Chapter 39
thirty-nine
Before I can even read the slew of messages, my eyes dart to Chase. “It’s your boss.”
He pauses before taking another bite. “She texted you?”
My eyes widen as I scroll to count how many messages I’ve received in the span of a few minutes. “Only six times.”
He sets his food down before walking over, so we can read them together.
Nicolette:
Last night was appalling.
Coming to a work function for my office? With my colleague?
I don’t know if Chase made you aware, but he and I have had this sort of back-and-forth thing going on for a very long time.
He probably hasn’t told you about our plans in January.
The girls would hate to know our hairdresser got in the way of that.
I’m sure they’d be devastated to have to find someone new.
I gape at Chase to find him more serious than I’ve ever seen. His jaw and eyebrows are set as he stares down at the phone. “She’s threatening me,” I say in disbelief as I set my phone down to wrap the blanket around my shoulders again.
He picks up my phone. Reading and rereading the messages with his elbows propped on the counter next to me. “She’s out of her mind is what she is.”
“What is she talking about in January?” I doubt Chase agreed to date this woman, considering how desperate he was to have a decoy for the Christmas party, but she obviously thinks something will happen after the New Year.
“Nothing,” he answers adamantly, still glaring down at my phone. When I wait for more, he looks up at me, his eyes softening. “Nothing,” he says again. “She kept asking when I’d get drinks with her, and since she doesn’t seem to understand me when I turn her down, I told her it might be better to figure that out after the promotion when I’m no longer her subordinate. I didn’t agree to anything. It was just a way to get her off my back.”
Hopping down from the counter, I wrap the blanket around me tighter. “Well, if you don’t go now, there’s a good chance she’ll blame me.”
He stands up straight and runs a hand through his hair. “And that’s a problem?”
I give him a sad smile. “I was still working two jobs before she referred all those new clients for me. If she takes them away all at once?” I shake my head. “I don’t know what I’d do.”
He nods, looking deep in thought. “So, what do you want to do?”
I know what I don’t want. I don’t want to lose almost a third of my income if we’re not on the same page. I don’t want to jeopardize my job if he isn’t looking for more.
“I mean . . .” I fiddle with the blanket between my fingers. “We did everything we were supposed to do, right?” I look over my shoulder at his bedroom before wincing. “Maybe a little more than we were supposed to.”
The corner of Chase’s mouth quirks. “A lot more.”
I playfully narrow my eyes at him, and he laughs. He’s right. We did a lot more than we were supposed to, but it still doesn’t feel like enough. I meant what I said to him earlier, I don’t think I could ever have enough of him.
But I guess this should be it.
I stare down at my phone again, reading and rereading. “She’s acting like I went to that party knowing she’d be there.”
Chase scoffs. “I’m not surprised. That woman thinks the sun rises and sets for her.”
“You never mentioned me?”
Chase tries to think. “She called me while I was out with all of you, and I told her I couldn’t talk because I was with my girlfriend. I think that came as a shock to her. She was in a bad mood for a few days, but she bounced back.” My lips dip at the corner as the weight in my chest intensifies. Chase must read my expression because he adds, “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, Candace.”
A humorless laugh leaves me. “She’s threatening my livelihood.”
His lips press into a thin line. “What if you slowly work on adding more clients to replace what you’d lose, and we’ll just hide this from her?”
He’s trying to be helpful, but I bristle. Why is this all on me? Even if I don’t take the pay cut, I’d have to jump over hurdles, and for what? “Hide what from her? What exactly would you and I be doing?”
He stares at me. “I—I don’t know. This. More of this. ”
I frown, my eyebrows pinched as I search his face. “Getting carried away after I agreed to be your fake date to a Christmas party? Because that’s what this is.”
The words hurt to say out loud, but they’re true. They’re an oversimplified version of whatever this is between us, but the bottom line is, they’re true.
His expression hardens. “That’s what you think this is?”
“Am I wrong? You’re the one who made this fake from the start, you tell me.”
“But is that what you want?” His eyes drop to the floor before daring to find mine again.
