wisdom at all. ”
“So, why was he smilin’?” Eileen asked.
“He was smilin’ because he kenned if he pushed me hard enough, one day I would catch up and exceed him. He wasnae afraid of that; it was the end goal for him. Even when I was little, he could see it in me. Lookin’ back on it now, I see it as the greatest act of love.”
Eileen held his hand tightly in hers. She was overwhelmed by the love and respect he had for his father.
That will always be between us, will it nae? Ye still carry that in yer heart, and ye’ll always have the pain. It’s nae just me; it’s everyone in yer life. Ye cannae let anyone close, can ye?
“I’m glad we both had good faithers,” she said. “We both lost them too soon, but they gave us all they had before they passed.”
“Aye,” Archer sighed.
He picked up his cup of whisky and clinked it against her wine glass. They both drank in silence.
There was still time; that was all Eileen could think about. There was still time for him to confess his love for her, and they wouldn’t have to break off the engagement, and no one would ever have to know that it was a ruse all along, except for her brothers and Calum.
She didn’t even need his love. She could stay with him, and she would be a dutiful wife, and she could make that enough. She would love him, and even if he went back to his rakish ways, she would still love him. It would be enough to be near him, to live in the castle with him.
They would have children together, and they could be a family without really being a family.
She’d heard of men and women who lived like that, especially lairds and aristocrats.
She was sure it would be enough for her.
It would be better than going back home and moving on, or being forced to wed someone she didn’t love.
She almost gasped when she realized that time had slipped by. She’d been waiting for so long that evening, and nothing had come of it. Now, Thomas stood up to leave, Archer went to escort his mother upstairs, and Reid said the worst thing possible.
“Come on, Sister, I’ll walk ye to yer room.”
“Aye,” Eileen muttered.
It was over.
Nay, I cannae let this be it.