Chapter - 18
ELOISE
“Can I get you anything?” Susan asked, tucking the throw blanket over my feet on the couch. I only took up about half of it because I was curled into a ball on my side. We had just spent the last hour and a half watching a movie, and I was already feeling guilty that she stayed up later than usual to fuss over me. She didn’t normally like to stay up late, but she knew how much pain I was in today. And she didn’t want me to feel alone while everyone else met up at the new bar Taylor wanted to check out.
“I’m good, thank you though,” I smiled up at her, blatantly ignoring the sharp jab of pain I randomly felt in my butthole. It was the worst day, and I was just desperate for it to be over. It’s one thing to feel cramps in my uterus, but why the fuck did my body feel the need to cramp so hard that I felt like I had sat on a knife? This was just ridiculous.
“Holler if you change your mind,” Susan brushed some hair off of my forehead and grinned before she stood up and shuffled her way towards her bedroom. Right as she started crossing the entryway, there was a knock on the door.
We both looked at each other, confirming that neither of us was expecting anybody before she shifted over to the front door and peered through the peep pole. Susan chuckled, before opening the door wide enough to show me who was at our home at ten thirty at night.
Logan, in all his physically fit glory, stood on the doorstep.
He was supposed to be at the bar with everyone else, but instead, he was here. Holding a plastic bag from somewhere.
“To what do we owe the pleasure?” Susan asked, stepping aside, and inviting him in. I was frozen. I stayed curled up under my blanket and just gaped at him. Why was he here? Before Logan could sign anything, Susan tugged on the mouth of the plastic bag he held in one hand and peered inside. Logan then opened the bag all the way for her to see, and the grin that spread across her face was full of mischievousness.
“She’s all yours,” Susan nodded towards me, making Logan’s dark eyes meet mine across the open concept space. I felt my heart flutter in my chest when he finally looked at me, and I felt myself shrinking into the couch and tugging the blanket tighter around my neck.
Logan shut the door behind him and kicked off his shoes, setting them to the side where our guests usually kept their shoes and nodded politely at Susan as she turned to continue her way to her bedroom. Logan strode into the living room, coming to sit directly next to my feet on the couch.
“What’s up?” I asked him, his face searching mine in silence. He didn’t lift his hands to sign anything, he just stared at me, at my curled-up form under a throw blanket. His gaze flicked to the ibuprofen bottle on the coffee table and rested a hand on my ankle over the blanket before lifting his bag with the other.
“What is that?” I asked, struggling to keep my body still from his touch. The ache in my abdomen made me both want to lean into his touch and pull away.
Logan removed his hand from me before he dug around in the bag to start pulling items out of it. He set everything on the coffee table gently, nothing but the sounds of the movie playing in the room as he showed off his loot.
Double-Stuf Oreos.
Orange Gatorade.
Cool Ranch Doritos.
Popcorn.
Midol.
Extra-Strength Tylenol.
And gummies.
My heart twisted in my chest, and it was a struggle to breathe evenly.
“You got me weed?” I asked, eyeballing the gummies. Logan shrugged, before taking my legs that were still tucked under the blanket and lifting them up so that he could slide underneath. I shifted so that I was no longer on my side, but instead on my back with my legs resting over his thighs.
Through the blanket, he gently started rubbing my legs, before pausing and pulling his phone out from his pocket. He thumbed away at it while I just stared at him. His hard profile, his scars on his skin, his curly brown hair that he tamed with some type of product. The cream-colored button-down shirt he wore with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, the forearm porn I was witnessing as he typed away on his phone.
Maybe it was just because I was on my period and hormonal, but Logan looked mouthwatering tonight.
He then turned his phone to give to me, and I had to untuck one of my arms from the blanket to grab it. He had written on the notes app for me to read.
I looked online for some ideas on how to help you out. I took a guess on what snacks you liked based on what I remembered you eating whenever food has been around before, and apparently marijuana helps with period cramps. If it doesn’t end up helping you with the pain, it’ll at least help you sleep through it. The Gatorade is to help you stay hydrated.
I stared at him, his phone motionless in my hand.
He stared right back at me, his eyes clearly desperate to flick away and look at something else, but he didn’t. Logan held my gaze, his dark eyes only glancing to his phone once before meeting mine again.
“You…” I felt my lip quiver, and I one hundred percent blamed my sudden rush of emotions on my period, “Courtney told you I was on my period?”
Logan frowned before nodding his head and continuing to rub his large hands on the muscles of my calves, before slowly resting over my feet—still through the blanket. His thumbs pressed into the arch of my foot in a painfully pleasant way as he held my gaze.
“And you came here? With all this?” I flicked my gaze to the stash on the coffee table. Logan swallowed once and nodded his head, his gaze finally lowering to his hands as they massaged my feet.
