23 | it’s a long story
At five o’clock, William and Jason were about to leave. William wanted to go home and change clothes before he and Jason would head to Stephen’s together, who was hosting poker night this time around. As we stood in the hall, William wrapped his arm around me and pulled me close.
‘Have fun tonight,’ he said and brushed the back of his hand across my cheek.
I smiled up at him, my heart racing at his affectionate behaviour. ‘You too.’
He leaned down and kissed me, and it felt like my insides were soaring. I loved how casually he did it, as if we were already a couple, as if kissing me was the most natural thing in the world to him.
As he pulled away, he rubbed his nose against my smaller one. ‘Don’t hesitate to call me, no matter how late it is.’
I nodded and stroked his chest, feeling the dent between his big pecs. ‘Okay.’ I glanced at Jason, who was looking away from us with a huge grin on his mouth. ‘Look after Jason for me, all right? Don’t let him get too drunk.’
‘Don’t worry, Cara,’ Jason said, meeting my gaze. ‘I learned my lesson last time.’
‘He says that every time,’ William told me flatly .
‘Exactly.’
He kissed me again, longer this time. I smiled against his lips, savouring the way they moved.
Jason groaned. ‘At this rate we’re going to be late, Will. You’ll only be away from her for a few hours. You can last that long.’
William leaned away with a sigh. ‘I’ll see you later,’ he said and curled his forefinger under my chin, tilting my head back.
‘Yes.’
Jason opened the door. ‘Come on, then.’
‘Yeah.’ William followed him out.
Right after they had gone, I went to my room and grabbed my phone to call Olivia on FaceTime. I had so much to tell her.
‘Hi, love,’ she answered with a grin. Judging by the marble artworks on the walls, she was in her room.
‘Olivia.’
Her smile faded. I hardly ever called her that. ‘What?’
‘I have so much to tell you. Remember I went out with my colleagues last night?’
‘Oh my goodness, yes! Spill the tea, what happened?’
I sat down on the bed. ‘Are you alone?’
‘Yes!’
‘Right, good. Well, there’s really no way to say this, so I’ll just put it plainly.’
My heart started pounding. For some reason, telling Olivia about this made the whole thing seem even more real. William was becoming a larger part of my life by the second, but bringing it to the awareness of the people I cherished seemed to grant him even more space, while simultaneously increasing the pace of things. Telling people about us was a manifestation of my choice, and with it came graver consequences. If things didn’t work out, interrogations would ensue. People would inevitably care about the outcome. While I enjoyed the thrill of it, I also found the risk involved rather intimidating.
‘I’m growing old here,’ Olivia complained.
‘Will asked me to give him a chance and I said yes,’ I blurted out.
‘What?’ Her wide eyes told me she couldn’t believe what she had heard. ‘You mean you’ve agreed to go on a date with him?’
‘Yes. We haven’t decided when, though – just that we’re going to give things a chance.’
She gawked for a good while and then finally gathered her wits. ‘To be clear, you mean William Night, right? Jason’s brother? Your boss?’
‘That’s the one.’
Her jaw dropped. Speechless, she only stared at me.
It felt like my face was about to burst. ‘I know.’
‘Oh my God! I knew it, I bloody knew it!’ she exclaimed. ‘You’d have to be a robot to resist that sort of chemistry. Cara, fucking yes!” she cheered. ‘I am so happy for you! And for William. He must be over the moon. I’m sure he’s been pining for you ever since you met!’
‘I’m really happy,’ I cooed.
‘Tell me everything! What happened? What changed your mind?’
‘It’s a long story.’
‘I’ve got time!’
Her excitement made me laugh. ‘All right,’ I said and began sharing the whole story, and her engaged responses charmed me to my toes. For the first time in my life, I felt like a proper teenager.
‘I honestly can’t believe this,’ she said. ‘You’re really going on an actual date with somebody? Despite your reservations?’
I chuckled. ‘Yes.’
