Chapter 17
Chapter Seventeen
Julie
“ W e’re going to what?” I can’t possibly have heard him right.
“Howl, Juliette. We’re going to howl.”
His grinning face makes it almost impossible to scowl at him, but I try my very best anyway. I feel myself slipping into warmth and amusement more and more the longer I’m around him, and I don’t know what to do with those feelings. Irritation I can handle. So, I try to be irritated.
“I’m going to need more information.”
It was a three-hour drive from Columbus to where we are now, about an hour outside of Indianapolis. Three hours during which Asher and I took down an entire bag of peppermint Hershey Kisses and I lost a game of who can spot the most state license plates in thirty minutes . As his prize, he got to pick the music and proceeded to throw himself a little Taylor Swift concert.
I’d be lying if I said Asher Hansley wearing aviators and driving his big burly car while singing along to Taylor wasn’t hot as fuck. Like, jolt to the clit, wish I had my vibrator and twenty minutes alone hot. I tried to sneak a picture of him but, of course, he saw what I was doing, and just beamed at me.
I swear, I have never met a more cheerful man in all my life.
Five minutes ago, we pulled up in front of what looks almost like a zoo but isn’t. The sign at the front says Wolf Park and Asher is now trying to explain to me exactly what we’re doing.
“It’s called Howl Night. This is a wolf conservation center. We’re taking a tour to see the wolves in their natural habitat and learn how they communicate. Then, we get to howl with them. We’re howling at the moon like werewolves. Fun, right?”
“It’s something,” I mutter. And so completely something Asher would pick to do.
“Come on.” He pulls me towards the sign and snaps a selfie of us and then taps at his phone. I feel my phone vibrate with the notification that he added it to the shared album he set up earlier today. I pull my phone out to look and of course, we look great. He, particularly, looks fantastic. When we got out of the car, he zipped a navy-blue puffy jacket over the jeans and thermal henley he’s wearing and tugged a black beanie down over his tousled light brown hair before tossing me the same hat I was wearing earlier and zipping up my jacket for me again. When I told him I’ve been zipping my own jacket since I was five years old, he kissed my forehead and said he “wanted to be sure I didn’t get cold.”
And the fucking butterflies flapped their wings.
Asher grabs my hand and pulls me through the entrance to where a small group of people is gathered. I don’t miss him rolling his right shoulder as we walk, a slight wince on his face. He’s done it a bunch of times today, but I still haven’t asked him about it. I figure if he wanted me to know, he would tell me. Asher is not a man who holds back, but he’s holding back this. I’m at peak curiosity .
As we approach the group, a woman dressed in a modified park ranger uniform is just starting to talk. Asher laces his fingers through mine and holds on. Electricity sparks up my arm from the spot our hands are connected, and the way my body reacts to him is both thrilling and confusing. No one has ever had this effect on me; it’s the kind of thing that I didn’t think actually existed—like something out of a romance novel.
The guide claps her hands to get everyone’s attention.
“Welcome to Howl Night everyone! I’m so happy you all braved the cold to be here with us tonight. I hope you’re ready for quite the show. For the next ninety minutes, you are going to, hopefully, see some wolves and learn how they communicate with each other and with us. Before we start the program, you are free to stroll along our walking path. It’s about that time of night when the wolves will be appearing, so keep your eyes peeled.”
The crowd disperses to walk along the path, lined on one side by a fence to, I assume, keep the wolves away from the people. Asher and I walk together, my hand still clasped in his. As we walk, he rattles off facts about wolves. How they mate for life. How they are family animals and apex predators and need lots of space and share ninety-nine point eight percent of their DNA with dogs.
“How do you know all this?”
“You’re not the only one in this relationship who knows how to do research, Juliette.”
“We’re not in a relationship.”
He smirks at me. “That’s what you think.”
I open my mouth to respond, but before I can get any words out, a sleek, silver wolf slinks out from behind a tree, and whatever words I was about to say die in my throat. Its eyes are such a clear blue they are practically glowing as night falls. As we watch, another wolf approaches and they stand together, tall and proud against the darkening sky.
“Wow,” I say under my breath, unable to look away from the gorgeous, powerful animals.
“You can say that again.” Asher shifts behind me, laying his hands on the fence on either side of me, caging me in. He’s barely touching me, but I am aware of every inch of him as we watch the wolves together.
It’s full dark by the time they call us over to start the program. I could have watched those wolves all day, so we are last to get to the bleachers. There are no spots left, so we stand side by side against the fence and listen to the guide talk about the communication habits of wolves. I zone out, distracted by Asher’s shoulder against mine. Warmth radiates off his body, and his spicy scent wraps around me. I’ve been attracted to men before, but no man has ever invaded my senses the way Asher does. His proximity makes me light-headed. My heart pounds.
“Now, let’s all give it a try!”
The guide lets out a howl that snaps me back to attention.
“Come on everyone, join me. Let’s howl.”
Slowly, the group on the bleachers starts to howl. Literally howl. I feel Asher shift next to me and I turn to him.
“Don’t fucking howl.”
He folds his arms and narrows his eyes at me. “Why not?”
“Because this isn’t Twilight .”
“Would be cool if it was. Jacob really got the raw end of the deal.”
I stare at him. He grins and shrugs. “What? I have four sisters. You think I’ve never seen Twilight ? Read the books too.”
“Seriously?”
“You bet. Kyla read them when we were younger, and I was making fun of her for reading girl books. When my mom heard, she took away my phone and all my video games and wouldn’t give them back until I read the first book. Obviously, I got hooked and tore through the whole series. They’re fucking great.”
