25. Chapter 25
I shut the door and lean against it, frozen in place.
He’s leaving tomorrow. Every day of the last month has been a struggle. I thought I’d at least see them at church, but they haven’t been back.
When I asked Katherine about it at our Sunday barbeque, all she would say was that they were going to church with Christina and Peter.
“What did you expect?” she asked, sitting across from me at the kitchen table.
I was confused by her words, so I said nothing.
“Don’t sit there and try to look innocent,” her voice was accusatory, “He asked you out, and you turned him down. I highly doubt he has to beg for any woman’s attention.”
I reached for my rings, trying to find the right words in response.
“You don’t understand,” I said.
Mom and Laila walked into the kitchen carrying two large trays filled to the brim with grilled chicken and vegetable kabobs, burgers, and hot dogs.
“What’s wrong?” Mom asked as soon as she saw me.
“Wait, don’t tell me,” Laila said, “I bet this dum-dum turned Aaron down.”
“How do you know?” I asked, glaring at Laila.
“Your face told me,” she said, sticking her tongue out at me.
“What are you, five?” I asked defensively. “Aren’t you the one who told me I’d be making a mistake if I…” I stopped in mid-sentence, remembering that Mom was in the room.
“Yes, I said it would be a mistake,” Laila clarified, ”But you look miserable, so maybe you should have.”
I looked at each of them, hoping my face wouldn’t give me away.
Laila looked at me as her eyes grew big and wide. She opened her mouth, but nothing came out. Finally, she pointed one finger at me and said, “Ha! You kissed him!”
I felt my cheeks redden as I looked from Laila to Katherine and finally to Mom.
“Oh, Sweetheart,” Mom began, “So, why did you turn him down?”
“I doubt it was because he’s a bad kisser,” Laila said, taking a large chocolate-covered strawberry from the platter on the table and taking a bite.
I tried to stop it, but I couldn’t. I started crying.
“I’m sorry,” Laila said, putting an arm around me. ”Please don’t cry”.
“You are a dum-dum,” Katherine said, “Aaron is a man. He’s not a boy. He knows exactly what he wants. If he kissed you, it’s because he likes you. Plus, he’d have Adam to contend with if he hurt you. This is not a game for him. He also has Holly to think about.”
“I know,” I said, sniffling and reaching for a napkin.
“He doesn’t have time for your immature behavior,” Katherine said.
“What is that supposed to mean?” I asked through my tears. I was so mad.
“You were twenty-two when Justin died, and you’re stuck back there,” she said, waving her hand to her side, “You haven’t matured because you haven’t lived. You might as well have died with him.” Her voice cracked, and she stopped talking.
“Well, that was harsh,” Laila said.
“Katherine,” Mom said in a warning tone.
“No, Mom,” I said, “Let her finish. Say what’s on your mind.”
“When are you going to let go?” She asked, with tears welling up in her eyes.
“This from the woman who resented Adam for fourteen years,” I snapped back. “Exactly how much living did you do during that time?”
I got up from my chair and grabbed my purse from the counter.
“Loren, Sweetheart,” Mom said.
“It’s okay, Mom. Please let everyone know I said goodbye.”
Before I went to bed that night, Katherine called me to apologize.
“I’m so sorry,” she said, “I’m just so frustrated with you.”
“I thought you were apologizing,” I said.
“I wish I could shake some sense into you.”
“Again, not an apology,” I said, almost laughing.
“Aaron could make you so happy, Loren.”
“How could you possibly know that?” I asked.
“I’ve seen the look he gets when he talks about you. A look that can only be described as longing. He’s a good man.”
“I know.”
“If you don’t wise up,” she continued, “Another woman is going to catch his eye. Have you not noticed how women look at him?”
“What women?” I ask.
“Um, every single woman over the age of eighteen,” she said.
“I think you’re exaggerating.”
“Loren, there’s no denying the man is almost as handsome as Adam.”
