Chapter Fifteen
She didn’t deserve a man like Jed.
After everything that had happened, after everything she said, he was still here.
More than that, he was helping clean the kitchen while she went on her cooking frenzy.
Maeve kept her eyes downcast, doing everything she could not to accidentally catch Jed’s gaze while he worked alongside her.
Whatever erratic feeling had grasped her, thrown her into a whirlwind of chores and other housekeeping, had finally begun to peter out, leaving her with a large emptiness she wasn’t quite sure how to handle.
But Maeve was beginning to think that, maybe, it was okay that she didn’t know for herself.
Maeve dared a peek over her shoulder, feigning the need to look for some stray kitchen implement or cutting board.
She watched as Jed dutifully wiped down the counter tops of flower and food bits, wringing the rag out into the wash basin before moving on to the next task.
He really wasn’t going to talk to her. He wasn’t going to push her into an explanation, make her give him a reason for the way she’d been acting the last day or so.
He was simply there for, ready to help in whatever way he could.
Maeve swallowed hard, turning back toward the stovetop. She wrung her hands, then, with an exhale, found the courage to speak. “What…what sort of pie you like?”
The clattering of dishes grew quiet. She could feel Jed’s attention turn onto her.
“I just—I realized it weren’t just Samuel who stayed up last night.” Maeve began to fidget with the hem of her sleeves, picking at a stray seam she unconsciously took note to fix later. “S’ a bit past dinner at this point, but, if you got a sort of pie you’d like fer supper…?”
This felt impossible. Her tongue almost felt swollen, tripping over every word she spoke. A hot flush crept up the back of her neck, and for a moment, she considered taking back what she said.
“Y’know how to make chess pie?”
Maeve craned her neck, finding Jed’s green eyes staring into her’s. The heat on her neck burned hotter, and she quickly turned around, swiping her hair over her shoulder. “I-I think I can manage that, yeah.”
***
Even with half the day gone, the ranch still needed tending to.
Jed volunteered to go and check on the cattle, giving Maeve the chance to finish her cooking ventures.
She put the lid on the stewpot and let out a sight, straightening her back and swiping her hair away from her forehead.
Samuel’s pies were packed and ready for travel, with Jed’s chess pie cooking in the oven.
She moved to open the kitchen window, a gust of warm air shifting the stuffy kitchen scents about the house.
Summer was in full swing, now, and Maeve almost couldn’t believe how quickly it had come.
She untied her apron and set it against the counter, stepping into the living room where Lila was still dozing. Maeve couldn’t help but watch her for a beat, her small chest rising and falling from beneath her special blanket.
‘Did Pa feel this way when I were younger? When bandits first attacked us?’
Maeve exhaled, then set about gathering her knitting supplies.
Lila’s blanket inspired one more burst of creativity from her, and she resolved to do as much as she could before Jed came back from the chores.
She sat close toward Lilia, shifting herself so as to cradle Lila between the couch arm and her leg.
“I wonder if I slept as much as you did after my first tangle with bandits,” Maeve wondered aloud.
She brought out her needles and began to knit out the next row on the blanket, thoughts plagued by all that had recently happened.
Ms. Miller’s visit, their fight along the pasture fence, the showdown with the bandits…
there was a moment where Maeve marveled at how she’d stayed alive for as long as she had.
If Lila’s luck would similarly hold, or…
She sighed softly, glancing toward the still slumbering toddler.
It didn’t feel good to admit it, but Jed had proved his point beyond a shadow of a doubt.
Life was dangerous, especially the sort of life Maeve had chosen for herself.
Perhaps if she’d chosen to live closer to Bighorn, worked in town like Sadie in her family’s general store–would it then be alright then to have kept Lila?
And was that a choice she was allowed to make without any input from Jed?
“He brought you in without my input, first,” Maeve reasoned.
Lila snored softly, rolling over as her head thumped lightly against Maeve’s lap. She stiffened briefly, then set her knitting aside to place a comforting hand against the toddler’s head. Maeve gently stroked her hair, biting back a loving croon as Lila sighed heavily at the touch.
“I gotta talk to him,” Maeve assured herself. “Been doing too much yelling, lately.”
