Chapter - 15
ELOISE
I wanted to have sex with Logan again.
However, I was a huge chicken and didn’t know how to bring it up again.
I thought he might have wanted to have sex with me, too, if the way he looked at me at the gym meant anything.
I thought for sure our hook up would be discovered right then and there. There was already a close call with Courtney and Josh the morning after Logan snuck through my window. I unintentionally winced as I sat down at the kitchen table, still half asleep. So the sound of Courtney throwing her head back and cackling startled me, before Josh blushed and tried to smother her laugh for my sake. She eventually calmed herself enough to ask me who I had over that night, and what we did that made me so sore.
I blushed right along with Josh, and then lied and said it was a random dating app match.
Courtney reached her fist out for me to bump, and congratulated me for getting back on the horse. And then Josh made a joke about how hung the horse must have been for me to waddle downstairs like that in a half-asleep daze.
And then I promptly changed the subject.
Because I definitely wanted to get back on that horse again, that was for damn sure.
I just had the self-confidence of a child. Every time I thought about sending Logan a direct text asking for another round, I panicked and deleted it. I had managed to send him a text after reading the note he left me, though. The note made me horribly embarrassed, but also laugh.
I realized at that moment that I wouldn’t have granted him the same humor if the roles were reversed, and I wasn’t into that kind of playful banter in bed. I really had a lot of pent-up bitter feelings toward the guy, and if I wanted to have sex with him again, I probably needed to work on that.
So I would text him memes from the movie we never got around to watching.
He would laugh-react to them or send memes from manly action-adventure movies.
There was one time when the texting seemed to swing into flirtatious territory, and I panicked again and didn’t push the conversation.
And then I saw him at the gym.
If I thought Logan exercising was attractive before, it was nothing compared to seeing him exercise after having the distinct memory of what it was like to feel him inside of me. It was a crude thought, I know. However, it was truthful. Every grunt he made brought back memories, every muscle he flexed reminded me of how it flexed for other reasons. Every exhale of breath reminded me of how his mouth felt against my skin.
I was embarrassed because he definitely picked up on my horny vibes during our workout. Thankfully, he didn’t seem irritated by it. He actually seemed pretty receptive, which made me wonder if I could somehow proposition him into crawling into bed with me again before I left, if Courtney and Josh wandered away at all.
They never did.
I had no one-on-one time with Logan, and we ended up leaving without another word between us.
So later that night I sent him another selfie of me, scantily dressed in bed. I felt my heart pounding in anticipation when I immediately saw the three dots appear before they disappeared. Then they appeared again. Then disappeared.
Finally, leaving me on the edge of my seat, a message from him came through.
He sent a picture back.
It was a bathroom selfie, and he had a white towel wrapped around his waist. He had clearly just gotten out of the shower and took the opportunity to tease me back.
One thing led to another, and within a couple of minutes, we were FaceTiming again, gasping for air as we both teased each other through our phones. My heart was pounding, and I was rubbing a bit of perspiration off my forehead as I grabbed my phone and smiled at the big guy, who was already smiling back at me.
That smile was what I thought about every time I saw him in person.
Which was starting to become more and more frequent.
Josh was taking a few weeks off from recording and performing to spend time with Courtney. Which also meant that occasionally we all got together to hang out with them. Thank fuck, because I didn’t want to keep any time available in my schedule for my mother to claim. She was becoming relentless. Clearly irritated with my moving out without her approval of where I was going, she was growing more and more irritated the more I blew her off.
I knew I needed to sit down and talk with her about all this eventually, but I wasn’t in the right headspace. Instead, I wanted to hang out with my friends, and the guy I was hooking up with behind all their backs.
Who, currently, was driving all of us to Orange because there was a cute little brunch spot Courtney wanted to try. It wasn’t the first time Logan and I had shared space since the gym. We had gotten good at pretending like nothing was going on between us. We still hadn’t really spoken to each other about how we both silently agreed to not tell our friends about us, but I weirdly loved it. How Logan and I were on the same page about our situation. How our physical relationship was sensitive information considering how rocky our friendship started all that time ago.
I sat in the middle of the back seat of his truck, and I would occasionally catch his dark eyes on me in the rearview mirror before they would quickly flick away. My stomach would heat at the moment our eyes met, making my nerves hum with energy the more and more we hung out without talking to or touching each other.
We finally made it to brunch and, just like Courtney hoped, it was cute and the food was delicious. I couldn’t tell you what we spoke about the entire time though. I couldn’t tell you what Taylor, Beck, Adam, or Josh chatted about. I could, however, tell you that the restaurant’s AC system needed to be fixed because every time I caught Logan’s gaze across the table, my skin would heat to the point where I was genuinely worried that I would start sweating.
