Chapter - 11
LOGAN
How do you start a conversation with another person after you both masturbated together over a FaceTime call?
What was the proper procedure?
Socially, what was the expected next move?
I was completely out of my element, feeling like I was driving blind when it came to Eloise. The number of times I stared at the pictures she had sent me the following nights were alarming. I ended up deleting the images after a week, thinking that she probably wouldn’t feel comfortable knowing that I kept them for my own personal spank bank. I hated to do it because I was starting to become obsessed with her bedtime look, but it had to be done. I needed to keep a small shred of self-respect.
Two weeks had passed, and I had been too much of a wuss to text her again.
Two weeks had passed, and she hadn’t texted me either.
Was that just because I hadn’t texted her first? I texted her first last time, though I wasn’t expecting to escalate the conversation to where it went. I figured it was her turn to text me first, right?
Was I overthinking this?
Courtney dropped her weights on the ground, making a loud crash echo throughout the gym, and successfully snapped me out of my thoughts.
I was startled, stepping forward too late to help her with her deadlift and realizing she was already bending down to grab her water bottle.
“You’re in another world today,” Courtney commented, looking me up and down like she was suspicious.
Sorry, I apologized, scrubbing a hand down my face.
The advice I received from Josh and the others was helpful in one sense. Through the powers of texting, as if we were teenagers, I had managed to communicate to Eloise that I wanted her. She was clearly receptive. This was good to know, even though I still had dozens of questions floating around in my mind.
Did she want me to take her on a date?
Did she want to keep it casual?
Did she change her mind, and she doesn’t want to hook up with me anymore?
I frowned at that question. I knew she had the right to change her mind, but I couldn’t help but feel like I was punched in the stomach at the thought. Oddly enough, jerking off to risqué pictures of her wasn’t enough for me.
I wanted more.
How much more was yet to be determined.
“Hey,” Courtney snapped her fingers in my face, making me focus back on her again, “Were you even listening?”
I shook my head in the negative.
Sorry, Court, I’m too busy obsessing about Eloise Bane to listen to you talk about your wedding plans again.
“I was talking about Daddy James emailing Pat again,” Courtney repeated, making me frown. Why was he trying so hard to work with Courtney’s clinic? It was odd how excited he was about the discussion that was clearly an utter failure. I was staring at Eloise the entirety of the meeting, feeling the waves of unease come off her, but even I was socially aware enough to know that Courtney’s boss was not interested in partnering with us at all.
Why? I asked.
“I don’t know, I thought you might,” Courtney shrugged. I shook my head in the negative again. “That guy always gave me the ick, but he seemed worse than usual when he showed up.”
I frowned, How?
Courtney frowned, capping her water bottle before she explained, “Call it a woman’s intuition? I don’t know, the way he stared at Eloise made me pretty uncomfortable. And Eloise’s reaction to him didn’t ease my concerns.”
I halted whatever step I was making toward my bag and looked at Courtney pointedly.
Was Connor…into Eloise like that?
She was over a decade younger than him, or close to it.
…Which was just his type, if I remember correctly.
“Eloise was very obviously uncomfortable around him. Anyone could have picked up on that, but he didn’t seem to care at all.” I replayed the visit in my mind after Courtney’s words sank in. Eloise was very noticeably, pointedly uncomfortable the whole time. Courtney had explained that she wasn’t looking forward to Connor coming but didn’t explain why. Now that I thought about it, Eloise stiffened more whenever Connor reached out to shake her hand. He smiled at her and made very direct eye contact even though she avoided looking at him for too long.
What the fuck?
You’re right, I told Courtney, Now that I remember, he seemed happy to see Eloise.
“Ugh,” Courtney sighed, picking up her bag and leading the way to the mats we stretched on, “I hope she’s not the reason he wants to come back to the clinic.”
The thought made me sick to my stomach. Connor was annoying and sometimes acted like a douche, but I never expected him to be predatory. I didn’t think he was dumb enough to be predatory like that, but maybe he was socially unaware enough to not see how he was acting. Who knew?
Want me to talk to him? I asked Courtney. She quickly shook her head.
“No, as long as Pat keeps telling him we’re not interested, he shouldn’t have a reason to come back. Eloise has avoided him for this long, anyway.”
I halted, staring at Courtney until she noticed and looked my way. Why does she need to avoid Connor?
Courtney frowned a little, “…Oh, sometimes I forget that you weren’t there in LA when she told everyone.”
I shook my head, Did he hurt her? Anger was starting to simmer in my veins. I had no idea how Eloise and Connor became acquainted, but it didn’t matter. She was avoiding him, and that was enough of a red flag.
