Epilogue
Five Months Later
L ola and Renee waited in the dark wings of the theater. On the screen, the final moments of Lola Gray: Starcrossed played, over a song Lola had written for the film.
But Lola and Renee weren’t watching. Instead, Lola’s arms were looped around Renee’s neck and their eyes were fixed on each other. She pressed her palms to the nape of Renee’s neck. It was damp with sweat.
“Can you believe it?” Lola whispered. “We’re at your premiere.”
Renee was chewing her lip nervously. Even though Lola was filled with effervescent excitement, this was Renee’s first premiere, and Lola knew it would feel different, scarier, bigger than everything that came after.
“What if they don’t like it?”
“Then they have bad taste,” Lola said.
“There are literally professional critics in the audience, Lo, they can’t all have bad taste.
” Renee’s eyes wandered toward the screen.
The film was in its final moments. It was a shot of her benefit concert at Pride last month.
It was the culminating, victorious shot of the film, intercut with flashbacks to the tough moments that came before and shots that promised a brighter, freer future.
They had less than a minute before the credits rolled.
“Look at me, Renee.”
She did, her green eyes gray in the dark.
Lola slid her hand down to rest against Renee’s breastbone. “Take a breath.”
Renee’s chest expanded against her hand.
“No matter what anyone says, this film is good, and you know it. It’s everything we set out to do. Right?”
“Right,” Renee said.
“I’m proud as hell of it. Are you?”
“Yeah,” she said.
“So if they don’t like it, fuck them,” Lola said.
“Lo!” Renee was still delighted whenever Lola swore, although she was doing it more often recently—specifically for that reaction.
Behind them, the screen went black, and Lola pulled Renee down into a kiss.
Her lips were insistent, forceful, and Renee leaned into her, needful of her reassurance.
That kiss bore the weight of everything Lola didn’t have time to say—I love you, I’m proud of you, be brave—because the applause had started.
Lola broke away as the lights came up, and whispered, “If you’re nervous, just remember, I’m going to fuck you so good tonight, you probably won’t remember this anyway. ”
Renee gaped at her, disarmed. “The mouth on you now, Jesus.”
Lola grinned deviously at Renee, then took her girlfriend’s hand and led her out onto the stage.
***
As Renee stepped out before the massive audience, she searched the front rows for Kadijah and Zane, who were screaming their heads off, and for her mom and Dave, clapping like their lives depended on it.
A few rows back, her dad was on his feet, but he wasn’t clapping.
He was crying so hard his girlfriend was trying to force a tissue on him.
The applause from up here was deafening.
Renee spotted Nash and his new “girlfriend,” Claudia and her hus band, Josh—who were celebrating their anniversary that weekend—as well as Tatiana, Cassidy, Alejandro, and other members of the crew.
Even Micah was there, and Dragan, who had accepted Renee’s invitation despite her no longer being his responsibility, and Zoe, from the foundation, with her partner and child.
There were so many people there, so much star power, and they were cheering for them, for Renee and Lola.
Her stomach was starting to go, her palms getting clammy and her throat tight—but Lola was there, right there beside her. She gave Renee a steadying look and squeezed her hand hard, and said into the microphone, “I’m Lola Gray, as I think most of you know.”
In spite of everyone else in the theater, Renee didn’t want to take her eyes off her. Lola was radiant tonight, and not only from the spotlight. She’d been glowing all day. Being part of Lola’s happiness made Renee’s heart feel too big for her chest.
“I have the pleasure of introducing the director of Starcrossed , Renee Feldman.”
Applause surged again as Lola turned and met Renee’s gaze. No matter what Lola had promised backstage, Renee was always going to remember exactly how Lola looked at her in that moment.
T HE NIGHT WAS a whirlwind. She and Lola both did press—a new experience for Renee, but she could see Lola from the corner of her eye, confident and poised, and tried to embody that.
Then Renee joined her while she spoke with some prospective donors to the foundation, and a representative of the City of New York’s LGBTQ+ task force about a potential partnership.
The after-party was in full swing by the time they arrived. The plan had been to combine the premiere with the New York City launch for the Star Sign Foundation, which made for an epic party that Streamy had paid for. The donations were rolling in.
Renee spotted Dragan talking with Tatiana and Nash, whose date had wandered off. She could tell from Dragan’s body language that he was discoursing. Tatiana and Nash needed rescuing.
“Dragan was giving us some analysis of the movie,” Tatiana said in a tone of someone whose patience had been tested by academic pretension. “I loved it, by the way.”