We had texted the last few weeks, trying to see when we could meet up again. This was a task that was surprisingly difficult given his training schedule that was starting to prepare for the new hockey season and the schedule I had with work. There was an end-of-summer party the clinic was throwing for the clients and their families, and that ended up being much more time-consuming than I realized.
All of this to say, if I didn’t get to touch or kiss Logan again soon, I would probably explode from frustration.
Based on the heavy looks he kept giving me before promptly turning away and pretending to focus on the conversation around us, I had a feeling he was right there with me.
“Want to come with?” Beck asked me, making me blink out of my horny thoughts and focus.
“Pardon?” I asked.
“There is a cute little bookstore down the street, everyone else is going to get ice cream and browse the farmers’ market. Do you want to come with me?” Beck asked. I grinned and nodded my head. I wanted to buy a few books of my own, instead of always borrowing Courtney’s. I had recently lost one of her paperbacks, and no matter how thoroughly I ripped my bedroom apart to try to find it, I knew I needed to accept my fuck up and replace the book.
So I decided to pair off with Beck while everyone else agreed to meet back up at the farmers’ market in an hour (because otherwise Beck and I would spend the rest of the day in the bookstore).
Adam had just kissed Beck goodbye when Logan followed us out of the restaurant and glanced between the two groups. Josh, Courtney, Taylor, and Adam already all had their backs to us as they headed in the direction of the farmers’ market, and to our surprise, Logan had turned and followed Beck and me to the bookstore.
“Do you like to read, Logan?” Beck asked, smiling up at the large man. If she was surprised that he followed us to the bookstore, she didn’t show it.
Logan lifted his hands, and I tried my hardest to watch his ASL carefully while also watching where I was walking on the sidewalk.
Not a lot, Logan signed—and I mentally cheered for how helpful those online ASL classes I had been taking were, I like – find – books – I can.
I didn’t catch all the words he signed, but thankfully I could get the gist.
“What do you like to read?” I asked him vocally while also signing my question the best I could. Beck smiled brightly at my sentence in ASL but didn’t make a big deal out of it. Logan’s gaze smoothed a little bit at the movement of my hands before he started responding.
I didn’t know the signs he used, though.
The pinch in my brow gave me away.
“Adam likes science fiction too,” Beck spoke up, helping me out, “You and he have probably read some of the same stuff.”
I nodded along and, after a couple of minutes of listening to Beck and Logan chat about some science fiction book they read, we made it to the shop. I walked inside without hesitation, determined to find the romance section in hopes of replacing the book I lost. Thankfully, the romance section was large and in the back of the store. It was a cute little shop, with clean lines and feminine plants and art, clearly intending to target women.
I sighed a breath of relief when I found the book, pulled it off the shelf, and flipped through the pages before tucking it to my chest. Now that I had what I needed to replace, I decided to browse and see which copies I wanted to buy for myself.
“Anything good?” Beck asked, catching up with me. I glanced behind her to see Logan following behind, and I could feel the blush stain my cheeks as I stood in front of the smutty romances.
“Always,” I replied, holding up the book I grabbed first. “I lost Courtney’s copy of this, so I need to replace it.”
Beck’s eyes widened, “Oh no! That one is so good, too. That’s nice of you to get her a new one.”
“She hasn’t asked for it back, so I don’t know if she knows I lost it—” Logan’s dark eyes staring pointedly at the book I held up made me pause my sentence for half a second “—But I still feel bad for losing it.” His ears started to turn pink before he tore his gaze away and started to look around at all the spines we stood in front of.
Odd.
“I should just get my own copy of that too,” Beck agreed, finding the book, and grabbing one for herself. She then pulled her phone out of her back pocket, which was buzzing with a call. After tapping on her phone, she held it in her hand and spoke without placing it near her ear.
“Hey, Gram,” Beck spoke. It was so cool that she could Bluetooth her phone to her hearing aids like that. “What’s up?” Soon, she was mindlessly wandering off as she spoke on the phone to her grandmother, and Logan and I were left alone.
This was the first time we had been alone since the night he snuck through my window. Since we kissed for the first time. Since we slept together.
The image of him on top of me and gripping my waist made heat scorch my veins. I didn’t have time to try to mask it before Logan’s dark eyes landed on me, as he pulled a random spine off the shelf. He gave the back of it a quick glance, before shelving it and looking at me again.
I swallowed, clutched Courtney’s book to my chest, and promptly turned to face away from him to stare at the books. I wasn’t reading any of the spines, but I was too embarrassed to try to talk to him when it was painfully obvious from my blush that I couldn’t look at him without thinking about sex.
