Chapter - 7
ELOISE
“Thanks for getting us in, Lo.” Courtney squeezed my bicep as she trudged to where everyone else had found a spot to set up. Three Arch was a private gated community in Laguna Beach, with its own beachfront. It was smaller, cleaner, and ideal when you wanted to spend the day at the beach with your friends, if one of them was a popular, noticeable celebrity.
Half of my parents’ friends lived here. It took one single call to get my name on the entry list.
“No problem,” I smiled. I was a little relieved because Logan hadn’t driven with us. Courtney told me to put his name on the list anyway and to let the guy at the gate know that he would use ASL to spell his name, but I figured the chance of him actually showing up was slim. He was known to bail and didn’t hang out with us nearly as often as the rest of us got together.
Plus, I wasn’t thrilled about Logan seeing me in my bikini.
…Okay, that was only a little bit of a lie.
I was still a little unsettled by the last time we were together. Where he had blatantly stared at my ass as I did pull-ups, but also didn’t deny that he wanted to turn down my accidental advances on him.
Beck and Adam, the two paler people in the group, had set up their towels and umbrellas. I had brought one as well, but I actually looked forward to getting some sun on my skin.
“I’m sitting with the albinos.” Taylor had pulled their sunglasses down off of their hat and slid them on their face. They were wearing a cutoff shirt with dark blue board shorts that matched their eyes.
“Do you need sunscreen on your scalp?” I asked them as I laid my towel down a little bit away. Taylor had a faded haircut, with fun geometrical designs shaved into the back of their head.
“Huh, actually that’s not a bad idea.” They then handed me a bottle of spray-on sunscreen and turned around. I stood on my toes a little bit as I sprayed and rubbed my finger along the designs, making sure every inch of the exposed skin in their hair was covered. “Thanks, girl.”
“My turn.” I handed them the bottle and pulled my shorts down before ripping off my t-shirt. I dropped my clothes on my towel and held my arms out to the side for Taylor to spray me.
Taylor blinked, their eyes scanning my body for a moment before clearing their throat. “Damn,” they mumbled as they started on my arms.
“Are you okay?” I asked.
“Yeah,” Taylor rubbed the sunscreen onto my arm before spraying my other one, “Sometimes I just forget when my friends are really attractive.”
I blinked, a warm blush covering my cheeks. “Oh.”
Taylor glanced at me, their dark blue eyes a little narrow against the sun. “I’m not hitting on you, Lo,” they reassured me with a low chuckle of their own, “I’m not ready for monogamy.”
I gave them a quizzical look before they sprayed my chest and rubbed the sunscreen on there as well. “Wait, how do you know that I am? Maybe I’m not ready to settle down either.”
“I promise you that you are,” Taylor smiled as they sprayed my stomach and hips. I got to work rubbing that part in as they knelt down and sprayed my legs, rubbing the lotion in well afterward. “Plus, I’m not your type.”
I frowned a little, considering that they were the last person I would expect to assume someone’s sexuality. “How do you know what my type is?” I asked, planting my hands on my hips at my question.
Taylor stood tall and glanced at something over my shoulder, reaching their arm out and handing the bottle to someone as they spoke, “Hey, can you finish covering her back? I want to get in the water.”
I saw Beck and Adam a few feet in front of us lounging on their towels, so I assumed Courtney had approached Taylor and me. I felt a presence step closer to me at the same time that a large, tanned, masculine hand reached over my shoulder and grabbed the spray bottle. My whole body stiffened at the realization of who was here. I would analyze how I knew that was Logan’s hand later, but for now, I struggled to not panic at the thought of Logan’s hands rubbing sunscreen all over my body.
“That,” Taylor lifted a finger and gestured to the entirety of my face and neck, which were perfectly flushed, “Is how I know.” Then they winked and jogged off towards the waves.
I swallowed a lump in my throat before I glanced over my shoulder to see the large man standing behind me, his hand with the sunscreen lifted, with his eyebrows raised in question. I gave him my back and looked down, allowing him enough skin to coat my neck and shoulders well. Then the spray dragged down my back.