Something about the way he’s looking at me softens the tension in my shoulders. Letting out a breath, I shrug and surrender to the truth. “I think I don’t want to go back to working two jobs.”
He runs his hand over his mouth and nods, his body turning rigid. “Okay. Yeah.”
His response feels like a blow to the chest, but at the same time, it’s what I expected. Last night, he said this was real, but a lot of men say things they don’t mean when they’re about to have sex. I give a sharp nod. “Do you think I can borrow some clothes? I’ll bring them back.”
Chase runs a hand through his hair. “Yeah. Let me see what I have.”
I follow him into the bedroom and awkwardly stand in the doorway like this place should suddenly be off limits. Part of me is afraid that if I walk in there, one of us will pull the other onto that bed again, and I don’t think my heart can take making the same mistake twice.
Chase digs through one of his drawers until he finds what he’s looking for. Handing a folded pair of clothes to me, he says, “You can keep these.”
Ouch .
Is he letting me keep his clothes, so we don’t have to face each other after this?
“Okay.” The word falls out of my mouth on autopilot. I point to his bathroom. “I’ll just change and be right out.” It feels ridiculous considering ten minutes ago, he was eating food off my naked body. But that side of us has quickly shifted into . . . well, this.
“Take your time,” he says with a tight-lipped smile before leaving the room.
As soon as I’m alone, my chest heaves and my eyes burn. I want to fall apart, but I can’t let myself turn into a puddle—not yet, anyway. Not without Miles here to mop me up.
When I walk into the bathroom, it’s hard to look in the mirror. I look worse than I did when I first woke up, but I guess that’s what holding in sudden heartbreak will do to you. It shouldn’t feel sudden. I knew this would happen. Maybe not the part with Nicolette, but I knew whatever dream I was living would be met with a bucket of cold water eventually.
Before I even drop the blanket from my shoulders, I reach for my phone and order an Uber. I can’t sit in his car with the tension between us right now. Just the thought of painfully sitting in silence with him for the short drive home has my chest tightening. The car will be here in less than ten minutes, so I quickly change into the clothes he gave me. I have to roll up the blue and gray plaid boxer shorts a few times to avoid them falling off my hips, and the sleeves of the white undershirt go to my elbows, but it will work. They smell like him in the best way, and I try not to think about it.
I pick up my dress from the floor and hook my fingers into the straps of my heels, holding them by my side. Then, taking a steadying breath, I walk back into the living room.
He’s back in the kitchen, but he isn’t eating or cooking anymore. He’s just standing with his elbows propped on the counter, looking deep in thought. When the door opens, he lifts his head. And when our eyes lock, I know my cheeks betray me. His gaze dips, taking in the sight of me wearing his clothes. Chase definitely finds me attractive. I just need more.
“Candace, I . . .”
“I ordered an Uber.”
He blinks. “You did?”
“Yeah.” I look down at my phone. “They’ll be here in less than five minutes, so I should probably head down.”
Chase stands up straight, and I hate how the sight of him shirtless has such a dizzying effect on me. I need to keep my head focused if I’m going to get out of here.
“I could have driven you.” He runs a hand over his head. “We could have talked or tried to . . .” He stares at me for a beat too long before shaking his head and rubbing his hand over his face. “I’m sorry.”
I don’t know what he’s apologizing for, but I gave him a weak smile. “It’s okay. I knew what I was signing up for.”
“Yeah. Me . . .” He hesitates, his eyes searching mine for something. Maybe to check if I’m okay? Eventually, he just sighs. “Me too.”
I try to hold my faint smile because it’s the best I can do right now. No physical goodbye feels right. A kiss feels too intimate, a hug just feels weird, and a handshake might as well be a slap in the face. So, I don’t walk toward him. Instead, I walk to the front door, and he follows but hangs back a little like he isn’t sure what to do either.
The holiday is still a few days away, but I say, “Merry Christmas,” because it’s easier than saying goodbye and a little more heartfelt than saying see you around.
The corner of his mouth quirks, but not in its usual way. There’s a hint of sadness behind his eyes too, but he says, “Merry Christmas,” and I know this chapter has ended.