12 | friends
Cara
Tuesday morning, I woke up at eight and dragged my weary body out of bed to have a shower. My first exam, which was in Advanced Contract Law, was coming up on Friday, so I had reserved every weekday till then for revising. Since Jason started work at two this week, I would have the flat mainly to myself, so I had invited Aaron and Livy over.
They wouldn’t arrive till ten, however, and I was grateful for that because I was a fire-breathing dragon straight after waking, so I would have incinerated them in a heartbeat had they been here already. They both had first-hand experience with that idiosyncrasy of mine, so I supposed that was why they had suggested that we should meet at ten and that I should wake up at eight.
Half an hour later, I sat at the kitchen table. As I ate my breakfast and read the news on my iPad, Jason walked past the open door. He hadn’t bothered to put on a pair of boxers, but he covered his manhood with his hand.
‘Morning,’ he murmured groggily, and I could tell from his hair that he had just removed the eye mask he always wore to sleep. In fact that was the only thing he wore while asleep, and I had learned that last summer when we had spent a week at his family’s holiday house on the Isle of Wight .
‘Morning.’ I smiled at the sight of his taut bum before he disappeared from my view on his way to the bathroom. Men, in my experience, often had better arses than women, and it was something I frequently envied them for. Jason didn’t train his lower body half as much as I did, but judging from his derrière, it looked like he trained nothing else. Aaron was no exception, either.
An outsider would perhaps have found it strange that Jason didn’t mind if I saw him naked, but the truth was that Jason was a bit of a naturist. To him, the naked body was the most natural thing in the world and therefore nothing to be ashamed of. Given his course of study, I supposed he had a rather clinical perspective on the matter.
He came back a few minutes later with damp hair and a white towel around his hips. ‘When are Aaron and Livy coming over?’ he asked and went to the Nespresso machine to make himself a cup of coffee.
‘At ten.’
He nodded. ‘I haven’t seen Livy in ages – not since she split from Colin.’
‘Yeah, she became a bit of a recluse while she licked her wounds. She’s over him now, though, so you’ll probably see her more often, especially now that we live together.’
‘She’s over Colin?’ He turned toward me. ‘Proper over?’
I raised my cup of coffee. ‘I think so. Seems like it. She barely ever talks about him anymore.’
Jason faced away and grabbed his fresh brew. ‘Good for her. That bastard never deserved her in the first place.’
‘No, he didn’t.’
‘Well, I’m looking forward to it. I’ve always liked her. I think she’s my favourite out of your friends. Aaron is a close second, though.’
I smiled. Olivia was indeed adorable, and I had always been thankful for her presence in my life even though we were quite different personality-wise; however, we had known each other since we were only three, so our difference in temperament was something we had learned to appreciate over the years. She had been my partner in crime for as long as I could remember, and because our ambitions had always correlated, we had helped each other prosper. Our biggest difference in character was that Olivia was a hopeless romantic while I was more of a realist.
‘She’s fond of you too,’ I said.
‘Is she?’
‘Isn’t everyone? ’
He chuckled. ‘Stop. You’re making me blush,’ he joked.
‘Just stating my view.’
He shook his head, grinning.
§ § §
We had been revising for nearly an hour when I received a call from Dad. To avoid disturbing Olivia and Aaron, I walked into my room before answering it. He mainly wondered how I was doing and whether I felt ready for my exams, so I complained about how stressed I was. When I was done venting, he asked me to come for dinner on Friday. I declined because Mary-Anne, Aaron’s mother, had already invited me, so we agreed on Saturday instead. Then we hung up.
I stayed in my room, checking my social media accounts. When I opened Instagram, I froze with surprise. I had received a message request from none other than William Night. It contained a meme of Leonardo DiCaprio biting on his fist from the film TheWolf of Wall Street, with the text: ‘When you see her loading up the barbell with forty-fives’.
I had to laugh. Of course he would opt for nothing less than a grand entrance. But, despite his impeccable humour, I didn’t immediately accept. My first instinct was to decline, because I wanted to avoid interacting with him as much as possible. Still, I couldn’t deny that I was curious.
