Chapter Twenty-seven
Irritation crawled all over Reese. It was either be irritated or cry, and she most definitely wasn’t going to do that. She’d done enough of that in private.
Instead, she did the only rational thing she could think of and kicked the hell out of the copy machine that wasn’t working. “Damn thing. Useless, old damn thing,” she hissed.
“You okay?”
She gritted her teeth. No, she wasn’t, but she needed to be professional. “I’m fine.”
“Bullshit.”
Her mouth dropped open. She left the abused machine behind to stomp into Kerrie’s office. “Excuse me?”
“I wish I had a dollar for every time a woman came into my office with that look,” Kerrie smirked, leaning back in her chair.
“I don’t have a look.” She folded her arms, then realized that would only further Kerrie’s point.
“Yes, you do. Bette used to come in here like that when she worked here, and I said something she didn’t like.”
“So what I’m hearing is, the problem is you.”
She just smiled, clearly not bothered by the attitude directed at her. It made Reese even more irritated. “Do you need to yell at me to feel a little better? I won’t mind, I promise. You seem like you could stand to let off some steam.”
“I’m perfectly fine. It’s this damned facility’s lack of funding that is the issue. What good is that fucking thing if it doesn’t work?”
“You’re right.”
“And don’t—oh, you’re agreeing with me. Don’t do that,” she hissed. “That makes me less mad.”
“And if you’re not mad, then you’re sad. Right?”
“Don’t counsel me.” She regretted the words instantly as Matty’s voice saying the same thing intruded into her mind. She swallowed hard.
“Do you want to talk about it or keep kicking the copier?”
She pressed her lips together hard, willing back the urge to cry. She was so tired of crying.
It had been almost a week since she found Matty walking in the rain. A week of barely hearing from the woman she had started developing feelings for. There were check-in text messages, but she hadn’t seen her but once, and it was so awkward. She wasn’t even riding home with Kerrie every day.
They were supposed to have a date night and work on GED stuff on Sunday, but Matty canceled.
At first, Reese just thought Matty needed a little space, but the space was only growing.
When she decided to make the first move by suggesting they spend the evening together on Wednesday, Matty had taken forever to reply, then just said she was going to a meeting. How could Reese argue with that?
Then there were the thoughts of what could have happened to cause her to be out in the rain in the first place. On the rougher side of town and with red eyes. Then basically hide from her. It was not like Matty at all. That scared Reese.
“Kicking the copier sounds easier.”
“Does it?”
She let out a long sigh and then plopped into a chair. “I don’t know what’s going on with Matty.”
“Oh? How so?”
She rolled her eyes. “You know it too. You’re just trying to get me to talk.”
“This would be a lot more productive if you’d turn off counselor mode and let me do it.”
“I don’t really want to do this.”
“No one does, but we can’t afford a new copier, and if you don’t have an outlet, you’ll turn on me and the guys.”
“I wouldn’t take it out on the clients,” she corrected quickly.
“Great, so just me.”
Her shoulders slumped. “Has Matty said anything about last weekend?”
“No, but she’s been keeping to herself for the most part. All I know is I didn’t have to pick her up because you dropped her off.”
“So you knew where she was?”
Kerrie nodded. “Yeah, I dropped her off at her grandmother’s house.”
Reese frowned. Her thoughts turned to more worry.
“Her grandmother’s house? That’s not a safe place for her.
She said in Leadership that her Grammy and cousin were not good for her.
This makes it even worse. I thought, I mean, I worried that maybe she was, um, well, her eyes were red and she wasn’t talking. She was so closed off.”
Kerrie nodded. “You thought she might have been using?”
“It crossed my mind.”
“Look, it’s not my place to talk about Matty’s business, but I don’t think that was the issue. Have you tried reaching out to her?”
She nodded.“Yeah, I suggested we hang out on Wednesday, but she went to a meeting.”
“Maybe she needs a little time. I wouldn’t give up on her. She really does like you.”
“I just, I feel a little foolish. I opened myself up, and now everything feels in limbo. I didn’t have this problem when I was avoiding dating.”