Then it stopped.
I glanced behind myself again, getting caught by the way the sun made Logan’s dark curly hair have some red in it before I asked, “Can you get my legs too?”
Logan’s nod was stiff, but his dark eyes lowered towards my legs as I watched him spray me over my shoulder. I was wearing my thong bikini. A peach-colored thing that I liked wearing when I wanted to expose as much of my skin as possible, in hopes of having minimal tan lines.
Logan’s jaw was clenched as he stared at my thighs and sprayed down towards my ankles.
“Can you—” I stopped, realizing that wasn’t his job. “Actually…” I ended up just holding my hand out for the sunscreen. He handed me the bottle silently, and I twisted around and tried to spray my ass cheeks.
I sprayed them enough and used my hands to rub them in. “Thanks,” I smiled up at him, but he was already looking away and setting his stuff down. He wore light gray board shorts and a white t-shirt that contrasted with his golden skin well.
Alright, then.
“Do you need some?” I asked, eyeballing him. Logan paused before standing to his full height again to look at me. I wasn’t sure what he was thinking. His lips were in a hard line and it looked like there was a muscle popping in his cheeks, as if he was clenching his jaw.
I frowned, “You can just say no, you don’t need to act all offended at the thought of needing sunscreen.”
Logan’s lips parted a little as he blinked, his dark brows furrowed as he lifted his hands, I am not. I frowned at this too, so he moved his hands again, Yes, please. And then he ripped his shirt off and stepped towards me, his arms hanging slightly away from his body as he looked over my head towards Adam and Beck.
It was glorious.
Logan must have had one hell of a dietitian and workout regimen because his shirtless torso almost looked unreal. He had the body that fitness models dreamed of. Flawless skin, and a light smattering of dark hair on his chest. Sharp, defined pecs and abs and those little side ab things I had only seen on men who were photoshopped. He even had that sharp V low on his hips, guiding a light dusting of dark hair that led from his belly button to below his swim shorts. I was stupefied for a second or two before I remembered to start spraying him. The only flaw on the image was a couple of thick pink, jagged scars that cut across one of his pecs. It was the same type of scarring that trailed up the side of his face and neck. Okay. So he did want sunscreen. Why did he look all annoyed at my question, then?
I started spraying his shoulders, making him tip his chin up so that the spray wouldn’t go into his mouth, I started rubbing it into his skin afterward as well. He didn’t bother doing that to me, but I was trying to be a bigger person.
Okay, fine. I also really wanted to rub my hands all over his body. I wasn’t one to look a gift horse in the mouth.
“I was just confused about the look you were giving me,” I mumbled as I rubbed it in on his arm and shoulder, barely glancing at Logan as I rubbed the sunscreen into his arm. He was watching me. “I feel like whenever I try to talk to you, you look at me like I’m some sort of alien.”
I sprayed his other shoulder and arm, rubbing it in. He shook a little, letting me know he was restraining laughter. So I paused my ministrations and glanced up at him.
Damn, he was tall.
Logan’s lips were pressed a little tightly together, and the corner of his lips turned up just enough to let me know he was trying to hold it in. I narrowed my eyes at him as his hands lifted.
Your book. Logan signed. I cocked my head to the side, confused.
“What do you mean?” I asked. I kept my hand on his pec, mostly because it was a nice dense pec, but I played it off like I was distracted by our conversation and forgot my hand was still on him. He wasn’t shrugging out of my touch or anything.
A-L-I-E-N P-O-R-N, Logan finger spelled for me, I look at you like the porn you read?
I pressed my lips together as my eyes widened, my cheeks heating from embarrassment. Fuck, was he really already teasing me? I knew blurting that out at the gym would come back to bite me in the ass. I knew that explaining to him that I read alien erotica would be worse than him thinking I had a crush on him. At least at the time, he was polite to me. Courtney was right when she suggested that if he thought I liked him he would be nicer. He didn’t roast me as much at the gym.
Now, though, he was back to teasing me again. And it still felt condescending.
