Chapter - 8
LOGAN
There was no excuse, I sucked.
That beach trip with Eloise was really what made me come to this conclusion. I guess it had started when I’d walked down the wooden steps to the beach, happy that it really was so empty and quiet like Courtney had said. However, when I approached the group and saw Eloise strip down into her little bikini set, I had felt all moisture leave my mouth and every one of my brain cells die.
Taylor was lathering her up in sunscreen, chatting about something I hadn’t bothered to try to pay attention to because I was too busy struggling to not stare at her bare ass cheeks. I had walked over to the umbrellas they were standing by, waving at Courtney and Josh who were walking hand in hand in the waves, and nodding at Taylor as I met their eyes and approached.
And then Taylor had told me to finish spraying down Eloise.
I was able to without getting too hard. Hard enough for others to notice, at least. I’d had to think about some pretty horrible and disgusting things to keep my dick focused, but it worked. I hadn’t dared rub the sunscreen into her skin, though. I knew I would be made if I laid a single hand on her. My eyes couldn’t stop flicking all over her exposed skin, the flower tattoos on her hip and thigh, and the one that I had now finally seen the entirety of on her ribs, curving with the shape of her breast. Plus, I wanted to talk to her about whatever was hovering in between us before I laid a finger on her. Before I assumed that she truly, truly wanted me to touch her like that. I did not want any mixed signals or misunderstandings between us if there was a reality where I could touch her like that.
That day changed me because now I physically ached for Eloise.
Prophecy fulfilled; I still managed to upset her again. Thankfully she didn’t shove a dessert in my chest or assume the size of my penis, instead, she just seemed resigned. Which felt oddly worse than her usual anger and glares. I didn’t want her to feel like she had to give up, and her comment about me being nice to her simply out of pity didn’t sit right with me either. But then the universe decided to give me the middle finger by allowing someone else to interrupt yet another fucking conversation between the small woman and me.
“Thoughts?” Josh asked, making me blink to clear my vision and focus on the task at hand. We were all at a swanky high-end suit store somewhere in LA. It was exclusive, required reservations months in advance, and catered to celebrities like Joshua Madey. The rest of the band was here too, Tom and Kyle, inseparable as Kyle gave Tom multiple ties and squares to try out. The bassist silently accepted all the accessories that I had the feeling he would never wear if Kyle wasn’t his partner.
Garrett was there too, sitting in between Adam and Taylor as all our heads lifted to attention at the sight of Josh in his new suit combination.
This was one of two fittings, we all still needed to get our measurements taken.
“No,” Taylor shook their head, eyeballing Josh up and down before pulling their phone out again, “That tone will wash Courtney out when you stand next to her. You either need to go lighter or darker if you like that color.”
Josh frowned as he held his arms out and circled once, taking in his appearance from all angles thanks to the multiple mirrors that surrounded him.
“I wouldn’t have even thought about that,” Josh shrugged and stepped back into the dressing room as he tugged off the suit coat, “Thanks, T.”
“Yup.”
“Are you bringing anyone to the wedding?” Garrett, Carbon Cut’s lead guitarist, asked Taylor. He elbowed them with a dramatic wiggle of his black eyebrows. He recently let his hair grow out a bit, concealing the tattoos he had on the sides of his head.
“Not sure, it’s kind of hard to secure a casual date when the wedding is a year from now,” Taylor smiled. “Are you?”
Garrett responded by punching Taylor in the thigh, who just cackled at the response.
“Believe it or not, Kate is still with me, you asshole.” Garrett chuckled at the ribbing he was used to from everyone.
“It’s true,” Kyle piped up from his position over the table of pocket squares, his bright blue hair sticking out on all sides, “She’s even kissing him in front of us now.”
“I almost couldn’t believe it,” Tom added, holding up a pocket square for Kyle to eyeball next to a tie, “I didn’t know they actually kissed until a few weeks ago.”
“Shut the fuck up,” Garrett smirked, flipping off his drummer and bassist.
“She likes her privacy, then?” Adam asked, crossing one ankle over his knee as he leaned his head back against the wall that the bench that they were all sitting on was up against. I was in a chair off to the side, listening like always.
“Mostly she just didn’t want to show a lot of PDA in front of the other guys on the off chance that we didn’t work out,” Garrett shrugged, “Which made sense to me. If we broke up, it would be easier to go back to our business relationship without the habit of kissing each other goodbye on set, you know?”