‘But you’ve always avoided romance as though it were a plague. William must be wielding some serious magic, especially when considering he’s both your boss and Jason’s brother. You’ve been crystal clear about how much those circumstances have bothered you.’
‘I know. He really does.’
Looking sideways, she pondered for some time, and I spent it observing her with some curiosity. What was on her mind? Eventually she faced me again, and from her sober expression, I could tell something serious was headed my way.
‘Cara, does this mean you’re in love with him?’
Her question took me aback. I stared at her as blood warmed my cheeks, trying to think of what to say.
‘Gosh, look at you. You’re a tomato,’ she remarked amusedly.
‘I’m not sure,’ I said. ‘I’ve never experienced this before. But I think I’m getting there.’
Her smile was sympathetic. ‘Do you think he’s in love with you?’
I swallowed. I didn’t want to entertain that thought. The mere idea that William’s feelings might be that profound unsettled me, because if our chemistry failed to transition into love on my end, I would have to break his heart. I dreaded that possibility more than anything. Work would become a place worse than hell and Jason would be stuck in the middle. And, worst of all, I would be rejecting a man who absolutely deserved to have his feelings reciprocated.
‘I don’t think so,’ I said. ‘Like me, I think he’s just curious to see where things lead. He’s definitely optimistic, but I don’t quite think he’s in love.’
‘I think he is.’
‘Livy, please don’t.’ I shook my head. ‘I’m uncomfortable.’
‘Sorry.’ Her face crinkled. ‘I shouldn’t have said anything. I got a bit excited.’
‘It’s okay.’ I glanced away. ‘One way or another, I’m not looking forward to seeing Aaron later.’ I huffed. The thought of him made my glee plummet into anxiety. I would have to tell him that I had met someone, and I didn’t know what to expect. How would he react? We had been doing this for so many years now; I was sure the news would strike him like a bolt from the blue.
‘Oh, shit, Tyler’s birthday,’ Olivia said, remembering. ‘What are you going to do?’
I sighed. ‘Well, I’m going to have to end things.’
‘That’s bound to get a bit uncomfortable.’ She grimaced. ‘He’s going to have a shock, at the very least.’
‘Yeah, I know. Do you think I should wait with telling him? I don’t want to ruin his night. I mean, the news might put him in a weird mood.’
‘Yeah, at least wait until the party’s over.’
Just as we were talking about him, Aaron called. My chest tensed up, my cheeks expanding with air.
‘Shit, he’s calling me right now.’
‘You should probably answer. I’ll wait.’
I accepted Aaron’s call, putting Olivia on hold.
‘Hello?’ It was nearly impossible to prevent the stress I felt from seeping into my voice.
‘Hi, love.’
‘What’s up?’
‘Are you at home right now?’
‘I am.’
‘Good. I’ll be there in about twenty minutes.’
My head jerked back, my eyebrows slanting downward. ‘What? Why?’
‘To drop off my things? That way we can just head straight to yours later. ’
My heart clenched, my eyes widening. I had completely forgotten that he was supposed to spend the night at mine. What was I supposed to do now? I could tell him that he couldn’t sleep here after all, but he would want a reason, and I didn’t have one. Panicking, I racked my brain for a solution, but came up empty. Maybe Olivia would have one.
‘Oh, right,’ I said, trying to sound normal. ‘Good plan. Have you had dinner?’
‘No, have you?’
‘No. Should we order a pizza or something, then?’
‘Yeah, why not?’
‘Okay. I’ll place the order in the meantime. See you soon.’
‘All right, thanks.’
Hanging up, I returned to my call with Olivia.
‘Fuck!’
‘What is it?’ She looked alarmed.
‘He’s on his way here! I had completely forgotten that we had planned to sleep at mine so that Tyler and Valentina could have the flat to themselves. What do I do? If I tell him he can’t sleep here, he’s going to wonder why.’
She rolled onto her stomach, and her knitted brows told me she was thinking. ‘Tell him he can’t when the party’s over. Yeah, it will be inconvenient for him if he’s left his stuff at yours, but if you tell him now, you’ll either have to explain things or come up with some lie. If you wait, you’ll at least avoid ruining his night – well, most of it.’
