30. Chapter 30
I rented a house in California for our extended stay. It’s close to the beach, which has quickly become Holly’s favorite place. I promised to bring her back during the summer so I can teach her how to surf.
“Good morning,” Mom says when I walk into the kitchen. “Do you want some coffee before you go?”
“Yes, please,” I say. “My flight is at nine, so I have some time.”
“Where’s Dad?” I ask.
“He and Holly went to get some donuts.”
“I only plan to stay in Cold Spring for a week. I don’t want to be away from Holly longer than I have to. The business I need to tend to shouldn’t take longer than that. Ten days at the most.”
After breakfast, I kiss my family goodbye.
“I’m going to miss you, Daddy.”
“I’m going to miss you too, Princess. Be good, and please be on your best behavior with all your grandparents.”
On the drive to the airport, Dad brings up Loren.
“Dad, that’s over.”
“Are you sure?” he asks.
“I’m positive.”
During the flight, I have time to reflect on the last couple of weeks.
Our time in California has been incredible for Holly. Every day is a new adventure. We’ve taken her to Disneyland, the San Diego Zoo, and SeaWorld. She’s riding her bike without the training wheels now. Spending time with her extended family has been invaluable.
I rent a car to drive home from the airport, not wanting to bother Adam again for a ride. When I pull into the garage at home, I realize how lonely my life has been since we moved. I can’t help but wonder if moving back to Cold Spring was a mistake.
When I walk into the empty house, I can tell Lisa has been here because it smells incredible.
I open the refrigerator expecting to find expired food that I need to throw out, but it looks like Lisa did more than just clean. The fridge is stocked with fresh fruits and vegetables, eggs, deli meats, cheese, a half-gallon of milk, and orange juice.
I make myself a salad and a grilled cheese sandwich for dinner.
After I shower, I review the construction plans for all the projects I’ll be working on these next few weeks.
When the phone rings, I expect it to be Mom.
When I look at the caller ID, I see that it’s Loren. Taking a deep breath, I answer,” Hello.”
“Hi, Aaron.”
“Loren, hi, how are you?”
“I’m well, thank you. How was your trip?”
“It was good. I can’t wait to go back.”
Silence.
“What’s up?” I ask after a few seconds pass.
“Aaron, can I come over to talk?”
“Listen, I just got in a couple of hours ago. I’m exhausted, and I still have to call my family to talk to Holly before she goes to bed.”
“I see,” she says, “Okay, well, welcome back.”
“Thanks,” I say. “Good night.” When I hang up the phone, my heart aches.
Two minutes later, the phone rings again, and this time it is my family.
I talk to everyone for about half an hour. Just as I’m about to say good night, the doorbell rings. I tell Holly I love her and promise to call her in the morning.
I open the door, knowing exactly who’s waiting on the other side.
“Hi,” she says.
She’s holding four small Christmas gifts in her arms.
“I know you’ll be in California for Christmas, so I wanted to give you these before you go.”
“Here, let me help you,” I say, taking the boxes from her and placing them on top of the console by the door.
“It was very thoughtful of you to get us Christmas gifts. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome,” she says, “Can we talk?”
I step out of the way and motion for her to sit. She looks more beautiful than I remember.
When she sits on the edge of the couch, I take the armchair the farthest from where she’s sitting.
“How’s Holly doing?”
“She’s thriving and the happiest she’s been in a long time.”
“How was your Thanksgiving?”
“It was one of the best,” I say, smiling. “We had almost twenty people in the house at once. It was great.”
When she doesn’t say anything, I decide to break the silence.
“Why are you here, Loren?”
“I wanted to explain.”
“I don’t mean to cut you off,” I say, “but there’s no need. You don’t owe me an explanation.”
“You sound so distant.”
“What do you want from me, Loren?”
“I thought we were friends.”
“You and I both know, whatever this is, is much more complicated than just a simple friendship.”
“I miss you,” she says.
“I appreciate that, but you still haven’t told me what you want.”
“I’m sorry,” she says, standing to her feet. “I shouldn’t have come.”
She takes a couple of steps towards the door, but I get up and block her way before she can reach it. When I wrap my hands around her arms, it takes everything in me not to pull her close.
“Okay,” I say. “Since you’re not willing to be honest with me, let me be completely honest with you.”
I want to kiss her when she looks up at me, but I resist.
“I don’t want to leave anything unsaid, so please listen. You’re the only woman who has made me feel alive again. I love being around you.”
“Aaron,” she begins, “I don’t…”
“Please,” I say. “Let me finish. I love the subtle scent of your perfume. I love how your eyes smile when you look at me and how they turn dark green every time we kiss. I love how your pale skin blushes under my touch.”
“I have to go,” she says.
“But more than anything,” I continue, “I love the way you love my daughter.”
When she says nothing, I let go of her arms and step aside to let her leave.
She walks to the door and slowly turns the knob.
“Loren,” I say. “Before you go, I also need you to know I love you.”
She walks out the door anyway.