Chapter 12
CHAPTER TWELVE
HUMAN FREEZER
JULIANA
And here I thought we were finally getting somewhere.
Nope.
Back to square one.
Camden has been so sweet today, but I shouldn’t have expected him to clarify things for me.
He’s never made things easy. His being so nice today has taken me by surprise, and I really enjoyed being with him more than I could have anticipated, but I’m embarrassed that I thought he felt anything at Christmas.
Now I know that either I did imagine everything or he didn’t feel like it was “anything major.”
Talk about a blow to the ego. He’s been good at doing that for years now.
Why would I think anything had changed? Our food comes, and I can tell that Camden is a little bit uncomfortable.
Our conversation has become stilted, mostly because I’m barely responding anymore.
I think I’ve checked out. It reminds me of how things were when I was a kid and looking for his approval so much of the time.
I’m over that.
“Juju,” he says, “I can’t help but feel like I’ve messed things up.”
“Hmm? No.” I pretend to be interested in the people around us as I eat my delicious meal, and he gives up trying after a few failed attempts of getting me to talk.
I jump when he says, “So, what’s the story between you and Bentley?”
“There’s not much of a story, really. We’re just getting to know each other. He’s a nice guy. We’ve become friends.”
“You’re not dating?” His brows crease in the center, and his mouth parts as his eyes drop to my lips.
“Um. I think he’d like to, but I don’t know…so far, it’s more in the friend zone.”
“And that’s the way you want it?”
My eyes narrow. “Why do you ask?”
His shoulder lifts. “Just curious.”
“Did Jackson tell you to check up on me?”
He swallows hard.
“That’s what all this is, isn’t it?” Anger flares. I can’t believe he’s still playing these old games. “My love life is none of your business…or Jackson’s! We’re adults, for crying out loud.”
He nods slightly. “You’re right. Just want you to be careful, that’s all.”
“Why? So you can be the only one to bully me? Is that it?”
He looks hurt, which I feel a little bad about, but not enough to take it back.
The meal really is enjoyable, and being distracted by that helps. Keeps me from wanting to cry or from popping Camden Whitman over the head, so I’m going to call that a win.
When the check comes, we argue about who’s gonna pay for it, and Camden gets his credit card to our server faster than I do, so he wins.
I excuse myself to go to the bathroom and give myself a pep talk. This has been a good day, a positive one. We didn’t kill each other. We didn’t even argue all that much.
So why do I feel dead inside?
I step into the hall and come to a stop when I see Camden straighten from the wall.
“Are we making a habit of hallway meetings?” I tilt my head when he doesn’t answer.
He moves toward me, and I freeze.
“Juju, do you ever miss the days when we were friends?” His expression is tentative and vulnerable.
I swallow hard. “Do you?”
“More than I can say. All the time, every day, every day since it happened…since we stopped being friends, I’ve never stopped missing you.”
At first I think he has to be joking to talk this way, but his eyes and voice are so intense.
I blink at him, stunned. “Then how did we get here? Why did you let it go this way?”
His face wrinkles up, and he runs his hand through his hair.
“I never dreamed we’d be like this. One thing snowballed into the other.
At first, I was just trying to keep my distance because everyone was saying how weird it was for me to want to be with you, when I was older.
Jackson hated it. We promised not to ever date each other’s sisters, and I’ve kept my word. ”
“But you stopped being my friend. Dating had nothing to do with it, ever. We’ve never dated. Why would that even be an issue? You turned into a jerk overnight, literally overnight.” I shake my head. “Actually, that’s not true. It was from one minute to the next.”
He scrubs his hand down his face. “I know, and I’m so, so sorry.
At first, I just didn’t know what to do.
I was a kid who was trying to do the right thing, and then it just all went haywire.
You started reacting to me being a jerk.
I started reacting to your reacting.” He lifts his head to the ceiling and sighs.