I took a deep breath, nodding. ‘Okay, yeah. That’ll work.’ I looked around my room, wondering whether William had left any traces behind.
‘One thing, though, and I don’t mean to make a bad situation worse, but...’ She trailed off, grimacing as she chewed on her lower lip.
‘What?’
She scratched her head, looking uncertain. ‘Well, you know, now that you’re ending things with Aaron...Has it maybe occurred to you that you might break his heart? I know we’ve had this conversation before but—’
‘Oh, no need to worry about that,’ I said with a faint smile. ‘He doesn’t want me that way. We actually talked about it quite recently, and he was very clear that he’s not interested in anything romantic at the moment. So yeah, I am absolutely sure his heart will be completely fine.’
Olivia blew out a loud breath of relief. ‘Oh, thank God. I’d hate it if you two fell out. I mean, I adore that guy, so I really don’t want to be torn between you. Obviously I’d pick you, I’m just saying I’d prefer not having to choose.’
‘Well, you won’t have to – in any event,’ I reassured her. ‘You know I’m not one to tell you who you can and can’t be friends with. Anyway, I’m hanging up. I need to order a pizza.’
‘Right. Try to have some fun tonight, yeah? I’m just a call away if you need me.’
‘Livy, you really are the best.’
‘I’m sending you strength.’
‘Thanks, I’ll need it.’
§ § §
My pulse was pounding in my throat when I pushed the button on the intercom to let Aaron in downstairs. I knew I wasn’t cheating on either him or William, but somehow it felt like it, and I hated it. I could hardly wait until the party was over so I could disclose things to Aaron. My conscience would finally be relieved then.
As I waited for him to arrive, I wondered what to do with myself. I was terribly scared that he would try to kiss me – or worse, try to have sex with me. We had a few hours to kill before we would head to the bash, and I hoped he wasn’t planning on spending some of them in my bed. If I rejected him too bluntly, he could sense that something was off and ask me about it. I wouldn’t be able to lie to him if that happened. My plan to maintain harmony, at least until tonight, would inevitably go up in smoke, then.
I can get ready, I thought. If I seemed busy when Aaron came in, he would probably be less likely to make sexual advances toward me.
I unlocked the front door and dashed into the bathroom. Just when I had plugged in my straightener, Aaron knocked.
‘Come in!’ I popped my head out of the bathroom and forced a smile. ‘Hiya.’
He dropped his scarlet bag on the floor and smiled back. ‘All right?’
‘I’m just getting ready,’ I said and escaped into the bathroom again. ‘Feel free to watch TV or something while you wait.’
‘What? Already? But we don’t have to be there till eight.’
‘I know, but I’m a woman, plus I’ve decided to straighten my hair.’
‘But you’re most beautiful with your natural waves,’ he said and arrived in the doorway.
I looked at him in the mirror. ‘Aw, thanks. But the look I’m planning calls for straight hair.’
He rolled his eyes and walked in. I stiffened for half a second, panicking. I tried my best to act normal as I opened the middle drawer to fetch my make-up kit, but when his arms came around my waist, I froze. He didn’t seem to notice, but if he did, he ignored it.
‘Where’s Jase?’ he asked and brushed my tresses aside to clear my neck.
‘He’s with his brother. They’re heading to Stephen’s for poker night,’ I said, just barely managing to keep a steady octave.
He lowered his head. I tensed when his warm lips landed on my neck, covering it with soft kisses. Not long ago, I would have closed my eyes and submerged myself in the sweet feeling. I would have leaned against him and stroked his thigh behind me. But Aaron’s kisses didn’t feel good anymore – they felt alien. Wrong.
‘We should take advantage, then,’ he purred as his hand slid down my waist and gripped the hem of my white satin robe.
I shrugged out of his embrace.
‘What’s the matter?’ he asked, and I saw concern in his eyes when I turned to face him.
‘I’m not really in the mood for sex,’ I said, stressing. ‘I was in a bad way last night. I puked so much.’
