Chapter 14
Lark
The hope he would be bad at this dies the second our lips touch.
He’s not even close to bad at this.
In fact, this is the best kiss I’ve ever had.
And I hate him for it.
I hate that each night I’ll remember the taste of him. The sweet, minty flavor on his tongue. The way his calloused hand feels against my cheek, his other hand in my hair, holding me exactly where he wants me.
We kiss and kiss, and I don’t even know where I am until he pulls back.
Both of our chests are heaving as we struggle for breath.
His forehead rests against mine as I work to slow my blood pressure.
Have I ever had a kiss like that?
One that made me lose all sense of time and location?
Nope. Not once.
Great.
Now I’m never going to stop thinking of him.
“It didn’t work,” I tell him, after a few seconds. “I think we should try again.”
He lifts his head, eyes meeting mine, and the desire there, yeah, that does it for me. I lean back in, this time kissing him. My chest is flat against his, and he rolls me to my back, hovering over me.
“Lark,” he says my name before his mouth is on mine again.
I don’t care about the million reasons this is bad. This one kiss erases them all, because we don’t have to be together. But we can do this together.
Sure, it’s probably a bad idea, but so is trying to pretend this isn’t the most incredible kiss I’ve ever had.
He pulls back again, rolling off me and sitting up, his hands covering his face. “Fuck, I can’t do this to you.”
“Do what?” I push myself up, sitting beside him and pulling my knees to my chest.
“You know what.” The disappointment is clear in his tone.
“No, I really don’t. You kissed me and then I kissed you.”
“I kissed you both times.”
I roll my eyes. Men. “Sure, you kissed me both times. Whatever. The point is…I liked it. Did you?”
He drops his hands and looks at me. “Do you doubt I did?”
“No.”
“Good. Because I promise, I liked every second of it.”
I try to not let that send tingles everywhere.
I fail at trying.
Warmth floods me, and I clear my throat. “Okay, so we liked it. Here are the issues: our families, the fact that you may or may not have a heart, the reality that I don’t want said heart, and Sadie, right?”
“Pretty much.”
Okay, all of those can be worked with. “Here’s the thing. I’m pretty sure that kiss, both of them, didn’t really help either of us. I think, if anything, now we want to kiss each other even more, am I right?”
His deep sigh tells me he wants more before his words. “Against my better judgment.”
I almost let that slide, but…yeah no. “You’re not exactly in line with my hopes and dreams either.”
Tristan grins. “Really? You don’t want a brokenhearted cowboy who isn’t at all interested in love again—but wants to tear your clothes off and fuck you until you forget both of our last names?”
My jaw falls slack. “Okay, maybe you are in line with some of my dreams.”
“Good to know.” He chuckles.
This idea is probably going to rank up there with when I was convinced it would be a good idea to shave a heart into the back of my head, back when I thought I was in love in middle school, but what the hell?
“What if that dream could come true for both of us?”
“Lark…”
“No, listen,” I say quickly. “I’m not a kid, and neither are you.
We’re both very smart, very mature adults who happen to want to bang.
Why can’t we? We have all the reasons in the world we can’t be a couple, and neither of us wants that.
No strings, Tristan. No…nothing. We just fuck.
When we want, how we want, without the outside world knowing a damn thing.
I’m sure as hell not going to tell anyone, and I don’t think you will. ”
He watches me, probably looking for a sign that I’ve not gone around the bend. It’s sort of the perfect plan.
We share this mutual attraction. We clearly have chemistry. All of this can be so simple if we let it be.
“As much as I would love this too-good-to-be-true offer, I’m not sure it’s a great idea.”
“Are you worried you’re going to fall in love with me?”
He chuckles once. “No, that ship has sailed, I will never love again. I think it’s you who will fall in love with me.”
“See, you opened your mouth and I already hate you,” I say, bristling at his comment. “Men are so dumb.”
“And women are complicated.”
“Well, I’m uncomplicating it. I don’t want you that way. I am not going to fall in love with you. I just want to sleep with you because you’re hot. Okay?”
Tristan gets to his feet, shaking his head as he moves. “No strings?”
“Not on my part,” I say as I stand.
At least, I really hope not. I tend to get attached easily, but it’s always been thanks to the promise of what could be.
