27. Chapter Twenty-Seven
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Thea
11/30 2:22 a.m.
Cary: Fuck, I miss you so much already… I ended things with Iris. I’ll spare you the details, but just know, I’m still coming back. I love you.
Read 2:24 a.m.
11/30 10:03 a.m.
Cary: Good morning. I’m going to figure out how to step away from Carina Cove today.Maybe investors? I’m not sure yet. I love you, Lemon. Please wait for me.
Read 10:04 a.m.
12/1 2:24 p.m.
Cary: If you think not answering will deter me, you’re wrong. I’m not giving up on us,not this time. I’m counting the days until I can fly back to you. 12/15, let the countdownbegin: 14 days
Read 2:36 p.m.
12/2 4:51 p.m.
Cary: It’s raining for the first time since I got back. The rain never used to bother me, butnow I’m starting to really not like it. Although, rain in SC sounds nice. So maybe it isn’tthe rain and it’s just… Seattle. **heart emoji* * 13 days
Read 4:59 p.m.
12/3 11:34 a.m.
Cary: Have I said how much I miss you yet? I’m still looking into finding investors. Sethhas been less than helpful since he doesn’t want me to leave. I told him there’s nothingto keep me here anymore. He believed me about as much as you did, but I’m serious. I’llprove you both wrong. I promise. Love you. 12 days
Read 12:17 p.m.
12/4 9:08 p.m.
Cary: I heard our song on the radio today. I used to hate hearing it because of all thememories, but now it just makes me smile and think of you. I love you so much, Lem.11 days
Read 10:56 p.m.
12/5 9:22 a.m.
Cary: I hate the rain now… and Seattle. Vehemently. 10 days
Read 9:23 a.m.
12/6 5:44 p.m.
Cary: Got a shipment of RED in today. I don’t think I ever really told you how proud I amof you for making it this big of a deal. I know you’ll tell me it was Ripley, but I don’t think itwould be nearly as big without you. You’re incredible. When I come back, I’ll make sureto remind you every damn day. 9 days
Read 6:36 p.m.
12/7 1:01 p.m.
Cary: Fuck I wish you’d respond. Today was rough. Bad news, the first investor I talkedto probably isn’t going to work out. Good news, I’m not going to let it stop me, I’m stilllooking. I love you more than anything, Thea. I really hope I can get you to believe me.8 days
Read 1:07 p.m.
12/8 3:04 a.m.
Cary: Today was insane. I don’t think I sat down or stopped moving for 14 hours straight.Now I’m home, in bed, and instead of sleeping, all I can think about is how much I wish Iwas there with you. 7 days
Read 3:25 a.m.
12/9 11:02 a.m.
Cary: I’m finally getting a day off since I’ve been back. I don’t know what to do with mytime since you’re not here. You won’t believe this, but I decided to start looking at housesin Indigo Hill. I forgot how much cheaper SC is than Seattle. Do you think a one-story ortwo-story would be better? What about land? 6 days
Read 11:11 a.m.
12/10 10:49 a.m.
Cary: Damn. I really thought the questions might get you to answer. It’s okay though, I’lljust show you the options once I’m back. 5 days
Read 11:39 a.m.
“Yeah, okay. Thank you,” I say into the phone as I hang up the call. Ripley walks over to me, a glass of wine in his hand. He slides it over as he sits down on the stool next to me.
“Who was that?” he asks, sipping his glass of bourbon.
“The Planning and Zoning Committee.” My voice is void of any life. The same way it’s been for the last two weeks. I don’t try to hide it, especially not in front of Ripley. He turns to face me, his questioning expression telling me he needs more information. “They approved the permits for the expansion. Not that it matters, pretty sure they’re invalid now since we changed ownership.” My gaze is locked onto the glass in front of me.
“Okay, so we just re-apply. I don’t see the issue.” His voice is filled with hope. A kind of hope I can’t even try to muster.
“The issue is Carrington.”
“I’m sure he won’t stop you from expanding, Thea,” he assures me.
“Maybe not. But then I’d have to speak to him.” I put the glass to my lips, the tannic merlot flowing over my taste buds.
“I take it he’s still texting you, and you’re still not replying…” He trails off at the end, almost like he isn’t sure if it’s a statement or a question.
“Every. Single. Day,” I respond, allowing each word their own space as I enunciate them. He laughs, but it isn’t humorous. It’s a laugh of disbelief, one that makes me look over at him so I can figure out where it’s coming from.