He leaned back, looking surprised. ‘What?’
‘Yeah. I went out with my colleagues.’
‘Oh.’
My face scrunched up for a beat. ‘I’m sorry.’
He shook his head. ‘Don’t be. I’m only up for it if you are.’
I let out a sigh of relief. I didn’t know why I had worried so much; I had rejected sex with him several times before, and he had never questioned me about it, so why would he now? It wasn’t in his nature to push for sex if I wasn’t in the mood.
‘Did you have fun at least?’ he asked.
I shrugged. ‘For the most part, yeah.’
‘You must be exhausted, though. When did you get home?’
‘I don’t remember. I blacked out.’
He gaped. ‘You blacked out? How did you get home, then?’
I grimaced. ‘Will took care of me.’ My heart hammered as I uttered William’s name. Even just mentioning him made me scared that Aaron would catch on to the truth prematurely.
‘My goodness,’ Aaron said, clearly shocked. ‘Your boss had to take you home?’
‘Please, don’t. I’m still absolutely mortified.’
His handsome face remained straight for a split second, then he suddenly burst into laughter. ‘Oh my God, that poor man. First he walks in on us, and then he has to babysit your drunken arse. He must think you’re the apprentice from hell.’
A gush of colour spread over my cheeks. I hadn’t thought of it like that. ‘I’ve got a lot of redeeming to do.’
‘I’m sure you’re making up for it at work.’ He kept laughing. ‘Why did you get that drunk, though?’
‘I don’t know. It’s not like I meant to.’
‘So unlike you.’ He shook his head, smiling. ‘But all right, then. I’ll let you get ready.’ He turned around and disappeared into the living room.
I looked in the mirror, staring absentmindedly at my reflection and the sad shape of my mouth. Aaron was laughing now, but I doubted he would later.
§ § §
I wasn’t sure if it was because I had got so drunk last night, but alcohol seemed to affect me differently this time. I didn’t experience the usual buzz that gradually increased the more I drank; trivial things didn’t excite me. Quite frankly, I was bored, and I missed William, which didn’t help. I had seen him just a couple of hours ago, yet I already ached for his company.
As I sat next to Valentina on the sofa, I tried to picture exactly what William was doing right then. I imagined him holding playing cards in his hand, his eyes flickering around the surrounding faces as he tried to calculate what his next move should be. Was there actual money on the table or just poker chips? Was he winning or losing? I knew he was hungover, so I pictured Jason sitting opposite him, smirking nonstop as he saw victory on the horizon.
‘Would you like some more to drink, Cara?’ Valentina asked, jolting me out of my thoughts.
Valentina had moved to London from Italy two years ago, which was clear by her strong accent and captivating Mediterranean beauty. She had wavy, chestnut brown hair that reached her shoulders, and a strong, aquiline nose that suited her. But most arresting were her eyes, for they were such a luminous blue that they rivalled even William’s, and because they contrasted with her olive skin, they constantly looked they were sparkling.
‘I can’t get over your name,’ she said then, chuckling. ‘It means “dear” in Italian, as I’m sure you know.’
I smiled at her. ‘Yeah, I know.’
‘Is any of your family Italian?’
I shook my head. ‘None – that I know of. My parents just love the name. They’re quite fond of Italy, though, but who isn’t?’
She laughed, her sharp cheekbones becoming rounder with her wide smile.
‘As for whether I’d like another drink’ – I looked at the empty glass in my hand – ‘I’d love one.’
‘Red?’
‘Sure. Thanks, by the way. I can’t believe I’ve already finished what I brought.’
‘Have you?’ She peered at me. ‘You don’t seem drunk.’
I made a face. ‘Yeah, I went out last night, so it seems like my tolerance is slightly higher than usual today.’
‘Ah.’ She nodded. ‘Aaron!’ she called then.
He turned around immediately, and my heart sank. Wearing black trousers and a bright orange shirt, Aaron looked fantastic. He was standing in the kitchen with a group of mates. Tyler was among them, wearing a pink crown that Aaron had made for him.
