Chapter 5 #3
Fay: I don’t think they had sex, but who knows?
Nicole was on a high afterwards, kept talking about how she couldn’t believe someone who could have anyone had chosen her, and I was thinking, Yeah, he could have any girl he likes, but he’s here, in this sleepy town of ours, so it might be more a case of who’s around than anything else.
Nicole: Fay was jealous, absolutely. A few months before that we’d both liked this boy at school and he’d chosen me over her. She acted like she was over it but I don’t think she was.
Pea: When they came back, Nicole’s shirt was buttoned up wrong and AJ’s hair was wild, the hat gone. I looked away, didn’t want them to catch me looking. When I turned to Zak, his expression was unreadable.
Alex: I’d had enough. I got up and said I was going home.
I hoped Pea would come with me, but she didn’t.
I guess she didn’t want to leave Zak alone with those girls.
So I brushed myself off and started to walk away, and Pea called after me that she’d see me at school the next day.
When I was out of earshot, I turned back to see whether AJ was watching me leave. But of course he wasn’t.
Zak: AJ made another joint and passed it around.
I was kind of bored. I wanted to be alone with Pea, to ask her what was going on between us, but something told me not to leave AJ with those girls, and the fact that that was my instinct made me feel really uneasy.
So I was glad when AJ finally stood up and said we should get back.
Nicole: I wasn’t stupid. I didn’t think what had happened that afternoon meant anything to him.
I didn’t think I was going to be his girlfriend or anything like that.
But when we got back to the bench where they’d found us and AJ said, ‘See you, then,’ without even looking at me, I did feel kind of…
used, I suppose. I mean, I was sixteen and I hadn’t had much shitty treatment up to that point.
With boys at school, it was always me doing the dumping when I’d had enough.
Zak: AJ made it clear he didn’t give a shit about her, and it was awkward as hell.
Fay: We watched them walk away, Pea Hunter in the middle of these two tall almost-men.
Kelly said, ‘Isn’t he supposed to be going out with that actress who was in Party of Five for a bit?
’ And Nicole just glared at her, and we were silent after that.
When I was at home later, and Mum was nagging me about my homework, it felt like something I’d dreamed up.
On the wall opposite my bed, there was a poster of him, topless and moody, his hair covering half of his face, his thumbs in the belt loops of his jeans.
I stared at him for twenty minutes or so, trying to tally the boy I’d met with this untouchable star.
In real life, he’d been a bit more ordinary, his skin not quite so flawless and his hair a bit too long.
But still, there’d been this sheen about him.
Was it only because I knew about his fame, or was it just something he had?
Nicole: I went home and ate dinner and did some Maths revision. Quadratic equations, I think. No, I didn’t tell anyone.
Pea: I breathed a bit easier as soon as we’d left those girls behind, but Zak was clearly agitated. He smoked two cigarettes back to back and didn’t hold my hand. AJ walked ahead of us, whistling. When we got back to my house, I asked Zak if we were still going out later.
Zak: I shrugged and said we could if she still wanted to.
Pea: I definitely wanted to. I had to know what was happening, why he was being cold.
Zak: AJ said he was heading back to the bus to listen to some music and get his head in the right space for the morning.
My gut told me to call off the date and stay with him, make sure he didn’t get up to anything he shouldn’t, but Pea looked sad and I wanted to try to get to the bottom of what was happening.
I told her I’d pick her up at the house at seven.
Pea: He didn’t kiss me and I felt sure that this date would be the end of things.
I shut myself in my bedroom and cried until my eyes were sore.
And then I had a shower, letting the water fall on my face until it was a little less puffy.
When I was getting ready, the phone rang.
I didn’t go to answer it, but a few seconds later Mum called up the stairs that it was for me.
I picked up the upstairs handset and waited for Mum to hang up the downstairs one. It was Alex.
Alex: Pea and I often spent hours on the phone, even if we’d been together mere hours before, but that day, she didn’t have anything much to say.
