Chapter 25
CHAPTER 25
AVERY
It takes me three hours to get Camryn by herself.
She’s picking up pieces of wrapping paper that didn’t make the first trash pick-up. The last guest departed ten minutes ago, and Dani left right after to take Jill back to her hotel. We are alone. I can tell by the way Cam looks at me she knows what’s coming.
There isn’t a whole lot more to be done. The party rental place won’t pick up the table and chairs until tomorrow. The leftover food has been wrapped up, and the back of Camryn’s car holds their gifts.
I sit down in a shady spot under an awning. Cam tosses the trash she collected in the outdoor bin, then walks over to me. She stands in the full sun, arms crossed. “Are we going to do this now?” She sounds reluctant, but also defiant. Bold, considering I know she’s guilty of something.
“Do you have something to tell me?”
Cam pulls out the chair beside me and collapses into it. “Before I say anything, you should know I’m really sorry.”
I don’t have patience. “Cam, I’m going to need you to spit it out. Now.”
“I went to see Gabriel when he was in prison. Near the beginning of his sentence.”
“While he and I were still married?”
She nods.
“Why?”
“I was worried about you. Honest to God, you were scaring me. When Mom died you were so capable. You just…just…rose up and took charge. Like you weren’t as devastated as Dad?—”
“I didn’t have a choice, Cam. Dad’s way of coping was to pretend we didn’t exist.”
“This was different,” she insists. “The light inside you was snuffed out. You were a robot Sunday through Friday, and then on Saturday you came alive. I was with you one morning, watching you get ready to visit Gabriel, and it was like you were waking up from the stupor you placed yourself in the other six days of the week. I knew as soon as you left your visit, you’d go back into it. That broke my heart. I realized the only thing you had to look forward to was seeing him on Saturdays. All week long, your thoughts focused on that one thing. I couldn’t watch you live like that.” She takes a deep breath. “So, I went to see him. Dad had questions about his taxes, and I knew you’d be helping him and weren’t going to see Gabriel as early as you normally did.”
Goose bumps cover my arms. I know what’s coming.
“I told him how you were doing, outside of your visits to him.”
A lump forms in my throat. “How could you do that to me? I had it under control. I was going above and beyond to keep his spirits up.”
“At what personal cost?” Tears well in her eyes. “I didn’t know he was going to divorce you. I swear I didn’t suggest it.”
“What did you think he would do?” My tone is sharp.
“Not that.” Cam runs her hands through her hair, pulling as she goes. “I thought he would talk to you. Comfort you. Try and go deeper, help you figure out how you could find some happiness Sunday through Friday, too.”
“Are those the words you used?”
“I don’t remember exactly.”
“Did you suggest he help me find happiness?”
Her mouth hangs open, her lower lip shakes. I see a sliver of Cam as a child, needing to be soothed. “Maybe?”
“Dammit, Cam,” I whisper forcefully, then groan in frustration. “If it weren’t for you…” I let the thought die out. It’s not fair to say it’s Cam’s fault, because what Gabriel did was not outside of his wheelhouse. Gabriel will sacrifice for those he loves. His dreams, his hopes, his passions, he’ll set them aside for others. I used to see his selflessness as something to aspire to, but now I’m not so sure. Maybe our desires never really go away, but sit inside and fester, waiting for the opportunity to surface. Gabriel might have let me go even if Cam never went to see him. Maybe our marriage was bound to go up in flames.
“I wanted to tell you, Avery. I promise, I almost told you so many times. But you were doing well?—”
“You mean, when I lost my temper and then my career?” I blow out an angry breath. “Is that when I was doing well?”
“After all that. You were putting your life back together. You were starting your book and meeting Hudson, and—” she cuts off, looking down at her hands. “I shouldn’t have gone to see Gabriel. I should have done something else, maybe involved Dad and Lara, or—or, something. I don’t know what.”
I’m mad at her. Furious. But something is there, reminding me she’s not entirely wrong. I lost myself after Gabriel went to prison. My world revolved around when I could see him again. I survived the week, just so I could get to Saturday.
“I don’t know what to say to you, Cam.”
“I don’t like what I did, and I hate that I kept it from you. I’m sure you hate me right now, and I understand.”
“I don’t hate you, but I am so, so mad at you.”
“I know. And I’m sorry. From the bottom of my heart, I am sorry for meddling.”
Dani walks from Gem’s back door. The tension must be visible from a distance, because she halts.
“Does Dani know?” I ask.
Cam turns to look at Dani and nods. “I told her when I got home that day.”
I don’t blame Dani for not telling me. Of course she wouldn’t betray Cam’s trust.
Dani walks forward cautiously. “Everything ok here?”
I purse my lips and nod.
Dani holds out a hand and Cam takes it. “Avery knows I went to see Gabriel in prison.”
Dani sucks in a quick breath. “Wow. Things got serious after I left.”
“You have your aunt to thank for that,” I tell Dani. “Her creative musings clued me in.”
Dani looks confused, and Cam promises to fill her in on the drive home. “What now?” Dani asks, glancing from me to Cam.
Cam looks to me for a response. I shrug. “I guess we just keep going.”
“I meant about Gabriel,” Dani says, pointing back at Gem with her thumb. “He’s in there.”