Chapter 33
Archer was in the forge. He felt the heart of the roaring fire and was transported for a second back to the night Reid was almost burned alive and Eileen was nearly handed over to O’Gunn. He stood before the flames, wanting to feel what other people called him, but he didn’t.
He’d run into a burning room, facing his own death, and come out alive. He’d chased down Henry Millar and slain him and two others, but he didn’t feel like a hero.
“Tormod, how are we lookin’?” Archer asked.
“Aye, it’s comin’ along,” Tormod replied, wiping the sweat from his flushed brow. “We’re still a little behind, what with the loss of a couple of men, but some lads are bein’ trained up, and we’ll work at all hours to get the shipments out.”
“Take all the time ye need,” Archer said. “I dinnae want anyone overworked. Everyone kens what happened here.”
“Aye, Me Laird. And the first of the claymores will be sent to McFair Castle as ye requested.”
“Good man,” he replied. “If ye need anythin’, keep me informed.”
Archer left the forge, glad when the cool air hit him. He spotted Calum waiting for him on the other side of the courtyard and headed to him, passing several guards and servants on the way. He was almost there when his sister appeared before him.
“Are ye still skulkin’ around?” Ivy asked. “She’s been gone for three days, and ye still have a face like a bull that just swallowed a wasp.”
“Och, away with ye,” Archer scoffed. “I’m nae skulkin’ around.”
“Aye?” Ivy raised an eyebrow. “I just saw ye walk past half a dozen people who wished ye a good morn, and ye didnae even notice.”
“Aye, well, I’m busy with other things,” Archer said. “With all the betrayal, we’re short everywhere, and I need to rectify that. Isnae that right, Calum?”
He found it annoying and slightly humorous that he was justifying himself to his sister.
“Aye, Me Laird,” Calum replied. “We have some men waitin’ for us in the council chambers, ready to step up and be on yer council.”
“Aye, good.” Archer nodded.
“But Calum,” Ivy pressed, “isnae he skulkin’ around a lot lately?”
Calum looked from Archer to Ivy, considering his words.
“So, that’s the way it is?” Archer huffed. “Ye nay longer come to me defense immediately? What, the two of ye are gangin’ up on me ‘cause ye’re courtin’? I could say I disapprove of the union.”
“Aye, but ye willnae, will ye?” Ivy shot back. “‘Cause ye want yer sister to be happy.”
“Aye, of course, I want ye to be happy,” Archer sighed.
“And how about ye, Archie? Do ye want to be happy?”
“Och, I dinnae have time for yer chatterin’,” he scoffed. “Calum, give me a wee bit of time and I’ll join ye in the council chambers.”
“Where are ye goin’?” Ivy asked.
“Nae that it’s any of yer business, but I’m goin’ to the solar. I need some time to clear me head.”
“Ye need to do more than that.” She shot him a pointed look.
Archer shook his head and walked away from them. He tried to greet people as he passed, but his heart was just not in it.
He walked through the castle, moving toward the quieter part where he could maybe calm his mind a little and stop thinking about Eileen.
When he entered the solar, he found that he was not alone.
“Maither?” he asked, surprised to see her there. “What are ye doin’ here?”
“I cannae be in me own solar?” she quipped as she turned away from the window.
“Nay, it’s nae that. I just didnae expect anyone else to be in here.”
“Ye wanted to be alone,” she concluded. “I can leave if ye want me to.”
“Nay, dinnae leave,” he insisted.
“Good,” Lyla said. “Ye’ve been spendin’ far too much time alone, recently. It’s nae good for ye.”
“I’ve been through a lot.”
“Aye, ye have, but so have we all. The castle and clan dinnae belong only to ye. They belong to all of us, and we all hurt as much as ye do. I still mourn yer faither.”
“Aye, I ken,” Archer said.
“Will ye sit with me?” Lyla asked as she sat in the chair by the window.
Archer had wanted to be alone, but something stirred in the room, and he couldn’t just walk away. He moved to the other chair by the window and sat across from his mother.
“Ye never told us why the betrothal ended,” Lyla said. “Ye said a lot of words, and they sounded like they meant somethin’, but they never really explained anythin’. She didnae leave voluntarily, so what was it?”
Archer sighed and rubbed his temples. “Initially, I saw a chance to stop ye and the council from pesterin’ me all the time about gettin’ married. I thought if she pretended to be me betrothed, I could concentrate on other matters. And I did. We rooted out the traitors.”
“Aye, but that wasnae because ye were able to concentrate harder. It all came to a head ‘cause of the McFairs. If ye didnae want to be wed, ye could have just told me that.”
“Would that have made a difference?” Archer asked.
Lyla gave a slight smile. “Probably nae, but I would’ve at least kenned how ye felt. I still think ye should marry, and I think it would be good for ye, Archer. I see ye runnin’ from it, and I ken ye need help to turn around and face it. As yer maither, I need to offer that help.”
“I dinnae want to be wed,” he insisted.
“I ken. When yer faither passed, ye changed completely, and that’s when ye got the silly idea that ye couldnae face loss again into yer head.”
His eyes widened a little at that. He’d never mentioned it to her.
“It was me fault, and ye ken that,” he said.