“I cried, like, three times,” Nash said.
“Only three?” Renee said. Nash had already seen the film. Renee and Lola had given him a private screening to make sure he was okay with how he was represented, which was as Lola’s 100 percent heterosexual beard. He’d cried so much Renee had been concerned about dehydration.
“Renee, what you’ve achieved is very special,” Dragan said. “You’ve taken what could have been a trivial enterprise and found a way to elevate it.”
“Lola’s story was never trivial,” Tatiana said. “It was only a matter of time before she was ready to tell it.”
“You’re both right,” Renee said. “That’s why Lola and I say we made this film together. It couldn’t have happened without both of us.”
“Ugh, that is so sweet !” Nash sighed.
Behind him, Renee spotted Kadijah and Lola locked in a very intense hug. Kadijah, champagne flute in their claws, was apologizing for having shipped Lola and Ava. Renee excused herself to intervene.
“That’s so sweet of you, Kadijah, but you don’t need to do this every time we see each other,” Lola was saying as Renee swept in.
“I need you to know that I was wrong!” Kadijah cried, not entirely sober.
Renee patted Kadijah’s shoulder. “She gets it, babe.”
“I’m not going to apologize for being emotional!” Kadijah insisted. “My best friend just premiered her amazing film!”
“Thanks, Kadijah,” Renee said. “I’m going to steal Lo to say hi to my mom.”
Deborah nearly suffocated Renee in a hug and showered them both in praise.
When Renee had told Deborah that she and Lola were going to make it work, Deborah had been, in her own words, over the moon.
Months later, she still hadn’t come down to earth.
She was as invested in their relationship as any of the obsessive #Rola fans.
“Are your mom and dad here, sweetie?” Deborah asked Lola.
Lola winced. “I actually prefer my parents not come to things like this. It’s a lot for them—and me.”
Deborah gave a sympathetic look. “Well, can I give you a hug, since your mom’s not here to do it?”
Lola nodded, and Deborah squeezed her tight. “I’m so proud of you, Lola. You were already so accomplished, but gosh, look at how you’ve grown!” She released Lola, but held tight to her hands. “You’ve always been part of our family. You know that, don’t you?”
“Mom, you can’t say that now that we’re dating,” Renee groaned, although it was exceptionally sweet.
“I would say this to her even if you weren’t! I watched you and Claudia grow up. If you ever need anything, you can always call me. No matter what.”
A T THE NIGHT’S end, they were too tired for Lola to make good on her earlier promise. It was all they could do to undress, then crawl into bed in each other’s arms.
***
“Lo, wake up,” Renee was saying.
Renee was gazing down at her, her hair rumpled. Lola stretched and smiled. “Do we have to get up? I thought we didn’t have anything this morning.”
“I have a surprise for you.”
“You do? Why?”
“It’s our anniversary,” Renee said.
Lola pushed herself up against the pillows. “No it isn’t. It’s July. It’s Claudia’s anniversary—Oh.”
Renee leaned into her, pressing Lola back into the down as she kissed along her neck.
“Mmm, is this my surprise?”
“No, we have to get out of bed for that,” Renee murmured against her ear.
Lola twisted around to check the time. “But we didn’t get home until three last night.”
“You can sleep on the plane,” Renee said.
Now Lola sat up for real. “The plane? Where are we going?”
“Telling you would ruin the surprise,” Renee said. “I packed everything you need. You just have to get dressed.”
A S L OLA RAN up onto the deck of the lake house, the sky was brilliantly blue, the sun heavy overhead and glittering off the lake.
When Lola had last been here, it was nearly winter, everything muted brown and ochre.
It looked so alive in the summertime. She’d forgotten how Michigan’s northern climate exploded ferociously into vibrant green once the weather turned, desperate for sunshine.
The air was thick with humidity and the click and snap of bugs, but still fresh and clean as Lola pulled in a deep breath.
Behind her, she heard Renee on the steps setting their bags down.
Lola remembered their first night on this deck; it had felt like the whole universe had aligned to bring them to that kiss—to bring them to all the moments in their story, from the earliest ones, to the years they spent apart, to the night a year ago at Claudia’s wedding, to all their stolen glances on the film set.
But Lola didn’t actually believe in fate—she believed in hard work. She believed in herself, and Renee.
She believed in their love story.
Renee gazed at her, a smile playing on her lips. “It feels good to be back, right?”
Lola pulled Renee toward her and kissed her in the bright, streaming sunlight.