“What?” I ask.
“You know what I would give for someone to love me that much?”
“I—” He cuts me off before I even get a second word out.
“Listen, I know he fucked up. Believe me. But I’ve also seen the way he looks at you. I’ve seen the way you two ignite a room when you’re both in it. I also know you still love him. So why not just hear him out? Or at least give him the chance to make it right. Why are you fighting this so hard? I hate seeing you like this, Thea. If forgiving him will make you happy, maybe you should consider it.”
I’m shocked this is coming from Ripley of all people. “Forgive him? For making me fall back in love with him? For sleeping with me when he was engaged to someone else? I’m fresh out of forgiveness, Rip. I can’t trust him to not break me.” Pausing, I take a deep breath. “I can’t believe anything he says. Every time he texts me something sweet or that he’s looking at houses here, all I can think is— is he lying to me again? He did that. He broke my trust, possibly irreparably. It sure as hell isn’t fixable from thousands of miles away.”
Ripley stares at me, at a loss for what to say.
“I appreciate you wanting me to be happy, and I know you’re worried. I just… need to work through this,” I say.
He taps the table a couple of times with his fingers before he finally says, “That’s fair. And I can respect that. However, I know you aren’t sleeping again, and that’s a problem for me.”
I don’t respond. I’m not sure how. So we sit, sipping on the drinks in front of us.
After a few minutes, I break the silence lingering between us. “I think I’m going to go see my mom. Can you close up for me?”
“Yeah, of course. Just let me know you get there and back okay since I know you’ll refuse my offer to drive you.” That brings a small smile to my face, knowing he knows me well enough to not even ask.
“I will,” I say as I hop off the stool, grabbing his shoulder to pull him down so I can kiss his cheek. “Love you.”
“Love you, too,” he says as I walk away.
“Thea?” Margot calls from down the hall as I’m walking to my mom’s room. I stop and turn around as she makes her way to me.
“Hey, Margot,” I pause. “Sorry, I didn’t call ahead.”
She shakes her head as she speaks, “No, no, it’s okay. I just wanted to make sure everything was alright.”
“Oh, yeah, just needed to see my mom.” I smile to bury any upset that may show on my face.
“She’ll be thrilled. She told me you seemed really sad on Sunday, so she’s been worried about you,” she states, gesturing for me to follow her to the side of the hall so we aren’t blocking the path.
“It’s just been a rough week,” I assure her, hoping she’ll believe the half-lie.
“I get it. Hey, umm, while you’re here, can I ask you something, uhh, more personal?”
I tilt my head in curiosity, Margot usually keeps things between us professional. Though, me calling her to patch up Brooks probably warrants some kind of explanation. “If this is about me calling you to help out Brooks—”
She cuts me off, “Oh, no. Well, maybe kind of? Not exactly. I—sorry. No, not specifically about that. But about him, yes. Is he… okay?”
My brows furrow at her question. “What do you mean?”
I can tell she’s uncomfortable bringing this up.
“I—well, he wasn’t at the memorial. I assumed he would be, considering. And I tried texting him yesterday—just to check on his wounds!” she quickly adds, like I would assume differently. “I wanted to make sure he’s all right,” she finishes, the look on her face showing the same concern I’ve seen her have for a patient, but her cheeks have turned rosy.
“He does this. And I know you said it wasn’t about me calling you, but I am sorry I pulled you into that. I shouldn’t have breached that line between us. I’ll go check on him though. I need to speak to him anyway.”
That seems to settle something in her. “Okay. Good. I’m sure he’s fine. Like I said, I just wanted to check in. And really, don’t worry about the whole calling me thing. If I wasn’t comfortable with it, I would have told you,” she insists. “Let me know if you and Lydia need anything while you’re here.”
I nod my head in thanks. “Yeah, for sure. And I’ll let you know what I find out about Brooks.”
With a nod, she walks away, and I make my way toward my mom’s room, preparing myself for the conversation we’re about to have.
“You know, I told Margot something was up,” my mom says after I finish telling her everything that’s transpired between me and Cary since I saw her last. It’s later than I usually come by, almost seven now. She’s already in bed and was watching ‘Days of Our Lives’ reruns when I walked in. The woman thrives on soap opera dramas, which is good considering the show is on season fifty-nine, so it’s unlikely she’ll ever have to be without it. “And the second you walked in here wearing different rings confirmed it before you even opened your mouth.”