“Yer fault?” Lyla tutted. “Dinnae be daft. Yer faither’s death wasnae yer fault.”
“Ye changed, too, when he passed.”
“Aye, and that’s me own business. But I’m old, and he was me husband.
I willnae take another husband, but that doesnae mean I should shy away from any relationship, and ye—” Lyla brought a hand to her mouth.
“Ye think I blame ye. I can see it in yer eyes. Ye blame yerself for his death, and that’s easier to believe if someone else blames ye, too. ”
“Ye’ve never been the same.”
“Stop that right now,” Lyla scolded. “I have never once blamed ye for his death. Ye fought valiantly on that day and took down two of the brigands after yer faither also took down two. Nay man could have survived that ambush, and that’s afore we kenned it was planned from within the castle.
All of that aside, dinnae ye dare believe that I blame ye one bit.
I’m only glad the good Lord brought ye back to me. Havin’ ye here kept me goin’.”
Archer dropped his head in his hands and stared at the floor.
“I couldnae keep her safe,” he murmured. “I couldnae properly protect her, just like I couldnae protect Faither. I dinnae deserve her.”
“Ye deserve far more than ye realize,” Lyla declared.
“And ye’re a bloody fool if ye think otherwise.
The clan is only strong because of ye. When yer faither was killed, ye could have shut down and shirked yer duties, but ye stepped up.
If he were around today, he would say that himself.
He was a good man, there’s nay doubt about that, but ye’re a better man, just as all sons should be. ”
Archer’s jaw ticked, and he rubbed his thumbs against his palms until they turned red. He reached out and patted his mother’s knee.
“Thank ye, Maither. How can I ken that somethin’ is true and false at the same time? I believe ye when ye tell me that his death wasnae me fault. I believed her when she told me, too. But in me heart, I ken it is, and I dinnae think that will ever go away.”
“Then ye learn to live with it and nae let it hold ye back,” she persisted.
“A councilman betrayed ye—two of them. Does that mean ye should dismantle the council? Someone started a fire in our castle, and it almost claimed Reid Kilmartin’s life.
Does that mean we should stamp every fire and nae warm our castle again? ”
Archer didn’t answer her questions, nor was an answer required.
“Just because somethin’ hurt ye, doesnae mean ye stay away from it. Aye, his death hurt us all, but death is a part of life, and if ye stop livin’, then ye might as well be dead yerself.”
“I’m sorry,” Archer mumbled. “I ken I’ve been distant toward ye these past years. I shouldnae have been like that.”
“We all deal with things in our own way,” Lyla sighed. “I cannae claim to be perfect these past six years. Far from it. Although Ivy is the best of us. We should all try to be more like her.”
“It’s annoyin’, but ye’re right,” Archer agreed.
A hint of a smile crept onto his mother’s lips.
“She hurt a lot when he passed, and she still mourns him, but she doesnae keep it all bottled up inside like we do. She might seem happy, but she kens how to deal with her feelings and with life.”
“Aye, she’s a good lass,” Archer admitted.
“So is Lady Eileen,” Lyla said. “When she was around, it was almost like ye had come back to life, and that warmed me heart more than anythin’ over the past six years.
I do want ye to have a wife and bring bairns into this world, but I willnae force it.
Still, ye need to stop skulkin’ around all the time. ”
“Och, nae ye as well,” Archer moaned. “I fear the whole castle is turnin’ against me.”
“Nay, that will never happen after everythin’ ye’ve done.”
“When I came to the solar, I wanted to be alone, but I’m very glad to have found ye here.” He returned her smile. “I often spoke to Faither when I needed help, but I forget how wise ye are.”
“Behind every good man, dead or alive, there’s usually a good woman. Ye’re already great, Acrher, but how much greater could ye be?”
“Aye, aye,” he relented. “I thought ye werenae goin’ to push it.”
“I have to push it a wee bit from time to time.”
Archer laughed through his nose. He stood up and offered his hand to his mother. She took it and stood up with him. He pulled her in an embrace—something he should have been doing a lot more of—and reminded himself that other people hurt and suffered too.
He was the Laird, which meant he had to help others as well as himself. He was good at the former, but not so good at the latter.
Archer sat at the breakfast table with his mother. She looked the same way he had felt when he had told Eileen about his father. Not much had changed, but she looked lighter, as if a heavy burden had been lifted off her shoulders. He was happy to see it.
He tore a large chunk of bread and slathered it with butter, followed by lashings of marmalade. He bit into the fluffy, fatty sweetness and chewed on it.
He was about to take a second bite when Ivy rushed into the room, her usual smile replaced by a deep scowl.
“How could ye let her do that?” she hissed.
“What are ye talkin’ about?”
“Lady Eileen!” Ivy put her hands on her hips as if it were obvious.
Archer raised his eyebrows, widened his eyes a little, shrugged, and shook his head.
“Ye’re lettin’ her marry Laird O’Gunn?” Ivy pressed.
“What are ye talkin’ about?” Archer sputtered.
“I just heard the news,” Ivy said. “She’s to leave for O’Gunn Castle in the mornin’, and the weddin’ will take place within the week.”
Archer had never felt his blood boil before, but he felt it now.