Chapter 5 #6
Pea: There was so much waiting around that day, but it was all worth it.
The show was incredible. Like I’ve said, I wasn’t a big fan of pop music and I’d never have gone to a concert like that in other circumstances, but this was a proper show, in every sense of the word.
The costume changes, the choreography, the special effects.
It was electric. And I just stared at AJ the whole time he was up there, unable to believe that this star was the same person I’d been spending time with for a couple of weeks.
There was no trace whatsoever of the sullen, spoiled teenager I knew. It was like he came to life on stage.
Alex: I was pissed off with AJ so I wanted to hate the show, but really, it was impossible. I got so caught up in the atmosphere, and by the second song I was dancing and singing along like everyone else around us.
Nicole: It was a real rush seeing AJ up there and all these thousands of girls screaming his name and knowing that I was the one he was sleeping with.
That I’d been naked with him just a couple of hours ago.
I don’t think I’ve ever topped that feeling, to be honest. And then of course it ended up being so famous, because it was the end.
And it really seemed like he was just getting started.
Pea: He was on such a high afterwards. We all went backstage and he was bouncing off the walls.
I wondered if he’d taken anything. Maybe he had, I don’t know.
I can’t imagine what it’s like, any of what he experienced, so I tried not to judge it.
But it took a while for him to be calm enough for us to get back in the buses.
And even though we left the venue more than an hour after the concert finished, there were still hundreds of girls waiting outside to catch a glimpse of him.
I wondered whether he ever met them, whether anything ever happened between them.
He was often in the papers with various girls, but they were always famous – models, pop stars, actresses.
Never ordinary teenage girls. Anyway, he was with Nicole, at least kind of, that night, wasn’t he?
Zak: The journey back from a show was always awful.
AJ would come off stage on a huge high and then he’d crash at some point after and become very withdrawn.
The others didn’t know that, of course. They were talking about how good it had been, trying to engage him, and he said almost nothing.
Nicole looked all put out about it, and Alex was quiet too.
I sat with Pea and we talked about other stuff.
It felt like it took twice as long to get back as it had taken to get there.
When the bus finally pulled up, I had this overwhelming feeling of wanting Pea to stay with me.
I knew she couldn’t. It had been a big win getting her parents to agree to her coming at all, and I knew we shouldn’t push it.
But I kissed her and held her really tight, and I was scared to let go and I didn’t know why.
I don’t know, maybe I’m imposing some of that with hindsight, but I’m sure I remember a feeling of something ending, and I assumed it must be to do with me and Pea.
Alex: I fell asleep on the way back, or at least pretended to.
I couldn’t watch Nicole fawn all over AJ.
Pea and Zak sat with their heads together, talking in low voices.
They did that a lot, and I don’t think they realised how excluded it made other people feel.
They were just all wrapped up in each other.
So I sat with my eyes closed and focused on not saying anything.
I knew I could blow up whatever was going on with AJ and Nicole if I wanted to, by telling her what he’d been doing with me, but I also knew AJ would hate me if I did.
You have to remember that this was my first experience of anything romantic.
And it came after years of homophobic abuse at school.
To be chosen like that, by someone like him, and for it to be a secret.
Well, that really fucked with my mind for a long time.
Pea: Zak was strangely emotional when we parted that night.
I wanted to stay with him. I always wanted to stay with him, but I knew my parents would be waiting up.
They were in the kitchen with mugs of tea.
They asked how it had been, and I said it was amazing, that AJ was a real superstar, that they would have loved it.
Because I genuinely think they would have done.
You didn’t have to be an AJ Silver fan to appreciate the spectacle of it.
Dad just grunted, and Mum got up and poured the rest of her tea into the sink.
She told me I’d better get to bed, that it was gone midnight and I had school tomorrow.
As if I didn’t know those things. She looked so weary, like she’d been beaten down by something.
I was worried about her and didn’t know how to express it.
I said, ‘Mum, things will be back to normal soon, won’t they?
’ Dad grunted again, but when I looked at him he just widened his eyes as if he didn’t know what I was asking him.
I remember Mum saying, ‘I hope so, love.’
Cathy: Pea was off in her own little world.
She was in love. I genuinely think she had no idea of the toll this visit was taking on her dad.
He was jumpy, on edge. Forever meeting with Maggie to discuss something AJ wasn’t happy about.
I couldn’t wait for it to be over, and I knew he felt the same.
But I knew, too, that them leaving would break Pea’s heart, and I was braced for that.
I had no idea that something far worse was on the horizon.
Zak: After everyone was gone, it was just me and AJ.
We went for a walk in the park and smoked a joint.
I knew AJ wouldn’t be able to sleep for hours.
It was the intensity of the show, the extreme high followed by that awful crash.
It made me wonder why he did it. I asked him, and he laughed.
‘Money and fame, Zak-man,’ he said. And then he said it again, but his voice was so sad I looked away.
I often wonder what I would have seen in his eyes if I’d been brave enough to meet his gaze right then.
After a bit of silence, he asked me about Pea, about whether it was as serious as it seemed.
I said it was, that I was crazy about her, but I couldn’t see a way to make it work.
We were so young, and we lived so far apart.
He nodded. I didn’t ask about Nicole. It was clear she didn’t mean anything to him.
I don’t think any of the girls did. They were just playthings, and I wonder whether that would have changed, if he’d lived.
Whether he would have learned to care properly about people he was sleeping with.
Because he was the brother with all the wealth and celebrity, but right then I felt like the lucky one.
What I had with Pea was real, and he was locked out of that experience.
I thought, then, that he’d perhaps never be able to trust anyone fully, enough to really fall in love with them, and that seemed like a terrible shame.
Danny: A sombre note to end on, which seems entirely fitting given that next week we’ll be going over the day of AJ Silver’s death.
Now you know all the people who were around him, is there anyone you think is suspicious?
Anyone you think might have hated him enough to have a hand in that terrible rollercoaster accident?
Be sure to let us know on your socials at @WhatHappenedThatSummer.
And I’ll see you next week with some answers.
MickeynotMouse
This friendship that’s blossoming between AJ and Sebastian is strange, isn’t it? #WhatHappenedThatSummer
Heather421
Alex Robb needs to have a bit of self-respect. #WhatHappenedThatSummer
Alisha_Lea
I can’t believe AJ was playing Nicole and Alex like that, and so brazenly #WhatHappenedThatSummer
KellyBlake4
How cute are Pea and Zak? #WhatHappenedThatSummer
J_oshAnd_erson
I have such a sense of impending doom. I know it’s because we know what happened next, but I’m still on tenterhooks waiting to hear all the details. #WhatHappenedThatSummer
SarahSmith675
I was at that Manchester show! I was twelve years old and my mum took me. I cried for weeks when he died. #WhatHappenedThatSummer
LiisawithtwoIs
Gutted. I had tickets for one of the London dates which obviously never happened. #WhatHappenedThatSummer
KevKing9
Roll on next week! #WhatHappenedThatSummer