I clicked on his profile, but it was private; stalking it brought me no satisfaction. All I could see was his default picture, and it looked like it had been taken during some holiday. He was wearing a white linen shirt, smiling at the camera with sunglasses on, his hands tucked in the pockets of his light-blue shorts. Behind him was a picturesque village that looked like it could be somewhere along the coast of the Mediterranean.
Probably France, I thought. Daphné, his mother, was a child of French immigrants, though she was born and bred in England. I knew Jason and William frequently went to France because of that, since their maternal grandparents now lived there.
My body grew hotter when I thought back to the dinner with Jason’s family last weekend. I had heard William and Daphné speak French to one another then, and William’s pronunciation had sounded fluent to my ears, even though I didn’t speak a word of French myself. One way or another, hearing it had set my libido on fire, and I had despaired; whenever I thought William couldn’t possibly get any more tempting, he proved me wrong.
I stared at his locked profile, wishing I could see his grid so I could learn more about him. What kind of stuff did he post? Did he update it frequently? For some reason I doubted it, but I would have to follow him to know the answer. My pride wouldn’t let me, though, so I returned to his message request with some disappointment.
I had already acknowledged that I was drawn to him like a moth to a flame, so accepting his request would mean speeding toward my doom. Had I learned nothing from the mistakes of Icarus? Was I really going to fly too close to the sun?
As I reclined onto my bed, I wondered why he had reached out. A demon whispered in my mind that I ought to accept, if only to uncover his motive. Besides, if he proved troublesome, I could always block him.
I responded with a meme of a girl squatting, with the text:‘When I hear, “No man wants a girl that’s stronger than him”, and I’m like, “Ain’t nobody looking for a weak ass man either” ’.
I waited one minute for him to see it, but since he didn’t, I locked my phone and went back to the others. I had only just sat down when a notification lit up my screen. I hurried to check it.
Haha that’s the spirit
How’s revising going? Getting frustrated yet?
His brilliant pun made me double-tap his last message, adding a heart to it. There wasn’t a doubt in my mind that he had referred to the doctrine of frustration, which was a common law doctrine relevant to Contract Law. After last Friday, he was well aware that I was currently revising for precisely that module.
Frustrated indeed. Nice pun
I think having lunch with me today might help you out of said frustration
I rolled my eyes. So that was his motive, was it? I had to give it to him: the man had remarkable perseverance. How many rejections would it take for him to understand that it wasn’t going to happen?
Do you? I am shocked
That would probably frustrate me more than revising ever could tbf
After I had pressed Send, I paused to reflect on what I had just done. Rejecting him was actually becoming a habit. I had hardly given a thought to it, and I found it fascinating. This was quite the contrast to the first time he had asked to meet me again. I vividly remembered how difficult it had been for me to reject him back then. I hadn’t been entirely sure that it was the right course of action. Now, on the other hand, I took his offer for granted. I was expecting him to ask again, and again, and again, until I perhaps one day changed my mind. I couldn’t be at all certain that his interest would be perpetual, and yet I conceitedly acted as though it would be. Maybe this had been the last time he would ask, and I had wasted my chance without a second thought.
You are ever pessimistic
I could take a look at your notes, for example. Help you get a first
All I’m suggesting is a normal lunch between two friends – nothing more, I promise
Friends. I stared at the word for a while. My heart took a deep dive in my chest, the beats growing stronger but slower. I read ‘friends’ as a rejection in disguise. The fall from my high horse was certainly a painful one. Was he seriously friend-zoning me?
We could never be friends, I thought bitterly, and we couldn’t for the simple reason that I didn’t lust after my friends the way I lusted after William. I would never be able to view him in a platonic light, and I was offended by the idea that it wasn’t mutual.
Or was it? Maybe he was just being devious. I had already noted his sly tendencies.
What was his scheme? I couldn’t read him. Was he writing to me in a genuine effort to befriend me, or was he looking to capture me once and for all? I really couldn’t tell. It was plausible he sought to be my friend because of our relationships with Jason. In the end, it was inevitable that our paths would cross for the rest of our lives, so perhaps he was simply trying to make the best of it, and he thought pursuing a friendship with me would be the way to achieve it.