“I did that too for a very long time, and I was miserable. I tried to control everything around me. It was like my lifeline. I made not only myself miserable but Kenny, too. I put him in a protective bubble that only isolated him. Meeting Bette was the best thing that happened to us.”
The words hit a little too close to home for Reese. Control was where she felt the safest. If she had control, then everything would be fine. She couldn’t control Matty. She was her own person. She didn’t want to either. Not really. She just wanted this situation to go away.
“I don’t regret opening up for Matty, I guess. I just don’t know how to handle this. We were doing so well, and then something happened. Something that made her avoid me.”
“I don’t think it’s just you. She’s only going to work, meetings, and then staying in her apartment. She would normally come up at least once or twice a week to spend time with Kenny, but she hasn’t.”
“I understand she might need space, but she should at least tell me that, right? Am I expecting too much?”
“No, you’re right. You do deserve that.”
She chewed over the information for a moment. This was such new territory. For both of them. “I think I’ll let her have space. I’m going to let her make the next move.”
“Just don’t give up on her yet.”
“I’ll try not to.”
“Do you want me to call the help desk and tell them the copier is close to being murdered if they don’t come fix it?”
“Please,” she groaned. “I’m going to go to Main and make copies. Do you need anything?”
“Actually, yes, can you fax these for me? I already have them filled out.”
The day was about as broody as she was. The gray clouds above hid any hint of sun, but it didn’t stop the heat. The muggy part of summer was peeking in more and more. She loved living in a warmer location, but the wet heat wasn’t her favorite. It made everything feel sticky and heavy.
The campus was quiet as it was still during morning group.
Normally, she would have taken Fun Friday and had a blast with it, but she just didn’t have it in her.
Jayvon offered to do a music therapy group with the clients.
It was always a hit. Music could get through to people when spoken words couldn’t.
Main was just as barren when she entered from the back. Her sneakers squeaked as she walked to the front. Main kept their copier in a small locked closet since clients stayed in the building. Confidential information was faxed in and out of it all, so privacy was needed.
She popped her head into Elsie’s office. “Hey, mind letting me in to use the copier and fax?”
The older woman held out her badge with a key on the back, barely tearing her eyes from the computer. “Y’all’s on the fritz?”
“Yeah, it’s decided to lie down for the weekend, I guess. I’ll be right back.”
She took it and walked across the hall to the copier room. Elsie yelled after her. “Don’t forget to press 1 before the fax number.”
“Thank you.”
It didn’t escape her that the copier was much newer than theirs.
There was something so ancient-feeling about faxing something.
Parole officers needed to be faxed the paperwork when clients left rehab, either by graduating or by not completing it.
Without the document, the client wouldn’t get credit for having fulfilled their requirement to attend.
It was very important to make sure it arrived.
She would hate to be the reason someone was sent back to jail just because of a slip of paper not showing up.
With her copies and confirmation pages that the faxes were successfully sent in hand, she locked the room and gave back the key. It hadn’t taken more than fifteen minutes to get it completed.
Retracing her steps, she exited the building and headed back to The Church.
She was about halfway there when a familiar truck caught her attention at one of the residential houses. Her breath snagged so sharply it almost hurt when she realized it was Matty.
For one wild second, every feeling she’d been trying to keep under control rushed up at once.
Relief. Anger. Want. Hurt so sharp it made her chest ache.
She wanted to run to her, bury herself in her arms, demand to know why she’d gone quiet, why she’d left Reese hanging in the dark with all this fear and uncertainty.
When Matty lifted a hand to wave, Reese stopped dead and stared at her.
That was it. A wave.
Something inside her seemed to crack. A single wave from a distance.
She turned away without lifting her own hand.
Her eyes burned instantly, and with every step she took, it felt like a little piece of her heart was chipping away.
But wanting Matty didn’t mean she could accept this, these scraps, this weak acknowledgment after days of silence.
If Matty wanted to fix what was between them, it would have to be more than a wave tossed across a lawn.
Reese needed more than that. She deserved more than that.
And Matty would have to decide if she was ready to give it.
***
Her attention span was shot by the end of the afternoon.