Asher lights up when he talks about his family; love radiates from him. It makes me miss Ben so acutely I feel it like a living, breathing thing. I’ve been missing him since the summer when he and Hallie got together. I wonder if I’m going to miss him for the rest of my life. And then I feel terrible because I should be happy for them. A better sister would be happy for them. A better friend would be happy for them. A better person would talk this out with them instead of shoving everything down and covering it with caffeine and productivity.
“Hey.” Asher’s gentle voice interrupts my train of thought. He tips my chin up and my eyes meet his. “Where did you go?”
For a minute, I consider telling him. Just letting it out and laying all the deepest, darkest, twistiest pieces of myself on him. I rarely feel safe with anyone, but he makes me feel like I could be safe with him. But here in the dark, surrounded by wolves and howling strangers, isn’t the place.
“Just thinking.”
His eyes follow mine. “Those are some heavy thoughts. You know what helps with heavy thoughts?”
“Let me guess. Howling?”
“You know it. Howl with me Juliette.”
Without warning, he tosses back his head and lets loose a screeching howl. When he’s finished, his face is flushed and shining with a contagious delight that has warmth seeping past the cold to burrow into my bones.
“Come on, you know you want to.”
Then he does it again.
The thing is, I kind of do want to. But I think about how stupid I’ll look. I’m an Ivy League educated lawyer. I don’t howl.
But why ?
The voice in my head is gentle but authoritative and sounds a whole lot like the man standing in front of me currently howling at the moon for the third time. And suddenly, I’m so fucking sick of myself. Sick of being so perfect all the time. Sick of burying pieces of myself because I’m afraid of who I’ll be if I’m not who I’ve always been. What everyone will think if I’m not that person anymore.
And without giving it another thought, I toss my head back, and I fucking howl .
I howl long and loud and fiercely. For the first time in my life, the knot that lives permanently in my chest loosens, and I’m so light I could float away. I’m elated and wild and free.
I feel free .
I want to keep howling forever.
Eventually I run out of air, and I come back to earth, breath fast and heart thumping with the kind of exertion that is everything good. Then I see Asher’s face, and my heart speeds up for an entirely different reason.
It’s his eyes that pull me in first. They are dark blue with desire, and he’s looking at me like he wants to devour me whole, and I want to let him. Our bodies are opposing magnets drawing closer, and suddenly we are rising chest to rising chest, the only thing between us the question of who will close the distance first.
He answers the question with one arm around my waist and one hand cupping my face to bring my lips to his. His kiss is gentle at first, until I reach up and wrap my arms around his neck and it takes on a darker edge. His tongue swipes against my lips and I open for him, forgetting entirely that we are in a public place surrounded by people. I only feel him. He lets out a low groan as his tongue swipes over mine. He tastes like the peppermint Hershey Kisses we ate in the car, and my entire body buzzes with energy. He slides the hand cupping my face around to the back of my head to tangle in my hair, gripping the strands like they are his last tether to earth as his mouth moves against mine.
I know the feeling .
The arm around my waist tightens, pulling me impossibly closer to him. I feel him hard against my hip and in that moment, I need him with a ferocity that swamps me. I am entirely certain he feels exactly the same way, and the knowledge shakes me. I am not the person who needs someone else. Giving someone that kind of control scares me, and I don’t know how to sit in that feeling. The buoyancy from before is replaced with a stomach-twisting anxiety, and my heartbeat speeds up in a way that has nothing to do with the kiss. And I don’t know how, but he seems to understand where my mind went because he gently pulls away and rests his forehead against mine, a hand on either side of my neck and his eyes on mine. His calloused thumbs trace back and forth over my cheekbones in a calming rhythm, and my heartbeat slows.
“Asher,” I whisper, not even sure what else I was planning to say. Sorry I was halfway to an anxiety attack in the middle of kissing you? Sorry my brain can’t fucking relax and enjoy a kiss like every other person in the world?
“I know,” he whispers, pressing a kiss to my forehead and lingering there before his eyes return to mine.
“It’s okay, Juliette. You’re safe with me.”
This time, when he says it, I believe him.
Two hours later, we roll our suitcases down the long hallway of our hotel for the night. It’s the first night of our trip and I had no idea what to expect and, per usual, was anxious about it. But it shouldn’t surprise me at this point that Asher did exactly the right thing and booked me my own room.
We stop in front of our neighboring rooms, and as we face each other, I’m filled with uncertainty. I can still feel our kiss from before, and I am wide open and as vulnerable as I have ever been. I try to summon Lawyer Mode, but for the first time in my adult life it has abandoned me. My head is a mess. It’s only been sixteen hours since we left Pittsburgh, but I feel like an entirely different person from the one sitting hungover on my front stoop this morning. I am now a person who howls in public and kisses a sweet, sexy football player and likes it, and I need to think about all that. I need to be alone. The hotel room in front of me is a refuge. My instinct is to shove my key in the lock and slam the door in his face, but we’re long past that now.
As always, Asher knows exactly what to do. Letting his suitcase go, he wraps his arms around me and pulls me against him. My arms go around his waist, and I hold tight. I feel him inhale, like he’s breathing me in, and he dips his head, kissing the sensitive skin behind my ear, and tingles race across my skin. Then he pulls away and takes my room key from my hand, unlocking the door for me and rolling my bag inside.
He guides me inside my room and cups my neck, kissing my forehead and then my temple.
“Goodnight, Juliette. Sleep well.”
With a grin and a wink, he leaves, closing the door behind him.