I look down at my fingers, the missing ones are glaringly obvious to me, but I didn’t think anyone else would notice. “I just… needed some distance,” I say from the chair next to her bed. I’m sitting so close my knees are pressed up against the mattress.
She laughs in response, making my eyes shoot up to her. “What’s so funny?” I ask.
“Baby, if you think taking off those rings is going to magically make your love for him disappear, you’re sorely mistaken,” she says, her voice softening as her laughter dissipates.
“So what do I do then?”
She tilts her head before asking, “What do you want?”
“It doesn’t matter what I want,” I say as I pull my lip into my mouth, biting on the edge.
“First off, it always matters what you want. Second, you’ve known that boy a long time, and he never once cheated on you or gave you the impression he ever would,” she says in his defense. And she’s right, but that was before.
“So it shouldn’t bother me that he cheated on someone else? Or that he lied to me?” I retort.
“You should absolutely give him hell for lying to you. But you also need to remember that you lied by omission. For some unknown reason, you had him and everyone else convinced you and Ripley were together.” She pauses for a moment, sipping from the glass of water beside her. “And as for him cheating, he cheated on someone else with you. I am not condoning it, but I think it’s worth noting that his love for you meant more to him than a relationship that came after you.”
“So you’re saying I should forgive him?” I ask incredulously.
“I’m saying,” she starts, grabbing my chin so I can’t look away, “don’t waste time being mad that someone loves you enough to throw everything else in their life away. It may not be the grand gesture you expected, but it’s grand nonetheless. Unconventional. Possibly scandalous. But still grand. Life is too short to waste more time being upset about it all. You two have already spent so much time apart. Don’t waste a second chance on something as trivial as a mistake.” She lets go of my chin, cupping my cheek instead.
“I just don’t know how to trust him again,” I say as tears start to form. It’s the real issue with forgiving him. I can see past what he did. She’s right, it should mean something, and it does. My problem is the lying. I might not have corrected him when I knew he thought I was with Ripley, but at least he knew Ripley existed. I didn’t even know about Iris. He had the opportunity to ask if I was in a relationship, I didn’t.
I can’t trust he means what he says. I believed every word he told me, then I found out he was with someone else. That revelation made all his words feel watered down. Moments with him that felt like we were mending what was broken between us are shadowed in doubt now.
“It’ll come with time, love. He has to get a chance to earn your trust back first. And it may happen quicker than you think,” she tries to assure me. She’s holding my hand now, the smallest tremor moving through her hand to mine.
“What if he ends up resenting me?” My voice is almost a whisper.
“Why would he ever resent you, Thea?” The confused look on her face tells me she seriously doesn’t see a way that he could. It’s the fear I’ve always had though. It’s the reason I never asked him to come back with me—to choose me. I didn’t ever want to be a burden to him or feel like a consolation prize while he missed out on his dreams.
“Because he hates Indigo Hill…” I trail off, not needing to elaborate. Even my mom knows how much he wanted to leave this town when we were kids. It was all he ever talked about. I don’t think anyone was surprised when he left, they were just surprised he never came back, not even to visit.
“Didn’t you say he sent you a message saying he hates Seattle now too?” I roll my eyes thinking back to the texts he’s sent throughout the week. I’ll never admit it, but the admission that he is starting to hate it there did make me smile, just a little.
“I mean… yeah… but I feel like he’s just saying that to win me over,” I muse. Another feeling I’ve had that I haven’t said out loud until now.
She shifts on her bed so she isn’t having to turn her neck as much. “Darling, people don’t uproot their entire lives for someone they don’t love deeply. You’re focusing too much on the what-ifs and everything that can go wrong.”
“Because it already went wrong once,” I remind her.
“No. You came home because of me,” she says, stopping for a moment to let it sink in. Again. We’ve had this discussion plenty of times over the years. “We don’t know that things wouldn’t have worked out between you two if you hadn’t come back here after my accident. He was about to propose. You could have been married with little ones by now.”
“I don’t know…”
“I do,” she responds with all the confidence she can muster. “Everyone hits rough patches, love. Not all rough patches end relationships. It’s clear neither of you truly moved on, so maybe you owe it to you both to try again. Those what-ifs in your head are going to haunt you if you don’t. We both know that.” She’s right. God, is she right. They’ve already haunted me for the last eight years. I’m not sure I can do a whole lifetime of what-ifs when it comes to him.