After all, Jed wasn’t in her life to try and control it. He wasn’t here to make things more difficult. He was her partner–her husband–and somewhere along the way, Maeve had forgotten about that. Fallen into the old habit of locking the door and hiding away, deep within her mind.
She carefully shifted Lila against her lap, giving herself enough space to continue knitting without disturbing the toddler’s sleep. “We’ll figure it out,” Maeve promised softly. “We’ll do what’s best fer you, Lila.”
Everything was going to be alright. Maeve was certain of it; she just had to keep reminding herself every so often.
***
She’d just finished her last row when Jed slipped through the front door.
Maeve glanced up, shocked at how dark it’d become in such a seemingly short time.
Hiding her knitting partially beneath Lila’s blanket, she stood and smoothed her dress out, making her way toward the kitchen as Jed took off his work boots. “W-Welcome back!”
Jed offered a tired nod in reply, hanging his hat sluggishly against the door. The poor man looked exhausted, his face sweat stained and dirt smeared from what must have been an endless list of work.
“Uh,” Maeve gestured toward the countertop, where she’d covered his chess pie with one of the clean linens. “Why don’t you go get scrubbed up, and I’ll get supper plated?”
Another nod, and Jed trudged toward the bedroom to get changed. He paused briefly at the couch, staring at Lila as she sat quietly in the corner, spoon clutched in hand. “She doing alright?”
“I think the lack of sleep’s finally caught up to her.
” Maeve dug out a pair of plates, cups, and silverware, bringing the stack to the table before setting up each place.
She glanced up at the sound of squeaking floorboards, surprised to find Jed standing beside her.
“S’alright, Jed. I can do it on my own.”
His brow furrowed slightly. Out of frustration? Out of worry?
“Really. I’d done this all months before you got here.” Maeve set the last cup down before glancing up, biting back a sharp gasp.
He was still there. Still staring. Still wearing that befuddling look on his face.
Maeve shifted her body weight between her legs, trying to figure out what his goal was. Did…did he want another apology? Did he want to talk things out? Jed himself didn’t seem entirely clear on his intent, either.
Finally, Maeve blew out a breath, resolving to start the conversation herself. “Things’ve been…a bit hectic the last few days.”
Jed nodded. Maeve took another breath. He wasn’t trying to anger her; she had a suspicion that he simply wasn’t very confident with his words at times.
“I…I liked it when we talked,” Maeve admitted. “I like it when you and I were pardners, both on the same page fer everything happening around us. And when Ms. Miller came…”
Her voice caught against a lump in her throat. She had to say it aloud.
“I–I think I just got scared. Lila’s really wormed her way into my heart, and being reminded that she weren’t meant to stay just…took me by surprise.”
Jed’s expression softened.
“I didn’t mean to act so ornery. I know it ain’t right, keeping her here when things ain’t as safe as they can be.
” Maeve ran a hand through her hair, then pulled it over her shoulder to begin a loose braid.
“I know that’s what we both agreed on. I just…
got lost in my head fer a moment. I didn’t mean to not tell you about it; the feeling surprised me just as much. ”
She exhaled sharply, throwing her partial braid back over her shoulder.
“But that don’t mean I get to yell at you. ‘Specially when you had yer head on straight, still. So, I’m sorry. Whatever headache I ‘caused yah, I’m sorry.”
Jed’s expression shifted into something more taken aback.
Was that not what he wanted to hear from her?
Maeve began to panic, wondering if she’d went too far explaining herself.
If she’d revealed too much of her thought process, too much of her inner self.
Did she just paint herself as a hapless fool of a wife?
Was he reconsidering his trust–his partnership–with her?
“A-Anyway!” Maeve cleared her throat loudly, turning to fetch the pie from the counter. “I’ll, uh, just get plates served up, if you could go an’ grab Lila fer,”
A gentle hand rested on her shoulder. She turned her head, completely taken aback at how soft Jed’s expression had become.
“It…it ain’t just yer fault.” Jed paused, as if considering something.
Then, he dug around in his pockets and produced a crumpled letter.
He practically squeezed the life out of it, fist trembling slightly.
“I–I ain’t been myself. Got a letter from my old place of residence.
It didn’t–I weren’t put in the best mood after that. ”
Maeve stared at him, trying to figure out where exactly the conversation was going.
“I...I’ve had a hard time thinking back about it all. Thomas, my past with him, the things we got up to...?