“I understand that.” Adam nodded as he scratched a spot on his head, messing up his dark red locks, “Beck and I are strictly professional at work as well.”
Taylor snorted, “Yeah, okay.”
Adam rolled his eyes at Taylor’s remark, “You only saw us one time, T.”
“It was enough.” Taylor sat forward to address the rest of us, “I had walked into Beck’s office and was surprised when I hit something on the other side of her door, so I peeked around it and saw Beck literally jumping off of Adam.”
The guys chuckled at Taylor’s retelling, making Adam blush enough to conceal some of the freckles that dotted his face.
Eloise’s freckles on her nose did similar things when she blushed.
Fuck, now I was thinking about all the fun ways that I could make her blush.
But first I had to fucking talk to her.
“Are you bringing anyone to the wedding, Logan?” Josh had joined the conversation again, stepping out of the changing room for one second before glancing at himself in the mirror and aggressively shaking his head. He went back into the changing room without another word.
That was the right call. He was not the kind of guy who could pull off an all-white suit.
No, I replied.
“Why not? I’m sure you have options.” Taylor asked, eyeballing my arms that were crossed over my chest. I stared at them until they met my eyes again, and then they just winked at me before glancing down at their phone. No shame for checking me out.
“Do you want to bring anyone?” Kyle asked, his eyes still glued to all the accessories. Tom shook his head before he rubbed a free hand through his short military-style cut.
“Leave him alone,” Tom warned his boyfriend. Kyle stuck his tongue out at Tom in response.
I shrugged at that, rubbing the back of my neck as I thought about it.
I hadn’t needed a formal date for anything in a very long time, and the thought of finding someone to fill that role stressed me out.
Eloise’s glacial blue eyes and pink lips came to mind, and I shoved the thought away before I got lost in my fantasies again.
“I think you should go with Eloise,” Adam chimed in , his eyes glued to his phone as if his words didn’t shock me to my core. Adam was Eloise’s ex, and that comment from him felt very weird.
Taylor leaned forward to give Adam a confused look. “She hates him.”
Adam shrugged. “She’s just intimidated by him.”
All the guys turned to look at me, waiting for me to add something to the conversation. I frowned. Adam was the only one proficient enough in ASL, and Taylor only knew the dirty words and slang. This conversation was already stressing me out.
Eloise doesn’t want to be my date, I confirmed, mouthing my words clearly for everyone else’s benefit.
“I’ve been trying to get Courtney to set the two of you up since before she and I got together,” Josh piped in, stepping in front of the mirror as he stared at himself in a dark navy suit. His sentence made my shoulders tense and my jaw clench because that was news to me.
“Oh, I like that one,” Taylor added. I felt my shoulders relax because the conversation would easily move on now. We all agreed that the one Josh was currently wearing would be the suit for the big day and that we all wanted to match. So we each had to stand up on the platform while the seamstress squatted around each of us and took her sweet time getting our measurements. We would have to come back later and try all the suits on to confirm the fit.
The band finished getting their measurements, and Taylor was taking their turn standing up for the seamstress, when the conversation came right back to haunt me.
“So why did you try to set up Logan and Eloise?” Taylor asked, their arms fully extended away from their bodies.
“Oh,” Josh blinked, remembering what he had brought up earlier, “Because they would be cute together.” Everyone turned to stare at me, making embarrassment course through my veins. I shifted uncomfortably in my seat before Adam nodded his head almost as if he was approving the pairing.
“You’d be good for her,” Adam added, leveling me with his stare. I tugged the collar away from my shirt, suddenly feeling like I was suffocating. Everyone was waiting for me to say something, so I fumbled my next signs with my hands due to randomly being under the spotlight.
Eloise would disagree with you, I signed and mouthed.
“Probably,” Adam replied, a small smile on his face, “But I’m sure you could convince her.”
I furrowed my brows a little bit at his words, I should not have to convince a woman to be my dateto a wedding.
“You’re right,” Adam nodded once in agreement with me, “But I don’t think you realize how very little convincing you would actually need to do. You like her, yeah?”
What the fuck? Was I that fucking obvious? Since when were Eloise and I so openly discussed like this? Heat from embarrassment crawled up my neck, I rubbed my hand on the back of my scalp as I frowned and tried to find a way out of this conversation.