Since I didn’t know what to think, I opted for an ambiguous, albeit humorous, answer inspired by one of my favourite comedies, The Inbetweeners. It was an image of the character Simon from the show, and he was holding his thumbs up while saying, ‘Oh, friend.’
Haha Simon. What a legen d
Not sure I can be friends with a briefcase wanker
Bus wankers only?
His wit really was flawless, and I was delighted he had caught the reference.
‘Who are you texting?’ Olivia suddenly asked.
When I looked up, she was studying me with an arched brow. Her question drew the attention of Aaron, who paused typing on his laptop and gazed in my direction. His kind eyes filled me with guilt. I knew I hadn’t done anything wrong – we weren’t a couple – but since it was novel to remain in touch with one of my previous bed partners, it seemed immoral even though it wasn’t.
‘Phoebe.’ I said my sister’s name as though it was the obvious answer.
‘She’s awake?’ Aaron asked, surprised. Blood rushed to my face at his astute remark. ‘Isn’t it like six o’clock in New York?’
‘She’s just woken up,’ I lied again.
‘Right.’ He frowned, and I knew he didn’t believe me, but he refrained from probing me further. ‘Tell her I said hi, then.’
‘Me too,’ Olivia said. ‘How is she doing?’
‘She’s doing well,’ I said dismissively and focused on my phone. I wanted to avoid further interrogation.
Lol maybe
Anyway, I appreciate the offer, but I honestly don’t have time. Exam’s on Friday
I’m hardly allowing myself toilet breaks atm
Christ
You clearly need training in stress management
I’d be happy to tutor you in that as well. You’d get a 100 % discount
Both Aaron and Olivia stole glances at me, so I pressed my lips together to hide my smile.
Full-on life coach, aren’t you ?
Accept and you’ll find out
Limited offer
I need to get back to revising. Enjoy your lunch
Sighing, I put my phone aside and told myself not to check it again for the remainder of the day, but I failed every hour and was equally ambivalent every time I saw that he hadn’t sent anything else.
§ § §
All through Wednesday, I checked my Instagram more than usual because I both dreaded and hoped to find another message from William. But, following my rejection yesterday, he hadn’t initiated any contact. I opened our message thread several times throughout the day only to see that he had been active now and then, but it hadn’t been to message me.
On Thursday, I managed to recover some of my self-control and hardly checked. He had been active a few times, but since I no longer expected to hear from him, seeing it hadn’t bothered me that much.
When the clock struck seven, I closed my textbooks, every tab in my Chrome window, and my Word documents, to quit revising for the day. I was one of those students who always took the evening before my exams off to let the information process into my long-term memory, so I planned to do some wall-staring for the remainder of the evening before I would go to bed at nine.
Wall-staring was one of my favourite activities. I could lie for hours at a time just staring at the ceiling while I contemplated life. Consequently, boredom was an entirely foreign concept to me, and I had always been grateful for that. My mind entertained me endlessly, so I had never been one to depend on external stimuli. Being stuck in traffic or waiting for the Tube was actually something I enjoyed because of that. Dad liked to say: ‘If you’re bored, it’s because you’re boring,’ and that statement resonated with me.
I wasn’t sure what time it was when I reached for my phone to check it. My heart did a flip when my screen lit up.
William had messaged me again.
I sat up and unlocked my phone.
19:57
Good luck tmrw. Not that you’ll need i t
My emotions were conflicted. While I appreciated hearing from him and was charmed that he had remembered my exam tomorrow, I also wished he would leave me alone, because this was precisely what I had wanted to avoid: I had been thinking about him most of yesterday, and I couldn’t remember having checked my social media this often before, and it was only because of him. He had become the distraction I had feared he would the first time we’d met, and seeing proof of it was only reinforcing my desire to avoid him.
Nevertheless, I decided to reply.
I do though, but thanks
A grin I hated surfaced on my mouth when he instantly marked it as read. He must have been waiting for my response.
You’ll be fine
You can’t know that
He sent an image of Bob the Builder with the text ‘YES WE CAN’ written across it. I laughed. His humour was frankly one of his most attractive attributes.