“No,” I replied with a defiant raise of my chin, lowering my voice as I lifted the sunscreen to spray the rest of his chest. “Because in the porn that I read, the men look at the women they’re interested in as if they’ll starve without her,” I explained, aggressively rubbing the sunscreen across Logan’s abs. “They look like they’re using every muscle in their body to keep from grabbing her and taking her, right then and there.” I knelt down, ignoring how Logan stepped away from me one pace as I sloppily sprayed his legs and bare feet. “They don’t look at women as you look at me; like you’re disgusted.”
I stood up and motioned for Logan to turn around, staring pointedly in between his pecs. God, they were massive.
Logan ignored me and lifted his hands, You – me.
“Huh?” I asked, not understanding all the words he used.
Logan signed again, stepping forward and lowering his head closer to mine as he mouthed, You are blind.
“How?” I rolled my eyes and walked around him, spraying his back and shoulders. I was lazy and knew that I would miss spots, but I didn’t care. Why I was even continuing to coat him in sunscreen at this point was a mystery to me.
“Do I get to rub my hands all over him next?” Josh’s voice interrupted our conversation, and Logan’s jaw clenched again before we both turned to the side to see Courtney and Josh approaching us. They were both wet from their waists down, having already dipped into the ocean.
“Are you arguing again?” Courtney placed her fisted hands on her hips, frowning at Logan and me.
“Yeah,” I replied, slapping the bottle of sunscreen against Logan’s chest, and walking towards the ocean, “But we’re done.” I wanted to get away from him, because I wasn’t going to look at Logan the rest of the day. I had gotten my fill. Honestly, minus the conversation, rubbing sunscreen on him would be enough to fuel my spank bank for the time being. I knew that was shitty of me, but I accepted that.
I had dipped into the ocean, going completely under, and wetting my hair in an attempt to cool myself off. I only stayed in there for a few minutes, hanging out with Taylor who was in the water with their cutoff shirt on and everything. After we started splashing each other so much that I was coughing up salty ocean water, we finally called a truce and trudged back to the group.
Adam and Beck were making out on their towels under their umbrellas.
Josh and Courtney were on the other side of Logan’s towel, chatting with him.
Taylor had just gently crawled on top of Adam and Beck in a silly attempt to remind them that they weren’t alone and had made Beck gasp loudly from the shock of a wet body pressing against her. I had accepted that I would sit by myself on my towel next to Logan.
I pulled on my sunglasses, grabbed my phone, and laid back in the sun.
I was reading a historical romance on my e-reader app, immediately lost in the story of corsets and sexism and swooning and exposed ankles, when I noticed it had gotten suddenly quieter around me. Unsure of how much time had passed, I glanced around to see that Beck, Adam, and Taylor were gone, back in the ocean on surfboards that Adam had brought. Beck and Taylor couldn’t stand up on the board to save their lives, and Adam was laughing at their failed attempts.
Courtney and Josh were closer to the waves where the sand was wet, clearly digging some sort of hole and occasionally tossing dirt on each other.
I glanced to my side, and Logan was right there, reclined on his back a foot away from me with a baseball cap resting over his face, and his hands tucked behind his head. He had dark tufts of hair in his armpits, and his biceps popped with the position he lay in.
I allowed myself time to ogle Logan.
He was unfairly good-looking.
Suddenly, his arm shifted and he lifted the cap from his face. His dark eyes were on me as I quickly turned my attention back to my phone. Movement from his hands caught my vision and I turned to glance at him, breaking my ignoring Logan rule I had set for the day.
Are you mad at me?Logan asked.
I let out a loud, dramatic, annoyed sigh.
“No,” I replied, only lying a little bit, “I’m just not bothering with you anymore.”
What do you mean?He asked. I didn’t know all the signs in that sentence, but Logan had clearly mouthed the words to his question for my benefit, helping me understand him.
“It means,” I inhaled again and set my phone down, sitting up to face him as I spoke, “That I’m not letting you get to me anymore.” I needed to do this a long time ago, but no better time than the present. “I’m not going to let you mock or bully me for things that don’t matter. So what if I read alien porn? It’s probably better than whatever horseshit you watch on Pornhub.”
