Chapter 18
Chapter Eighteen
DANI
Not much later, Shay and I were seated across from each other at the large picnic-style table in the back. The muted hum of the cacophony from the restaurant kitchen and the restaurant was our background music.
I took a bite of my lasagna and sighed. I was so discombobulated I hadn’t even noticed I was starving.
Shay groaned as she finished a bite. “I think lasagna’s one of those foods that’s better reheated.”
“Oh yeah. The flavors mesh better with a little time. It’s even better with a second round in the oven, but I wasn’t up for waiting for that.”
I snagged a piece of the garlic bread, which was buttered generously and sprinkled with real crushed garlic, parsley, and Parmesan cheese. After eating quietly for a few moments, Shay set her fork down and lasered me with her gaze.
“So, are you okay? Because I’m pretty sure you almost cried back there. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with crying, but you’re not really a crier.”
Shay’s prescience at giving me the space I needed during our walk here had helped me corral my emotions back under my control. I chuckled and took a big gulp of my wine. “No, I’m not much of a crier.” I decided to just dive right in, damn the consequences and my pride. “I had sex with Wade.”
She had just taken a sip of her wine and sputtered, spewing some on the table. Wordlessly, I handed her a napkin. She dabbed at her mouth while I used another napkin to wipe up the spattered wine. “I guess I surprised you, huh?”
Shay took a deep breath before straightening and folding her hands on her lap. “Um, yeah, you startled me. I know I’ve been kind of teasing about you and Wade, and so has everyone else. But I didn’t think something would actually happen.”
I shrugged sheepishly. “Yeah, me neither. I’m kind of freaking out. Something about that call tonight just threw me off.” I needed more wine, so I grabbed my glass and took another gulp, completely draining it.
Shay helpfully passed over the bottle. “So, here’s what happened …
” I began, stumbling through a quick summary of the events and my history with Wade.
By the time I got to the part where I ended up in the hospital, I actually felt calmer.
Perhaps because I’d finally said it all out loud to more than one person.
Shay’s mouth dropped open, her eyes worried, with a little wrinkle in her brow. “Oh my God. That’s awful.”
“Yeah, it was awful and scary. My mom was great. My dad, well, he’s pretty old-school, or he was. I didn’t really feel like I had anyone to talk to. I was so young, and it’s not the kind of thing you want to talk about, you know?”
Shay was quiet as she looked over at me. “If anyone can understand the category of things people don’t really want to talk about, it’s me. You know my past.” She sighed and shook her head slowly.
“I know you get it. I guess maybe that’s why I didn’t plan on it, but I just dumped this in your lap.”
“As awful as what I went through was, I was older, so I can’t even imagine how scary that must’ve been for you.”
“Shay, your ex almost beat you to death, and it was all over the news,” I said flatly.
Her ex-boyfriend was the son of a high-profile politician in North Carolina who had, in fact, almost beaten her to death.
He was in jail—not because of that, but because he killed two people in a drunk driving accident a mere two weeks after his last assault against Shay.
She cocked her head to the side, her gaze somber.
“I know. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned about life, it’s that everything is relative.
Truly. What happened to me was high profile because I was in the news and that was horrifying.
But you were only seventeen and your father gave you hell for accidentally getting pregnant.
Then, you had an ectopic pregnancy and almost bled to death.
I don’t think it’s about comparing the awfulness of things.
It’s about realizing that we’re all at different places at different points in life. Life is fucking hard sometimes.”
I took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “Yeah, I know you’re right. I don’t know why I’m all so fucked up about Wade. I saw him going out on that call, and I had a near panic attack that something was going to happen to him.”
“Oh, I get that feeling sometimes. However, I don’t think that’s what’s important right now. I’m trying to figure out how you feel about Wade. Is this an overdue you-have-to-get-it-out-of-your-system thing? Or something else?”
“I wish I knew. Plus, none of that before was his fault. I feel like he was kind of collateral damage. And get this. We had, I guess what you might call a heated moment earlier tonight. He put the brakes on everything and told me he needed to know we’re not just something I forget myself in.
Whatever the hell that means,” I muttered before taking a healthy swallow of wine.
Shay’s grin stretched slowly across her face. “Oh wow. He’s totally putting the ball in your court. You know what I think?”
“No, but I’m guessing you’re going to tell me,” I mumbled, even though I was smiling.
“Hey, don’t give me hell for giving you my opinion. You do it all the time.”
“I know, I know,” I said with a wave of my hand. “Carry on. Please tell me what you think.”
“I think Wade knows you better than you think. I love this about you”—she paused to reach over and give my hand a comforting squeeze—“but you like to be in control. He’s giving you all the control. You have to decide what you want to do with that.”
As I stared at her, I felt my mouth slowly drop open. “Oh my God. I hate saying this, but I think you might be right.”
She cackled as she paused to fill her glass of wine. My heart started doing that wild, funny beat again just thinking about Wade.
Once again, when Shay looked over, she read my face like the fucking open book it was. “Hey, I’m just teasing. You don’t need to panic.”
“But that’s the thing. I am panicking.”
“Okay, maybe you need to figure out how to calm down. This is not an emergency.”
I leaned forward, resting my chin in my hands as I let out a sigh. “I know it’s not an emergency, but I don’t know what to do.”
“Do you want Wade?” Shay asked bluntly.
“Yeah. I’m just afraid.” The minute that word came out, I almost cringed at the understanding contained in her gaze.
“Aren’t we all?” she mused. “You’re so, I don’t know, bitchy around him that I think his only defense is to tease back. But his teasing is like a little boy with a girl he likes. I don’t think you need to be afraid he won’t care.”
I bit my lip, fighting the urge to smile. As much as it chafed my ego, I loved that Shay thought Wade liked me.
She took a long swallow of her wine, swirling the glass in her hand as she eyed me before setting it on the table. “You have an assignment.”
“An assignment?”
Shay leaned her elbows on the table and nodded slowly, a glint entering her gaze. “You’re always giving people assignments, so I’m giving you one. Figure out what you want, and go for it.”
“It sounds like you think you already know what I want,” I protested, rather feebly.
She lifted a shoulder in a nonchalant shrug. “I think you have unfinished business with Wade, and it’s not just about sex.”