Chapter 20
Chapter Twenty
OSCAR
The yard sings with the chirps of various alarms as the crew runs through our usual morning gear checks. I see Ryan struggling with the valve on his breathing apparatus and put down my jacket, jogging over to see what’s going on.
“You good?” I ask.
“Yeah.” He grins at me, unaffected as always. “I’m all thumbs today.”
“Here.” I knock his hand aside and connect the tube to his mask, making sure he can see what I’m doing. “Like this.”
“I know.” He rolls his eyes, playfully knocking his shoulder against mine.
“I know you know,” I say sternly, “but you gotta make this muscle memory. You can’t be fumbling when it counts.”
He nods, serious now. “Show me one more time?”
Once checks are done, I take a seat on one of the benches and start refolding my turnout gear.
The steady movement does nothing to stop my mind from wandering.
I can’t stop thinking about Freya’s face when I asked her out, that flicker of horror.
She looked like I invited her to go scuba diving in a septic tank.
I told myself I was going to take my time, but after spending the day with her, it felt right. Or at least I thought it did.
I can tell she’s interested in me to some extent. It’s in the way she blushes, how her breath hitches whenever I touch her, but something’s holding her back. I think back to my chat with Elsie, wishing I knew what was going on.
I thought that going for a relaxed lunch would be a slow enough pace, but I seriously need to regroup. I need to prove that she can trust me to take this step with her, that I won’t let her stumble.
“How’s it going out here?” I hear Mack ask as he joins us. He holds a hand up to shield his eyes from the unseasonably bright sun.
“Almost wrapped up.” I finish clipping the suspenders to the fireproof pants I’m holding and get ready to take them back in.
“What was the word on the fire?” We got early reports of a wildfire up in the mountains.
We’ve been monitoring it, waiting to see if we’re going to get called to respond.
These kinds of fires aren’t uncommon, but they’re usually far enough away from town, and small enough that we don’t have to deal with them.
“Under control so far.” He frowns up at the hills, like he could assess it from here.
“Do we need to go?”
“Still on standby.” Most of the crew are trained in wildfire response, and we act as reserves for the bigger units that tend to handle things first.
“Alright. We’ll keep on with business as usual.”
“I’ll keep you updated.” Mack surveys the scene, seeing a few of the crew recoiling our line bags and Ryan finishing checks on his breathing gear.
Everyone’s fallen into the rhythm that only comes with experience, days on end of this exact routine.
He gives me a hard pat to my shoulder blade. “Great work, Murph.”
I nod in response, standing to take my gear back in. Mack follows me and I see him scratching his bicep the way he always does when he’s got something to say. When I turn to face him, I see his smirk.
“So. You have a good time in Denver?”
I sigh, rolling my eyes. I wouldn’t have even mentioned the trip to him, except that I had to switch a shift to make it work. “Jesus Christ.”
“What?” He’s practically giggling. “I never knew you had such a passion for knitting.”
“Piss off.”
“Seriously, though, I think it’s great. She seems like a sweet girl.”
“She is.”
“And are you two…”
“We’re not anything.” Maybe that could have been different, but I just had to jump the gun.
He raises an eyebrow, his smile just about visible under his mustache. “Nothing, or nothing yet?”
“It’s complicated.” I check the pockets on my jacket as I hang it up, making sure everything I need is in them.
“In what way?”
I look up at him. “I asked her out and she said no.”
“Shit.”
I huff out a bitter laugh. “Shit is right.”
“She say why?”
I’m not sure how much I should divulge. It isn’t my place to speculate, but I need someone to tell me what the fuck I’m supposed to do. I shrug. “Just that she couldn’t.”
I can practically hear his thoughts spinning. “Something going on there?”
I sigh. “Probably.”
“What do you think it is?”
I think back on my interactions with her. How she won’t let herself be upset with me, how she can’t ever seem to ask for what she wants. The way she keeps herself tucked away in her shop, isolated from the whole town. It’s beyond someone just being shy.
“I don’t know.” I stand and lean against the wall. Mack takes a half step closer, angling himself towards me so we won’t be overheard. “But something’s spooked her.”
He lets out a low grumble that sums up everything I’m feeling pretty well. It would be one thing if she just wasn’t into me. I can take a hint. But my gut’s telling me she’s too scared to try, and that’s what’s fucking bothering me.
“You’re serious about her.” It’s not a question, he knows me well enough to have the answer figured out by now.
My silence in answer enough.
“Then, what are you gonna do about it?”
“What is there to do? I can’t force her.”
“Maybe she needs a little push.”
“No,” I say, dejected. “She’ll bolt if I push.”
“Then, what’s the plan?”
“There’s no fucking plan, man,” I reply, getting impatient. “She said no. I’m a grown man, I can take a rejection.”
He huffs indignantly and I can’t help but chuckle. We all watched him chase around after Joni for months before she finally gave him the time of day, but I don’t think that’d fly with Freya.
“You know, she’d be lucky to end up with a guy like you.”
“No.” I frown, a few strands of hair falling into my face with how hard I shake my head. “No, I’d be lucky. To be with her, I’d be the luckiest fucker alive.”