Omg
Make Bob proud x
I’ll do my best
I chewed on my lower lip when I realised that his back must be starting to ache from always having to carry the conversation. On the one hand, that was what I wanted, because if all I offered were dry replies, he would be more likely to grow bored with me. But on the other, I felt I owed it to him to return at least a portion of his interest. I convinced myself that it was the polite thing to do, so before long, I started typing.
Have you had a nice day?
I groaned when he instantly saw it and proceeded to like it. Too late to unsend it, I thought.
What’s this? Are you actually showing interest in my well-being?
I already regret it lo l
Haha. My day was fine. Miss teasing you, though
He attached a cartoon of an adorable but angry chipmunk. I stared at it, nonplussed.
…
It’s you whenever I tease you
I gaped. Was that really how he saw me whenever I got flustered? No wonder he couldn’t stop himself from teasing me.
Omg
Anyway, I don’t want to distract you right before your exam, so I’ll leave you to it
Break a leg x
I wondered if he was actually busy with something else, or perhaps even someone else, and had said it only as a cover-up to put himself in a favourable light. After all, shouldn’t I be the one to decide whether he was stealing my precious time or not? Knowing how many women he entertained, it was perfectly possible that one of them had either just arrived or returned from the bathroom or something like that.
Hearing my own thoughts, I frowned at myself. Why should it matter who he was with? He wasn’t mine, and I had no intention of pursuing him either. Regardless of whether he was with someone else, he had set aside the time to send me this encouragement, and I ought to appreciate that gesture. One way or another, he was only being kind.
Thanks
By nine o’clock, he still hadn’t sent me anything else, and I noted to myself that I disliked his habit of always letting me have the last word. For some reason, it made me feel inferior. So yes, he had explicitly said that he didn’t want to disturb me, but he had done this last time as well. Was he doing it deliberately, as some sort of strategic retreat? Was he playing games? Trying to attain some sort of psychological advantage? Unsure of what to make of it, I decided I would now pay careful attention to whether he would repeat this pattern.
I put my phone on my nightstand and settled to sleep, but I didn’t feel the least bit tired. In the darkness of my bedroom, memories of our sensual night together feasted on my mind. One by one, they marched into my thoughts, regardless of how hard I tried to suppress them.
My pulse spiked as I imagined him above me and within me, mouth forming dirty declarations while he stared intensely into my eyes. I couldn’t breathe. Wide-eyed, I stared blankly ahead and felt an abundance of heat in my face. Full of tension, I writhed beneath the duvet.
‘Jason!’ I yelled when I had spent hours chasing sleep to no avail.
A few seconds later, he opened the door, wearing nothing but a pair of boxers.
‘You called?’ He rubbed his face and leaned against the doorpost.
‘Could you sleep here tonight? I can’t sleep. I need cuddles.’
He nodded and smiled softly. ‘Sure,’ he said and climbed into my bed.
‘I love you,’ I cooed.
‘And I love you.’ He hooked his strong arm around me and scooped me into his familiar embrace. ‘When are you waking up?’ he asked drowsily.
‘Alarm’s set for half six.’
‘Okay, I’ll make sure you wake up.’
‘Thanks.’
‘Sleep now.’
‘Yes.’ I snuggled closer and released a contented sigh.
§ § §
The next day, Olivia and I were having dinner at Mary-Anne’s place along with Aaron and Tyler when I boldly confessed to seeing little point in the Royal Family.
‘That’s actual heresy,’ Olivia said. She had always been of the opposite opinion and fancied the tradition it entailed.
‘I appreciate their charitable and diplomatic work,’ I said, ‘but that, as well as everything else, can be executed by elected officials. I can’t stand the idea that people are born into roles like that. And how can we improve in the future if we won’t let go of the past? The monarchy has served its purpose. It’s outdated now. There’s no reason to keep it around. I mean, merely for the sake of history? Please.’