I always wanted to be loved, start a family, have my own ranch where I can train the horses the way I want—without my brothers’ opinions.
Part of me is always searching for that person.
A life partner. Someone to love me as I am, flaws and all.
This is completely different.
I’m not looking for anything from Tristan. I can be myself because we don’t like each other. I don’t have to impress him or worry if I call too much or talk too loudly. If he doesn’t like it…oh fucking well.
This is kind of perfect.
I can focus on helping my family get out of the ridiculous mess we’re in by selling some horses and cattle, work on my current shit show of a life, and also have a little fun.
Tristan’s eyes narrow as if he’s actually debating this. “And we keep this completely to ourselves?”
I lift my palm up. “I solemnly swear I will not tell a soul. First of all, they wouldn’t believe me. Second of all, I really don’t need to start a new reason for our families to go to war.”
He comes closer, stopping right as we’re chest to chest. His hand slides up my arm, then over my shoulder, then to my neck. Each heartbeat that passes, my blood pumps faster.
His touch does something to me that I’ve never felt before.
“I’ll give you five days to rethink this plan. Five days to consider every angle, issue, and consequence. Meet me here in five days if you really want to do this, and then I’ll lay you down and make good on every desire you’ve ever had.”
He brushes his thumb over my cheek and then kisses me softly.
Without another word, he mounts his horse, and I melt, my legs like jelly. I sink to the ground, unsure how I’m going to last five days.
Patience is a virtue that I don’t possess.
It’s been exactly twenty-four hours since Tristan left me at the top of the ridge. Since then, I have been rendered useless.
I’m tired, and I thought that maybe if I got to work, it would take my mind off things. Since sleep surely didn’t.
I thought wrong.
All I think about is his promise.
I don’t need five days.
Hell, I didn’t need five hours.
I grab my phone and text him.
I’m in.
Tristan
Five days, Lark. We’ll talk in four more days.
I groan and toss my phone on the hay bale next to me. Jerk. I’m all spun up, and now I have to wait.
What guy turns down a sure thing?
A dumb one.
Speaking of dumb guys, Jeremy is standing in the doorway of the barn. I haven’t seen him since we broke up. Honestly, I haven’t even thought about him much.
“Hey, Lark,” he says, walking inside.
“Jeremy, hey.”
“Sorry to just drop in.”
“It’s fine, is…everything okay?” I ask.
Jeremy never came by during the day. He worked through lunches, always striving to impress his parents, who own the building company they all work for.
“Yeah, everything’s fine. I hadn’t talked to you, and then I heard a rumor, and…”
“A rumor? About me?”
He nods and walks closer. “Yeah, that you’re with someone new.”
There’s no way he could know what Tristan and I talked about. That was a day ago, and I haven’t spoken about it. My stomach drops, and I try to get my racing thoughts under control.
I haven’t spoken about it, but what if he did?
Would he?
Why?
He has nothing to gain…unless…what if he told people so that I’ll look stupid? It’s the perfect play, isn’t it? He tells everyone that I want to sleep with him, that I propositioned him and he refused.
Oh my God. I’m going to kill him!
“Lark?” Jeremy calls my name, and I push down my roiling emotions.
“Sorry, you shocked me for a moment. I’m not with anyone.” It’s the truth. I’m not. I’m not dating anyone or even sleeping with them.
It was a kiss.
One…okay, two, kisses.
With the same guy, so really it should count as one, and he kissed me, as he so proclaimed.
I can’t be at fault for that. What was I going to do? Turn away?
“Really? Because there’s a photo of you from the other night with Tristan Stone that has people talking. I don’t ever hear gossip, but I overheard my assistant,” Jeremy explains. “They’re saying you left together.”
Oh, that’s what he’s talking about.
Crisis averted.
I shake my head with a breathy laugh. “No, I’m not with him.
As for leaving with him, yes, he drove me home because Jimmy ended up having to take Mary Lou and Suzanne.
It was really that innocent.” I glance at the photo on his phone, a little horrified because, from the angle, we’re both staring at each other, and it’s intense.
I clear my throat and do my best to minimize the photo.
“And that wasn’t even a dance, really. It was a barn dance, where you go around the room, dance with everyone, you know? ”
I’m pretty sure he doesn’t know, because Jeremy never went to the Beast or really anywhere that wasn’t dinner or a movie. He doesn’t drink, and even when I tried to get him to come dancing with me, he wasn’t interested.