It also provided me with a little bit of relief that she “got the ick” from him just like Courtney did.
Courtney’s lips frowned again as she stared at me. “According to Eloise, no, he didn’t hurt her. They just hooked up a while back.”
That didn’t make me feel better.
Which really proved how much of an asshole I was. Whoever Eloise decided to spend time with was none of my business, but I couldn’t help the sour feeling in my stomach at the thought of Connor having an opportunity to be intimate with her like that. Did he realize how lucky he was? That he should really be kicking himself for blowing such an opportunity to the point where she wanted to avoid him completely?
Oh, I replied, plopping down on the mats next to Courtney. I specifically refused to acknowledge her, even though I could feel her staring at me. She let us sit in silence for a few seconds before breaking it.
“All that she really says about it is that it was terrible,” Courtney added. I gave her a look, unsure of what the look was, but she must have interpreted it as interest because she kept speaking. “She said that she was busy thinking about work the next day as it was happening.” Courtney shrugged. “All I know is that I have had bad sex before, but even then, I have never felt the need to mentally remove myself from the situation and disassociate. Eloise says she consented, but…no woman has that type of reaction to a man unless she is scared of him…that, or perhaps she’s truly just embarrassed and completely regrets it.”
Did she regret what happened between us a couple of weeks ago?
I nodded, not sure how to respond to that. Eloise’s history with my agent was still none of my business, but I hated the situation that Courtney was describing. I couldn’t imagine being intimate with a woman and having her completely check out on me. It would be easy to notice, I figured. I would feel wildly uncomfortable if I was having sex with a woman, and she just…laid there. Staring off into space, thinking about work the next day.
“Apparently she hasn’t hooked up with a guy since, because it was so unenjoyable,” Courtney spoke up again as she stretched her arm across her chest. Then after a few moments of silence, her expression flickered and she raised her eyebrows at me playfully, “…You know where the clit is, right?”
I smirked and glanced up at Courtney, Yes.
“You are positive women haven’t faked it with you before?” Courtney asked again, raising a blonde eyebrow as if it was important for me to know that that was an option.
I have had women fake it with me when I was young and uneducated. It was humiliating. It wasn’t like high school sex education focused on how to help a woman reach orgasm, all it really taught me was that condoms were non-negotiable and where a man was supposed to put it. Since then, the female orgasm was something I had researched thoroughly, and accomplished throughout my twenties. Any asshole who had access to the internet had no excuse for being unable to help a woman reach orgasm.
Women have faked it with me, I admitted, and I have learned the error of my ways. No woman has faked it with me since.
I’d like to think I could tell the difference. Any woman could sound like she was having an orgasm. She could even make it feel like she was having an orgasm, but I learned to look for other things that were significantly more difficult to fake.
The flush that coated Eloise’s skin, for example.
I felt honored to know what she looked like when she climaxed.
Now, I just needed to figure out if I could get the opportunity again.
“Good,” Courtney nodded. “Nothing is worse than being vulnerable with a man, showing the most private parts of yourself to him, and then not getting over that edge.” I nodded in agreement. That wasn’t a problem men generally had when they had sex with women, which resulted in women having to fake orgasms with them just to get it over with.
However, I did not want to somehow get into bed with Eloise, only for her to hate my touch and get lost in her thoughts to disassociate the experience. I didn’t think I could stomach continuing touching her if she ever reacted like that underneath me.
…I decided that it would be worth it to look up additional educational videos online tonight, just to refresh my knowledge should the opportunity arise to see Eloise at her most vulnerable.
“Anyways, want to come?” I wasn’t listening to Courtney again, so I turned to give her a look that let her know that.
“Where is your head tonight?” Courtney shook her head once at me. “We’re going over to Adam and Beck’s tomorrow. Susan won’t be there, because it’ll be too late, but they wanted to have game night since Josh has a break from recording.”
I nodded, Yeah. Send me their address.
Courtney nodded, “I will. Now I just need to convince Eloise to go.”
She doesn’t want to? I asked. Was she avoiding me again?
“She’s been kind of down the last couple of weeks. Her parents are being really annoying I guess, and it’s draining her.” Courtney had volunteered a lot of information about Eloise tonight, and part of me was suspicious at how freely her mouth flowed, but I didn’t want to stop her. I wanted any and all offered information about Eloise.
Sounds like she could use a night out, I offered with a shrug. With me, specifically. Preferably with nobody else around. In bed. Mine or hers. Maybe a bed wasn’t even necessary. Maybe she needed a night out on a couch, on a countertop, or against a wall? Who’s to say, really?
I glanced over at Courtney, who gave me a suspicious smile in return.
“Yeah, it does.”