Olivia gasped as if I had just cursed in church. ‘In times of need, we require one head at the top to gather the people,’ she argued. ‘One who unifies the people under a common goal. Politicians can’t do that the same way the Royal Family can. ’
‘Listen, I regard the Queen with the utmost respect,’ I said. ‘Don’t get me wrong, I think she’s wonderful. What I’m questioning is the principle. I don’t support the concept that people should be born into roles like that. And I also find it fairly ironic that they’re not supposed to have a political opinion. They’re supposed to be neutral. But isn’t politics what royalty was built upon in the first place? Wasn’t politics the reason monarchies came to be? I just think it’s ridiculous. We can have presidents and elected officials. Look at France, for example, or Germany. They’ve managed superbly without a monarchy.’ I shook my head. ‘I seriously think it’s only a matter of time before we’ll move away from the constitutional monarchy as well. It’s outdated, to say the least.’
Across the table, Mary-Anne smirked and raised a spoonful of ice cream to her lips.
‘Quite the diatribe,’ Tyler said and glanced at Aaron. ‘I can see why you like her,’ he joked.
I had always appreciated Tyler, and I could understand why he and Aaron had been friends ever since secondary school. They were quite similar. Both were shy of conflict and always preferred a conciliatory approach.
‘I disagree,’ Olivia said. ‘I think the Royal Family serves a unique diplomatic purpose, as well as an important general role in society. When or if a new war breaks out, the whole nation will be looking to Her Majesty the Queen, not the Prime Minister.’
‘Er, to be fair, I think they’ll be looking to both,’ Aaron intervened. ‘They certainly looked to Winston Churchill during the Second World War.’
‘It’s irrational to think that we should keep the monarchy merely for the sake of tradition,’ I said to Olivia. ‘It must serve a practical purpose that will prove more lucrative than other alternatives. Imagine how we could administer the resources that go into maintaining the monarchy. It’s also a matter of caution that the head of the nation should only be allowed to sit for so long. We’ve seen how totalitarian a ruler otherwise can become. Have you learned nothing from when you studied constitutional law?’
Soon after I had said it, I leaned back and blinked. I hadn’t meant to sound so harsh. Fortunately, Olivia knew me better than most, so she took no offence. She merely shook her head and said, ‘We will never agree on this. And the separation of powers guarantees that no such thing can happen, so I actually did pay some attention while we studied constitutional law, thank you very much. ’
‘Biscuits, anyone?’ Mary-Anne asked and sent the dish around the table. I recognised them as my favourites. Mary-Anne made the best butter biscuits in the world.
‘Oh, Mary-Anne,’ I cooed. ‘Butter biscuits.’
She smiled at me. ‘I made them especially for you.’
‘You shouldn’t have.’
‘Of course I should have.’
Tyler chuckled. ‘That attenuated the intense debate rather quickly.’
‘Cara is quite similar to a beast, actually.’ Olivia laughed. ‘Feed her her favourite treats and she’ll be placated.’
‘I’m sorry, I’m too opinionated. I just get so engaged,’ I apologised.
‘Never apologise for that, my dear,’ Mary-Anne said. ‘You’re a delight.’
Tyler asked me, ‘Have you considered going into politics?’
I scoffed. ‘No. I imagine I’d have to sacrifice my values on several occasions if I had hoped to get anywhere.’
‘The caustic tone.’ He smiled. ‘Did you vote leave or remain?’
‘Brexit? Remain, absolutely, for an abundance of reasons.’
‘Me too.’
‘Let’s not go into that.’ Olivia shook her head. ‘The whole thing still makes me angry.’
‘I heard you received an offer to extend your placement at Day )
Should work out fine (I hope). Anyway, how’s your Friday?
Spending it with this knob
He sent a photo of Jason. I chuckled at first, but my amusement subsided when it occurred to me that he was currently hanging out with my best friend, who had no idea at all that we were chatting under his nose. What had my life come to? All this secrecy wasn’t something I was used to. I had always been one to favour transparency in my friendships, but now I had lied to Olivia and continued to withhold information from both her and Jason, not to mention Aaron.
Yes, he told me you’re playing chess. Who’s winning?
I am ofc. Always
But he’d never admit that
So I can expect to find him licking his wounds tmrw?
Probably
Have you played chess?
Only once or twice with my dad. Not my forte
I could teach you
Imagine his surprise when you suddenly defeat him
Haha that’d be something
Sold, then?
Enjoy your evening, Will. Glad you’re having fun. Don’t destroy your brother completely tho. I like him
Left on read. Again.