A couple of moments of silence passed, where I only felt his presence next to me but didn’t look at him, and my phone buzzed in my pocket.
I pulled it out and glanced down, before seeing a text from Logan. I looked up at him because he was less than a foot away from me, only to see him pull a romance novel off the shelf and read the back of it. As if he didn’t just send me a text to read.
I glanced back down at my phone.
Logan: I want to feel you underneath me again, Eloise.
I sucked in a sharp breath at the words, my face hot with what I was sure was a bright red blush. He still didn’t look at me, as if he didn’t just send me a very spicy text with our friend nearby.
I just stood there, reading the text again and again, trying way too hard to regulate my breathing.
Then my phone buzzed with a second text, making my heart thump in anticipation as I quickly tapped on his next message.
Logan: I want to hear the sounds you make when I’m inside you.
I gasped and squeezed Courtney’s book in my other hand. I barely lifted my head to finally look at him when suddenly, Logan was crowding my space. I blinked as I backed away from him. My butt hit the corner of the bookshelves in the romance section, and I held my breath when Logan reached up behind me to pull another book off the shelf, making it look like he was genuinely interested in the spines and not trying to drive me insane with his presence. He took another step, our legs brushing against each other as he rested one of his large arms on the shelf beside me, while the other held the book for him to browse.
He caged me in with his arms.
Logan had trapped me in an arm cage, a move that was tried-and-true in any romance novel ever.
“Beck will be back any second,” I whispered, inhaling Logan’s deodorant or cologne or whatever it was, and struggling to remember that others were nearby.
Logan nodded his head once, putting the book back as if he wasn’t the one who sent me those texts moments ago.
I couldn’t help myself, I leaned into him.
He responded by pressing the fronts of our chests together, both of his arms holding the shelf on either side of my head as he leaned his nose down to brush against my hair. I felt his chest expand on an inhale, and we both just stood there for the longest seconds of my life. Completely wrapped up in each other’s space.
“I want you, too,” I whispered, leaning close enough to brush my nose against his shoulder, moving in towards his neck. I felt more than heard the noise that rumbled in his chest, and that made me reach one arm out to clutch the hem of his t-shirt against his abdomen.
One of his hands left the bookshelf to brush my hair behind my ear, a touch that scorched my skin. I leaned away enough to tilt my face up towards him, getting completely lost in his dark hooded eyes. His hand was now twirling a lock of my hair around his index finger.
“Kiss me?” I asked him, desperate for anything I could get away with now. At my whispered words, Logan’s hand released my lock of hair and snaked itself behind my head, cupping the top of my neck to angle my lips for him to reach.
He simply pressed his warm lips against mine, unhurried, patient, and thorough.
I tried my best to be good, to let him kiss me how he wanted, but all too quickly I brushed my tongue against the seam of his lips.
At that, I felt his smile spread across his lips before he used his grip on the back of my head to pull me away, just enough for his dark eyes to meet mine.
“Please,” I whispered, clearly desperate for him. Logan’s smirk tipped up a notch at my plea, and as soon as he lowered his head toward mine again, we heard a startled gasp to our left.
Logan immediately dropped his hold on me and took a step back, whereas when I tried to take a step back, I bumped into bookshelves and knocked a couple of paperbacks over. I was blushing hard, trying not to panic at the sight of Beck standing to the side and staring at us both wide-eyed.
“Sorry!” Beck flapped her hands once before covering her eyes, then her mouth, then her cheeks, and then she spun in an awkward circle before she probably realized running away was silly and faced us again with her hands over her mouth.
Logan and I both dropped to the ground to pick up the books I had knocked over before he pulled the fallen books out of my grip and quickly stood to put them back. This made him awkwardly hover over me again, and I froze half-crouched until he straightened and gave me room to stand.
I was spiraling.
Beck had just seen us kissing each other. And why wouldn’t she? That’s what we got for trying to sneak some kisses in a bookstore we all went to together. But…I didn’t want everyone to know about Logan and me yet. I was pretty sure the way he backed off of me indicated that he felt the same way. What Logan and I were doing was very new, and probably still very fragile. It was mostly physical, and who knew if it would turn into anything more than that.
I didn’t want to risk being part of this social circle, these friendships, if anything with Logan and I ended…well, badly. If we never went beyond this physical relationship we were exploring because we weren’t actually compatible in that way. If everyone knew about us, clearly there would be outside pressure, and people would take sides if we broke up. I didn’t want that. I wanted to figure things out between us before others got involved.
Logan and I both gave each other nervous looks before we faced Beck again.