Logan frowned before he sat up to face me back, his hands going to work as he mouthed his sentence for me, I don’t try to be mean to you, Eloise.
Seeing him use my name sign made my heart thump hard in my chest, and I went out of my way to ignore it.
“That doesn’t make me feel better, Logan.” My voice sounded small even to my own ears, but it was true. I knew I was sensitive; I thought it came with the whole people-pleasing part of my personality that I had been working hard to deconstruct the last few years. So the fact that he supposedly, unintentionally hurt my feelings was more embarrassing than anything.
Logan scrubbed a hand down his face, clearly struggling. Part of me felt bad for not being better at ASL. I didn’t truly try to start learning until after I had started working at the clinic with everyone, because a lot of the kids relied on ASL as well. I picked up core words easily enough, but shorthand and filler words, and sentence structure were all things that I was still struggling with.
I was trying, though. Just last night I felt the need to restart a free online course.
We both sat there, silently watching all our friends either attempt to surf or dig a massive hole in the sand. They were much too far away to hear us, the sound of the ocean draining any chance of my voice carrying over. Logan had taken a deep breath before facing me again, waving his hand in my peripheral to get me to turn and look at him.
I’m sorry, Logan signed and mouthed, I want to do better.
I lifted a shoulder because he had already told me the same thing at the engagement party a few weeks ago.
I’m serious, Logan tried again, narrowing his eyes as he shifted closer to me, I don’t want to hurt your feelings. Or embarrass you.
I lifted an eyebrow at him, my expression flat.
Okay, Logan’s lips twitched a little before he continued to sign and mouth his words to me, I don’t want to embarrass you too much. I rolled my eyes and tried to turn away from him before he reached forward and wrapped one of his large hands around my thigh. I was immediately reminded of our size difference from the gesture. His thumb brushed against the inside of my leg and his pinky wrapped around the other side, his fingertips pressing a little into my skin.
It made my nervous system take off, which is probably why I blurted out this next sentence while I stared at the way his hand firmly gripped my thigh, “Are you just trying to be nice because of the messages I sent you?”
Logan’s hand flexed on my leg at my words, before he gently removed his hand and signed again, No.
“You sure? Because you were much nicer to me at the gym. The nicest you’d ever been, actually.” I felt the corners of my lips turn down a little bit. “I don’t know if I really want your pity.”
I don’t pity you, Logan signed and mouthed for me, I—
“We need you!” I heard Josh gasping from a few feet away, making me turn my head before Logan could finish the rest of his sentence. Josh was jogging closer to us and stopped a few feet away before he braced his hands on his knees and let his head fall, catching his breath.
“What?” I asked, smirking at how exhausted he looked.
“We didn’t bring shovels, so we need more hands,” Josh explained, “For the hole.”
“Why are you digging a hole?” I asked, looking behind Josh to see Taylor and Courtney”s thighs deep into the hole as they scooped handfuls of sand out.
“Because we’re at the beach? It’s what you do. You in?” Josh lifted his head and eyeballed Logan and me, his dark brown eyes narrowing a little bit.
I feigned an annoyed sigh and started to stand up from my place on the towel, “I guess I can help.”
Josh smiled and lifted both of his fists in the air before pointing at Logan, “You, too!” I didn’t bother to turn around to see if Logan was following us. I just knew that he was, based on who Josh must have been chatting with. I was mildly grateful for the interruption from Josh because I felt anxiety rise in me the more Logan and I attempted to iron out the wrinkles in our acquaintance. I’d like to get to the point where he and I would consider each other friends, but I wondered if I really wanted to settle for a pity friendship from Logan.
I knew that I would have settled for that a few years ago, but I didn’t think I wanted a pity friendship now. I had been working on myself. I wanted to become someone who didn’t rely on the acceptance of others to feel valued as a person. If Logan wanted to actually be my friend because he respected me to some degree, or simply didn’t hate me, then sure. I would befriend him like everyone else.
A pity friendship? Because he thought I had an unrequited crush? Nah. Hard pass.