Chapter 56 We Can’t Be Friends
CHAPTER FIFTY-SIX
We can’t be friends
Ruby
Ryker had been weirdly quiet for most of the day. At first I’d put it down to him being hungover – last night had spiralled, turning into a full-blown house party – but the sun had well and truly set now, and he still seemed off.
The entire football team had showed up to the send-off, as well as most of the hockey team and half of Phil-U.
Gretchen had even been there with her cheerleader posse, who were like the stunning leading the stunning.
She’d offered me a polite smile, but never came over to say hi. Probably because Ryker was never more than two feet from my side.
Loosening the reins for a night, Ryker had gotten wasted with the guys – providing plenty of entertainment. He was a fun drunk, and it’d been nice getting to take care of him for a change. Not to mention the drunk sex had been very beneficial for me.
Before the party had begun, we’d packed up as much of the house as we could. The place was as grotty as I’d expected. I doubt the guys had done anything beyond a surface level clean in the four years they’d been there.
By the time the guests had arrived, the house had almost been back to its shell.
They’d left some furniture behind, given a new group of football players would be moving in after the summer, but all the character had vanished.
Already it felt like a house I used to know.
I could only imagine how Ryker was feeling.
Packing up his bedroom had felt more sentimental than I was expecting. It was where he’d kissed me for the first time. It was the spot I’d snapped the photo that set the new us into motion. It was the safe place where we had crossed the line from friendship – and done so many times since.
Over the years, I’d felt just as at home in his Phil-U bedroom as I did in my own place.
I reached my hand over the centre console, resting it on Ryker’s thigh. “Hey.”
His lips turned up slightly. “Hey.”
“Are you okay?”
He nodded. “Just tired I guess.”
We’d gone from hungover to tired. Great.
We’d left Philadelphia later than planned this afternoon – thanks to last night turning into an all-out rager and there being more clean-up than expected – so we were still thirty minutes out of Ohio.
It was now nearing nine p.m., and darkness had fully settled in.
“Are you sure it’s not something more?” I pressed. “You just closed the door on a huge chapter, Wheels. It’s okay to admit you’re feeling flat.”
He opened his mouth, letting out a measured breath. “I’ll miss the guys and Phil-U. But I’m ready for what comes next.”
“Is that what’s on your mind? The Draft?”
“No. I’m thinking about other stuff.”
“Right.”
Ryker wasn’t obligated to share all his thoughts with me. Just because we shared body parts, it didn’t mean he had to let me in on everything. But that didn’t stop the nagging feeling that churned in my stomach for the remainder of the drive.
I knew him. Something was off.
When we finally reached my house, I couldn’t hold it in any longer. I cracked worse than Humpty Dumpty.
“You’re freaking me out, Wheels. What’s going on? Talk to me.”
Ryker didn’t look my way, even after cutting the ignition. His gaze remained fixed ahead, locked on my car parked in the driveway in front of his. It was the only one there. Bri was on night shift, Daisy was working late, and Jaz was visiting her parents.
All my vulnerabilities rose to the surface as he inhaled deeply, preparing himself for something I already knew I didn’t want to hear. I clutched my seat belt, bracing for impact as though the car was still moving.
“I can’t do this anymore, Rubz.”
Nothing could have protected my heart from that collision.
I nervously tucked a loose piece of hair behind my ear, my fingertips catching on the frame of my glasses.
I’d put no effort into my appearance today.
I was dressed in a sweatsuit and sneakers, with my hair tied in my signature messy bun – a far cry from the girl who’d been on the Phil-U Athlete of the Year’s arm on Friday night.
“Do what?” I asked softly, already knowing the answer.
“Hook up. Sleep together.”
Without the radio or engine running, the quietness in the car was stifling as I searched for the right thing to say. Ryker and I had only ever agreed on casual, so why the hell did this feel like a breakup?
“Is – is it something I did?”
Ryker shifted in his seat, finally facing me for what felt like the first time all day. Despite the sweats he was dressed in – black joggers and a Phil-U hoodie – and having spent all day cooped up in the car too, he still looked as good as ever – enough that I could easily jump his bones.
But after that admission, I definitely couldn’t do that.
“Fuck! Sorry, Rubz. That didn’t come out how I meant it to.”
“So try again.”
His lips parted, as if the words were right there, but something was holding him back from saying them. “I don’t want to be your rebound or a casual experiment anymore,” he eventually admitted. “I want to be with you, Ruby.”
“What do you mean?”
“Like, official boyfriend and girlfriend together.”
Completely taken aback, my mouth fell open as every word in the English language abandoned me. I hadn’t been expecting that. Boyfriend and girlfriend? Ryker and me?
“Being with you has come so easily, Rubz,” he went on.
“Easier than breathing. Hell, easier than throwing a football. I can’t picture a world before we were together, and I have no desire to imagine one where we’re not.
” The corner of his mouth tugged into a shy smile, causing his dimple to appear.
“I want all of you, and I want you to have all of me. Truth is... you already do. There’s never been – and I know there never will be – anyone who means as much to me as you do. ”
I searched his face, but there wasn’t even the slightest hint of madness or humour in his expression. Ryker was being serious – perhaps more serious than I’d ever seen him.
“I... I’m sorry,” I stuttered. “I... I’m trying...”
My thoughts were refusing to catch up.
Any second now, Ruby...