“Yeah… okay, Mama,” I finally concede. This is why I come to her. She’s always given me the best advice without sugar-coating it. She’s never once told me to take the easy way out. She always pushes me to do what’s going to make me happy, regardless of how hard the trek will be to get there.
“Okay. Now get out of here. It’s getting late. You better come see me on Sunday still.” I look over to the clock sitting on her bedside table and see it’s been almost an hour now. I push my chair back away from the mattress, lean down to grab my purse, then stand.
“I will, I promise. I love you, Mama,” I say as I lean over to kiss her cheek.
“I love you too, Thea Bean.”
I exit the room, shutting the door softly behind me, already hearing she’s turned her show back on. I can’t help the small laugh that escapes my lips at hearing the familiar voices I grew up with. I walk down the hall and say a quick goodbye to Margot, hug her, and assure her I’ll have Brooks reach out.
By the time I get to my car, it’s a minute past eight. I start the car then reach over to pull my phone from my purse to text Ripley when I see a new text from Cary.
12/11 7:56 p.m.
Cary: You think Ripley will show me the ropes at the distillery when I get back? I’venever had so many people compliment a bourbon we carry. Also I hope you know howhard it is to text you only once a day… I love you, Thea. 4 days
Read 8:02 p.m.
The message makes me laugh. The ‘I love you’ brings a smile to my face for the first time since he left. I still don’t text him back. I don’t want to distract him while he’s working, and I need to go check on Brooks anyway. But I tell myself I’ll respond to the next text he sends. Doesn’t matter if it’s one of his daily thoughts he wants to share or him telling me he misses me, I’ll answer either way.
Knowing I’ve made this decision settles something in my chest as I pull away from Saint Stephen’s. It isn’t huge, it’s only a text message, but it’s the first step in letting him back into my heart.
I pull into the driveway of Hazel and Owen’s home after going past Brooks’ apartment and not finding him there. There are lights on in the house, so the fear that he’s gone completely AWOL again eases. I’m still hesitant about what I might find inside, but at least I’m not going to be worrying all night about where he is.
Brooks has always been a wildcard, but recently, it’s gotten a bit out of hand. He isn’t talking to any of us, and he keeps disappearing then reappearing with fresh cuts and bruises. Before Hazel and Owen died, he’d do this every once in a while, sans the cuts and bruises, but he’d always turn up a couple days later and apologize for the disappearing act. We don’t seem to be getting apologies now.
I knock on the door, waiting impatiently for him to answer. After ten seconds of silence, I knock again. This time, he comes barreling to the door so quickly, I hear his heavy footsteps from outside. The door flies open, and he looks like he is about to yell, but his face drops when he sees me.
I put my hands up in surrender. “It’s just me. Jesus,” I say pushing past him and into the house.
He shuts the door behind me then runs a hand over his buzzed hair. “Sorry, Thea. Some guy pushing solar shit came by earlier, and I just assumed it was him again.”
“No worries,” I say, looking around the living room noting all the empty beer bottles. “So, this is what you’ve been doing?”
He huffs and makes his way to the couch before dropping down onto it, pulling out a pack of cigarettes from his hoodie pocket. “Did you come here to lecture me, Thea?”
I put my purse down on the bar then look back at him. “Would that help? Because you missed the memorial. You’ve got Margot asking questions. You didn’t even say goodbye to Cary before he left. And now I find you… surrounded by beer bottles with more bruises on your face than the last time I saw you.”
He pulls the cigarette he was about to light away from his face, his brows scrunching as he says, “Margot is asking questions about me? Why?”
Men truly are oblivious.
I walk into the living room, sitting down on the couch opposite him. “Oh, I don’t know, maybe because she had to bandage up wounds that you refuse to talk about, and then you apparently neglected to answer her texts? She said she was trying to check on you and make sure your face was healing okay.”
He shakes his head, bringing the cigarette back to his lips and lighting it.
“You know your mom hated that you smoke, and now you’re doing it in her house?”
He takes a deep inhale before looking over at me. He exhales the smoke then says, “Not like she can stop me now that she’s dead.” His words are harsh, bringing tension to the room. Along with the fear that this is worse than I thought.
“Cool. Good talk, Brooks.” I stand from my seat and start to leave the living room but stop short to say one last thing. “Listen, either tell us what’s going on with you, or figure out how to get your shit together on your own. You’re like a fucking bomb ready to go off, and I can’t deal with another explosion in my life.”