“She sure as shit likes his body.” Taylor nodded at the seamstress before stepping down off the stool and switching places with Adam.
I blinked at Taylor’s words.
Eloise does like me.
“Is that a blush that I see?” Josh lifted a tattooed finger towards my face as if he was about to poke my cheek, and I smacked his hand away in irritation. He laughed before he continued speaking, “I mean, she did send you some spicy voice memos.”
I lifted my eyebrows at Josh, unsure how he knew that. “Yeah, I know about it.” He confirmed with a wink, “I was there the morning after when she was pacing around the kitchen and freaking out about what she had done after having a little too much wine.”
If she was drunk, then she probably didn’t mean it. I replied.
“That’s not how alcohol works,” Garrett added, after watching my mouth that formed the words my hands signaled. “It lowers your inhibitions; it doesn’t magically make you develop an attraction towards people.”
I felt my frown melt away at his words, pondering them.
He had a point.
I kept going back and forth regarding hypothetical reasons to explain Eloise and her behavior towards me after I received those voice memos, but every time I tried to broach the subject with her, it got derailed. Did I want something intimate with Eloise? Obviously. I just didn’t know what to do about it. How to talk to her without someone fucking interrupting us, or her misinterpreting my words.
Eventually, through signing, and Adam having to vocalize a good chunk of my communication to the rest of the guys and Taylor, I briefly explained my predicament with Eloise. As soon as Adam had confirmed that I was interested in Eloise like that, Josh shot both fists up into the air in celebration, pumping them a couple of times before settling back in his seat.
“So, talk to her. Tell her how you feel.” Josh encouraged.
“It sounds like you two just need space to communicate without everyone else around. One-on-one.” Tom added, standing straighter after Kyle rested a top hat on his head.
Easier said than done, I explained, adrenaline pumping in my veins at the knowledge everyone in this room had of me now, We have a communication barrier.
“Hot,” Josh smirked, clearly referring to the voice memos that Eloise sent me. I wasn’t sure what to think of that.
“You have a phone, yes?” Garrett asked, his gaze landing on where the rectangle stuck out in my pocket, “Use it.”
I frowned; I don’t know if I can text her unannounced yet.
“I think you can.” Josh encouraged, his teeth playing with his lip ring as he eyeballed my phone in my pocket as well.
“You won’t know unless you try!” Kyle sang as he pulled the top hat off of Tom and stood up on his toes for a kiss. Tom obliged before turning to face me with his words of encouragement.
“Just text her. Start small. The worst she could do is say she isn’t into you like that, which really seems unlikely after what everyone else has said.”
I stared at the couple on the far side of the room, at how comfortable Kyle and Tom were reaching for each other. How Kyle could wander over to the cufflinks and Tom would follow him without a word and wrap his arms around his partner’s shoulders, planting a quiet kiss on Kyle’s head while Kyle just smiled and leaned into the contact, content as he browsed men’s accessories.
I felt an ache in my chest and reached my hand up to rub it a little before I thought about the sensation too much.
“Just text her,” Adam encouraged from his new spot on the seamstress’ stool. “Worst case scenario, you still don’t have a date for the wedding. Best case scenario…” he let his sentence trail off and shrugged, standing taller at the seamstress’s silent wave of her hand for him to do so.
The conversation shifted again, which I was only a little grateful for. Part of me wanted to blurt out a number of questions to the group, along the lines of “What do I say?” and “What should I start with?” or even “Do people just text ‘hey’ anymore?” I felt out of my league, I hadn’t texted a woman specifically to have a conversation with her in years.
I decided that I would do it, though.
I couldn’t remember the last time I had openly spoken with another group of masculine people about a woman I was interested in. I think the last time I truly did so was back in high school before my accident. Damaged vocal cords made life significantly more difficult when it came to establishing relationships, especially for someone like me who was already introverted. In college, very little communication needed to take place for a woman to want to have sex with me. The same goes for all the hookups I had after signing with the NHL.
I thought about it some more as I took my turn to get measured, noticing how the seamstress’s cheeks blushed as she ran the measuring tape up my leg, across my chest, and around my arms.
I knew I was attractive to some degree.
Courtney and Josh went out of their way to remind me of that every fucking day.
…Was that something I could use to my advantage when it came to Eloise?