“We’ve been friends since we were kids, Wheels.”
“Maybe that’s why we’re so great,” he easily countered. “Usually people are trying to add friendship to sex, but we’ve done it the other way. And if you ask me, we’ve done it fucking brilliantly.”
I agreed. We’d passed that test very well. Top marks to Ryker and Ruby. But sex was only one part of a relationship.
“I don’t know if this is I want, Wheels.”
“You don’t know if you want to be with me?” Ryker checked, arching a brow with scepticism.
Now I was the one struggling to articulate my thoughts. I took a deep breath and tried again.
“Being a couple isn’t as simple as you’re making it sound. You’re days away from being drafted to the NFL, Ryker. Your whole life is about to change. My whole life would change if I agreed to date you. I’m not sure if this is worth it.”
Ryker’s forehead creased. “You’re not sure if we’re worth it?”
Whether it was the gravity of what he was proposing, a lack of sleep clouding my thoughts, or simply not having had enough time to process what he was saying, I fell silent rather than correct him.
Of course we were worth it. On some level, this relationship had always meant everything to me. But until recently, I’d only ever seen it as friendship. I hadn’t imagined it could become what he was proposing – I hadn’t even considered that was something he wanted.
“You agreed to be my rebound, Ryker.”
His body tensed. “Is that what you still see me as?”
“No. But the point is, that’s how this started. We never said it would be anything more, so you can’t be mad at me for not automatically agreeing to date you.”
“Yes, I fucking can, Ruby.” Ryker shook his head in frustration. “God, you drive me crazy sometimes.”
I forcefully crossed my arms over my chest. “Yet you’re telling me you want to date me?”
“Yes. Because despite that, I still fucking love you!”
Holy fuck. L-bomb dropped.
“And not in the way I always have. I mean that I’m in love with you, Ruby. Like, cut-my-heart-out-of-my-chest type of love. I know you don’t wear extensions, or spend hours at a solarium, or plan on getting breast implants anytime soon.”
“Ever,” I hurriedly clarified.
“But none of that has ever mattered to me because you’re my type, Ruby – my perfect girl, exactly as you are.
” His voice was gentle but certain, and as his expression met mine, it felt like the world had narrowed to just us.
“I love you, Rubz. I think some part of me always has... and I know every part always will.”
Countless emotions hit me, too many to sort out how that admission truly had me feeling.
It was clear Ryker had played out this entire conversation in his head – perhaps repeatedly over the eight hour drive.
I wished he’d warned me beforehand, that way I’d have had plenty of time to figure out what I wanted.
“What if we go all in and then break up, Ryker?” I choked. “We couldn’t be friends after that.”
“We can’t be friends after this either, Ruby.”
“You promised me we wouldn’t lose our friendship.”
A flicker of regret washed across Ryker’s face. “That was before I fell in love with you. Now, it’s all or nothing for me.”
A thick bubble blocked my throat. “Please don’t give me an ultimatum, Wheels. I don’t want to lose you. I can’t lose you.”
“It’s not an ultimatum, Rubz. You either want to be together or you don’t.”
I swallowed, forcing back tears. I wasn’t in the right frame of mind to be having this conversation. I was tired, hungover, and entirely caught off guard. I needed time.
Slipping off my glasses, I rubbed at my temples. “I hardly saw you Friday night, and that was barely a taste of what’s to come. The NFL is going to take over your life, Ryker. Not to mention I’ve barely been single. Jumping straight into something else–”
“For every excuse you give me that we shouldn’t do this, I can give you a thousand reasons why we should.” Ryker’s shoulders slumped, like he’d just been defeated in a championship game. “But if I have to convince you to feel the same way... then it’s pretty clear you don’t.”
This conversation felt all too familiar – Ryker trying to convince me we could be something, and me trying to tell myself we couldn’t.
He’d proven me wrong before, shown me time and time again just how great we were together. But that was before a potential move to the west coast and an NFL career thrown into the mix. Our futures were mapped out, and we weren’t prepared for them to include each other this much.
Ryker gripped the steering wheel tightly, his gaze slipping away. “I’m going to finish off the drive tonight.”
“Come on, Wheels. Don’t be like that.”
“Like what? A guy who just admitted he’s in love with you and your response was I don’t know if this is worth it?”
This is worth it I should have screamed. It has been since the moment you kissed me. But I didn’t have the courage to admit that out loud. Ryker had been my crutch my entire life. If I dated him, I’d lose that safety net. And if we fucked this up, where did I turn?
“It’s late and you’ve been driving all day,” I reasoned.
We’d planned to stay the night at my place – not only to break up the trip and get some rest, but for one last chance to get each other naked before we had to hide our relationship from our parents for a week.
“I’ll let you know once I’m home safe,” he mumbled.
As I opened my mouth, Ryker’s phone vibrated on the dashboard, startling me. For a moment, I’d forgotten there was a world outside of this car.
Picking it up, Ryker checked the screen. “It’s my agent. I should take this.”
Usually he’d just answer the call in front of me, but the way he held his phone made it clear our conversation was finished. He was waiting on me to get out.
With a sigh, I unclipped my seat belt and reached for my bag that was wedged in the back seat, buried among Ryker’s life from the past four years, including Warren who was somehow still gloriously green and healthy.
Before long, he’d be repacking all of this to take it somewhere new. Only now, I wasn’t sure if I had a place in that future.