“That sounds like I’m blaming you for the way things are, and I’m not. I know that I started this.”
“Yes, you did. But I certainly haven’t done anything to make it better.
I’m confused ninety-nine percent of the time we have any interaction with each other, today probably more than I’ve been in a long time, because you flipped the script on me.
You’ve been an asshole for years, and now suddenly you’re being nice? Why? What gives?”
“We’ve had moments,” he starts and then pauses. “Moments when I thought you might be feeling more…like me.”
I frown. “What do you mean more like you?”
He exhales again and takes a deep breath. “Moments when I thought we almost kissed,” he finally says. “Like maybe you had feelings for me. God, I am so out of my element right now. I don’t have issues talking to women, Juju. I think you’re the only woman who’s ever made me nervous.”
I put my hand on my cheek, still flushed from him saying he thinks we’ve almost kissed. So I haven’t been imagining it…
“Why do I make you nervous?”
“Because I’ve always cared what you thought, whether it’s trying to get a reaction out of you, making you mad to see how you’ll fight back, wanting to know what you think about my cooking, wondering if you’re having a good time, or if you want to kiss me as much as I want to kiss you…”
I move up to my tiptoes, put my hand on his cheek, and kiss him. In the next second, one hand goes around my waist, and the other goes to my cheek. He kisses me with everything he’s got.
I’ve tried to imagine what kissing Camden Whitman would feel like for a very long time, and this far surpasses anything I could have imagined.
For how careful he’s been to say things right in the past few minutes, there’s nothing careful about the way he’s kissing me now.
He’s bold and self-assured, like he knows exactly what I need and is making sure to deliver.
My legs feel weak. My heart is racing. My hands explore his chest, his back, his hair.
He makes me feel things I’ve never felt.
Someone clears his throat behind us, and we break apart, both dazed as we turn to look at the person.
An older man points to the restroom that we didn’t realize we were blocking.
“Hated to interrupt that, but duty calls,” he says, chuckling.
We get out of the way, and then Camden leans his forehead on mine as we smile at each other.
“Holy fuck,” he whispers. “Did that just happen?”
“Yes, he really had to go,” I whisper back.
His lips are back on mine when he says, “That’s not what I meant, and you know it.”
“I’m not sure it did, so you should kiss me again…just to make sure…”
His kiss is slower this time, but when the man comes out of the bathroom a few minutes later and we’re still kissing, we all three laugh. Camden pulls away and takes my hand, bringing it up to his lips.
“I don’t want to stop,” he says. “But I guess this isn’t the place to kiss your face off.”
“It was working for me.” I lift my shoulder in a shrug, unable to drop my smile.
“I’ve stayed in town longer than I intended. Do you have to get back tonight? Could Hector and Hal cover for you?”
I make a face. “I wish, but no. I should get back, and I should probably go soon so it’s not too late. Plus, we should pick up our things from the store.”
“Right.” He nods, but I can see the disappointment in his face. I’m disappointed too. It feels like we just opened a whole Pandora’s box, and I don’t like saying goodbye immediately after all that. On the other hand, maybe it’s good to get some distance so I don’t do anything crazy with him.
We can see how things are back in Windy Harbor…
“I really don’t want to leave you, but I understand. I should get back too. I just wish…” He reaches out and runs his thumb over my cheek.
“I know. Me too,” I tell him.
He smiles. “Should we go get more icicles in our noses?”
I laugh. “When you put it that way, what are we thinking? Let’s never step outside again!”
He laughs and puts his arm around my shoulder. “I’ll keep you warm.”
The walk to our cars is much sweeter than it was before. He keeps me as warm as possible, which is to say, we’re both shivering when we get to our cars. He opens my car door for me and gives me one quick kiss before shutting my door.
“Maybe I could see you tomorrow? I could come by the cafe for breakfast…”
I nod, smiling up at him. “I’d like that.”
Hours later, neck deep in Mildred’s hot water, I’m still smiling.