I asked her what I’d missed, and I wanted her to ask me why I’d left early, but she didn’t.
She just said they’d headed back soon after I went and now she was getting ready for her date with Zak.
I asked what she thought had gone on between AJ and Nicole, even though bringing it up felt a bit like stabbing myself in the heart, and I remember that she laughed and said, ‘I think that’s pretty obvious.
’ I had to remind myself that she didn’t know what had happened with me and AJ that morning.
She didn’t know how I felt. There was an awkward silence and then I said that my mum needed to use the phone and hung up. And I’d never felt so lonely.
Pea: Alex always liked to thoroughly analyse everything that happened in our lives and I just didn’t have the time or inclination for it that day. Could I have been a better friend? Absolutely. Did I think he had something serious going on? Absolutely not.
Alex: Over the years, Mum always asked me who I’d spent time with at school, and I always said Pea.
She would say, ‘No one else?’ She didn’t like me putting all my eggs in one basket, friendship-wise.
She was terrified that Pea’s family would move away or she’d change schools or we’d fall out, and I’d have no one. And then, I got it.
Danny: But what of Sebastian and AJ? How was that little friendship developing?
Sebastian: In the afternoon, AJ came over and it was the same routine as ever.
Tea, biscuits, low-key chat about this and that.
It was the first time he’d brought Lou with him.
Lou was probably in his late thirties, quite overweight and a bit dishevelled.
AJ introduced him as his ‘money manager’.
It felt weird, having someone else there, but I wasn’t going to ask Lou to leave.
Pea walked in just as we were finishing up.
She stopped in the doorway and looked from me to AJ to Lou like she couldn’t believe her eyes.
She asked if everything was okay. AJ stood up, drained his mug and said everything was fine.
And then he left, Lou following closely behind.
She sat down where he’d been sitting and said, ‘So are you and AJ friends now or what?’ I didn’t know how to answer.
I didn’t know what we were. I just shrugged and pushed my chair back and went up to my room.
Pea: Walking in on Sebastian, AJ and Lou having a cup of tea together was so weird. I couldn’t imagine them having a single thing in common. But Sebastian clearly didn’t want to talk about it, and I don’t think it ever happened again, so I put it out of my mind.
Zak: I think that was the day that Mom went back to the States.
There was something going on with the next album and either her or Maggie needed to go and sort it out.
They decided Maggie should stay in England.
I asked whether Lou could go, because I had this bad feeling about him, always had, but Mom insisted it had to be her, so we said goodbye. She said she’d be back in a few days.
When I walked over from the bus to Pea’s house to pick her up that evening, my heart was in my throat.
Earlier in the day, when we’d kissed against that ice cream stand, I’d been so happy.
But it felt like weeks had passed since then, felt like Pea had somehow morphed back into a stranger.
Her mum answered the door, and she gave me a look that left me in no doubt that she disapproved.
In the hallway, she leaned in close and said, ‘She is only just sixteen, Zak. Please remember that.’ And then before I could answer, she turned and called up the stairs and Pea appeared, looking cute in combat trousers and a fitted tee.
She didn’t look at me as she walked down the stairs.
And then we were outside, and it was still warm so I took off my sweater.
We were quiet, in a way we’d never been.
How had things got so messed up so quickly?
I asked her what was going on with her, and she shrugged.
Pea: I couldn’t believe he was going to make me say it.
It was obvious he’d gone off me, that he’d seen there were other girls in our town and started being distant and cold.
But when I said all that, he started laughing.
I was so taken aback and so annoyed I shoved him in the side, and he almost went into the road.
Then I asked him what was so funny. He said that the only reason he’d been acting like that was because I’d said to Nicole and co that we were just friends.
He’d thought I was embarrassed. I couldn’t work out what kind of world he lived in that he thought someone like me would be embarrassed to be seeing someone like him.
We both ended up laughing about it, and I was so relieved I felt like I could cry, too.