Her hands were on her cheeks now.
“I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean—”
“It’s fine,” I cut her off, “You did nothing wrong.”
“I didn’t realize that you two—” she cut herself off again, shaking her head. “Sorry, it’s none of my business.”
I bit my lip and looked up at Logan, who had shoved both of his hands in his pockets. He had a pinch between his eyebrows before his gaze slid over to mine, and then the lines in his head loosened the slightest bit.
“We, uh,” I waved my hand around vaguely, “We, um…” I sighed and lowered my hand, wrapping both around Courtney’s book I still miraculously held in my grip, “It’s new.”
Beck pinched her fingers and dragged them over the firm press of her lips, zipping them closed. I smiled and glanced up at Logan, who offered a tiny lift in the corner of his mouth and a nod.
Beck tucked her top lip into her teeth, a facial expression that Courtney often referred to as her Troll Face, before pulling her phone out to check the time and saying, “We still have, like, thirty minutes before we need to meet up with everyone else.”
I shrugged my shoulders, “Okay.”
Beck glanced behind her and then turned back to an awkward Logan and me. “I hear there are some good books in the poetry section.”
I lifted another shoulder, “I’m not really into poetry.”
Beck gave me a blank stare, then said, “Let me try that again.” She lifted a thumb over her shoulder and made pointed eye contact with the both of us. “We have thirty minutes before we are expected anywhere. The poetry section, the partially hidden section around the corner that offers a decent amount of privacy, might have some books you both are interested in.”
I furrowed my brows for a moment before it clicked and I widened my eyes at her.
“Oh, we don’t—” But my sentence was cut off, because Logan had gripped my free hand in his and started tugging me past Beck, who was smiling brightly at the both of us as the large man bolted for the poetry section she spoke of.
“Your secret is safe with me!” Beck called to us as she took our place in front of the romance novels to browse.
I was giggling as I was yanked around the corner. A light was out, which made the poetry section a little dimmer than the rest of the bookshop. It felt a little cozier. I almost forgot why we were back here until Logan found a small patch of wall in between two large shelving units of books to shove me against and slammed his lips on mine.
“Holy shit,” I gasped into his mouth. Gone was the gentle and controlled pressing of his lips. Now we were frantic, pawing at each other as Courtney’s book got ripped out of my hands and set on the shelf so that he could guide my fingers into his hair.
Interesting.
I gripped the roots of his hair, making a damaged gasping sound release from his chest and free itself against my lips.
“Do you like this?” I tugged on the roots of his hair again, and he closed his eyes in clear bliss as his lips twitched in a smile. “Good to know.” I tugged him back to my lips with my grip, loving how both of his large hands felt confident enough to snake around my back and down my waist so that he could grab each of my ass cheeks.
He pulled me against his hips, making me choke on a whine as we devoured each other. I had never made out with anyone this aggressively in a public space before. Even in high school, I hadn’t done the thing where you go to the movies but don’t watch the movies because you’re too busy sucking face. No, this was a first for me.
And I fucking loved it.
Maybe I just liked the thrill of an employee possibly finding us and telling us to leave. Maybe I was still feeding off of the adrenaline rush of getting caught by Beck. Regardless, I couldn’t find myself thinking about the situation too critically because Logan’s mouth was on my mouth and he tasted amazing. His hips dug into mine and I could feel his arousal through his jeans, making me lift my leg so that I could grind against him just where I needed him.
He used his grip on my ass to lift me enough to make it work, dragging me over himself in frenzied desperation.
Twenty-six minutes later, Logan and I made the walk of shame out of the poetry section to Beck, who said nothing. Her only acknowledgment about us making out in a public bookstore was a smile as she reached up to help us both tame our messed-up hair.
“There,” Beck finally spoke after helping me finger comb my hair back into place. “Now you don’t look like you just had sex on a bookshelf.”
I gasped, blinking up at Logan who rubbed a hand over his mouth as he glanced down at me, a move that I was starting to realize covered his smile. He dragged his hand down his jaw, making the pink scars on his face stretch a moment before pulling his phone out and checking the time.
“We didn’t have sex,” I whispered to Beck’s back as she led us out of the bookstore.
“It’s none of my business what you two did.” She smiled at me over her shoulder, making me look back at Logan for help. He simply lifted his eyes from where he was clearly staring at my ass as I walked in front of him, and grinned at me. Not remorseful at all about his blatant ogling.
I gave him a narrowed look before I turned forward and stood confidently, letting him know that he could stare all he wanted.
I just couldn’t look Logan in the eye for the rest of the afternoon—otherwise I was sure the blush my body would create from one glance at him would give us away.