I sniffed, and he immediately lifted his head to look at me, What’s wrong? He asked, signing and mouthing for me. I sniffed again, the heat of tears pricking my eyes as I struggled to get a handle on myself. My gut instinct was to comfort him, to let him know that I was fine. That this wasn’t a big deal, that I dealt with this every month and will for the foreseeable future. But then I realized that I hadn’t ever held back with Logan. I never cared about getting him to like me because I assumed he already didn’t. However, even though I never went out of my way to please Logan in any way, he still liked me.
I didn’t need to mold myself into anything to make him more comfortable.
Why the fuck would I start doing that now, just because we were exploring this relationship between us?
I experienced a bad cramp, my legs naturally twitching towards myself as I breathed through it. Logan’s face looked pained, and he gently rubbed a hand over my thighs as his body arched over me.
“My stomach hurts and it really sucks. Can you give me a gummy?” I asked, my voice small. I didn’t want to think too hard about why he chose to leave our friends at the bar and come to me instead. None of them knew we had sex, except for Beck. None of them knew we liked each other. But he still ditched them and went to the store and showed up here. Because he heard I was on my period.
Logan nodded and opened the package, pulling out a watermelon-flavored sugary circular gummy. I took it from his hands and immediately started chewing.
“How much is in this?” I asked as I swallowed, wincing from the gross marijuana aftertaste it had. Logan lifted the package for me to read, his finger tapping on the product description.
10mg THC, 1mg CBD.
Nice.
“I’m a lightweight,” I explained after he set the package down on the coffee table, “So I’m probably going to be loopy and sleepy soon.” Logan nodded, reaching for the Gatorade, and unscrewing the lid before handing it to me.
I felt my lip wobble as I sniffled again, desperately fighting back the tears in my eyes as I witnessed him caring for me.
Logan frowned and set the Gatorade down after I took a few gulps and leaned over me to gently brush my short hair back out of my face.
“God dammit,” I whispered. He must not be that comfortable. My legs were still over his, and he had to awkwardly reach over my body to stretch his arm far enough to touch my face, “You’re killing me, Logan.”
Logan’s lips twitched, In a good way? He lifted his hands to sign and mouthed for me like he always did. He signed and mouthed his words clearly so I could understand him. Because I still wasn’t fluent in his preferred language. He carried the brunt of the mental load when it came to communicating with me in a way that I could understand him.
And it wasn’t even like we were officially dating or anything.
We were literally just sleeping together.
“I’m sorry,” I felt a tear escape and quickly wiped it away, but it was too late, he saw it. Logan shook his head as a pained expression coated his features. He started digging his arms under my legs and back, scooting me more toward his body as I continued talking through my sniffles, “I promise I’m trying.” I swallowed, unable to remove the lump in my throat. “I’m trying to learn for you. I don’t want this whole thing to be one-sided.”
Logan had successfully shifted me onto his lap, his large arms wrapping around my body so that I was entirely curled up against his chest, my head resting between his neck and shoulder, while he pressed his scarred cheek on the top of my head. His hands held me tight, and his body shifted ever so slightly from side to side as if he were rocking me.
I let a few silent tears fall as I embraced the physical comfort that he was giving me. I didn’t want to think too hard about why Logan showed up tonight. Why he ditched our friends to bring me treats and cuddle with me on the couch. I knew I wasn’t in a proper state of mind to process those questions, so instead I tried to relax in his hold. I closed my eyes and focused on his breathing and his heartbeat against my side as we sat in silence, nothing but the sounds of the TV playing in the dim light.
The silence was comforting. Or maybe it was being completely supported by a large warm body. Regardless, I didn’t bother to pretend to watch the TV, I just sat in his lap as he gently shifted his torso back and forth, and after some time, I felt the gummy start to kick in.
I fucking loved marijuana.
My brain had the slightest tingle to it, like something fuzzy was rubbing against it, and it made my limbs and chest and everything else feel loose and soft.
“You’re so nice,” I found myself whispering into Logan’s chest. “I know I’m probably feeling heavy now, but I’m taking advantage of your niceness.” Logan’s head lifted off of mine to peer down at me, a smirk touching his lips as he shifted me a little in his lap. We both settled again as he lifted his gaze to the TV.
“My stomach still hurts,” I whispered, “But it’s not unbearable.”
I weirdly knew this about myself. That when I drank enough alcohol or consumed enough marijuana, it was like something opened inside of me. I could talk for days and not feel the shame or embarrassment from my words. It was a relaxed sort of confidence. I enjoyed it most of the time.
“If I wasn’t super gross right now,” I whispered towards his neck, tipping my nose up to inhale his masculine scent, “I’d totally try to take advantage of you and your niceness to make a move.”