I laughed out loud at that.
“Of course, you would think that,” I said. “Adam is like the marshmallows to your hot chocolate. The avocado to your toast.”
Katherine laughed and then let out a sigh.
“So, is he a good kisser?” she asked.
“Good night, Katherine,” I said, smiling, “And thanks for almost apologizing. I’ll take it.”
That was a month ago. I remember getting off the phone that night and immediately taking a mental count of the women I know from church. There are at least six that are single and in their thirties. There are women at his office and his parents’ church.
With him leaving for ten days, it’s just a matter of time before Holly forgets me. More time for him to forget me.
“Tell me you’ll miss me.” His words still echo in my ears and make my heart ache.
I toss and turn all night, and when I wake up in the morning, the first thing I notice is a splitting headache. Ugh, I don’t want to get out of bed. I’m tired, and I’m in a bad mood.
I pick up the phone and call Sam to let him know I’m running late.
“No worries,” he says, “I just left the gym, so I got it. See you in a few.”
I stay in bed for another couple of hours, hoping I can sleep a little, but it’s useless. When I finally get up, I decide to go for a walk to clear my head and get rid of this headache.
I do my usual four-mile loop, and on my way back, I run into Meredith Sanders. She’s a real estate agent at Linder Morgan and a longtime member of our church.
“Hi Loren,” she says, “I haven’t seen you out here before.”
“Hi, Meredith. I’m usually out here before seven, but I got a late start today.
“You live next door to Aaron, right?” she asks.
“Yes,” I say, and trying to sound casual, I add, “Why do you ask?”
“Do you know if he’s dating anyone?”
“I have no idea,” I say.
“Those dimples,” she says while fanning her face with her hand, “My goodness, is he handsome!”
“I, um, I haven’t noticed,” I say.
“Are you blind? Sweetie, he’s what you would call eye candy.”
“I wouldn’t know,” I say, feeling my blood boil despite the cold weather.
“I see him at the office,” she says, “But not often enough. I try to make conversation with him, but he never seems interested. The most I can get out of him is a ‘good morning.’ I noticed he would hold his cup of coffee up to his lips right in front of me so I could see his wedding band, but I know he’s a widower. Thank God, he finally took that thing off.”
I look over at her, and she must see the look of surprise on my face because, without taking as much as a breath, she continues.
“Oh, yeah. He stopped wearing the ring weeks ago, so I think that’s my cue to try again. I haven’t seen him in church either. Do you know why he stopped attending?”
When she doesn’t get any input from me, she stops talking, and we walk in silence for about a quarter of a mile. When we reach the corner of my street, I pick up my pace, thinking it’ll be where we part ways, but she turns the corner with me.
“I’m going to ask him out,” she says, “His little girl needs a mom, so I’m applying for the job.”
She should drop dead from the look I shoot her way, but she doesn’t even notice.
“And who the hell is that?” I hear her ask.
When I follow her gaze to see where she’s looking, I spot Aaron standing outside his front door talking to Lisa, his housekeeper. They must be in deep conversation because he doesn’t even notice us. He’s smiling, and Lisa has just thrown her arms around him. I can hear her squealing with excitement, and he’s hugging her back.
“Darn it!” Meredith exclaims, “Looks like someone beat me to it.”
“Have a nice day, Meredith,” I say when I reach my driveway.
“Bye,” she says in parting, “See you Sunday.”
I pull my key out of my pocket and quickly let myself inside. I walk over to the window and look out. I can see Meredith walking down the street. She turns around a couple of times to watch the scene between Aaron and Lisa unfold.
They’re both laughing and then she kisses him on the cheek before climbing into her car. I stand by the window until she drives away. When he turns around to walk back to his house, he looks in this direction. I immediately release the drapes, hoping he didn’t see me.
So, he stopped wearing his wedding band weeks ago. I reach for my rings and squeeze them. The thought of me taking them off feels like a betrayal of Justin’s memory.