‘Can you bring us the wine that’s on the counter?’ Valentina went on. ‘The one with the red and blue label.’
He grabbed it and came over.
‘It’s for Cara,’ Valentina said when he was about to pour her glass.
He froze, his eyes flitting to mine.
‘I should have brought more,’ I said.
His eyebrows arched. ‘You mean you’ve had four pints already? Did you down them or something?’
I chuckled. ‘No.’
He was hesitant to fill my glass. ‘Are you sure this is wise?’
‘I’m not remotely drunk, Aaron. I’m tipsy, at best.’
‘Your call, I suppose.’
‘Thanks.’
When he finished filling my glass, he put the bottle on the coffee table in front of the sofa. ‘I’ll leave this here for your convenience,’ he said jokingly.
‘Thanks.’ Valentina flashed him a grin.
As he walked away, she said to me, ‘Thank you so much for taking him in tonight, Cara. I want to give Tyler some extra love on his big day, so I’m very grateful we’ll have the flat to ourselves.’
My body went rigid. Fuck. How was I supposed to follow through with my plan now? It hadn’t occurred to me that it would be inconvenient not only for Aaron, but also for Tyler and Valentina if I suddenly said that Aaron couldn’t sleep at mine.
A row of curses streamed through my mind as I tried to think of how to solve this. I knew I could still refuse Aaron to spend the night at mine, but it seemed ridiculous when considering the implications. On the one hand, I desperately wanted to see William later, but on the other, Aaron, Tyler and Valentina had made plans that I would inevitably ruin if I didn’t take him in. And it wasn’t like I had to sleep in the same bed as him. If I brought him home with me, I would take Jason’s bed. Besides, if Aaron stayed at mine, we could talk things through in the morning, and I liked the idea of that. He was already intoxicated, as was I, so I couldn’t imagine that having the conversation with him tonight would be optimal.
But I want to see William, I thought with a pout. But I could see William tomorrow maybe, if he was free and wanted to.
‘Of course,’ I replied to Valentina. ‘I like to think of it as a second birthday present to Tyler.’
‘That’s definitely how he sees it too.’
‘Babe, come here! You have got to see this,’ Tyler suddenly called, beckoning to his girlfriend. The lads around him were laughing, staring at the phone in his hand.
‘I’ll be back in a sec,’ Valentina said and went over to them.
Sighing, I reached into my purse for my phone. I needed to tell William that we couldn’t meet later after all, but I didn’t want him to know that it was because Aaron would be sleeping at mine, as I was certain it would make him worry unnecessarily. At the same time, I knew I had to give him some kind of excuse, or else he would most likely get the wrong impression and assume it was because I intended to sleep with Aaron tonight. I wanted to avoid that, but how?
A white lie, I thought, grimacing. I didn’t like it but, in this situation, telling a lie such as ‘I’m too tired to meet up’ seemed like the best option to spare William from worrying. It wasn’t sufficient on its own, however. I would also have to reassure him that I was still interested in seeing him.
Shaking my head, I started typing. While it was a white lie, I would make sure to tell him the truth the next time I saw him. By then, I would already have disclosed things to Aaron and our arrangement would be over, which should help allay William’s concerns.
Hi, I’m really sorry, but I’m too tired to meet up tonight. Are you free tmrw? x
I blinked when William instantly marked it as read. He must have been on his phone already. Feeling nervous, I locked my screen. My palms were clammy; I was so uncomfortable with how this evening was panning out.
I kept glancing at my phone, waiting for a reply from William, but it didn’t seem to be coming anytime soon.
Fuck. Was he angry? Disappointed? What was running through his mind? Maybe he was just busy.
I was just about to send him another text when Aaron arrived in front of me.
‘Look at you, sitting here all alone. Sad scene.’
I put my phone in my purse. ‘You know I don’t mind being alone.’
‘True.’ He smiled lopsidedly. ‘Anyway, we’re heading off.’
‘To the pub?’
‘Yeah.’ He took my hand and dragged me up.