He liked to keep things simple and reliable. Same restaurant. Same type of movie. Same…everything (if you know what I mean).
As for the dance Tristan cut in on, that wasn’t a dance, and I’ll stand on that until the day I die. It was, like, ten seconds.
“I know we’re broken up,” Jeremy says quickly. “But I miss you.” I start to speak, wanting to stop this before it goes too far, but he steps forward, raising his hand. “I miss you and I want you back, Lark. I love you.”
Oh, God.
My chest feels heavy as he says those three words.
Because since we broke up, I haven’t thought about him or missed him. I don’t know that I ever even loved him to begin with. Surely, if I did, I would’ve been heartbroken, right? I would’ve cried, pored over old photos, looked through text messages, and not kissed another man.
I don’t think I loved Jeremy. I loved that Jeremy was safe.
He wasn’t going to spin me on my head, make me question my life choices, and wonder whether I was going to end up hurt.
Things with him just existed, and I was completely okay with that.
But I’m not now.
I’m not able to go back to that, and he shouldn’t want that either.
“You and I didn’t work.”
“We did.”
I let out a deep breath through my nose.
“We didn’t. We both know that. Things between us were never what the other wanted,” I remind him of what I said during our breakup.
“You want a wife who is going to want to go to office parties, come work for your family’s company, or not work at all.
I want to train horses until the day I die.
I love this farm, I’m working to sa—” I cut myself off from finishing that word.
No one knows about the status of our farm thanks to Ryan’s investment.
I sigh heavily. “I just think that this is still for the best.”
“So you’re not with Tristan Stone?”
“Not that it’s any of your business or anyone else’s, but no. I’m not with anyone.”
“Then I have a chance.”
Please God, now is a moment you could send a distraction to save me from this conversation.
I wait.
Nothing.
“I don’t want to be mean when I say this, but we’re friends. That’s all we’ll ever be.”
Jeremy shakes his head. “I’m not giving up on us.”
Where the hell was all this persistence before? He was always so docile. Now he’s suddenly going to fight? Seriously, I’d prefer he not.
I may not want to be mean, but I feel like I’m going to have to, because he’s just not getting it.
“Jeremy, there is no us.”
I leave very little room for rebuttal.
“There is.”
I guess I left enough room for him.
“Please go,” I say, my head feeling like it’s been slammed around all day. I didn’t sleep, I can’t eat, all I do is think about yesterday and the man who has flipped my world upside down.
“Lark…”
“No. I’m really too tired for this.”
“I’m doing exactly what you wanted!” he says, coming forward. “You wanted a man who would fight. Who was willing to do what you needed. I’m here right now. I’m fighting for you.”
“It’s too late, Jeremy!” I yell back. “I don’t want you to fight now. I’m asking you to respect my wishes and see that we’re over.”
The barn door opens, and I feel a rush of relief. I don’t know the last time I was ever this happy to see Ryan.
“You okay?” he asks, striding inside.
I nod. “Jeremy was just leaving. He came by to see if I was okay.”
Ryan looks to him, and while I am not the least bit afraid of my brothers, that’s not the case with most people. They’re tall, intimidating, muscular, and assholes. It’s the whole cowboys with attitude persona that just oozes from them.
Jeremy takes the cue and sighs. “I’ll see myself out.”
“Goodbye, Jeremy.” My words are forceful and final.
His eyes widen a touch, and then he bows his head, leaving the barn.
Once he’s gone, Ryan looks to me. “What was that about?”
I shrug, slumping back down on the hay bale. “People love me, what can I say?”
He laughs. “Uh-huh. You’re an eternal ray of sunshine.”
“See, you get it.”
“I see a lot, including a picture of you and Tristan Stone dancing at the Beast.”
That’s it. I’m done. I let out a loud scream of frustration and then jab my finger into his chest. “Do not start, Ryan Gatlin. I swear to God, I will make every moment of your life hell. Do you hear me? It was nothing! I’m so sick of this!
For coming from a family that hates the Stones so much, you all say their name an awful lot. ”
Before Ryan can respond, Deacon rushes in. “Come quick, we have a problem in the red barn!”