He doesn’t respond, not that I’m surprised. As I’m grabbing my purse from the kitchen bar, I see a stack of papers sitting on the end of the counter. They’re similar to some of the documents Mr. Elsher gave me and Cary when we got the new ownership paperwork for RED.
“What are these?” I ask, shuffling through the documents as I wait for his answer.
“I don’t know. A bunch of shit Elsher gave to me when I signed whatever bullshit that got me the golden key to this humble abode,” he says, never looking my way, focused on trying to blow smoke rings and probably wishing I’d just leave.
I move a couple more papers to the side when something catches my eye. It’s an envelope with mine and Cary’s name on it, another with Brooks’ name right underneath it.
“Brooks…” I start, shock creeping into my veins as I realize what I’m looking at.
“What?”
“There are letters here,” I state, all the emotion gone from my voice.
“What?” he asks again, but this time he’s less annoyed and more curious. He raises his head from the back of the couch. A split second later, he’s jumping up and coming toward me. “What the… I swear, Thea, I didn’t know these were here. I fucking swear.”
I nod my head, my eyes never leaving the envelope with Hazel’s handwriting staring back at me. After a moment of silence, he grabs the one with his name and disappears into whatever room he’s staying in, the door closing behind him.
I slowly reach for the envelope, wondering if this is going to break me further. Once it’s in my grasp, I decide I need to be alone to open it, much like Brooks. I quickly walk to my car, my purse getting stuck in the door as I try to close it hastily. I push it back open, pull my purse all the way in and throw it into the passenger seat before pulling the door shut again.
My fingers tremble as the sound of the breaking seal fills the car. Tears well in my eyes as I unfold it and see it’s a letter to Cary and me in Hazel’s handwriting. A letter we should have gotten at the reading of the will. A letter that was left for our eyes only.
My loves,
If you’re reading this, it means we didn’t get a chance to talk to you both in the same room before we passed. I’m sorry if that means this came as a shock to either of you. We always expected to have this conversation in person, but we needed to have a failsafe in case that didn’t happen.
Carrington — I am so sorry for any pain your father and I caused you. I am sorry we let our pride get the best of us. I say ‘we’ because your father and I are truly partners in this life. We should have reached out with more than just a yearly card. I should have called you and talked some sense into your father. You getting this letter means that never happened. I hope you never questioned how proud we are of you. Despite the distance, your father and I made sure to always read any article about you and your success. Our relationship being what it was is my life’s biggest regret.
Thea — I know I am not your mother, but I hope you know that I saw you as the daughter I never got to have. I don’t think you realize just how much light you brought back into our lives when you showed up on our doorstep all those years ago. You, my dear, pulled us from the wreckage and helped us become whole again. I hope our appreciation for everything you did was clear. I know how heartbroken you were, and I hope time has healed that wound. If it hasn’t, this probably feels cruel to you. I assure you our intention with this decision was to show our gratitude for everything you did. If we’re gone, you deserve to have a piece of what comes next. Owen was always very adamant about this business staying in the family when we were gone and this way, it will. I know you’ll do right by it. I know you love it as much as we do and won’t let any harm come to it. And as for sharing it with Cary… well, I knew you’d need some backup. And you two were too close to never speak again.
We love you both so very much. I hope you’ll lean on each other in our absence.
Please don’t make the same mistakes we did by never making things right with each other.
—Mom
Tears cloud my vision as I read it a second time, not quite believing my eyes. This existed all this time, and we had no idea. This is the answer to the question I kept asking myself. This was—shit. Cary . I need to send this to Cary. He needs to know how much they loved him and how proud they were of him.
My hands are so shaky I have to take the picture a few times before I capture one that isn’t blurry. I wipe the tears from my eyes as I attach the picture to the email. The subject just says ‘Read this…’ As I press the send button, I realize knowing their intent, knowing why they did it the way they did, makes RED feel more like mine. I assumed they only left me part of it as a way to pay me back for all the work I put in. I didn’t realize they split ownership strictly so it stayed in the family.
I just… didn’t think it was something as simple as that. It’d felt like a slap in the face knowing they’d trusted Cary with it more than me, but that wasn’t the case at all. That thought alone makes me feel like a terrible person though. Cary had proved he could run a restaurant and was more than trustworthy. I was just too close—too close to it all to see reason.
I put the car into reverse, eager to get home. I plan on spending the night letting myself cry and miss them. I’ll probably read the letter a hundred more times. And once Cary messages me or calls me after reading my email, I’ll tell him everything I’ve been holding back.