Chapter 58 I had nobody to impress here
CHAPTER FIFTY-EIGHT
I had nobody to impress here
Ruby
My first instinct when I saw Noah was to run and hide. That’s usually what most people did when bumping into their ex. But after reminding myself that I was there to see him, I took an encouraging breath and walked over to the table he was at.
Spotting me, his expression shifted, a soft smile pulling at his lips.
He was wearing a sweater I recognised, and his hair was combed the way it always had been, yet there was something unfamiliar about him – like he was somebody I used to know.
I had no idea how I looked like right now. I hadn’t bothered changing or fixing my hair after my marathon clean out. I had nobody to impress here.
“Hey,” he said, sliding a drink my way. “I ordered your usual.”
“Thanks.”
Once I sat, the silence that followed was painfully awkward. Unlike when we were dating, quiet gaps in conversation felt uncomfortably loud now.
Sensing it too, Noah cleared his throat. “How have you been?”
“Fine.” I sipped my coffee. “You?”
“Honestly? Still pretty terrible.”
A part of me crumbled hearing that. Knowing Noah wasn’t doing well – and that I couldn’t help him in the way he wanted – sucked. I’d cared about him since I was sixteen, and even after everything he’d done, I didn’t want him feeling this way.
“How’s your, ugh, nose?”
As far I could tell from the opposite side of the table, it seemed okay. Swelling and bruising generally disappeared within one to two weeks, with the broken bone taking a few weeks longer than that.
I’m sure Noah’s dad would’ve had a doctor realign everything as well. He wouldn’t want a crooked nose stealing attention from his son’s dentist-approved teeth.
“It’s healing,” Noah bit, still sounding seriously pissed.
“I’m sorry that Ryker did that.”
With a heavy exhale, Noah dropped his shoulders. “I was drunk and saying things I shouldn’t have. While it was a dick move and totally uncalled for, I guess I can see why he did it.”
It wasn’t an apology as such, but at least Noah had acknowledged he’d been an asshole. That’s as good as it was going to get.
“I won’t be pressing charges,” he added. “So you can stop worrying about that.”
I mentally breathed a sigh of relief. After the silence over the last few weeks, I’d assumed as much, but hearing it was reassuring.
With that settled, I steered the conversation away from Ryker and me before Noah could fixate on it. He wasn’t mature enough to talk about my new relationship – if you could even call it that – and I had zero interest in starting an argument.
“How were your final months of college?”
Noah gave a half-hearted shrug. “I got over it by the end. I was keen to leave the party scene behind, you know.”
“Sure,” I numbly nodded, doing my best to play nice.
It felt like he was hoping that would impress me, and it broke my heart that he thought he still had a chance.
“I’ve got some of your stuff in my car,” I said.
“Oh.”
“Yeah. I cleaned out my bedroom today. Just a few sweaters and things.”
“Right.” He raked his fingers through his styled hair. “Sorry, I haven’t sorted through my room yet–”
“It’s fine.”
I couldn’t think of anything in particular that I missed, so whatever he might have clearly wasn’t something I needed.
As Noah opened his mouth to say something, he paused, checking over his shoulder. I probably should have chosen somewhere more private to meet up. The odds of bumping into a familiar face here were high. It was the best coffee shop going around.
I could only guess what people from our high school were saying about Noah and me. And Ryker and me. And Ryker and Noah. And Ryker and Noah and me. We were probably the talk of the town.
Frankly, I couldn’t care less. Let them gossip, speculate and spread theories. I’d add it to my list of reasons not to move back.
“I’m so sorry, Ruby,” Noah said, leaning forward on his elbows.
“I’ll never be able to apologise enough.
I hate that I ruined our relationship. It will always be the biggest regret of my life.
” He paused, emotion catching in his throat.
“If there’s anything I can ever do to even slightly make up for everything, please tell me, because I can’t stand the idea of you hating me. ”
“Noah, I don’t...”
I trailed off. The pain on his face was as raw as it had been when I’d burst into his frat room. It was as if his world was still collapsing, and it pulled at my heartstrings, as if a harpist was strumming inside my chest.
As he craned his neck over his shoulder once more, checking for prying ears, I caught sight of a distinct hickey beneath his left ear. Noah must’ve noticed my eyes bulge, because he quickly placed his hand over it, subtly tugging up his collar.
And just like that, my sympathy was gone in a fucking instant.
“What was it like the first time you kissed another girl?” I asked.
“Ruby–”
“I’m not asking to start a fight. I’m asking because for me... it’s like the stars were aligning. And I keep wondering if it was just because it was someone other than you, or because that person was the right person.”
Noah’s gaze darkened. “You mean Ryker?”
As tempting as it was to avert my gaze to avoid the pain in Noah’s eyes, I didn’t look away.
“You’re not allowed to be mad about that, Noah.”
“Doesn’t mean it doesn’t fucking hurt.” Tightly clutching his coffee cup, he took a steadying breath. “I always wondered whether there was something going on between you two.”
My defences shot up. “I never cheated on you with him.”
“I know that, Ruby. I never thought that. It’s not who you are.” He clenched his jaw. “But that wasn’t to say your relationship with him was always easy for me.”
Unlike each girl who came and went in Ryker’s life, Noah had never seemed bothered by my friendship with Ryker. I’d always assumed it was because he spent enough time around us to not feel threatened.
But thinking about it now, I realised I’d never really given him the chance to share how he truly felt. He’d never brought it up either – probably because, deep down, he knew an ultimatum wouldn’t go his way. No matter how deeply I cared about him, it had always been Ryker I’d needed. Always Ryker.
Noah’s rigid jaw softened a touch. “The first girl I... cheated on you with, it felt different for me too.”
“In what way?”
He swallowed, rubbing at his chin. “Kind of like a high, or a momentary fix. The comedown wasn’t worth it though.”
“So why did you do it again?”
He scoffed ironically. “Why do people who know what a hangover feels like get drunk again?” His shoulders sagged in resignation.
“I know it’s fucked up, Ruby. I don’t expect you to understand, because it’s wrong.
How I treated you was wrong. And even though the thought of you dating Ryker feels like a thousand knives in my stomach, if he’s what makes you happy, I’ll learn to live with it. ”
A year ago, I never would have imagined we’d end up here. Maybe I’d expected Noah and I would, but I’d assumed we’d be here together, starting the life we’d always spoken about – not getting closure.
He lifted his cup to his lips, but paused before taking a sip. I could still read him like a book, and there was something else he wanted to know.
“You can ask it,” I said. “Whatever it is you’re thinking.”
“Did Ryker ever tell you how he felt while you and I were dating?”
“No. He didn’t even realise it until we broke up.”
Or towards the end of our relationship anyway. But that tiny detail didn’t seem important.
“And did you ever think of him as more than a friend back then?”
“No,” I answered without hesitation. “Ryker and I only happened because you and I were over.”
“So if I hadn’t fucked up, we’d still be together?”
“Honestly? Probably. I’m glad we’re not though,” I admitted with a rueful smile. “I know that’s hard for you to hear, but we weren’t right for each other, Noah.”
“Maybe I wasn’t right for you, but you were right for me, Ruby.”
I shook my head. “No I wasn’t. If I had of been, you wouldn’t have–”
I stopped myself. There was no point dredging it up again.
“I hope you find the right person, Noah. I truly do. But a piece of advice – once you meet her, don’t hook up with anyone else.”
Noah grimaced, though a faint smile did tug at the corners of his mouth.
“Too soon?” I jested.
“It’ll always be too soon, Ruby.”
I’d once felt the same way, but our history no longer stung the way it had. Some would say it was time, but I knew the real reason.
I was in love with someone else.