Logan’s chest constricted against me a couple of times, and I glanced up to see a smirk playing on his lips. Like he was trying to hold in a laugh, his eyes stuck on the TV.
“Did you know that orgasms can help period cramps?” I asked, not sure if I was still whispering or just mouthing the words. It took a lot of effort to communicate my thoughts for some reason. Logan’s dark eyes glanced down at me, and as he took a good hard look at my eyes, he gave me a reluctant smile and shook his head in the negative.
“It’s true, so like…hypothetically speaking…” I lifted one of my hands to trace a finger across his collarbone, trying to be mildly seductive and teasing as I felt his chest expand at my touch. Quickly, before my finger could trail too far down his chest, one of his arms around me lifted so that he could stop the journey my finger was making.
I pouted, glancing up at him through my eyelashes. I could see that he was affected by my touch, and the evidence of that was slowly growing under my ass, so I was determined to try to make my point.
“Why are you so attractive all the time?” I whispered against his neck, brushing my lips back and forth across his skin. “It’s unfair. I’m only human,” I breathed while tasting one of his scars with my tongue.
Logan’s breath shuttered, and his hand that was holding mine hostage released so that he could cup the back of my head and gently pull me away from him, a smile on his lips as he gently shook his head at me again.
I jutted my bottom lip out farther, loving how his eyes dropped to it as if it was an appealing look. “You don’t want me right now?” I knew I was currently on the heaviest day of my period, but for some reason, I really thought I had a chance of getting into his pants tonight.
Logan closed his eyes and inhaled, before opening them and nodding his head.
“Is it because I’m…bleeding? Because I could use a toy instead, you wouldn’t have to touch me—” Logan’s hand came up and covered my mouth, his teeth digging into his bottom lip as he shook his head and retrieved his phone that he had set to the side. He still supported most of my weight with one arm while he thumbed a message on his phone with the other. After a few quiet moments, he handed me his phone again with the notes app open.
You are high.
I always want you, Eloise.
But only if you are sober.
I shifted a little on his lap, feeling his erection under my ass again, and smiled up at him. The look in his eyes immediately softened at my smile, and I felt my heart constrict in my chest.
“I always want you, too,” I whispered, staring at his lovely mouth. The mouth that I knew for a fact could do delicious, wicked things. “I haven’t wanted anyone else in a long time.” I could feel his chest expand with his breathing, and I leaned into it more, “I don’t know if I ever will…Sometimes that scares me.”
Logan blinked, something flickering across his expression that I was definitely too high to understand. I wrapped one arm around his chest as I snuggled back in, determined to behave myself since he was. I loved that. I loved that Logan had high standards for consent and that I could feel so safe with him. I could literally say that I wanted to sleep with him, but he cared more about my state of mind than the words that I spoke. He wanted to make sure that I was aware enough to ask for that. This man, who I genuinely thought was an asshole for the first year of our acquaintance. Who now I felt closer to than anyone else. How the tables have turned.
“Stay with me?” I asked. I wasn’t sure how the logistics of that would work, considering our friends didn’t know about our secret relationship, and that he had done an excellent job of sneaking out before anyone (except for Beck and Susan) caught us. But all I knew was that I didn’t want him to leave tonight. I wanted him here, with me, as close as physically possible.
Logan’s grip around me tightened as if answering me with his hold.
I grinned and found the dryness in my eyes difficult to blink away. Eventually, I settled for closing them, since the air in the room seemed to be making the dryness worse.
The next time I opened my eyes, the morning sun was shining in through my closed curtains. I was in my soft, warm bed, and the faintest scent of Logan filled the air. I stretched and patted my hand to the side, hoping to find his large warm body, but felt the cool sheets instead.
I lifted my head, frowning, noticing that the covers were pulled back like someone had snuck out of that side of the bed. I blinked my eyes a few times more, rubbing the sleep out of them when I realized that Logan was in here, but he must have left early in the morning. I frowned a little at that.
I…didn’t want him to leave.
I realized that it made the most sense. To sneak out before anyone else in the house woke up and realized he had stayed the night. With me. In my bed. We hadn’t talked about anything beyond Beck accidentally finding out about us at the bookstore. And that we were new and taking things slow. But…I remembered how he took care of me last night. How he prioritized me last night, instead of being with our friends.
Maybe I read too many romance novels, but something in my gut told me that if a grown man actively chose to stay in with a woman on her period, that he liked her for far more than her body.
I mean, Logan was an asshole sometimes, but he wasn’t that much of an asshole.
And the thought of him, maybe hinting through his actions, that he wanted more from our relationship made me smile as I snuggled into my covers once more.